Chapter 14: 11th Fragment – Reason

"To think that the two of us experienced the same problem... turns out some stuff is really unexpected, isn't it?" Arisa started the conversation when she finished her second ice cream.

"Y-Yes. That's right. I guess, even though all the technical stuff has been well planned and tested through the experimental journey that scientists claimed, some problems have still appeared here and there." Rio tried to respond casually.

"That's given. This is our big project for humanity after all these years. Also, it's because we are just human."

"I agree."

"…"

"…"

 

Is this silence between us supposed to be natural? What else should we talk about next?

Rio can't calm his mind in the middle of this deafening silence, especially when he notices Arisa playing with her ice cream scoop until it makes small noises. He guessed that Arisa was starting to get bored and would definitely leave this place soon!

Wait a minute, no matter how I see this situation, our meeting today will be over sooner. But when I think about it, I'm still not ready to receive her answer since we met at the riverside. So, is it better to bore her and meet sometime later when my heart is prepared?

No, definitely not good! As a man, I have to face it straight away and should never run away!

 

As he struggles with his thoughts, Rio notices two shopping bags placed on the empty chair. He also finally remembered that Arisa had brought the said bags when the girl met him and Valerie. Rio has wholly forgotten because of the discussion regarding their record of the past earlier, which takes priority.

 

"Arisa, when we met previously, you were carrying two bags. Did you just finish your monthly shopping?" Rio asked curiously.

"Ah, this?" Arisa pulls and places the two bags on the table now, "I bought some supplies that I need. Such as little girl clothes, cute shoes, and other things. Mostly clothes for little girls."

 

Rio raised one of his eyebrows.

 

"For your sister? So, you have a younger sister in this era."

"That's right. Just recently."

"Recently? Is it because your record of the past has some errors somewhere?"

"No. I asked her to live with me instead of living at the dam. Hence, I adopted her."

"Wait a moment. Adopt?" Rio is trying to confirm.

Arisa is smiling wide. "Yup! I think sleeping in my house is much better than sleeping alone on the city dam."

 

So, she also helped someone in need no matter what era, huh.

 

Rio's thoughts fly back to when the girl in front of him ran after him, who foolishly went to the Safe Zone's border without being aware. Good thing that Arisa caught him, lent her breathing apparatus and took him out from that inhabitable place.

 

That's who Arisa was. Because of that, I fell in love with the girl in front of me right now.

 

"I'm just making sure. Does helping that child is listed in your agenda to contribute to our mission as volunteers from the future?"

"Not really. I did it because I really wanted to do it. After all, the girl agreed with my proposal and wanted to come with me. That means there is no problem taking her to my house," said the ice cream girl straightforwardly.

Rio chuckled. "Good luck taking care of that little girl. You were the one who adopted her, so you should be in charge, right?"

"I'm aware of that."

"What about your past-era family's opinion? To add someone to the family means there's more mouths to feed. And I guess your family has something to say about it. "

"About that…," Somehow, Arisa plays with her spoon and makes the clink noises louder than previously, "there's a little bit of fuss when I introduced her. But my mom really listened to me. So, my family approved of me bringing her home. It's just a matter of time for them to finally accept her as our family member."

 

Arisa gives a thumbs-up gesture to Rio, to which he also replies with two thumbs up.

Shortly, they leave the café, and Rio doesn't miss this opportunity to help Arisa carry her shopping bags. A line of his feelings just hoped that this girl would be so grateful to him later.

 Until Arisa remembered something.

The girl walks first, having a for a few meters away from Rio. Before he could follow, she looked back.

 

"Rio, about what you said by at that time—"

 

The young man's heartbeat almost stopped when he heard it. Rio's face starts to get red before he looks away. He didn't expect Arisa to talk about it now.

 

It's pretty chilly this afternoon, especially when the breeze is passing this area. Right now, the sun is covered with gray clouds a few hundred meters above as if telling everyone that sunset may come sooner today. The sun peeks a little from behind the clouds, wondering what will happen in the small town underneath. Due to the light breeze, Arisa's hair flutters a little.

The girl is looking intensely at him. Her eyes which seem indifferent sweep through Rio's thoughts as if she is dissecting every layer of his head just to find his vulnerable self.

He averts his gaze because of that, just a few meters from where Arisa is standing. Noticing that, the girl brushed her hair and enjoyed the moment the sun returned from behind the gray clouds.

Somehow, Arisa is recollecting her memories from a few moments back. Her experience was when she first arrived in the past and was surrounded by everything that seemed ancient. And then, she met Rio without any notice after so many years. She also met Vanilla, and a certain warm feeling came from her chest when she was around her family of the past.

 

"—is that you confessed your feelings to me."

 

Silence is deafening for a moment as the man tries to muster his strength to reply to those words.

 

"That's right. After all this time, I've been looking for your whereabouts. It's because my feelings are so strong towards you. Since that day, you are always the one on my mind, Arisa. I don't know what you think about our time together at that time--when we were playing at the places I've never been, when you introduced me to your favorite ice cream and asked me to live. For me, those are precious days that happened in my life."

 

Arisa returned a smile. Rio is now looking into the girl's eyes with a determined look.

 

"It's because of my feelings that have driven me until this point. It's because I love you. So, I want you to be my girlfriend, Arisa."

"I understand. I can tell that you are so passionate about your own feelings, just like other people who are just human. But because of that… yeah, because of it. I'm sorry. I can't return your feelings."

 

Immediately the world seems to stop turning for Rio. Somehow it's hard for him to breathe. His head also suddenly feels dizzy. What Arisa said just now pierced the young man's chest. Rio should have guessed that Arisa would give him that kind of answer by now. But, somehow, he had hoped that Arisa would accept his feelings.

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He fixes his gaze on the ice cream-loving girl in disbelief. His feelings were rejected by someone who had saved his life back then. Even if he is trying to look for her with all of his efforts, it is not enough to make Arisa look his way.

Arisa approaches him. That smile is still written on her face. However, something was different this time. That expression isn't the usual one.

 

"When we arrived at this time, and I was in the midst of my past family, something strange popped up from inside of my chest. I don't know what kind of sensation it is. To be honest, this is the first time I felt like that," said Arisa.

 

Even though his heart is still a mess, Rio tries to composure himself and listen to what Arisa has to say. At the very least, there was a reason behind his rejection as his self-temporary solace.

 

The girl continued, "Every day, I interact with them because I am under the same roof. It is obligatory, isn't it? Well, I can say it felt weird at first, of course. For years I lived alone and did everything by myself but never did once. I felt like that when we were on our own timeline. I'm fully aware that we will live with family in the past as the requirement of scientists' records of the past. However, staying with the said family gave me a new experience."

 

Arisa glances across the street to see three people walking together. They seemed so close and were chatting with each other all the time. The girl guessed they were siblings who enjoyed this street in the evening too. Seeing that, a smile spread across the girl's face.

—a natural smile, different from what she had been doing all this time with her facial muscle.

 

"My heart sometimes beats abnormally. But, when my mother invited me to just chat or cook together, and my sister just wanted to play something, it made my heartbeat relax. An idea comes to mind directly when I feel that kind of sensation, not by reading the data we got in Ringnet. This kind of sensation—"

 

Rio nods slightly as he interprets what Arisa is feeling now. 

 

"—it feels so new to me. Is this what they said about being comfortable?"

"Comfortable… is one of many words that may be close to describing what you're feeling. The sensation you have right now definitely comes from your family, which makes you fond of them and really enjoy being in the middle of them. This is quite rare for us to experience in our timeline," explained Rio.

"If I'm not mistaken, your parents divorced, right?"

"Yeah. They've been separated for a long time."

 

Shortly after the incident at the safe zone border, Rio's parents separated, and his mother took custody of him. Since then, Rio never showed a sad face again in front of the ice cream girl at the school.

 

"You know for yourself that I have accepted that since forever. Perhaps, it's best for them to not be together, even if I'm around, "said Rio.

Arisa looks at him once again. "Do you feel like a family while living with your mother?"

Rio thinks about it for a moment. "I do not know. Even though my mom cared about me and was kind enough to raise me all by herself, her busy schedule in another town made our interactions only happen in the virtual world. Outside of that, pretty much I've been living with myself. However, she also made an effort to return to the city and spend time with me."

"I see. But does having a family in this era also feel like that?"

 

The young man pondered again, diving into his heart just for a second to understand her question. To compare what he feels with his real family in the future era—his biological mother—with his family of the past who constantly interact directly every day until now. It feels strange to suddenly treat strangers as one's own family and live within the same house. However, something had indeed stuck inside Rio's chest after a while since his arrival in the past. Perhaps, the same feeling that Arisa has experienced.

There's a time when his mother likes to be around in the living room to chat with his father after doing kitchen work. Or how Vemia and Arnando often mess up stuff together, so their mother scolds them. And at another occasion, the twin always invited Rio to play something silly or hang around together.

 

"Do you feel the same, Rio?"

"… perhaps. I can say for sure that just being at home is fun enough."

 

Arisa smiled.

 

"I will continue to try to understand more about my family in the past. Especially about Vanilla, the orphan girl I adopted from this city dam."

"Is there something wrong with her so that you invited her to your house?" Rio asked curiously. 

"Individuals like Vanilla sometimes exist in the wrong place at the wrong time. Someone without protection, without parents, and without a future that caught my attention at that time. I have confirmed that she doesn't have any ties to the Tanjung family—my family of the past—so it's hard to find any information about her on Ringnet. My mind has been telling me that she also deserves a better living."

"So, that's the case..."

"I think the opportunity to go to the past is not something that can be repeated in the future. It's once in a lifetime. So, I want to do something as long as I can do it this time. Because of that--"

 

What was on Arisa's mind has been understood by Rio at this point. 

 

"—I'm still not ready to feel the feelings of romance between guys and girls."

"...alright."

 

Rio nodded and lowered his head. Even though he is trying to understand Arisa right now, the pain in his chest doesn't dissipate. If possible, he doesn't want to face Arisa for a moment. It hurts to see her.

 

"Then I will go home first. Thank you for today's discussion and help to carry my bag. Until we meet again, and don't forget to treat your family in the past well."

 

After the brown-haired girl took back the shopping bag brought by him, Arisa walked away and was swallowed by the warm twilight light. Everything he does is the one who brings him here. He had finally met the person he had been looking for because of his decision to join this journey to the past. However, it turns out his feelings were only one-sided. He no longer has a goal to chase.

Over the years, his feelings for Arisa are attached deeply, shattered on the base of his heart while trying to catch them all. He doesn't want to let go of his feelings. Or should it be better if he opened up his hands, letting his shattered feelings fall to the deep of his heart?

 

Before long, Rio decided to walk back home. His steps were almost unsteady as he got away from this place.

From behind the corner of the shopping complex, Valerie sent a text via his cell phone to someone. He is gazing at the figure who has been rejected recently. Then, the blonde guy put his cell phone close to his lips while thinking about something.

 

Without saying anything, Valerie also walks away in the opposite direction.

 

The sun was getting lower and left a dim remnant. The stars appear in the sun's place to continue illuminating this very planet.

On the way home, Arisa looks up at the evening sky. The celestial gems were so mesmerizing that she decided to gaze up longer so that she could record the sparkling stars well in her memory.

 

"Not yet," Arisa muttered quietly.

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