If I Can't Be Your Wife
Carmine was cold and barren but the people of Usmund were warm.
Cassiel was the head of a small town, and the other people built houses together right in front of it and lived together. Their houses were shabbier than the commoners’ houses she had seen in Meyer, Winston, or even Mullen, but Kathleen liked them much more. It was because of their dinners.
Often in the evening they would light a fire and share food under the starry sky, full of trust and affection for each other. For Kathleen who had been yearning for love all this time, it was like a fairy tale.
When they went out for the first evening because she couldn’t resist Joseph’s invitation, everyone in Usmund welcomed Kathleen, just like Cassiel’s hospitality.
“Are you Juliana’s daughter? Oh my gosh!”
“Now that you mention it, you really look like Miss Juliana.”
Her hair, which was dyed brown when she left Mullen, was now silver, and those who saw her hair and eyes always mentioned Juliana.
Whether it’s the Winston estate or Meyer, it’s the first time so many people have shown her such kindness at the same time, so she was embarrassed. However, she was able to open her heart soon, thanks to those who remembered her mother, whom she had always remembered alone.
“Wasn’t I right? Didn’t I say everyone would welcome you?”
As soon as Kathleen talked about roasting mushrooms together yesterday, Cassiel said proudly.
“Usmund values family. If you had brown hair, no one would care.”
“Yes. It really feels like home.”
Neither Winston nor Meyer have felt like that ever since her mother passed. Being always surrounded by smiling people made having lived alone feel like that was a long time ago.
She was so comfortable, warm, and happy that she suddenly thought that maybe it could be considered as something that never really happened.
“We’re here.”
Cassiel, who was smiling happily, stopped walking. Following him, Kathleen also stopped.
“This is Juliana’s favorite place. She used to swing on this tree and play on it. She would pretend to fall down and tease me.”
The snow-covered cliff was wide enough to give a full view of Carmine. It was a steep cliff, and a cool wind blew past her collar, but she didn’t feel cold.
“Juliana had always been curious about the outside world. She said nothing would change if we continue to hide in Carmine so she wanted to talk to the Empire.”
Cassiel looked at the cliff and muttered bitterly.
“Even when the Usmund women disappeared one by one, she begged us not to chase after anyone who wanted to go out into the world. She said she will go and look for them, and if necessary, she’ll talk to the Empire. She was so foolishly kind. To the extent that even I was persuaded by her words.”
“Uncle…….”
“But that was a mistake. The nobles of the Empire only think of us as ornaments, not people. It was all my fault for not protecting Juliana. Which is why, I will protect you.”
He turned around and patted Kathleen’s shoulder, speaking softly.
“You don’t have to live as Kathleen Winston anymore. Forget about the Grand Duke of Walten and your imperial status as Grand Duchess. Live with us as Kelly Usmund.”
Kelly Usmund.
It was a name of her own choosing and the name of her family, which she had inherited from her mother. The unfamiliar name that she memorized through her mouth felt free. She had no obligations and no one blamed her, it was like permission to live the way she was born to.
Usmund’s stronghold was the perfect place to hide for hundreds of years from the eyes of the Empire. She could stay here until she dies if she so wishes.
The answer that she would do that rose up in her throat, but no sound came out.
– Mom!
Luci’s face shone as he smiled and ran with his arms wide open. Her heart filled with emotions. Would she be able to forget and live on pretending not to know her boy? Would she be able to let him grow up alone in that lonely place?
– Don’t leave me behind.
Her child’s face changed to another in an instant. No, it wasn’t another face. The man’s face that had been hidden under the original face of young Luci. Alexis Walten, the child’s father.
‘Don’t be stupid.’
Kathleen bit her tongue and forcefully erased the man’s face.
“Are you thinking of your child?”
Cassiel seemed to have guessed her thoughts already.
“I’m sorry. If we had been lucky, we could have brought him along too, but there was an earthquake and I couldn’t cause an avalanche like last time.”
“Cause an avalanche?”
Like last time. He was referring to the time when she first came to the Carmine Mountains and was in an accident with Alexis.
“By chance, did uncle cause the avalanche?”
“Yes. It is one of the abilities that Usmund’s direct descendants have. It is usually a male’s ability. Just like you can handle ice freely.”
As a test, he stretched out his hand toward the distant mountain beyond the cliff. Soon, a low-pitched rumble was heard, and the white snow on top of the mountain collapsed.
“How was your life in the Empire?”
Cassiel asked.
“I…”
She couldn’t speak. She was both happy and miserable, enough to want to die. She couldn’t easily say anything because of the complex emotions.
Cassiel said quietly.
“The blessing God has bestowed upon us is called a curse in the Empire. They are jealous of what they don’t have. Naturally, we are unable to mingle with them.”
“…….”
“If he had come with you, we would have accepted him, but we can’t help it. Forget about him, you can have children again.”
Kathleen couldn’t bring it up anymore because of his soft but determined words. A deep-rooted hatred of the Imperial nobles who treated the Winter Fairies as possessions was ingrained in Cassiel. So, it was only natural that he had no regrets for Luci, the son of Grand Duke Walten.
“Let’s go down now.”
Cassiel took the lead, patting Kathleen. She thought hard as she followed her uncle.
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She clenched her teeth as she recalled the figure of her child shining before her eyes. If she goes back now, everything will be in vain. Luci’s condition has improved and Edith’s medicine is still sufficient. Over time, those who seek her will disappear. Then she would just have to convince her uncle to bring Luci.
The sun was setting when they came back down from the cliff. She could already see people from every house sharing dinner.
“Kelly!”
Joseph waved his hand warmly from afar. Cassiel, who saw him, said to Kathleen.
“Go ahead.”
“Let’s go together, Uncle.”
At Kathleen’s words, Cassiel smiled and pushed her back.
“Well. Joseph wants you to come alone.”
“Won’t you be sad alone?”
“I’ll be resting so don’t worry about me and have fun.”
He adamantly rejected her and walked towards the entrance. Kathleen shouted behind him.
“I’ll be back soon!”
“Are you thinking of leaving already?”
Joseph, who had come closer before she knew it, joked.
“I’ve been working hard since this afternoon to make dinner for Kelly, I’m going to be sad.”
“That’s not it. I’m worried that my uncle will be lonely.”
“He lived alone all this time when you were not there. He should be fine not having you around for a few hours in the evening.”
“Okay, okay.”
Kathleen burst out laughing and headed to his house.
“Who would have thought Joseph would treat me to food one day. I never imagined that a day like this would come.”
“Forget it then. You don’t know how hard I practiced. How hard I had to endure the bullying of the lady next door. Even thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes.”
“Really? It was really bad back in Osole. I’ll be fine if I eat it, right?”
“That’s right.”
Joseph ranted and opened the door to the house. Flames were burning with a peaceful sound in the kitchen fireplace where a delicious smell was coming from.
As Joseph had swore, his culinary skills had improved remarkably. From the soup appetizer to the main dish, the dishes tasted normal, and though not of the highest standard, Kathleen was nonetheless impressed.
“You must have put a lot of effort into it.”
“Do you believe me now? I’m happier than when I got my apprentice badge.”
Kathleen burst into laughter again. Joseph pushed the fruit drink with a more relaxed face.
“Now I see you laughing sincerely.”
“Ah…….”
“I know it’s hard. But wait a little longer. I will definitely bring Luci back.”
“No. It’s enough that you’ve helped me so far. I am grateful enough that you found my uncle in Carmine and told him about me. To the extent that I don’t know how to repay this favor.”
“I didn’t help Kelly.”
Joseph said quietly.
“Like last time, I did it entirely of my own accord. So don’t think about it.”
“…… I’m sorry.”
“Don’t even be sorry.”
He smiled and added.
“You just have to smile like that. That’s all I wanted from the beginning.”
“Joseph…….”
No kindness is easily given without reason. At least Kathleen believed so. So, no matter how devoted to a god or peace-loving a priest was, he would not throw everything away at the risk of his life.
Perhaps in Osole, or even when they were still in the Walten residence, she had wanted to turn a blind eye to it.
Because she was afraid that the people who came into her life would leave her again.
It was nice to have someone to share her secrets with and who believed in her. So even if she didn’t feel the same way about him, she couldn’t turn him down.
But now she had to. She couldn’t let him waste his time by sacrificing himself anymore.
“You are a good friend. I’m always grateful. But…….”
“Yes, I know. I am your friend.”
But Joseph gently cut her words as she carefully pulled them out.
“I know. I don’t want to force anything on Kelly. I will be what you want me to be. I’ll stay with you. If you need me to be Luci’s father, I’ll be his father, and if you need me as his teacher, then I’ll be a teacher.”
“…….”
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“To stay with you. That’s all I want.”
***
Chapter 84: 83
Cassiel was the head of a small town, and the other people built houses together right in front of it and lived together. Their houses were shabbier than the commoners’ houses she had seen in Meyer, Winston, or even Mullen, but Kathleen liked them much more. It was because of their dinners.
Often in the evening they would light a fire and share food under the starry sky, full of trust and affection for each other. For Kathleen who had been yearning for love all this time, it was like a fairy tale.
When they went out for the first evening because she couldn’t resist Joseph’s invitation, everyone in Usmund welcomed Kathleen, just like Cassiel’s hospitality.
“Are you Juliana’s daughter? Oh my gosh!”
“Now that you mention it, you really look like Miss Juliana.”
Her hair, which was dyed brown when she left Mullen, was now silver, and those who saw her hair and eyes always mentioned Juliana.
Whether it’s the Winston estate or Meyer, it’s the first time so many people have shown her such kindness at the same time, so she was embarrassed. However, she was able to open her heart soon, thanks to those who remembered her mother, whom she had always remembered alone.
“Wasn’t I right? Didn’t I say everyone would welcome you?”
As soon as Kathleen talked about roasting mushrooms together yesterday, Cassiel said proudly.
“Usmund values family. If you had brown hair, no one would care.”
“Yes. It really feels like home.”
Neither Winston nor Meyer have felt like that ever since her mother passed. Being always surrounded by smiling people made having lived alone feel like that was a long time ago.
She was so comfortable, warm, and happy that she suddenly thought that maybe it could be considered as something that never really happened.
“We’re here.”
Cassiel, who was smiling happily, stopped walking. Following him, Kathleen also stopped.
“This is Juliana’s favorite place. She used to swing on this tree and play on it. She would pretend to fall down and tease me.”
The snow-covered cliff was wide enough to give a full view of Carmine. It was a steep cliff, and a cool wind blew past her collar, but she didn’t feel cold.
“Juliana had always been curious about the outside world. She said nothing would change if we continue to hide in Carmine so she wanted to talk to the Empire.”
Cassiel looked at the cliff and muttered bitterly.
“Uncle…….”
“But that was a mistake. The nobles of the Empire only think of us as ornaments, not people. It was all my fault for not protecting Juliana. Which is why, I will protect you.”
He turned around and patted Kathleen’s shoulder, speaking softly.
“You don’t have to live as Kathleen Winston anymore. Forget about the Grand Duke of Walten and your imperial status as Grand Duchess. Live with us as Kelly Usmund.”
Kelly Usmund.
It was a name of her own choosing and the name of her family, which she had inherited from her mother. The unfamiliar name that she memorized through her mouth felt free. She had no obligations and no one blamed her, it was like permission to live the way she was born to.
Usmund’s stronghold was the perfect place to hide for hundreds of years from the eyes of the Empire. She could stay here until she dies if she so wishes.
The answer that she would do that rose up in her throat, but no sound came out.
– Mom!
Luci’s face shone as he smiled and ran with his arms wide open. Her heart filled with emotions. Would she be able to forget and live on pretending not to know her boy? Would she be able to let him grow up alone in that lonely place?
– Don’t leave me behind.
Her child’s face changed to another in an instant. No, it wasn’t another face. The man’s face that had been hidden under the original face of young Luci. Alexis Walten, the child’s father.
‘Don’t be stupid.’
Kathleen bit her tongue and forcefully erased the man’s face.
“Are you thinking of your child?”
Cassiel seemed to have guessed her thoughts already.
“I’m sorry. If we had been lucky, we could have brought him along too, but there was an earthquake and I couldn’t cause an avalanche like last time.”
“Cause an avalanche?”
Like last time. He was referring to the time when she first came to the Carmine Mountains and was in an accident with Alexis.
“Yes. It is one of the abilities that Usmund’s direct descendants have. It is usually a male’s ability. Just like you can handle ice freely.”
As a test, he stretched out his hand toward the distant mountain beyond the cliff. Soon, a low-pitched rumble was heard, and the white snow on top of the mountain collapsed.
“How was your life in the Empire?”
Cassiel asked.
“I…”
She couldn’t speak. She was both happy and miserable, enough to want to die. She couldn’t easily say anything because of the complex emotions.
Cassiel said quietly.
“The blessing God has bestowed upon us is called a curse in the Empire. They are jealous of what they don’t have. Naturally, we are unable to mingle with them.”
“…….”
“If he had come with you, we would have accepted him, but we can’t help it. Forget about him, you can have children again.”
Kathleen couldn’t bring it up anymore because of his soft but determined words. A deep-rooted hatred of the Imperial nobles who treated the Winter Fairies as possessions was ingrained in Cassiel. So, it was only natural that he had no regrets for Luci, the son of Grand Duke Walten.
“Let’s go down now.”
Cassiel took the lead, patting Kathleen. She thought hard as she followed her uncle.
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‘Luci will be fine.’She clenched her teeth as she recalled the figure of her child shining before her eyes. If she goes back now, everything will be in vain. Luci’s condition has improved and Edith’s medicine is still sufficient. Over time, those who seek her will disappear. Then she would just have to convince her uncle to bring Luci.
The sun was setting when they came back down from the cliff. She could already see people from every house sharing dinner.
“Kelly!”
Joseph waved his hand warmly from afar. Cassiel, who saw him, said to Kathleen.
“Let’s go together, Uncle.”
At Kathleen’s words, Cassiel smiled and pushed her back.
“Well. Joseph wants you to come alone.”
“Won’t you be sad alone?”
“I’ll be resting so don’t worry about me and have fun.”
He adamantly rejected her and walked towards the entrance. Kathleen shouted behind him.
“I’ll be back soon!”
“Are you thinking of leaving already?”
Joseph, who had come closer before she knew it, joked.
“I’ve been working hard since this afternoon to make dinner for Kelly, I’m going to be sad.”
“That’s not it. I’m worried that my uncle will be lonely.”
“He lived alone all this time when you were not there. He should be fine not having you around for a few hours in the evening.”
“Okay, okay.”
Kathleen burst out laughing and headed to his house.
“Who would have thought Joseph would treat me to food one day. I never imagined that a day like this would come.”
“Forget it then. You don’t know how hard I practiced. How hard I had to endure the bullying of the lady next door. Even thinking about it now brings tears to my eyes.”
“Really? It was really bad back in Osole. I’ll be fine if I eat it, right?”
“That’s right.”
Joseph ranted and opened the door to the house. Flames were burning with a peaceful sound in the kitchen fireplace where a delicious smell was coming from.
“You must have put a lot of effort into it.”
“Do you believe me now? I’m happier than when I got my apprentice badge.”
Kathleen burst into laughter again. Joseph pushed the fruit drink with a more relaxed face.
“Now I see you laughing sincerely.”
“Ah…….”
“I know it’s hard. But wait a little longer. I will definitely bring Luci back.”
“No. It’s enough that you’ve helped me so far. I am grateful enough that you found my uncle in Carmine and told him about me. To the extent that I don’t know how to repay this favor.”
“I didn’t help Kelly.”
Joseph said quietly.
“Like last time, I did it entirely of my own accord. So don’t think about it.”
“…… I’m sorry.”
“Don’t even be sorry.”
He smiled and added.
“You just have to smile like that. That’s all I wanted from the beginning.”
“Joseph…….”
No kindness is easily given without reason. At least Kathleen believed so. So, no matter how devoted to a god or peace-loving a priest was, he would not throw everything away at the risk of his life.
Perhaps in Osole, or even when they were still in the Walten residence, she had wanted to turn a blind eye to it.
Because she was afraid that the people who came into her life would leave her again.
It was nice to have someone to share her secrets with and who believed in her. So even if she didn’t feel the same way about him, she couldn’t turn him down.
“You are a good friend. I’m always grateful. But…….”
“Yes, I know. I am your friend.”
But Joseph gently cut her words as she carefully pulled them out.
“I know. I don’t want to force anything on Kelly. I will be what you want me to be. I’ll stay with you. If you need me to be Luci’s father, I’ll be his father, and if you need me as his teacher, then I’ll be a teacher.”
“…….”
Read latest Chapters at Wuxia World . Site Only
“To stay with you. That’s all I want.”
***
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