If I Can't Be Your Wife
They had a long conversation. Actually, it was more like an apology, confession, and dissuasion rather than a conversation.
“It’s all my fault, so don’t apologize.”
Alexis said over and over again, as if afraid that Kathleen would disappear again. He grabbed her hands as she sat down next to his bed.
“Because if I had been honest from the beginning, none of this would have happened.”
“You can’t say it’s all your fault. I too…….”
“Stop.”
He sternly cut off Kathleen’s words. Those golden eyes of his refused to listen. Kathleen let out a small sigh.
“Then don’t even think about dying. No matter what happens in the future.”
“I won’t. Of course, it would be a different story in a world without you.”
“Alec!”
“Don’t worry though. From now on, I won’t let even a single strand of your hair get hurt, so I won’t die either.”
And repeat. No matter how much she comforted him, he didn’t budge. It was ridiculous of him to say that if he thought she was dead, he was going to clean up his affairs and die after her, but still he was determined to do so again in the future. It was hard to believe that the man who pushed her away while looking down at her coldly in the past and the man who never left her side now were the same person.
In any case, his condition seemed to have improved, and she was relieved.
“You know, Alec.”
Kathleen carefully and quickly brought it up. He said it was his fault from the start, but Kathleen saw that the problem was because she didn’t tell him about their first meeting in the first place. So now was the time to speak.
“Actually, that first night we spent together. I want to tell you why I went to your bedroom.”
“You said that it’s because the job of a maid was hard.”
“It was because I didn’t want to die.”
She calmly started explaining.
From the 21-year-old Kelly, who was a faithful kitchen maid to the Duke of Walten, to the journey of her new master, Duke Hopewell, to the death of Emily.
Listening to her with a confused face, Alexis frowned when she said that the Duke of Hopewell had killed Emily. And the moment he heard that he was about to assault Kathleen, he gritted his teeth. His vicious eyes looked as if he was about to rush out of the bedroom at any moment, so Kathleen finished her story while holding his hand tightly.
“At first I didn’t tell you because I thought I would look like a crazy person, but later I gave up because I didn’t think you would believe me. But now I’m saying this because I want to be honest……. It may sound absurd anyway.”
“I believe you.”
As soon as she finished speaking, Alexis said firmly. At that attitude, Kathleen felt her heart melt, and her tears welled up.
“Then you saved me twice.”
His warm fingers gently wiped the corners of her eyes.
“Thank you, Kathleen.”
Alexis hugged her gently and softly brushed her back.
“I love you.”
Her heart warmed at his unexpected confession. Kathleen couldn’t take it any longer, and burst into tears in his arms.
And Alexis kept whispering to her like that.
“I love you, Kathleen. Thank you for being by my side.”
The confession that followed was filled with desperate feelings that Kathleen had long wished for. She finally realized it. The fact that she could never erase the man named Alexis Walten from her life.
***
As soon as there was news that Alexis had woken up, the Grand Duke’s residence was flipped upside down. The imperial court physician who had resided there rushed to check his condition, and Dr. Cavel and Edith followed.
“His Highness the Grand Duke is perfectly normal.”
“It is a miracle. It was surprising to me that he opened his eyes again, but all of his internal injuries are healed.”
After the imperial physician and Dr. Cavel spoke together, Edith added.
“It seems that the poison in the blood vessels had almost disappeared, but for the time being, it would be better to keep taking the ice flower medicine that Cassiel sent. After that, I think you will be completely cured.”
Kathleen was finally able to calm her worries at the various opinions that mentioned his improvement and soon complete recovery. She was especially grateful to Cassiel, who sent her the Ice Flowers as soon as he returned to Carmine.
“It’s good enough, isn’t it, Kathleen? I’m fine.”
Alexis, who was half-forced in bed, got up and said.
“I know my body best. I’m totally fine.”
“The final check isn’t done yet.”
Kathleen said, firmly pushing him back to bed. Because everything had to be done accurately.
“He’s watching Luci, so he’ll be here soon.”
“Who?”
As soon as he finished speaking, the bedroom door opened and Joseph entered.
“It must also be confirmed with divine power.”
Seeing that the golden and light blue eyes facing each other were somewhat stiff, Kathleen said.
“Joseph, will you take a look?”
“Of course.”
Joseph came closer with a nervous expression on his face. Edith looked at him and took Dr. Cavel and the imperial physician with her.
In the quiet bedroom, Joseph checked his health one last time.
“Congratulations, Your Highness.”
Joseph withdrew his divine power and broke the silence.
“I don’t think any further treatment is needed. You have fully recovered.”
“That’s a relief. Since you’re the one saying that.”
“Yes. You probably won’t have to see a priest again for as long as you live.”
He smiled faintly and backed away.
“Luci is healthy too, so don’t worry. Because Cassiel sent a lot of ice flowers. Fortunately, it is absorbed much faster in young children, so the progress is better.”
“……Yes.”
Alexis wriggled his eyebrows as if it was uncomfortable that he called Luci familiarly, but he seemed to be trying hard not to point it out. And he said quietly.
“Priest Joseph. I must express my gratitude to you as well.”
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“……Yes?”
“You don’t have to. I did it because I wanted to.”
Both of them had thorns in their words, a polite offer and a soft rejection, but they did not cross the line.
“It is natural to give back what is received. I will let you go back to Delafos in return.”
Alexis held out his hand first. Joseph paused and seemed to hesitate. Kathleen took a step forward, she said.
“I also want to say thank you, Joseph. Please do not refuse.”
Joseph was the one whom she had shared her most difficult times with. Kathleen was well aware that everything he did was for her. So she was even more grateful and sorry.
“……Yes. Then I’ll accept that reward, thank you.”
Joseph also lightly grabbed Alexis’ extended hand and released it. It was the moment when the long-standing distrust and boundaries, conflicts and doubts finally melted away.
Joseph turned back with a more relieved face.
“I’ll go back now. Rest, Your Highness. See you later, Kelly.”
He bowed as he left the bedroom. He had a normal attitude, but Kathleen saw a strange aura when he brushed past her.
“Alec, please wait a moment. I’ll be back.”
“Yes. Go quickly.”
Alexis seemed to know that Joseph’s greeting was hinting at the end. Kathleen rushed out of the door. His figure had already disappeared at the end of the hallway.
“Joseph!”
Kathleen saw his back as he was about to descend from the landing, and she called out. As he was walking quickly, he stopped and looked back.
“Joseph, please wait.”
She ran and grabbed hold of his robe. Joseph greeted Kathleen with a bitter smile on his lips.
“This. I didn’t know you would follow me.”
“Where are you going?”
With worry and fear mixed in, she asked the question almost confrontationally.
“If you’re going to leave, you should tell me first.”
“Then there is no point in sneaking away, is there?”
“Joseph!”
“I will go to Carmine first. A couple waiting to give birth needs me. But after that…… I don’t know yet. Should I go back to Delafos, or to one of the northern temples?”
“Then it’s okay if you stay here a little longer. You must have been tired all this time, but leaving right away is…….”
“No. I will leave.”
Kathleen tightened her hand that was gripping his robe, feeling sorry for him. She could surmise what he must be feeling, but at the same time, she was worried and wanted to hold on to him.
“I think the longer I stay, the more greedy I will become, Kelly.”
Joseph said softly.
“Please let me go.”
“……I’m sorry.”
“It is me who should beg for forgiveness. But why are you apologizing?”
“You didn’t hide it until the very end. You told me the truth at the most important moment.”
Kathleen understood Joseph. He must have had doubts about Alexis as well so it couldn’t have been easy for him either.
Therefore she didn’t want to blame him. Rather, she was more grateful that he took care of Luci and for persuading Cassiel to send the stationed troops.
“You always make me feel smaller. So I think I still need more training.”
Joseph added with a smile.
“Your heart has been fulfilled, that’s enough for me.”
He hesitated, then grabbed Kathleen’s hand.
“I was sincere. I meant it when I said I will always be by your side. Now I don’t even need to do that. Maybe I wasn’t allowed to from the beginning, but I became too greedy. I plan to go back to my place.”
“Joseph. Please come visit at least once, for Luci.”
“……Yes, I will.”
Joseph nodded his head at Kathleen’s earnest request.
“Please be happy, Kelly.”
Then he let go of her hand and turned around. Joseph hurriedly took one step further and went down the stairs. Without the slightest hesitation, as if he had been prepared the whole time.
“Kathleen.”
Alexis followed her and grabbed her hand.
He said rather irritably.
“Don’t worry. I will ensure that he lives comfortably in the Empire, wherever he goes.”
Only after hearing Alexis’ words did she feel relieved. With the protection of the Grand Duke, Joseph will not be expelled from the Temple or be subject to disciplinary action.
“I want you to be happy, Kathleen.”
He said earnestly.
“So, I’ll take care of your friends so that they are happy too. Whoever it is.”
Kathleen looked back at him, her heart pounding at those words. His golden eyes were sincere, but he was trembling slightly. As if he was afraid she would resent or reject him.
She said cautiously.
“Don’t just expect me or Joseph to be happy.”
“What?”
“I want you to be happy too.”
At that moment, a gentle smile spread across Alexis’ lips as he faced Kathleen.
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The sunlight reflected on the glass window shone beautifully on the couple’s shoulders.
As if to welcome the happiness that has been found and will come in the future.
***
Chapter 96: 95
“It’s all my fault, so don’t apologize.”
Alexis said over and over again, as if afraid that Kathleen would disappear again. He grabbed her hands as she sat down next to his bed.
“Because if I had been honest from the beginning, none of this would have happened.”
“You can’t say it’s all your fault. I too…….”
“Stop.”
He sternly cut off Kathleen’s words. Those golden eyes of his refused to listen. Kathleen let out a small sigh.
“Then don’t even think about dying. No matter what happens in the future.”
“I won’t. Of course, it would be a different story in a world without you.”
“Alec!”
“Don’t worry though. From now on, I won’t let even a single strand of your hair get hurt, so I won’t die either.”
And repeat. No matter how much she comforted him, he didn’t budge. It was ridiculous of him to say that if he thought she was dead, he was going to clean up his affairs and die after her, but still he was determined to do so again in the future. It was hard to believe that the man who pushed her away while looking down at her coldly in the past and the man who never left her side now were the same person.
In any case, his condition seemed to have improved, and she was relieved.
“You know, Alec.”
Kathleen carefully and quickly brought it up. He said it was his fault from the start, but Kathleen saw that the problem was because she didn’t tell him about their first meeting in the first place. So now was the time to speak.
“Actually, that first night we spent together. I want to tell you why I went to your bedroom.”
“You said that it’s because the job of a maid was hard.”
“It was because I didn’t want to die.”
She calmly started explaining.
From the 21-year-old Kelly, who was a faithful kitchen maid to the Duke of Walten, to the journey of her new master, Duke Hopewell, to the death of Emily.
“At first I didn’t tell you because I thought I would look like a crazy person, but later I gave up because I didn’t think you would believe me. But now I’m saying this because I want to be honest……. It may sound absurd anyway.”
“I believe you.”
As soon as she finished speaking, Alexis said firmly. At that attitude, Kathleen felt her heart melt, and her tears welled up.
“Then you saved me twice.”
His warm fingers gently wiped the corners of her eyes.
“Thank you, Kathleen.”
Alexis hugged her gently and softly brushed her back.
“I love you.”
Her heart warmed at his unexpected confession. Kathleen couldn’t take it any longer, and burst into tears in his arms.
And Alexis kept whispering to her like that.
“I love you, Kathleen. Thank you for being by my side.”
The confession that followed was filled with desperate feelings that Kathleen had long wished for. She finally realized it. The fact that she could never erase the man named Alexis Walten from her life.
***
As soon as there was news that Alexis had woken up, the Grand Duke’s residence was flipped upside down. The imperial court physician who had resided there rushed to check his condition, and Dr. Cavel and Edith followed.
“His Highness the Grand Duke is perfectly normal.”
“It is a miracle. It was surprising to me that he opened his eyes again, but all of his internal injuries are healed.”
After the imperial physician and Dr. Cavel spoke together, Edith added.
“It seems that the poison in the blood vessels had almost disappeared, but for the time being, it would be better to keep taking the ice flower medicine that Cassiel sent. After that, I think you will be completely cured.”
Kathleen was finally able to calm her worries at the various opinions that mentioned his improvement and soon complete recovery. She was especially grateful to Cassiel, who sent her the Ice Flowers as soon as he returned to Carmine.
Alexis, who was half-forced in bed, got up and said.
“I know my body best. I’m totally fine.”
“The final check isn’t done yet.”
Kathleen said, firmly pushing him back to bed. Because everything had to be done accurately.
“He’s watching Luci, so he’ll be here soon.”
“Who?”
As soon as he finished speaking, the bedroom door opened and Joseph entered.
“It must also be confirmed with divine power.”
Seeing that the golden and light blue eyes facing each other were somewhat stiff, Kathleen said.
“Joseph, will you take a look?”
“Of course.”
Joseph came closer with a nervous expression on his face. Edith looked at him and took Dr. Cavel and the imperial physician with her.
In the quiet bedroom, Joseph checked his health one last time.
“Congratulations, Your Highness.”
Joseph withdrew his divine power and broke the silence.
“I don’t think any further treatment is needed. You have fully recovered.”
“That’s a relief. Since you’re the one saying that.”
“Yes. You probably won’t have to see a priest again for as long as you live.”
He smiled faintly and backed away.
“……Yes.”
Alexis wriggled his eyebrows as if it was uncomfortable that he called Luci familiarly, but he seemed to be trying hard not to point it out. And he said quietly.
“Priest Joseph. I must express my gratitude to you as well.”
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“……Yes?”
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“All this time, you took care of my wife and child. I will pay you back with whatever you want.”“You don’t have to. I did it because I wanted to.”
Both of them had thorns in their words, a polite offer and a soft rejection, but they did not cross the line.
“It is natural to give back what is received. I will let you go back to Delafos in return.”
Alexis held out his hand first. Joseph paused and seemed to hesitate. Kathleen took a step forward, she said.
“I also want to say thank you, Joseph. Please do not refuse.”
Joseph was the one whom she had shared her most difficult times with. Kathleen was well aware that everything he did was for her. So she was even more grateful and sorry.
“……Yes. Then I’ll accept that reward, thank you.”
Joseph also lightly grabbed Alexis’ extended hand and released it. It was the moment when the long-standing distrust and boundaries, conflicts and doubts finally melted away.
Joseph turned back with a more relieved face.
“I’ll go back now. Rest, Your Highness. See you later, Kelly.”
He bowed as he left the bedroom. He had a normal attitude, but Kathleen saw a strange aura when he brushed past her.
“Alec, please wait a moment. I’ll be back.”
“Yes. Go quickly.”
“Joseph!”
Kathleen saw his back as he was about to descend from the landing, and she called out. As he was walking quickly, he stopped and looked back.
“Joseph, please wait.”
She ran and grabbed hold of his robe. Joseph greeted Kathleen with a bitter smile on his lips.
“This. I didn’t know you would follow me.”
“Where are you going?”
With worry and fear mixed in, she asked the question almost confrontationally.
“If you’re going to leave, you should tell me first.”
“Then there is no point in sneaking away, is there?”
“Joseph!”
“I will go to Carmine first. A couple waiting to give birth needs me. But after that…… I don’t know yet. Should I go back to Delafos, or to one of the northern temples?”
“Then it’s okay if you stay here a little longer. You must have been tired all this time, but leaving right away is…….”
“No. I will leave.”
Kathleen tightened her hand that was gripping his robe, feeling sorry for him. She could surmise what he must be feeling, but at the same time, she was worried and wanted to hold on to him.
“I think the longer I stay, the more greedy I will become, Kelly.”
Joseph said softly.
“Please let me go.”
“……I’m sorry.”
“It is me who should beg for forgiveness. But why are you apologizing?”
Kathleen understood Joseph. He must have had doubts about Alexis as well so it couldn’t have been easy for him either.
Therefore she didn’t want to blame him. Rather, she was more grateful that he took care of Luci and for persuading Cassiel to send the stationed troops.
“You always make me feel smaller. So I think I still need more training.”
Joseph added with a smile.
“Your heart has been fulfilled, that’s enough for me.”
He hesitated, then grabbed Kathleen’s hand.
“I was sincere. I meant it when I said I will always be by your side. Now I don’t even need to do that. Maybe I wasn’t allowed to from the beginning, but I became too greedy. I plan to go back to my place.”
“Joseph. Please come visit at least once, for Luci.”
“……Yes, I will.”
Joseph nodded his head at Kathleen’s earnest request.
“Please be happy, Kelly.”
Then he let go of her hand and turned around. Joseph hurriedly took one step further and went down the stairs. Without the slightest hesitation, as if he had been prepared the whole time.
“Kathleen.”
Alexis followed her and grabbed her hand.
He said rather irritably.
“Don’t worry. I will ensure that he lives comfortably in the Empire, wherever he goes.”
Only after hearing Alexis’ words did she feel relieved. With the protection of the Grand Duke, Joseph will not be expelled from the Temple or be subject to disciplinary action.
“I want you to be happy, Kathleen.”
He said earnestly.
Kathleen looked back at him, her heart pounding at those words. His golden eyes were sincere, but he was trembling slightly. As if he was afraid she would resent or reject him.
She said cautiously.
“Don’t just expect me or Joseph to be happy.”
“What?”
“I want you to be happy too.”
At that moment, a gentle smile spread across Alexis’ lips as he faced Kathleen.
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The sunlight reflected on the glass window shone beautifully on the couple’s shoulders.
As if to welcome the happiness that has been found and will come in the future.
***
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