Chapter 7: Ties And Binds (II)

In the months that passed by, he had contented himself with work. Now, it was close to the beginning of summer; it having been a few pleasant months. Had few reasons to neglect himself that much, and adjusted to life.

But of course, he had his pleasures too, and things that reminded him why he chose this. And people who understood him. He was glad to have kept Placido in his correspondence, although they rarely had more than monthly letters. But it was usually long, detailed and filled with plenty of questions and topics that they ponder.

Lorenzo swore that he’ll come visit him one day, in his domain. Now, he just needed to learn enough that he had leverage to go.

“Here’s more work coming in from the steward.” Gennaro put it down, and to improve his writing, he wrote some documents for him. Lorenzo had to sit with him, but by now, he didn’t need to and could just look at the book itself.

“Put it over there. I’ll look at it later.” He glanced, before glancing at the date. “I think there’s something today.

Gennaro looked at him. “They’ve already come. They’re at the hall, just getting settled in for their visit.”

His favourite cousins they used to come more often. But once LIberio had gone to Sarponne for school, their visits became more sporadic. Though he liked to talk with Libere as a whole.

Lorenzo stood up, although it was never sure. They were perhaps reaching by the end of the day. There was a need to clean up his desk, but there wasn’t enough time for them.

“I’ll try to do it.”

He used to spend all his time. Perhaps they’ll be asking him just why he wasn’t waiting for them outside. He could bet everyone except him and his father.

He tried to go down. But no one bothered him.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me sooner?”

“Well, it may be my fault.”

“It’s fine. I’ve been too focused.” He hated getting disturbed once he needed to focus. And htat was almost every day.

Maybe he could meet them and sneak in. Then there was a knock on the door.

“Nevermind,” he said.

It was his cousin, after all. He could explain. Gennaro went to open the door, revealing with his two cousins.

It was his relatively short cousins. Gabriele was a man, shaping up to be just above average height, in a pair of fresh coat and breeches. While Liberio or Libere, as he called himself these days, was average, but often held a mean glare, dressed in a military uniform, and his back straight.

His mother came from the tiny island of Gaccia, off the Itorian shores and used to be owned by the republic of Ganeo, which was close to Stressa. But Rancie conquered them, and by most accounts embraced the culture.

“Why couldn’t you have come down?”

“They already said he’s busy learning how to run the estate. It’s not as though he learned it in his childhood.” Gabriele held his brother back.

“Yes, something like that.” Lorenzo sheepishly said. “I also forgot the time, as I dealt with the manor affairs.”

“Sounds like you had a lot to work to do,” Gabriele observed.

Libere looked at him. “I can’t blame you for that.”

“You can go. Come, tell me if my father summons us.”

Though Gennaro had prepared some refreshments for them, putting it down before he left.

“So, what happened to that dreamy philosopher?” He asked.

“Still here,” he said with a grin.

Libere liked him, for he indulged his hunger for knowledge and perhaps answer. And of course, lending him all the books that his parents would not give him.

“But didn’t you just give him?” Libere asked. “I always thought you were harder than that.”

Gabriele looked at him. “Well, I think it’s more complicated than that, isn’t that right Lorenzo?”

“I wanted to run from it, as I wanted to not occupy it. This was never mine.” And Lorenzo still believed it. “But now, I’ve accepted it. I can’t run, nor would it benefit me. Since it fell onto my shoulders, and I saw more than that.”

“You mean more than just a prison that you didn’t ask for and didn’t want?” Gabriele asked. “Because that’s how I saw you then.”

Gabriele could be blunt, but he wouldn’t get why.

“He’s not wrong. If you didn’t choose it, then it is a prison. But if you do, then it’s a different story. I want to know why.” Libere knew they shared similar desires, and why they were close.

Even their last conversation in Sarponne, and in between letters. Lorenzo still had no desire.

“I think it’s realising that I also value my family, as much as I value the chance to pursue knowledge.” But there was a third goal, that he didn’t quite tell anyone else.

“Is it the same for you?” He asked.

“I guess I’ve heard from an uncle a few times. He’s been trying to manage my expectations of what my progression would look like in the military, especially the Rancien ones.”

They were all notorious for favouring the nobles over everyone else, for the nobles became more and more outdated with time except the military. If there was one benefit, it was their loyalty. It was absolutely guaranteed.

“What would you do once you hit that ceiling?” Lorenzo asked. “I’m not giving up, as I now know why. I want to change things around here. But don’t tell anyone.”

“That explains why you’re so diligent, since you’re mostly occupied with your own philosophy and ethics instead of perhaps this.”

“I like to think. And then I realised that most of their dreams are rarely more useful than just ideas. But it’s difficult to make them reality, and perhaps I’m not confident anymore.”

“Because you can’t devote your heart and soul to it. You have your family. You can’t give it all up.” Gabriele could understand that.

Libere did not, but he had his own dreams of grandeur and glory. It kept him going in that

Not like them, at least.

“No, but I also want to see change. I want to leave a world that’s better than the one I was born into. A world where we could chase our dreams without shame.” Lorenzo glanced, as though realizing a deeper reasoning why he did all this.

Perhaps this was how he justified it all.

For it was always to put the family first, duty over love. Lorenzo hated denying himself the things he wanted, and he hated the fact that he had to choose.

Libere’s eyes gleamed. “A world where it’s decided by talent instead of birth? A world where you can get what you deserve if you put in the effort rather than thanking God that it fell into your lap by birthright?”

“Exactly, since I doubt people would do something they know they’re awful at, it’s just common sense.” Lorenzo looked at him.

“I can’t, really. I just prefer a wonderful family.” Gabriele smiled, as though not getting much of it at all.
“Is there a reason?” He asked.

Libere hunkered down a little, as though he had never seen his cousin do it. Lorenzo knew him as the one with the indomitable will, and a desire that never changed once set. No one could stop him, not even his mother.

And his mother gave Lorenzo the shivers. She was tough, a disciplinarian, and extremely strict with her children. She wasn’t warm, hiring a governess and a nanny instead of a maid. Instead, preferring to do it herself.

Lorenzo always had a slightly more bendable determination, a willingness to change if it was incredibly difficult.

He sneaked a glance at Gabriele.

Gabriele confessed. “He’s bullied all the time in Sarponne, for, well, everything. His background, his lack of family connections and, of course, his grades.”

“I do well. It doesn’t help that most of them are so pompous and conceited that they think their family name is enough to get them through the military,” Libere yelled. “I still don’t understand why we’re following these idiots when they barely pay any attention.”

But deep down, even he knew that there were limits imposed on him no matter how hard he worked. It was a desire for him to create another world that rewarded him for his genius instead. Though, with the way things were, it was almost impossible.

Perhaps he might be in Revoa or in Erandel. Both were places where he could make his own way, was accepted. But not here, on the continent, where blood ruled.

Gabriele was content with the world. But he and Libere were not.

Lorenzo simply realised the oddness of it all. That he had chucked it aside. He wanted to do so, so that he could reject it.

“The Marquis is calling for you.” Gennaro looked. They had to go down now.

Lorenzo got up. But before that. “I have to thank you for making me say something that I don’t think I would have said otherwise.”

“Because your father would only question you.”

Lorenzo didn’t answer the question, but perhaps he didn’t want to admit it either. Or he didn’t realize it was only possible if Libere forced it out of him.

“I don’t think so. I think you made him realise something.” Gabriele communicated better.

“Yes, thank you, Gabriele. I’m not too good at words.” He smiled at him.

“I get it, it’s difficult since even Zio Cosimo is very traditional. They both accept the world in a way that we both have not.”

Libere was right, they both have not.

“On the flip side, it could be because their realities is something that they’re used to. They have chosen this future, and they don’t want to see it all fade away. To have their hard work all erased.” Lorenzo could see it from the opposite end.

“I think we should really get going.”

They both didn’t say anymore but went downstairs.

---

Libere went down the steps two at a time until he reached the ground, while his brother and cousin lagged behind him. Lorenzo looked at the halfway point where Libere waved from the ground. Gabriele was only three-quarters of the way through, determined. Before Lorenzo continued, wanting to catch up, but even at his quickest, he knew it was impossible.

But if this was a competition asking them to go down while thinking, then Lorenzo would win. He used to go down the stairs while reading all the time, and not once tripped.

Libere folded his arms before raising his eyebrow. “Doesn’t Federico make you chase him?”

As though trying to egg him on, as he walked down at his absolute fastest pace. Although Federico was a more quiet child than the boisterous Libere.

“I used to remember when you were faster. Ah, brother, finally you joined me.”

He slapped on his brother Gabriele, who panted on the ground.

Once he recovered, Gabriele told him. “I doubt so, since he prefers books. And he has much to learn, regardless.”

Lorenzo finally got down at last, Libere giving him a raised eyebrow. Why he was so slow?

“And here I thought Luciano replaced you in chasing Libere?” He asked.

“Yes, but I also end up chasing him when Libere isn’t around. Not to mention, I sometimes run out of the school just to get away from it.”

Though Lorenzo, if he ever wanted to leave, just went to hide at the library. Gabriele liked to sleep, while Libere was practical and had little time for books or reading.

Libere already went to the dining hall, given his empty figure in the hallway. He already went in, Lorenzo and Gabriele followed him into the room. Inside, here was only Cecelia, who was sitting next to cousin Elisa.

Elisa was a perfect little angel, with Cecelia chatting with her. She never had a sister and often preferred to talk to her female cousins, though most of them were older than her. And the rest were younger.

Libere looked. “Are they still talking?”

Since they both went off with each other, though, his mother and aunt were always the last to come as they become already occupied with gossiping. There was so much that they could talk about, though he was never invited. But Cecelia had sometimes told him, and how she would write poetry in there once it veered into topics that she was all but uncomfortable about.

Cecelia smiled. “They’re all still occupied. I mostly left since Mama dismissed me, or rather, to take care of Elisa.”

She patted the head of the girl, who nodded.

“What did you talk about?” Gabriele asked, curious.

Cecelia was the oldest girl they knew, and much of what a girl’s life entailed remained a mystery. Gabriele sometimes envied how they never needed to do anything, but Lorenzo knew it was also a trap for them.

“Marriage, the single most important event in a woman’s life,” Cecelia answered without hiding, a fact that she had to state. “I’m turning sixteen soon, and Papa had delayed it. But he needs to find a husband for me soon, as some girls at my age would have a fiancé.”

That and he had a brush with death.

Lorenzo blinked. “Do you want to?”

“I have to,” Cecelia said. “Well, I either have to live off your income or with a husband to support me. So, it’s expected. Not as though you’re going to escape it.”

He could feel the redness in his own cheeks, as muhc as he never wanted to go there. For so long, he would never marry, but not now. Gabriele looked, Libere turned.

“It makes sense. You’re the heir to a substantial estate. It’s expected that he wants it, although at least you’re not an only son and you have Federico as an heir.” Gabriele slapped him on the back.

“What do you seek for a husband, Cecelia?” Libere asked. “A dashing soldier, a wealthy young man, or perhaps an intellectual.”

“Someone who can understand me and poetry, as long as he’s supportive of my love for it. Papa agreed to fulfill that only requirement for me.” Cecelia smiled at the thought. “Most of them wouldn’t really starve, as neither Papa nor Mama wouldn’t let me marry that man.”

It was the way of the world, though he wondered why it was absurd. But it was also one that made sense. But, it neglected the people itself, to make them fit into roles that sometimes were better adapted rather than completely worn over.

However, it was a rational response, for marriage was little more than a partnership. Though his father was never unfaithful, and he perhaps wanted them to be happy in matrimony instead of only having a business partnership and leaving love to liaisons.

Gabriele gave a grin. “Have you thought about it?”

They were just teasing him here. “I haven’t thought about it. I just have so much on my mind or I’m busy.”

But he knew his parents were serious about getting him married.

“I’m telling you so that you don’t feel surprised that they’ll tell you soon. They’re already compiling the list of eligible ladies.” Cecelia gave a knowing smile.

Lorenzo knew its existence, though he would think it ridiculous that they have a list for her, but not for him. They were quite fair, though they could not change society to fit their ideas. But he had been called to testify or perhaps to vouch for or recount the men in their lives.

There were certain guidelines, mostly to avoid relationships in which the pair hated the other person. If it was avoidable, it was advisable. In fact, the only ones who went to the altar to marry someone they loathed for the sake of duty were likely extremely high nobility or just royalty. Only they would need to do it.

The rest, there were always enough partners to go around, and chances to meet them; Lorenzo could have some choice, even if it was illusory and remained within a narrow class.

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“I guess the only benefit is that it isn’t set or forced into stone,” he said.

“Be glad that you’re eligible enough that fathers would hand their daughters over, with minimal negotiations,” Gabriele told him. “Not like me. I’ll have to be settled first before they’ll find me even attractive.”

However, Lorenzo didn’t want to think about fulfilling it so quickly. He looked at the cup and wondered how soon before it would happen.

Footsteps broke his silence as he spotted two women coming in.

Libere looked, Gabriele raised his eyebrow. Cecelia stared.

“I expected Papa and Zio Carlo to come in first,” she said.

“So did I.” Gabriele looked.

“I wonder what they’re talking about, to where Zia Beatrice and Mama came first.”

Letizia gave him a glare. “Just wait for him. He’s soon to join us.”

“We usually talk a lot, Letizia.” Beatrice stopped him. “He’s making an observation.”

Letizia shook her head before taking a seat. "They’re speaking their affairs. It may just be a heavy one. I’ll check on the other kids.”

Cecelia passed Elisa a snack, so that she wouldn’t complain. Letizia smiled at Cecelia, liking her thoughtfulness.

She had a lot of younger children, and his cousins that he hadn’t had the time to see. He remembered they had another daughter, Carolina, who was born last year. There were a lot of them, and she was probably worried. But she left them all with a governess, preferring to handle the household chores on her own instead.

They waited a bit more for his father and his Zio Carlo. The look on his father’s face was when he dealt with a troublesome tenant or a tricky situation. As for his Zio Carlo, he was pale and thinner than he had been when he last saw him.

Carlo gave a smile to him, catching Lorenzo off-guard.

He would have expected Libere to talk back to his father, but he remained silent and kept his eyes away. Despite them always being at odds, he loathed his father for being a coward who refused to fight for his country and embracing Rancien culture so thoroughly.

Cosimo asked. “How is school?”

The first question that he did, as he liked Libere and his ambitions and dreams of military glory.

“Just another two years, and I can become a general,” Libere said. “I did well. I made the top of my class again.”

Like Lorenzo, Libere was absolutely brilliant in his studies. The only topic was that they both were good at different things. His father accepted that and took pride when Libere adjusted.

“Don’t get cocky. That is how defeat is usually delivered first. You understand that every battle is different and your opponents may learn new tricks too.” Cosimo mostly chided him with a smile.

“So, how are you coping?” Carlo asked him.

“Pretty well,” he said. “I’m mostly learning everything I can about the estate and I’m getting the hang of the administration. And thank you for giving me the books about laws.”

He smiled, before almost looking disappointed. Lorenzo looked.

“Later, we’ll be having a talk inside the study.” Cosimo looked at him. “We haven’t finished talking to each other, so once I’m done with him.”

That long and they were still not done, Lorenzo had his own doubts. Libere gave him a look. He caught on, too.

“Are you still in philosophy?” Carlo asked.

“Yes, I am,” Lorenzo ansewred.

“You kept giving him a lot of the books on them. I wondered whether this made you give it up.”

“He just lent me them. I am giving them back this trip.”

“I know them well. I am a bachelor of philosophy, after all.” Though if he was given his choice, he would have gone all the way to get a doctorate. But once he was done, he could pursue it. “It’s standard reading and far from obscure. I just lent him then. Hard to need it when it’s kind of already in your head.”

Carlo smiled. “I see, of course.”

“Although I wonder why do you need them, you regularly ask him?” Letizia asked. “They don’t really help you with your studies.”

She was worried about them, as it could be a distraction.

“I’m curious about it, perhaps, it just seems so interesting. Cousin Lorenzo is always helpful to explain what I did not understand,” he said.

But hiding his own dissatisfaction with the world, and how rationality should reign instead. Birth had nothing to do with who won a war, but who was better able to exploit their resources and military to their advantage.

Cosimo said nothing, although Carlo defended his son from that.

Though they subdued into mostly light chatter, sometimes recounting tales about childhood or perhaps small matters. Then Cosimo and Carlo went up the steps.

Libere had finished and glanced, while his mother brought his aunt again. Lorenzo was ready to return to work, as Gabriele went to join Cecelia and Elisa.

He was looking to join them. But Libere stopped him.

“I think we should eavesdrop,” Libere suggested.

Lorenzo was curious, but he was extremely uncomfortable. “Is this right?”

“I’ll tell you if you’re being too loud. I mean, getting things out of them is like pulling teeth.”

He was right. Both their fathers were incredibly tight-lipped when they could be. They both hid the truth, or the reality. Perhaps out of a need to not explain.

But they weren’t children anymore. And he was worried.

“Alright.” Lorenzo agreed.

---

Libere was already having his head near the ear. Lorenzo approached him before Libere gave him a moment. His shoes made a noise on the floor, clarifying that someone was passing by.

While Libere’s military boots did not, so Lorenzo took special care to tread over.

“They haven’t started yet.” Libere told him, leaning his door, with a caution. His voice was low.

Lorenzo thought about asking Libere to turn back, right now, when it was possible. Libere put his ear to the door, already listening. Lorenzo banished any hesitation and joined him. Whatever that came next, they would accept.

“This should be enough to help you settle the debts.” Cosimo’s voice was heard, strong.

Libere froze almost immediately, hearing this.

“Thank you for continuing to help me.” Carlo had a softer, more eloquent, but it was far from soft. He was a lawyer, and dabbled in commerce to get a few really good deals. “And for helping me.”

Libere turned, his eyes staring into Lorenzo. He slumped, perhaps even more so, his eyes bearing disappointment.

“It’s not for you, it’s for your wife and children. At least until either Gabriele or Libere can make enough money on their own to support their mother.”

His father was putting it straight. A wife that could not depend on her husband was a pitiable one, as she now depended on another’s charity until her sons were of an adult age and hence could provide for their mother. Though Lorenzo thought it was illogical as a whole that a woman be left destitute for something she could not control.

Libere remained quiet, as though he was thinking.

“You’ve always kept this habit of yours under control, or at least never to see your children starved, so it puzzled me. Until I almost died this year and then I understood you’ve been in constant pain. You’re not long for this world and you intend to leave them something.”

Carlo always had extravagant spending habits and a clear fondness for gambling.

“Don’t tell them. My wife goes every day to church for a miracle. Except God has cured no one with this illness, most die within a few years. he physicians have been prescribing me things, but even I doubt it helps.” He looked. “I’m just making sure that without me, they’ll be fine. It’s just that the thought that maybe just one more game thjey’ll be set for life.”

Lorenzo glanced at Libere. Just how he was. But perhaps it was all his military training.

“But Letizia would never hear of it,” he said. “Still, I think you need to stop looking at it. There are more paupers created by gambling than there are rich men. Even then, they never bet on luck. My mother never did.”

“That she shared with Libere, they’re both strong, spirited people, stubborn too. I know that he’ll excel in it, that he’ll go the highest he can go. But I fear what he’ll do once he reaches that inevitable limit. I hope you can talk to him,” Carlo said. “And you?”

“Well, I’m fortunate. The estate will provide for them, Lorenzo will make sure Federico goes into a good profession and his future is set, if not by personality then it’s his influence It was always in his nature, but God had to leave him as my heir and now he’s one of unhappiest young men I’ve seen.”

His father was anguished. Lorenzo could hear that almost stopping as he almost ended up hitting the door. Libere stopped him, despite being quite short.

“I can talk to him about that as it’s part of my experience, to give up your dreams so that you can fulfill your duties.” Carlo was there.

“I’ll take up on it. He always liked you as an uncle.” He smiled. “Though, I think he’s accepted it, but he seems to have his own reasons other than family.”

“Could you help guide him when I’m gone? As long as possible. I know he seeks you out because you can advise him on military life better than I ever could.”

Libere looked on in surprise, almost to the edge of tears.

“We should go.” Lorenzo knew it was time. They had heard far more than enough. Even he was feeling guilty. They didn’t need to have their conversation overheard.

He moved, slowly walking, until he accidentally hit something with a thud. Lorenzo froze and stared, while Libere, like a cornered animal, ran, hoping he could escape the inevitable.

Although he should have, they were up against two men just past their prime so running could actually work. But once Lorenzo heard the creek of the door, all hope was lost.

Lorenzo came to face his father, and Cosimo raised his eyebrow at him.

“I heard footsteps for a while and then quiet.”

Libere quietly came back to meet him, not wishing to meet their eyes. Carlo gave a glare to him before he ended up with it being so.

“It was my idea. I was curious.”

“It’s my fault too. I should have discouraged him.”

“So, you now know.” Carlo looked at him.

Libere said nothing, for nothing could save them now from their father’s wrath.

“We’re both going to have a talk.” Carlo looked at Libere, who just meekly followed him out of the hallway.

Now it was between Cosimo and Lorenzo.

“Come in. I was going to call for you, anyway.” He opened the door. There was something unreadable about him. Lorenzo thought about it and followed. Come what may, he would have entered.

“I think even you could see it, but Carlo is still thinking about it.”

“And yet you act the same way, Papa,” he said. “I know you’re preparing me so that if you die, I’ll be ready. Because this was your life’s work, you don’t want to see it ruined to the ground by an incompetent son that you didn’t train.”

“You’re not wholly incompetent that I need to school you on everything. In fact, you’re better than that. Even if you were, I can always comfort myself with your virtues. Your vices are not like the others.”

He knew of the women, of the alcohol, or even about gambling.

It was more certain for Zio Carlo, who was slowly wasting away. With each passing day and year with almost nothing they could do'; it was a cruel way to go compared to a quick death.

“Why did you want to call me?”

“I can’t quite remember. I guess it got carried away by my conversation with Carlo,” he said, putting down the cup.

Lorenzo had something to say after that. Now that he overheard it, there was nothing else.

“I know it hurts you much to think that this was the only way,” he said. “That you think it’s your fault that I struggled so much?”

And that was his father’s compassion, though he said little. He taught him, with a firm hand, just what to do and no lies.

“I should have done more. It is my greatest regret. I didn’t focus that much attention away from you. To not have schooled you in it regardless, it is a benefit.”

“Back then, I think you did what you thought was best; not to fill a young boy’s head with unlikely dreams. Except it happened and I’m now your heir.” Lorenzo stopped after, still remembering the pain. His voice gotten softer to the end.

Cosimo gave a sigh, having lost a part of his heart a long time ago. “I thought about why you had such a struggle, then I realised. You were never told that this was you. It was how my father told me, his father told him, and so on.”

“Instead, I could see just what a cage it can become. Because I never saw it as what belonged to me.”

“And you still don’t believe it, do you?” Cosimo asked, his eyes hard. “That this spot is not yours. It is now, nothing is more true than that. If not for you, then for your brother.”

Lorenzo widened his eyes, realising what he meant and who he spoke of. “But I found why I want to do this. I want to reform, perhaps to find a way so that my brother would never felt trapped the same way I did, the same so many did.”

Cosimo looked, putting it down. “Tell me.”

“In the future I deare, all that follows me would not need to give up their dreams for the sake of the family. I want them to choose what they want to do, but doing so would require changing the world, maybe the estate can pass into the hands of someone who actually knows how to care for it” he said. “Even if I made my peace, but I refuse to accept this as what must be carried on.”

Cosimo glanced, measuring him every inch, for his guess was right. Lorenzo had his own goal.

Lorenzo was just a boy who wanted to spend his whole life in his thoughts and logic, making sense of the world by thinking. But now, he realised the contradictions in his own reality and sought to change it.

“Why?” His father asked, perhaps wanting to understand why he chose this. It was incomprehensible.

“It makes little sense, does it?” Lorenzo asked. “That you get it by where you were born, not by how good you are. It made no sense to put birth over merit. It’s completely irrational.”

“I can only warn you that the world does not bend to your will easily. It will be monumental, it will cost you dearly if you choose this path,” Cosimo looked at him, with grave eyes. Perhaps there was a proudness in him, that his son became a man.

Lorenzo nodded. “So be it.”

Because the thought of making his mark on a world, that’s better for him, better for people who didn’t exactly have the correct dreams or the correct desires and hence had to be forced into it. That made him smile. It made him realise that this would all be worth it.

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