Chapter 36: Ihoujin, Dungeon ni Moguru Chapte

There was a mountain of work to be done.

On top of that, it came with a deadline of three days.

I had to manufacture equipment, reconfirm everyone’s abilities, as well as gather information on the enemy. I couldn’t ignore the movements of the other parties either.

The parties that were greenhorns just like us and seemed likely to defeat the evil title were a beastkin-only super muscle-brained physical attack party, and a magician-only, all of them from the Hohens School to boot, super high firepower party. The ones who had a chance of defeating it from day one were probably only these two parties. However, I didn’t think that it was an opponent that could be defeated without a strategy.

I intended on making full use of the time and preparing for the fight right up to the very last minute.

I had declared to Irvin that『We’ll definitely defeat that evil title』, but if I couldn’t find a way to defeat it, I won’t challenge it. I'll ask for forgiveness using the traditional art of the Dogeza then. There would be plenty of opportunities for us to defeat an evil title in future. We won't have any such opportunities if we died. It was one thing if it was my own life, but I couldn't take bad risks with the lives of others.

For the time being, my biggest concern was Rana.

The firepower of our party was wildly different depending on whether she was present or not.

But I was at a loss for words when I returned to the camp.

「Rana!」

I picked her, who had collapsed, up into my arms. She leaned limply against me.

「Wel………welcome, back, dear」

「What on earth happened, Makina!? Makina, where are you?!」

『Yes, Makina is here』

Makina went round and round as she rolled over to us. She wasn’t as high-spirited as usual.

「What’s going on? What happened to Rana?」

『Makina thinks that it's faster to see it, so please watch』

Makina showed a video on the screen of her main unit to me, who couldn’t make heads or tails of the situation.

It showed a bird's eye view of the camp.

I could see Rana digging holes with a short stick. She looked just like a sulking child. Makina was beside her.

『Madam, did today’s lunch not suit your taste? You didn’t seem to have much of an appetite. Should I make something or other as a snack?』

『It's okay. It won’t be delicious if I eat it alone』

『Should we wake Misuranika-sama up? She'll do whatever we want as long as we tempt her with meat and alcohol』

『It's okay』

The way they treated my god was really frivolous.

Rana looked at her regeneration point with a dark expression. Her magical power had recovered just a tiny bit.

『Makina, I'm a burden. Even though everyone is fighting at the risk of their lives, I’m resting by myself in a place like this』

『That's not true, madam. Resting your body for your next adventure is also part of the adventuring business』

『But if I keep on resting after using magic like this, I’ll definitely become unable to keep up with everyone some day. I had never even realized that elven magicians were such a burden. I'm a useless woman. Even Souya has yet to spend the night with me』

That's because my sister turns up in my bed. In addition, there is also a god beside my pillow. There is no way that I would neglect you if there is a chance for the two of us to be alone, you know?!

『Madam, please don't blame yourself. Souya-san will be saddened too. Is there anything that Makina can do? If it’ll cheer madam up, Makina will do anything』

『Thank you. That concern is wasted on a person as useless as me. But………………um, can I ask for just one favor?』

『Yes! Whatever you wish!』

Her face, which was swollen from crying, blushed slightly.

『Can you teach me how to cook? I'm really embarrassed as a woman, but ever since I was born, I've never baked bread, made soup, or even cut meat or vegetables』

『In that case, leave it to Makina. But Makina is strict when it comes to this. Please brace yourself for that. Then, Makina will start by teaching you how to wash your hands』

『I’ll do my best』

Rana was taken away by Makina and was taught to wash thoroughly from between her fingers to her elbows with soap.

The next thing to get washed was the rice. Rana, who was pretty much using all of her strength to wash the rice, got admonished by Makina. The dirty water that the rice was washed in was drained out, an appropriate amount of clean water was poured in, and the rice was placed over the fire. Both of them waited motionlessly.

『From way back, I’ve always felt extremely at ease when I stare at flames』

『Is, is that so?』

Makina was a little taken aback by Rana's remark.

Twenty minutes later, the rice boiled.

『From here, steam it for approximately 10 minutes』

『Understood』

Makina extinguished the fire in a hurry. Rana looked disappointingly at the flames disappearing.

Next, Makina opened the box that the seasonings were kept in, and laid them out in the kitchen. She also brought things that could be used as ingredients from the food storage. She was likely planning on teaching Rana to think independently.

Ten minutes later.

The lid of the pot was opened and the rice was stirred with a rice paddle.

『It's cooked very deliciously. Mix in a moderate amount of salt like this, yes, just like that, madam. If you roll this up into balls, the traditional Japanese dish, onigiri(rice balls) will be completed. However, making it exactly by the book is also not interesting. For the sake of raising madam’s aspirations as well, please put in ingredients to give it a flavor that Souya-san is likely to enjoy. It's hot, so please chill your hands with water and rub some salt on them before handling it, got it?』

『Understood』

Rana surveyed the seasonings and ingredients in the kitchen. Stuck onto the seasonings were labels with the words from this side. Makina had stuck them on so that Ea and Misuranika-sama wouldn’t faint in agony from spiciness when they used the seasonings without permission.

『Things that are delicious……… That’s right! I’ll add honey』

『( ゜Д゜)』

Honey was splattered into the pot. A shocked expression was displayed on Makina's screen.

『Oh, I put in too much. It’s not good if it's too sweet, isn’t it? I’ll add more salt』

『Madam, that’s nigari salt, it’s bitter——』

Nigari salt was scattered in.

『Souya likes fish, so………』

『At least re-hydrate it before——』

Sun-dried fish were thrown in whole.

『Ea liked this one, right?』

『(´Д｀)』

Sriracha sauce was drizzled in.

『I'll try putting in some cheese』

『(*´▽｀*)』

『Oh, pepper. This is important, isn’t it?』

『(*’’ω’’*)』

Pepper was sprinkled in liberally.

『Umm, madam?』

『Makina, cooking is fun, isn’t it?』

『I agree! But give a bit more thought to the person that you're making this for』

Rana had gotten really excited.

『Then, mayonnaise, devil's little finger, dried herbs, umm, what’s this? I'm not sure what this is, but I’ll put it in. Souya often tells us to eat vegetables, so this new type of potato, eggplant, ginseng, and tomato…… Oh, they’re raw, aren’t they? I’ll use magic to give them a lick of fire』

Flames were shot into the pot.

The souls of the ingredients ascended to heaven along with their deliciousness.

『Hawawa. Hawawa』

Makina was in a fluster.

『Haha! It's so fun!』

Rana had gotten even more excited and, not satisfied with only the seasonings and ingredients, she brought back mysterious liquids and plants from her own luggage. When she still wasn’t satisfied after throwing those in, she started to chant something.

A small portal opened in the sky above, and a black liquid spilled out and dripped into the pot.

Huh, what was that?

Seriously, what the heck was that?!

『Whew, I'm not entirely satisfied, but I’ll leave it at that since it’s my first time』

With that, the onigiri had became a gel-like liquid. It was bubbling and boiling, and there was an unknown substance floating on the surface of the pot. I wanted to think that it was just my imagination, but there was something swimming inside the pot.

『Madam, is it alright if Makina tastes it?』

『Yes, please give me your brutal opinion』

Makina inserted the taste sensor into the pot. A huge number of warning messages popped up on her screen along with a red alert.

『………………』

Makina went silent, probably because her thought circuits were on the verge of shorting out. If her stress gauge had been displayed, it would have shot up rapidly.

『How is it? As I thought……… it's no good, isn’t it? Food that’s made by a woman like me……』

Rana grew despondent.

Makina flew into a panic.

『T, th, that's not true! I’m sure that Souya-san will definitely eat it without leaving anything!』

Now wait just one minute!

『Is that true?! That’s great. I had lost control of myself for a moment, so I honestly have no idea what I was making, but I’m relieved. I’ll taste it too, alright?』

With a ladle in one hand, Rana took a scoop of the…… should I call it soup?

『Madam! That’s dangerous!』

『…Huh? Umm………sniff』

She fainted from the smell alone.

The video ended.

『With that, we’ve arrived at the present』

You tried your hardest, didn't you? I said as I patted Rana on her head.

Makina had also worked very hard, so I gave her a pat on the head too.

「What happened to that dangerous substance?」

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『Considering the tremendous impact it can have on the surrounding environment, Makina stored it carefully in a secure container under the management protocol for class 4 bio-hazard materials until we can figure out an appropriate way of disposing it』

Did my wife make a biological weapon or something?

「De, dear」

Her trembling hand touched my cheek.

「Even if I die, please don’t be sad. However, just don’t take Lanseal as your second wife」

「Makina, is Rana seriously ill?!」

『No, she’s just depressed』

「………………」

「HIyaaWAAaaa」

She let out a strange cry as she hugged me with all her might. I picked her up and held her in my arms just like that, and sat down on a chair.

「Rana, your magic power has run out」

「………I'm sorry」

When I took a look at her regeneration point, I saw that her magic power had become completely empty. It was hopeless. It was already at a level where it couldn’t be restored within three days.

However, I'm not mature enough as a person to get angry at Rana. It's definitely not because of the feel of her buttocks, which are on my thighs, but to repay Rana's good intentions of cooking for my sake, and they seem to be fleshier and bigger than I had expected, and they had yet again a different feel compared to her boobs……… What the heck am I thinking about?

It’s useless.

I can’t collect my thoughts at all.

「Makina, prepare the king’s sugar, eggs, wheat flour and cheese. We have bowls, whisks and large trays, right? Please prepare one of each as well. I only need the egg yolks」

『Okay~, Makina will prepare the oil-paper as well, okay?』

My brain was probably lacking glucose.

I probably won’t get found out even if I used a little bit of the king’s sugar. It was just right since the sugar from the modern world had run out. I could buy it, but honey and sugar were ridiculously expensive.

「Rana, can you get down from my lap?」

I was reluctant to part with her, but cooking while holding a woman in my arms was a little……

「I don’t want to」

She circled both hands around my neck and squished herself firmly against me. I felt her warm breath on my neck.

A little……………… What was I thinking about? It had vanished from my memory.

I got Makina to disinfect my hands, then I started the preparations.

I put sugar and egg yolks into a bowl and mixed them with a whisk. After I had mixed them sufficiently and the mixture had become similar to mayonnaise, I added wheat flour and mixed it with a spatula. When it reached the point where it wasn’t falling apart, I rolled them into balls the size of a 500 yen coin. I put shredded cheese inside them. Makina also gave me a hand with it.

The rolled balls were lined up in rows on the tray.

「I'll leave the rest to you」

『Leave it to Makina~』

Makina picked up the tray. I had expected her to roll, but she moved in a slow, shuffling manner so that the food wouldn't drop. Even now, I didn't understand these guys' movement systems. The tray was placed in the oven and I flirted with Rana for a while.

However, even though I had intended to be true to my desires, putting my hands around her waist was my limit. I felt that it was really about time for me to show some growth as a human.

Rana circled her hands around me once more, and the degree in which our bodies were pressed against each other’s increased another level. And, she had a dazzling smile on her face. I couldn't go against that smile. I felt like I would do anything for her.

By the way, our conduct was legal.

That was dangerous. I had stopped caring about anything else.

Rather than exploring the dungeon, isn't it more worthwhile to deepen our relationship as man and woman?

『They’ve finished baking~!』

Fifteen minutes had already passed.

Just as Einstein had said, time passes very fast when you're with a lovely woman.

「Oh, it smells good」

Rana cheered.

I've never met a woman who hates sweets.

Makina took one to check the temperature, and while she was at it, she activated the taste sensor.

「How is it?」

『80 points』

Giving me a thumbs up with her robotic arm, she placed the baked sweets in front of us.

「What are these? What are they?!」

Rana was in high spirits. I didn't know that she liked sweets so much.

「It’s egg bolo」

From toddlers to adults who were seized by nostalgia, it was a confection that was widely loved. It was the only sweet that I knew how to make.

「Aaahh~」

Rana had her mouth open.

Errrr, what exactly is this?

Makina displayed『Please feed her』on her screen.

Understood.

I picked up a still warm egg bolo and dropped it into Rana's mouth.

「How is it?」

「Mmnnnn～～」

She fluttered her legs.

「More, more please!」

「Alright」

I fed her egg bolos like I was feeding a chick. It appeared that they suited the elven princess’s taste perfectly.

Or rather, she wasn’t stopping. She was burning through the egg bolos as she munched on them.

It wasn’t a snack that was meant to be eaten voraciously like this, but well, it was fun, so I kept on feeding her.

She eventually ran out of saliva and her cheeks swelled up like a squirrel’s as she couldn’t swallow. I had Makina pour tea for us and we drank it together.

「Whew, they’re very delicious」

「I’m glad to hear that」

『Makina too』

Rana-san, isn’t it about time you got down from my lap? The thing that you’re stimulating with your buttocks is going to reach its limit in various ways.

『Umm, madam………………Huh?』

「What's the matter?」

Makina drew closer to Rana wonderingly. As I was wondering what was going on, she held up the containers of Rana’s regeneration point.

「Huh?」

I let out a surprised cry as well.

Her magic power had been restored. It had recovered to about the same as it had been before she made the onigiri.

「Huh, huh?!」

Rana herself couldn’t hide her surprise as well.

「Ah, could this possibly be……」

「Rana! Did you realize something?! 」

If she could restore her magic power rapidly, there would be nothing better.

「It’s love, the power of our bond」

That was definitely wrong, so I pinched her cheek.

「Should I give it a tug?」

『Umm~ Is now a good time?』

「Yes, Makina-kun」

I'll leave it to Makina because there’ll be zero progress if I left it to Rana.

『Makina believes that it’s probably due to the sugar』

That seemed to be the most likely possibility, but it didn’t make sense.

「But there are carbohydrates in almost every meal」

『It’s just Makina’s conjecture, but perhaps elves have a constitution that works differently from Souya-san and the rest. Say for example, if they happen to ingest dietary fiber at the same time, maybe the sugar ends up getting excreted without getting absorbed. It could be that their constitution itself is innately bad at absorbing sugar, but only table sugar that consists of both fructose and glucose is an exception, and can be absorbed easily. All sorts of factors come to mind, but Makina will need to test them repeatedly before proof can be obtained』

「If I’m not mistaken, the diet of elves is basically only vegetables, right?」

「Yes, now that I think about it, we're on the same level as rabbits and goats, aren’t we?」

How would those of the same race feel about that impression? I wondered.

「Rana, have you ever eaten sweets or other things that contained sugar?」

「Just once, a really long time ago. I was a child with no connection to magic at that time though」

I see, I thought as I fed Rana an egg bolo.

『Souya-san, can you leave this to Makina? Makina will change the way of preparing food, and create the most efficient menu for restoring magic power. Makina will do it without fail』

「I’m leaving it to you」

『Leave it to Makina』

Had we stumbled upon an unexpected breakthrough?

“Spend the night with me” Well, I’m being family friendly here. She’s not talking about Netflix and chill, wait…, darn internet slang……

Apparently, Einstein was asked to explain his theory of relativity so many times that he created a comical, easier-to-understand example. The full saying goes, “When a pretty girl sits on your lap for an hour, it seems like a minute. When you sit on a hot stove for a minute, it seems like an hour. That’s relativity” And, like many of Einstein’s “quotes”, he might not have actually said this. It had appeared on print stating that such a tale was circulating, not that Einstein had said it, but the vivid comparison was popular and it spread, resulting in many variants of the saying. I obviously used the variant that is most suited to the story but some variants had you sitting on a nice girl’s lap instead while others had no one sitting on laps and there is even kissing involved in one variant.

Rana’s talent for cooking is certainly something. This chapter had me chuckling non-stop. Portal in the sky spewing black goo, anyone had flashbacks to Fate/stay as well? And it turns out sugar helps restore MP, this certainly reminds me of RPGs where you restored HP or MP by eating food.

So with Rana’s MP problems seemingly solved, we’ve reached the mid-way point of this arc. Four more chapters till this arc ends. Are you looking forward to the boss fight? Well, just a few more chapters.... Stay tuned!

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