Chapter 1: Thursday November 27th

“Nah, I’m telling you. It’s probably going to be some fuckoff huge TV for the living room, some kind of big expensive family gift. Oh, or maybe they’re getting a new car! Then you can have theirs for school, and I can get yours for myself!” My brother and I were excitedly chatting, sitting on the couch in the living room, while our parents fiddled around off somewhere else. We’d just had our Thanksgiving dinner, and earlier in the day our parents had promised us an ‘early christmas gift’, and that it would be ‘the big one’ this year. We’d been speculating and arguing about what it was going to be all day since then, and now that it’s almost time to see we could barely keep still! Or, well, I could barely keep still. My little bro pokes me kinda hard to get my attention. “And you keep bumping me Ants, stop shaking.”

I let out an eep and try to stop bouncing my legs, although I know that’s a lost cause. “Hey, you know how I get. Also, Frankie, think about it. It’s got to be some kind of winter vacation. Why else would it be this early unless we weren’t going to be home for Christmas?”

He just shakes his head dismissively at me with a chuckle. “It’d be early if it was a big item that would stick out like a sore thumb. You know, like a Car, or a TV, or... a fridge or something.”

I scratched my head at that. “Why would they get us excited all day over a new fridge? Why would we care about that?”

“We would care because that means that I was right and that I win the argument!” He gets a big smug look on his face and points at me, and all I can do is roll my eyes. Franklin has always loved winning an argument, the type that always has to get the last word in. Probably just Youngest Child Syndrome.

I huff, folding my arms across, blowing some of my bangs out of my eyes. “Well, that’s my bet, a Christmas getaway. We have the holiday up at some ski resort in the mountains. You know, like my friend Shirly last year! I told you about that, right? She went up to the Poconos with her friends, and they decided to go skiing at night. They go out but halfway up the mountain they totally chickened out because it was so dark out they could barely see, but because it’s pitch black out they get super lost in the woods? None of them have really trained the craft at this point, so they had none of that to rely on yet. Even her little fox couldn’t find his way around! They were wandering around basically until the sun came up. First thing she does when she gets home from her trip is start learning as many ‘find home’ and ‘make light’ spells that she can get her hands on!”

He playfully scoffs at me in response. “Oh wow Ants, what a sell. She gets lost in the woods overnight and nearly freezes to death, well goddamn sign me up for it please!” He knocks me on my leg with his. “You’re bouncing again.” I look down and ugh, yeah. Whatever, I’m too excited, I don’t care!

Luckily, before I can say something smartass back to him, Ma and Pa come in with big smiles on their faces and I can feel myself going nuts with excitement - the wait’s finally over! “Alright boys,” Pa starts, “are you ready to see what the big gift this year is?” He laughs as I give a big puppy-dog eyed nod. “Now remember, we got it because we thought you two would like it, but this is a gift for the whole family, so don’t get too obsessed.”

I jump up out of my seat with glee, having a hard time keeping it all in - I’ve always been a pretty emotional person. “I was right, it’s a vacation yeah? That’s why we’re showing it off so early, we’re gonna be out for the holiday?”

Dad just laughs and pats my head softly a couple times. “Sorry kiddo, it’s not a trip.” I aww in defeat, and I can see Frank doing a little fist pump behind me. “We just figured you kids are old enough now to not really mind getting something a little early, and we don’t want to deal with trying to hide it from you for a month. After all, supposedly it’ll be like part of our family!”

Wait. Oh my god, oh my god! “Holy shit is it a pet? Did you get a doggie? Little cat? Can I see it!” I absolutely adore animals, but for some reason we just never got any pets - well, except for a rabbit I had when I was very little. I was too young to really remember it much though, so I don’t really think that counts.

Mom giggles quietly at that. “Oh honey, nothing quite so alive as that. Maybe next year though!” Wait, then what could it possibly… oh. Oh no. I freeze stock still as I just know what’s going to happen next, why Ma and Pa have been blocking the doorway.  All the energy drains out of me as they part ways, and… one of those things shambles into the room and stands at attention in front of us.

A fuckin’ android. Silicon valley’s latest attempt to get humanity to buy into their smart home bullshit. Creepy, women-shaped dolls in stark white and chrome, with approximations of curves around it’s chassis to make it more covetable, and an unmoving static porcelain face bolted onto it to make us think they’re one of us. All the advancements in technology over the last few decades have culminated in a roomba with tits. Guess they figured it they modeled it after a tech bro’s embarrassing wet dream they’d get more than just grandmas who think it’s the bee's knees to turn their shows on by barking at an orb.

Frank at least seems excited, sitting up stock from his relaxed position on the couch. “Holy shit, you actually got one of those! I can’t believe it, I never thought you guys would actually get new tech while it’s still new tech!” 

Mom gives another laugh and turns to me. “What about you Tony, how do you like it!” Oh, you know, my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined, thanks for asking. I give the best ‘oh yeah I love it don’t ask any more’ smiles I can and nod. Seems to have worked, as she turns to the horrid thing. “The best part is that it came pre programmed to the info we gave the company, so we don’t have to fiddle with any of that computer stuff!” Oh amazing, they’ve given all my details out to god knows who already. Great. Mom snaps her fingers at it. “Robot, introductions.” 

The thing whirs to life at that, it’s creepy jerky movements and digitized singsong voice activating. “Hello there, young masters.” Ughhhhhhhhh. Of course. “This is a Kalny Manufacturings™” (I swear, it said the trademark out loud) “Personal Attendance Robot, model S.B.N.1.4., the assistant of the future. This unit is fully equipped to take care of your residence, help manage your schedule, interact with your appliances, connect to your social media and online shopping accounts, even cook and clean for you. To get started, simply give this unit a command with ‘Robot’ and in no time you will see all the ways your life can be improved.” 

As it finishes it’s little pre-recorded sales pitch, it stops it’s herky jerky fake movements. I cover my face with my hands, pressing into my eyes with my fingers. I can feel a headache coming on. Ma must have seen right through me because she’s nudging me again. “Hey sweetie, you like it right?”

I turn to her with the best put on face I could muster, big smiles for her. “Yes mom, it’s… it’s great! Cool robot.” The thing whirrs back to unlife and pivots that horrible detailess white porcelain mask-face directly at me, almost expectantly. I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sudden movement, and I definitely yelped like a spooked dog (which would have been a much better gift mind you).

“Apologies, young master Anthony, this unit didn’t quite understand your request. Would you mind repeating your command again?” Ugh, that’s so creepy, this thing already knows me. I didn’t even get a say in how.

Mom looks at me again, a more concerned look on her face, her arms crossed. “Come on Tony, don’t be like that. This was supposed to be a big thing for us, right? It’ll make life easier as you prepare to go off to school next year.” Guess the smile wasn’t as good of a put on as I thought it was.

Frank gets up from the couch and puts a hand on my shoulder. He leans over me to speak with her. “Ma, he said he likes it, don’t put him on the spot like that. It’s fine, right Ants?” 

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I sigh heavily, putting my hands back over my face, pressing into my eyebrows. I really don’t want to have a meltdown over this, I’ve been doing so good for so long. “Yeah. Mom, it’s fine. The thing’s fine, ok?”

She just sighs. “I don’t want this to be a conflict point. Be honest with me please. We know how into tech stuff you kids are, especially you Tony. So we thought it was going to be a nice surprise. But if it's gonna upset you we can take it back....”

I can’t hold it in anymore. I throw my hands down from my face in a big huff. “No, ok! Don’t take it back just for me, everyone else likes it, but it’s weird and creepy and I think it sucks that you got some big company’s spy device and gave it all my details! Plus it’s gross too, ethically! Pretend people we can own. Not to mention, what if instead of just malfunctioning and buying too much toilet paper it can cross a servo and crush us dead or something. The face doesn’t even move, it looks like a fucking haunted doll! So sorry, no, I don’t like the creepy ass robot maid.”

“Apologies, young master Anthony, this unit didn’t quite understand your request. Would you mind repeating your command again?” Aghhhhhhhh! I shout in frustration over the thing, shrug Frank’s hand off my shoulder, and stomp downstairs to my room. I know I’m going to regret making such a scene later, but I just don’t want to be around that thing right now. I close my door (not slamming per say but certainly harder and louder than I intended) and I flop onto my bed, little doodads poofing off it in response. I grab my little red panda plush off the floor - sure, it might be childish, but the soft texture always made me feel comforted when I got really upset like this.

A soft knocking comes from the door, and Frank lets himself in. “Well, that could have gone better, huh.” He closes it behind him and sits down next to me on the bed. “C’mon Ants, I know what’s really got you down about it. You can talk to me.”

I scoff, but I can feel myself still angrily shaking underneath it. I sit up next to him, leaning against him slightly. Now that I’m coming down I feel like an idiot for yelling like that. But… “You know, I meant everything I said too, little bro. It really is creepy, and I don’t like what it stands for.” He leans back and pats my shoulder softly.

I call him little bro, and he is actually about two years my junior, but it’s almost funny how that’s really the only way he qualifies as ‘little’ comparatively. He’s always been more emotionally put together, able to handle himself and look out for me at the same time. Plus he’s pretty tall, and is pretty respectably muscle toned - three things he got from his father, and all four of which we do not share. (Well, he is my dad too. Mom got with the man when I was one and he’s the only dad I ever knew. It’s really only notable to me for how not alike Franklin and I are. Thank you genetics!)

Frank taps the side of my skull softly. “C’mon big sis. We both know what the other big issue is.” Ugh, yeah. Fine. The other way we’re not alike. “You know, you’re going to have to tell them about yourself eventually. I mean, pretty soon you won’t be able to hide it if you wanted to right? If you told them at the same time as me, you could have avoided all the ‘young master Anthony’ shit tonight too that clearly pushed you over the edge.” 

“God, I know alright? I know I have a deadline coming up with going away for school, and I know I had an entire year to let them know already. I know it would have been so much easier to just rip the bandaid off. But look, you had to worm it out of me, and you’re you. Doing this stuff is terrifying. I mean, what if they don’t agree with it? Or pull me outta school at the last minute? Maybe I should just… keep pretending I’m going off to be a Warlock or a Scribe or something.”

You see, I graduated high school a little over a year and a half ago now. Mom and Dad were perfectly happy at first to allow me to have a bye year, not to worry about school or work or anything and just breathe after getting through primary school, which wasn’t exactly the easiest for me. But around the holidays the folks started getting anxious that I didn’t seem to know what I wanted to do with my life or have any plans going, and started really pushing me to make some soon. Trying to nudge me into this or that career, especially in the mystic arts (since I obviously was passionate about them growing up) or computing (because computers exist and I'm the only one in the family who knows how to plug parts into a brain tower, I guess). After one particularly heated argument about it (that I may have left in tears), my brother followed me down into my room to see what was going on, and how he could help. 

I couldn’t keep it away any longer, a flood of admissions just came out of me. That I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life, and always have. It was all that me and my friends ever really talked about growing up (albeit with the quiet part never really said out loud) - we all wanted to be witches. The issue, of course, is that all witches were women. Well, maybe not issue - with hindsight I can see it may have been the point for me. Still, I bawled my eyes out at him, admitted everything, and cried that he would think I was a freak. Instead he hugged me tightly, told me he would never think that of me, and that he would actually support me in my stupid impossible dream.

From there I actually managed to put my life together. I had already been seeing a therapist for my emotional instability, so with my brother's encouragement I brought this up with her and made it a focus of the next few meetings. Turns out oops, I’m extremely transgender. We started focusing on that throughout the year, and made a lot of headway on it. I’ve even managed to get a prescription for those little magic pills recently! 

And all that means oops, my stupid dream is not actually impossible. Well, theoretically. I haven’t actually been able to find any proof one way or the other if it’s possible to be a trans witch, since witchcraft is actually kind of a niche discipline that’s only starting to make its comeback. Most are currently from strong bloodlines and know what they’re going to be doing from childhood. But still, I managed to finagle a school into actually taking me on as a student! All I had to do was infodump at them to prove I had the knowhow, and wink that I would be a great diversity hire.

Frankie laughs and flicks my forehead softly, drawing me back to reality. “What are you going to do then, never come home again after you leave? You know, from everything you’ve said you’ll have gone through a lot more changes by then, ones you can’t hide so well.”

I giggle back and push him playfully away from me. “Sure I can! I’ll correspond only in long, wistful handwritten letters like it’s the civil war. You can have the dumb android read them out to you, and it’ll be like I’m really there.” I move around a bit, getting comfortable again. “You know what? I did over react, it’s fine. The android can just be your guys’ thing. Besides, I’ve got my own big present coming up soon, right?”

As if on cue I can hear the whirring and churning going on behind my door, as the thing opens it up and barges into my room uninvited. I’m starting to think I’ve been cursed to summon the stupid thing whenever I think about it. “Hello young masters. This unit has been sent here by mistress Donna to see if you would be needing anything. Is there anything this unit can do to help?”

I sigh and roll my eyes. “Yeah, get out of my room.” It stands there motionless, its dead face still unmoving. I throw my stuffed animal at it, whizzing over its shoulders and smacking my door behind it. “I said get out! What, you still can’t ‘understand my request’? Piss off!” I grab some random piddly thing off my dresser and toss it at the thing too, missing by a country mile.

Frank laughs and tosses some rolled up socks and hits it right in the chest - clearly all those sports gave him better aim. “Ants, come on! You didn’t say Simon Says.” 

I laugh and grab something else random off my desk. “Hey Robot! Fuck off!” It just turns its head to face me, dead eye to eye.

“Apologies, young master Anthony, this unit didn’t quite understand your request. Would you mi-” I huck the thing in my hand at it, and cheer at getting a bullseye directly in it’s stupid porcelain kisser! Joy that quickly turns to dread as I realize what I threw was a small, heavy, dense, fist-sized scrying orb. And what I had done was cause a spider web of cracks to appear all across its face, little pieces chipping off to the ground.

Oh no. Oh god. It’s not even here for a half hour and I broke the goddamned thing!