Chapter 81: Ch: 73 The Taco Bell Paradox

Ch: 73 Make Mine Supreme

The ducal residence of Wheatford stood on spacious, landscaped grounds, behind a stone wall just high enough to ensure privacy and security, without being a dick about it. The house was stone, local granite and limestone blocks, all neatly fitted with a roof of shiny blue tiles.

Garden beds prepared for an early spring steamed lightly in the sunshine. Dark soil and the aroma of fresh turned earth made him smile absently. “Axio must be really getting frisky by now…” He murmured softly.

 

Gary paused to remove his shoes at the door and grinned. “I feel weird wearing my boots inside.” He shrugged and stepped into purple and gold velvet slippers with curly toes that seemed to come from nowhere, the same place his boots went. 

Shai shrugged and did the same trick, with sensible shearling slippers. “I dinnae care at this point. Ye will do some mad thing I fear, just let me be here tae keep yer skull on yer shoulders.” 

 

They were greeted by a functionary at the common door, down the way from the main entrance. “Journeyman Shai, apprentice Ward. This way. Trade disputes are settled in the lower court and are called in order. Be prompt. Be concise.” 

Her speech was clipped and hard, as was her face. Iron gray hair in a severe bun, over furrowed brows and pale green eyes made a formidable, if not forbidding  aura. “Trade disputes are lowest priority, you may be required to return another day. Be grateful his grace hears these cases.” She sniffed disapprovingly as Tawny slipped into the room behind them .

 

“Mistress Shenko, these are my friends and companions, not wastrels found by the roadside…” Tawny began.

“Excuse me...” Gary coughed while wiggling his eyebrows up and down. Mistress Shenko was impressed by neither his wit nor facial mobility.

 

“They are not simply wastrels found by the roadside.” She continued with an exhausted sigh.

 

The older woman strode away without further comment, leaving them alone with Tawny in a small waiting room.

“Gary, this is important, try and focus. You cannot lie in this place, it will be detected. You may refuse to answer questions, but the duke’s voice may compel you to answer, if it is deemed necessary. Keep your answers simple and direct.”

Her earnest and steady gaze made him shift awkwardly. Shai joined the glaring contest and helped whither his soul to a crisp.

“Ok, I’ll play it straight. This clown nearly wet himself in the first act of the little play I had planned. I’ll be cool, the duke is a straight shooter. He won’t dick me over.”

#

 

“I can’t believe he dicked me over… ‘summary judgment for the plaintiff’, I never even said anything.” Gary griped at Tawny.

 

“You never said anything, that’s why it went so well.” She replied smugly sitting on the lounge in her quarters in the palace.

“Went well? We are shut down ‘pending investigation’, we can’t do anything at all.” He fumed, Shai looked calmly disappointed.

 

“You are absolutely not shut down. You can advertise, distribute samples, continue production and intake of materials. You just can’t sell any.” Tawny was smiling and beaming happily. 

 

“If you think that means we are gonna bury this town in free chocolate just because…” Shai was smiling and nodding now as well.

 

Gary began to smell a rat. “Tawny, spring festival, is it a boy meets girl kinda thing that gets the grannies all heated up and bothered about marrying people off?” They were smiling even more. 

“A big, giving girls gifts day, like flowers or clothes or if she’s really lucky… some chocolate?” The nods accelerated slightly. 

“Are you suggesting a good old fashioned influence campaign to make everyone’s life more interesting?” He paused to stroke his chin. 

“I do have some other irons in the fire, a worm to torture for answers, a dryad to tame, a crypt guardian who will want a visit before long…”

 “A wedding! Oh shit!” He bounced up and down in a frenzy. “We have a wedding to plan!” He began to scribble hurried notes on a pad while the women ignored him. 

 

“At least he is easily distracted. Khan and Luna must have made plans already, I’m sure.” Tawny lounged on her divan and poured the tea, while chatting amiably. 

“As my companions and members of my guild team, the duke was required by law to find against us in this matter, until an unbiased review can be conducted. As my father, he expressed a level of annoyance at master Angbold’s attitude.” She distributed petits fours, cups and delightful tiny sandwiches to the pair.

“It’s so nice to have you over for a change. Though the cooks and maids do the actual work… Odd, I never really thought about that before I met you Gary.” 

 

He still had his nose in a notepad scribbling away. “I’m a bad influence, you should avoid me in the future.” He said, distractedly. “Do you guys do wedding cakes here? The only wedding I ever went to here was Sophia and Khalid’s, they had their own thing going on I think.”

 

“Their tribe always pretends that the wedding is an absolute surprise. It’s very charming.” Tawny sipped her tea and nibbled, enjoying having Shai at least off her balance. “Are you well Shai, you seem quiet and pale.”

 

“I hae a difficult few days Tawny, tis nae matter.” She muttered, chomping a sandwich as though it had wronged her.

 

Gary sucked his teeth and grinned at her with a strange look in his eye. “We talked to a seer, she had some tough news, but it feels like things are going our way!” He was grinning and looking mad again. Manic and just a little wild. “The death card doesn’t always mean physical death, and death is only temporary, life is permanent!”

 

“I see what you mean Shai, let’s take a look, shall we? Come on, help me strip him. Something has gone off in him, best we make sure it’s all still there…” 

 

Shai supervised his redressing, as he goofed and clowned about in Tawny’s spacious sitting room. “Just that odd tattoo marking. Healer says it is something of Joy, Beast and Knowledge, that I should trust them to do him no harm.”

 

“Ducky would nae elaborate on what it be, save that it serves tae make him ‘more socially acceptable’ though he still is a lout and buffoon.” She kissed him fondly, as he finished wrapping his shirt. The poor boy got so distracted he dropped his jacket to the floor.

 

“Really, it feels like I just smoked a bowl and had some nachos… oohhh, nachos… wait… nachos!” He waved at the women and stampeded off, fluffy purple slippers swishing fiercely. “It was nachos all along!”

 

“I had best go catch him, tis no knowing what he may…” The smith began tiredly.

 

“Shai, stop. He will be fine. He is a nearly grown man with two tiny gods stuffed inside him, he is not an unsupervised child.” Tawny gave it a bit of her physician’s crisp instructional tone. “Tell me your troubles before you leave this room.”

 

“We did meet wi a seer, she did lay the cards fer us, she is…” Shai hesitated.

 

“Streeka? Yes she is troubling, though no more so than many others we have met.” Tawny mumbled.  “Go on. I know of her.”

 

“She did lay the cards, t’were much of death and endings, boding ill fer me an mine. I would guard him close.” She said with quiet ferocity.

 

“What did the seer say? She told the cards, did she not?” Tawny pressed on, sensing the heart of the matter.

 

“They did trade off speaking of the cards, t’was odd and frightening, talk of death an the endings of all things.” She faltered and stopped halfway through her thought.

 

Tawny spoke gently. “We all saw Axio, his new friend, and it terrified us. I am still shaken by the brief glimpse I had, it radiated an aura so alien and unclean, that I fled. What prolonged exposure to such a creature did to him I cannot say.” She  shuddered softly “Any more than I can say what prolonged exposure to him did to that dreadful creature.” She mulled that over for a while in silence.

 

“They did both say that the endless dance of death card were a sign of changes, nae the death of the flesh. That boy of mine, wi his platitudes. He do say; ‘death is temporary, only life is eternal’... Fie! Tis trash thinking. We live an we die, none kin…” She paused on that thought for a moment of frustration. “Well. Damn his bones!”

 

“He is vexing, Shai my dear, let’s go home. I wager he is in his workshop, making something silly or terrible. Perhaps both?”

#

 

He was not. They searched all over until finally Otho sniffed him out, in Plumeria’s garden chatting earnestly over a tea kettle. 

“You are a very strange creature, in many ways… Gary Ward.” She smiled and waved as a pale and distressed Shai drew near. “Your woman seems cross, you should pleasure her more.” Shai faltered in her approach, stumbling over her own toes. 

“Another color change! Humans certainly are dynamic.” The dryad cheered and clapped.

 

“Boy thou didst vex and worry me fiercely wi this hiding nonsense!” Shai fumed, dragging him off. 

 

“Later Plumeria! Thanks!” He stumbled along in her grip, happily chattering. “It wasn’t nachos at all, it was taco bell! That was the thing, we are at the triple stuffed cheesy baja gordita bel grande chalupa supreme stage now.”

 

“Boy I shall put thee in the bath and then we shall see about this nonsense! Bel grande chalupa, indeed!”

#

 

Baron Fallon sat his skinny behind in his plush chair, with a blanket over his boney knees and smiled at his young nephew. The lad was large, handsome, fit, square jawed and well spoken. Too bad he was also a complete idiot.

“Two ground dragons in the duchy, along with whatever happened to Evard village up north, these events have the villages on edge. You will begin  your patrol rides tomorrow. Pedro Nazar requested a transfer to Wheatford, I prevailed upon him to remain, as a personal favor to me. He will be your right hand.” The old baron pressed a thin, cold smile across his lips. 

“See to it that your left hand stays out of trouble, or you will find yourself sent back home, to farm what remains of your father’s estate.” The baron smiled slightly more warmly, that meant trouble.

“That orphan lives yet, reports are that he is some magical prodigy… or more likely, some noble’s secret bastard. I want information on him. Your former groom, Levin, transferred there, send a message to him. I want to know about that boy before the feast of Water.”

 

Brennan shifted awkwardly. “Levin was incompetent and a fool, I doubt he will be amenable to my advances.”

 

“Bribe him you idiot, he is a debt indenture to War. Tell him you will pay his family’s debts off if I am satisfied by his report. Gods above, you spent more than they owe on whores and drinking, just this last week.” The old man shook his head in frustration. 

“Ride the River Road, circle through Flintspire and ride back down the Ridge Road. Two easy weeks patrol and you will be in civilized territory throughout. A little spying and bribery in Wheatford should not set you behind schedule too much.” He waved a dismissive hand, sending the younger man on his way.

“Oh, Brennan, if you damage another horse, I will send you out afoot, with common troopers.” The old man sounded positively cheerful at the idea.

#

 

Becky and Shai were in the garden of the other place, while Gary talked with a white mantis creature at the gate. 

 

“I dunno Shai, you didn’t see him out there, he was pretty on edge, something is itching him inside. Until he went into that tomb…” She shrugged. “Ducky swears it won’t hurt him, it’s just a little bit of Joy and Beast’s power surging through his gifts.” 

 

“Tis a matter of what he may do, he hae not done aught yet…” She fretted and fussed while he chatted with an outsider, typical man.

 

“...you never figured out what those maskholes with the ziggurats wanted? What were they doing?” He pressed the predatory insect mercilessly.

 

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“They established an end of the world death cult, convincing many to believe the ending of our world was nigh. A minor nuisance that took much time to eradicate.” She chirped and clicked soberly.

“They caused some sorrow and grief before we eliminated them.” She clashed her armored forelimbs together with a soft clatter.

 

“You have been really helpful, Gritsckh. When I can manage it, you will get your safari. Let me work on my end a bit first, so I don’t pop like an overfilled waterskin.”

#

 

“I mislike treating wi outsiders so, it’s unnerving…” Shai murmured as they woke together, in their bed. “Dinnae sunder yer soul fer the wants of others boy. Thou art mine firstly.” She went on to prove that in detail, until first bell roused them.

#

 

At breakfast the musician was far less agitated. 

“Liam, can you get Otho and Amicus over here this afternoon? I’ll rustle up Paul and Harlan, if we could get Naiomi of Healer, that would help too.” He grinned lopsided and crazed. 

“It’s time to peek behind the curtain and see if we can spot the person pulling the strings.”

 

“Priestess Naiomi is very busy, but I will ask. This had best not be some foolish prank Gary.” Tawny had a suspicious look on her brows.

 

“There’s a trick in play, but it’s none of mine. You are going to hate it, but once we spot the gimmick, the whole gag should start falling apart.” His mad and happy smile was not at all soothing.

#

 

Without preamble, a trio of children rolled up to a small tree in the market square, they hopped from their wheelie boards and got to work. 

Within a few minutes the tree was festooned in brightly colored twists of paper. The children skated on, while the onlookers closed in on the tree hungrily.

The lads doffed their green caps as they rolled away. “Courtesy of the sweet tooth guild…” They sang.

#

 

In the tax office, Paul was getting an earful.

“My own inn provided a small sampling of their counterfeit wares this very afternoon, they claimed they were a gift to every inn resident in Wheatford!” Angbold shouted. “Outrageous! The temerity!”

 

“So now you have your samples of their alleged counterfeit wares. Will you submit them for evidence?” Paul asked mildly.

 

“They were… destroyed… yes. I must acquire more.” Angbold flushed red, as though at some memory of pleasure and smiled.

 

“That will be challenging. You, yourself brought suit to curtail their trade. Now their works appear and disappear without warning… there they go again.” As he spoke a pair of board riders whizzed by, dropping samples into the baskets of surprised and happy shoppers.

 

“Stop them! They can’t do that!” The merchant bellowed at the window, while the green capped orphans scooted away, laughing.

 

“They can do that. If you shout in my office once more, I will personally toss you in the river.” That brought the merchant up cold. 

“I don’t know how things are run in Port Clement, here in Wheatford things remain civil, or I correct the issue… definitively.” He smiled in a way that suggested a certain eagerness to ‘correct the issue’.

 

An hour later, when Gary sauntered in and invited Paul for afternoon tea it was barely suspicious at all. “We are having a few notables over to discuss some ideas.”

 

“I had plans this afternoon, though… may my wife join us? She has expressed some interest in your activities. Adele is an aspiring enchanter and mage of some renown.” Paul smiled hopefully. “She is also enthusiastic about chocolate and what I have told her of your baths.”

 

“Bring her by, tonight could get a little weird though. You guys may get answers to questions you would never ask. You will absolutely learn some terrifying things.” The boy’s grin was not reassuring.

 

“Well, now I couldn’t keep her away. She is a mage Gary, they live for terrifying revelations.”

#

 

In the common room he had a sampling of his latest brewing and distilling experiments lined up. Khan, Luna, Naiomi and Otho were watching Harlan sample the dangerous concoctions. 

“Och, summat be tasty indeed, dangerously so. This honey brew might pose a danger tae civic order.” He smacked his lips happily. “Oh, it burns long and sweet!”

He shoved some of the small jugs aside with a grimace. From others he poured tiny jiggers for the watching elders and clergy.

 

“It is very sweet, and spicy too! What of this apple concoction? Naiomi asked, sipping a slightly cloudy amber liquid.

 

“That’s a family recipe, homemade apple brandy. My grandpa made a bottle of that every winter, drove my mom crazy.” He grinned a sad silly smile and shook his head. “It’s freeze distilled, so if you drink a lot, it will leave a hangover that might be fatal, if you’re lucky... Tasty though.” 

He straightened up and smiled at the gathered friends. “I have a few questions for you guys so lemme just wander the back woods of my mind for a while, you guys sample away. Shai and Ivy have some food coming… not groundworm!” 

That was met with mild applause, everybody in town was running out of enthusiasm for cheap and tasty worm meat.

 

“Khan, buddy, when we first met…” Gary began. “you wanted to bond me to Order to ‘tame my madness’ or some such nonsense. Is that how you deal with the mentally different here? The neurodivergent or different kids get bound to Order?”

The older man shifted awkwardly. “We do not discuss such matters generally, but yes. The mentally deficient are contracted to a god or spirit that can aid them at a young age. We do the same for the physically infirm.” A number of nods bounced around the room, even from Ivy, carrying a tray beside Shai.

 

“I was bound to Joy for my heart condition, some gods will only Contract with children to heal or assist with health problems.” She said, passing out chicken tacos and refried beans with spicy rice.

“The menu is from out of town gang, way out of town.” She winked her dazzling blue eye at the members of the group that were in the know.

 

“Healer, Joy, now Knowledge and all the spirits save Beast, will not Contract any child under fifteen, save to preserve that child’s mind or body.” Tawny said firmly.

“Yes Gary, I was Contracted to Healer early, I have a condition related to diet and body metabolism, Healer regulates one of my organs for me.” She smiled gently at her friend.

 

“So what happens to kids that are violent, unpredictable or otherwise unmanageable?” He asked the crowd at large. 

 

Paul sat near the kitchen with a small dark haired woman with piercing dark eyes. 

“Neurodivergent… an interesting term. Those with different minds must be handled differently, they are taken to the capital to be fostered in a more controlled setting” She said firmly, in a smooth mellow voice of authority.

“This is my primary area of study, precisely why I was so eager to meet with you, young man.” She shot Paul a glare that was only partially an act. 

“Paul thought I should stay away, lest you vanish into the wastes as so many do, when faced with the unknown.”

 

“Well Paul is a smart guy Adele, I’m invested here now, you guys are stuck with me till I’m done with you. So, off to the capital the troublesome kids go, what about kids with weird and wacky gifts like mine?”

 

“Orphans with unusual gifts are typically fostered with clergy or nobles capable of instructing and training such children or who can utilize those gifts for the public benefit.” Paul announced confidently. “Though Otho resists all such fosterage requests.”

 

“Rightly so!” Otho sang from his seat in the center of the room. “My children are not tools to be shipped about and used.” He reflected  for a moment. 

“There are few children with gifts as odd or potent as yours boy, I only remember one, a foundling as well. A lad of five with the most unusual gift for manipulating light and shadow…” Otho trailed off, lost in memory.

“You remind me of Arthur, about a hundred years ago… he was taken to the capital for fosterage because his gifts were so…” The old man went slightly pale under his tan. 

“What are you suggesting Gary? This is a very dark idea…” Otho was having a bad time, so the musician shifted focus, letting that brew.

 

“A friend of ours told me a story, the story of how human beings came to this place to begin with. There is a lot to unpack there and I can’t confirm its accuracy, but she got me thinking…”

 

Becky and Liam were trotting out of the kitchen with trays now. They scattered mini burritos with chips and salsa around the room, to muttered appreciation.

“Her story was very strange and unique, but it rhymed with some other things I have been told since I got here.” The boy was looking over the feasting elders happily.

“Save room, there are more courses coming…”

 

Nachos landed next, melted cheese, grilled chicken and refried beans with salsa.

“This is all very nice boy… but your menu is as repetitive as your questions.” Naiomi quipped from her place beside Otho. “This is the same few ingredients reordered again and again.”

 

Gary clapped and hopped up and down happily. “Yessssss! Nailed it!” He cheered and bounced madly for a minute, ending on a knee wobbling half squatting dance with whooping and arm waving. When he settled down, after shooting off his finger guns in celebration, he continued.

“It’s the taco bell conundrum. If you only have a few tools to work with you have to get creative. Someone has been playing a very long game for a very long time.” He winked at the room and hopped up onto a stool at the bar with his guitar.

 

As notes scattered through the room, he began playing snippets of local favorites, choosing pieces that shared a time signature or chord progression.

“When you have to make it work with limited tools, you get creative with how you use them. Like music, we  re-use phrases and beats, drawing from the well of things we know work.” He continued to illustrate his point musically.

 

“Is there a point to your maunderings?” Naiomi asked sharply. “A fine meal is one thing, but you seem to have a point you are dancing around boy.”

 

“A point indeed. I have some unusual perspectives on reality, not because I'm special or anything. I got a bit of a peek behind the curtain, just cause I’m weird as hell. I met some interesting people from some pretty far away places and heard some interesting stories.” He shrugged and hopped onto his feet.

“We have more guests arriving I guess, let's wait for them to get settled before I start my dissertation on the taco bell paradox.” 

 

The duchess strolled in with a genteel wave, accompanied by a short, burly blonde man in workman’s clothes, an eyepatch and a false mustache. 

“I heard there was a meeting going on, my invitation seems to have been misdirected.” Her smile was thin, and even thinner when she set her eyes on Tawny and Naiomi. “Daughter, great grandmother…”

 

“I’m your great great great great grandmother girl, remember it well.” Naiomi snapped. “If your input was needed I would have summoned you. Since you have decided to… insert yourselves, do sit down and be quiet.” 

A boney finger jutted out at the thinly disguised duke. “You too Leo, sit down and be quiet, that mustache is a travesty!” 

 

 

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