Chapter 35: Identity crisis.

"Won't you reconsider?" Anakin asked, leading me out of the senate.

"No. I won't." I said.

"Fine then." Anakin sighed, slowling down his pace to match mine.

"Do you really have something to wear for tomorrow?" He asked, concerned.

"Nah." I said nonchalantly, "I won't need it."

"Why?" He asked.

"You'll see." I said, a cheeky grin on my face.

"Don't do anything too illegal." Anakin said, with an understanding smile.

"Gotcha. Now could you take me tot he jedi temple? I want pay my last respects to master Luminara." I lied.

"And you can meet master Mundi?" He poked my side.

"Maybe.... " I said, whistling.

Of course that wasn't the whole reason. I was going meet a lot more than master Mundi.

Anakin sighed.

"Are you serious about this? Master Mundi won't just give you the lightsaber."

"That's...fine. I won't push too hard." I assured him, "If he doesn't want to, that's understandable. I'll respect his wishes."

Then with a sombre tone, I continued.

"Besides, I really do want to attend the funeral. It is the least I could do. I was there that day after all. I failed to protect her too. And I let slip Ventress, beyond my grasp."

"I heard." He said, patting my back, "And I'm sure Offee doesn't blame you. There was nothing you could have done."

"I .... Thank you, Anakin." I said, and we fell into an awkward silence, him leading the way to the jedi temple.

In the meantime, I went through the rest of the data I downloaded from Palpatine's office.

As I scoured through the vast matrix, one document caught my eye. It had an odd connection, a waypoint between multiple nodes of interest, military expenses and internal security, clones and jedi.

Then I saw it's name again and it clicked.

Protocol_66.ifl

The file.

The one I had hoped to gain control of.

The key to activating Order 66, to eliminate the jedi.

Bingo!

I screamed internally with joy, and opened the file posthaste.

Line by line I went through it. Checking the code, all possible ways to access it's authorities, checking for each transmission station where it would be output.

And then, I found something else of interest. The means by which the order would be executed.

And the knowledge shook me to my core.

Order 66 was executed via brain chips installed in them during their training.

It was so simple. And yet, I hadn't bothered to look it up.

Why didn't I realise this sooner?

I didn't need to do this. I never needed to do this. None of this.

I could have taken control of them, won the war and installed a puppet emperor.

Then I could have peacefully fleeced the galaxy of all the resources I needed and I would have been out. And no one would have needed to die.

And yet they had. So many.

All of my plans, all of this scheming.

All this effort wasted by my foolishness, by my laziness.

If I had kept my power active at all times, checked each and every being, man and machine, if I had so much as reached out my hand to the clones, it would have been obvious.

I would have left for another world by now, and none would be the wiser.

What did I spend my time on all this time?

So much time wasted.

So much time wasted.

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

I berated myself.

Just then, I felt a tap on my shoudler, and raised my head to take in my surroundings.

Unknown to me, we had arrived at the funerary chamber.

There before me, stood Offee, Ahsoka by her side, holding her hand, comforting her.

I took a step forward, my hand held towards her, when Offee turned to face me.

And her eyes, broken and dark, bore into my very soul.

She was crying silent tears, and none showed on her face.

But I could feel them in her gaze.

And it bit and tore at me.

I felt a pit in my stomach, and a deep sinking feeling washed over me.

I had done this.

I had broken her, poor little Offee.

Taken her master, her parent away from her.

Like a monster.

For no benefit to me.

The recent revelations only made it more certain.

I didn't need to do this.

I could have gotten what I wanted, without hurting anyone.

If I had bothered...

If I had bothered.....

Before I knew it, my feet were taking me away, and I was running. Running away.

I don't remember how long it had been, but soon, I assume, I found myself in a bar.

A drink in hand, chugging away.

I drank and I drank until the bartender threw me out.

I kicked at his door.

Why did I do that?

I didn't know whether I was talking about the door or ...

No. I muttered.

No.

Don't you dare! I shouted, as much to the bartender as to myself.

Only I didn't know it then.

I pulled out my portal gun and walked into the alley behind it, breaking into his store.

Grabbing the largest bottle, I left as quickly as I had come.

Next, I found myself on a roof. What roof I didn't know, but it had a view of a busy road below.

A highway by the looks of it. A gentle rain had begun to descend upon the city, and the sky had turned dark.

But I drank.

Soaked and shocked.

I drank.

I had done this.

And I got nothing from it.

It was...it was...

A laugh broke out from my lips.

Why?

Why am I like this?

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I took another swig.

My throat burned from the high alcohol content.

But I didn't care. I just wanted to stop it. This horrible feeling.

I didn't want to be myself right now.

Is this what Rick felt like?

Like some sort of fucked up god? Messing around with people's lives, because he couldn't be bothered to do it right?

Heh.

Hehehehehehhehehe.

I laughed, because it was all I could do not to crumble into myself.

I promised myself when I started this.

I would be better.

My stomach churned, and I doubled over, retching out my guts off the side of the roof.

"Aaukha!" I groaned, my elbows giving way, as I fell to my side into a puddle of rainwater.

My head lolled to the side and out of the corner of my eye, I spotted my reflection.

And I saw hair of silver and blue, haggard and clumped.

The vomit dripping off the edge of my mouth.

And I saw a face not my own.

Rick!

"Hwa!" I cried, and jumped to my feet, looking behind me.

No one.

And I looked back into the puddle.

It was my own reflection.

In anger I swiped at it, splashing the water away.

"No!" I cried.

"I'm not Rick! I'm nothing like Rick!"

I took another swig, of the bottle, only to find it empty.

"Fucking useless, piece of shit!"

I threw the bottle to the floor, shattering it in the puddle, as a shard bounced off the floor, cutting open a wound on my thumb.

The pain now sobered me up.

I looked at my reflection in the puddle again.

My hair was black, like it had been, but now it was ragged and rough.

There was dribble of spew at the edge of my mouth, my eyes, bagged and bloodshot.

And I laughed again.

Because my pride wouldn't let me cry.

I had failed.

I had failed myself.

I was selfish and cruel and greedy and pragmatic.

I was ready to commit the most horrible acts if need be, if they benefited me.

But I wasn't evil. I didn't take pleasure in hurting others for no reason. It was just a waste of time.

If I could get what I wanted without hurting anyone, I would choose that path, 10 times out of 10.

And I hated losing. Failing. Even more, that I had failed myself.

I promised myself, I was going to better. Better than this. Better than Rick.

I know the multiverse can be demanding, and that only those who are willing to do anything for power survive.

But that didn't mean I had to choose the worst option all the time.

I wasn't going to be some callous demon, just ruining the lives of others for the hell of it, just because I could.

And yet here I was. Just the same. All the same.

I gripped my hand tight, the wound on my thumb letting off searing waves of pain, the only thing keeping me sane.

And I decided.

I can still make this right.

I can still make it up to her. And to myself.

With my resolve steeled, I got back up on my feet, stumbling and shaking.

I had work to do.

If I'm going to feel sorry about it now, might as well commit to it.

It's too late to back out of my plan now.

Shame it had to be this way but....it will have to do.

I'll be manipulative to the end.

But I can ease Offee's suffering a bit.

It's the least I can do.

Hours later, I stumbled into Offee's room, one hand behind my back.

Ahsoka was there too, keeping her company.

How kind of her. I thought.

You are a good kid, Ahsoka.

Maybe, I won't kill you and your master, even after you've fulfilled your purpose.

I stepped forward, bringing forth my hidden hand, holding another hand.

A mechanical one.

I stumbled again, drunk halfway to death, and caught my balance on her bedframe.

I looked up at them, and they stared back curious.

They were saying something, something I could hear only faintly.

Then I realized. My ears were still jammed with water from the puddle.

I poked in a finger and wriggled it around, popping the water bubble, as sounds started to become clearer.

"...stink!" Ahsoka said.

"Uh...sorry?" I replied, dragging myself to a chair by her bedside, before I dropped the hand on Offee's lap.

"You....uh...lost your hand, so here!" I said, pointing at it.

Offee looked at me confused.

"This..." She said, trying to find words but failing.

"It's not stolen or...uh....anything. It's brand new. I made it just today. Top of the line. Laser cannon in the palm, extendable fingers, and even a small rechargeable shield on the forearm. I know that maybe you won't like it having weapons, given how the war took your master from you, but ...I would rather you be safe and hate me than dead." I said, manipulating her view of the war.

Committing to the end, baby. I've already wrecked her life, might as well use her to the fullest.

"And the feedback, oh you'll love it. The feedback on this is...just out of this world." I continued.

"Feels like the real thing. Almost as if you never...." I looked at her stump and held my words.

"Thank you." She said, softly, tears pooling in her eyes.

"No...no...you don't need to thank...me.

I just, I ... I'm sorry." I said, my eyes drooping, "I shouldn't have....I should have done ....I should have stopped her. I was there and I .... I'm sorry, Offee. I didn't mean to....but your master, I should have protected her.... pro..you..."

My concious began to slip as I lay my head on the rest of the chair.

"Are you okay?" Ahsoka asked, concerned.

"Yeah! Yeah. Totally.

Just try it on. Go on. Give it a whirl!

And I'll.. I'll just uh.... I'm not sleeping. I'm ... I'm just resting my eyes a bit. So don't worry. I'm here. I'm sor-"

Then my consciousness slipped and sleep took me, ending the day.

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