Chapter 54: Search for love

I notice another person peeping towards Shina and I making out each other. This person is the second person that is watching both Shina and Me.

Is it possible that Shina and Me is fated to be watched by others? That's fucked up, It's okay if it's just women but spare me from men okay. 

Else I would not hesitate to kill that guy. 

Anway, that Angel is perving the both us. I already notice her earlier but I didn't call out. I wanted to see what she wanted to do. 

But time passes, The angel only look us with serious face.

Is she angry? We should stop now or else we would be kicked out. 

I still want to read books. 

I broke the kiss as Shina look at me with intoxicated look. I kissed her forehead and sweetly whispered.

"Sleep well okay baby."

Shina reluctanly nodded as she replied."Come back soon okay."

I nodded as I brush the side of her ear. As I give her one last kiss on her cheek.

I stood up and walk towards the stairs leading to the upperfloor, I did not take the path where the angel is hiding. I took another path.

Shina laid on the sofa as she close her eyes silently as a sweet smile appeared on her face. Shina felt her heart is relieved and fluttered with pleasant emotions.

Shina could not believe herself that her forbidden love towards the person she could not have in the past is fulfilled now. She felt incredible. 

*Flashback*

Her mother discovered her forbidden love for her uncle that she desperately hid from anyone. She expected her mother to scold her and would prevent her from visiting her uncle to the hospital. She was scared, She got scared because she did not want to leave her uncle for a long time. She wanted to be at his side everyday, the weekly visit she could have is hardly enough to comfort her heart. Her mother learning her secret is the least she wanted to happen.

She thought she would be away from her uncle for many days or even a month or maybe a year. Worse cannot him again. But, her expectation did not happen, because she learned something incredible and made her shock. 

Her mother confessed to her, Her mother had a secret relationship with uncle. Her mother told Shina how her uncle and her mother had a relationship from the start. She listened curiously, She also felt very envious when she heard the story. 

Shina also asked why her mother cheated her father, but the answer made Shina angry to her father. Her father blatantly cheated on her mother from the start. Her mother did not say anything, She even knew the elders wanted her father to be banish from the family. Hearing that made her stunned.

But she became annoyed to her mother, because instead of agreeing with the elders her mother plead to spare her father. 

She asked why her mother spared that shitty asshole. She even learned that her father brought another woman in her mother's household. Shina was so angered, She even forget how she cried back then when her father died. Learning how her father was an ass made her change, She did not visit the grave for many years, She was a bit childish back then. When she entered middle school she learned how blood is thicker than water.

Although reluctant, Shina would pay a visit to her asshole father's grave. As for the woman her father brought, that woman thought she could have a property from her father but that woman did not get a single penny. Because, Her mother owns everything, her father was only lazy ass who only wants to lay around.

Shina couldn't forget how that woman face turn twisted. 

Her mother told her everything. Her mother also cheated her husband as act for revenge. But, she didn't thought that cheating thing became a serious love. Her mother was already stolen from her uncle, from both heart and body. Shina was already envious learning that.

Her mother did not get angry to her from loving her uncle instead cheered for her. Shina asked why she is not angry? 

That's because, her mother thought it would be selfish of her to make shido her's. Her mother also said something shock her, Her uncle doesn't only have a relationship with her mother but also with others.

Shina asked why is she still with her uncle even knowing he already have so many relationship. Her mother's answer silence her.

'I know I'm being naive and hypocrite, My heart was already stolen from your uncle....I can't stop my heart deom loving him despite knowing he had another women.'That is what her mother said.

Shina was silent at that time. She would still visit her uncle weekly in the hospital, but she heart was still in turmoil back then. She did not know what is her feelings for uncle anymore. Did she still love him or is it her love fades upon hearing her uncle did not only belong to one woman but many. She kept thinking about it.

One day, She realized how fickle her love for her uncle. She thought her love was just a spur for a moment. She realise her love for her uncle is weak and not a real love but just an admiration. She cursed herself, she scolded herself inside her mind.

'Is my love is that weak that it can be destroyed any moment! Then I'm just being weak, I don't deserve to be love if my love is so weak and fickle!'

She asked someone from older generations what's love is. She heard many answers and there are many different love and some are the same. She learned that a real love cannot be decribed by words but through the heart.

One wouldn't know when their soul mate would appear, One could not know when love appears. Some would take long to realise and some would appear out of nowhere. One would not know how to find love, Love is a very mysterious emotions for all living creatures.

Shina keep thnking what her love really is. She kept thinking all over again and again. She could not find the answer. She felt empty. 

Although, She could not find the answer for her love. Every week she would visit her uncle, Yes... Shina visits her uncle every week, no absence.

Until her mother told her the answer she was looking for.

"Shina, What's wrong?"Sona asked curiously. Her daughter's behaviour changed lately after she told her love for shido.

"Nothing."Shina answered low-spiritedly.

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"No it is not nothing, You are hiding something. Tell me okay."Sona said.

"I-I just...."She shook her head."No forget it'"

"No, shina my dear, tell mother about it."Sona felt shina is hiding something from her. So she said firmly.

Shina hesitated."M-Mother, I don't know what I'm feeling."

"About what?" Sona asked worredly.

"I-It's about my heart."Shina looked down.

"Are you sick! You have illness!"Sona grab her daughter's shoulder as she worriedly look at her. Her eyes is tears up.

Shina thinks her mother misundertood her.

"No I'm not sick. I-I mean my love. I don't know what is it anymore."Shina stopped her mother.

Upon hearing her daughter is okay she patted her chest. But upon hearing the latter part, Sona felt bit conclicted. She knew her daughter love her brother who is also her lover.

"What happened?"Sona seriousy asked.

"You know mother, I felt like my love for uncle is false. When I heard his heart not only belongs to one woman but many, I felt my love is fading. I didn't know anymore what I am feeling."Shina confessed.

Sona who heard sighed. She smiled wryly, This clueless daughters of her tends to overthink. 

"Shina closed your eyes for me."Sona said.

Shina didn't know what her mother is trying to do but she followed her. Closing her eyes, She saw darkness.

"Imagine yourself seeing a delicious looking raspberry cake in front of you."Sona said.

Shina imagined the cake, It's her favorite cake. She really loves the cake even dying to get the limited special raspberry cake. She smiled imganing it.

"The raspberry cake is limited, and only one is remaining. It's your turn next. What are you feeling?"Sona calmly asked.

"Excited and cannot wait to get it!"Shina replied with an excited voice. 

Sona smiled but then it became serious."But, You got a phone call. Will you answer it?"

"Eh?...I won't!"Shina said. The limited special raspberry is just in front of her why would she pick up the call and miss the last one.

"It's an emergeny call. Would you pick it up?"Sona said.

"Hmm, I will reluctantly answer it."Shina honestly replied. She imagined herself answering the call as she waited the caller to talk. But the words her mother said shocked her, Her heart stopped beating for a moment. Her excitement for the rasberry cake disappeared. She felt pain in her heart.

"Then the caller said 'Shina your uncle passed away'"Sona's cold voice resouded to Shina's ears.

The words felt like a bomb exploded, She could not answer anything. Because she was imagining all of it happening inside her mind, for her it feels like real. The pain in her heart is so aggravating. She clenched her teeth as tears flows out from her eyes.

Her emotion exploded, She panicked inside her mind. The words was just too real. She hug her body as it was shaking.

Sona hugged her daughter. "Shina open your eyes."

Shina open her eyes as her mother said, She hugged her mother tightly as she cried in her chest. She cried and cried, She knew it was not real but it was just too much for her to bear.

Sona patted her daughters back as she comforted her. As she whispered."Shina, it hurts right?"

Shina nodded after a while of crying, she calmed down a little but her heart still feel the pain.

"Then do you want to find the answer for your love?"Sona asked softly.

Shina shake her head, did not reply her mother buth only hug her silently and tightly.

Sona smiled sweetly but sighed inside as she thought 'shido-kun, you are really loved huh.'

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