Chapter 64: Chapter 59 – Heart and Mind

 

The warm sea wind brushed their skin. The two women sat across from each other.

Violet sighed. She lightly shook her head, dismissing Griscent’s opinion of her. “Look, I can’t help Slade. I’m a washed up hag that achieved nothing for the past century.”

Griscent stared at Violet. “That’s not what I’m seeing.”

What do you know about me anyway? Violet groaned. Did she have to explain how bad of a failure she was?

 “I’ve been sleeping and drinking my life away at Lorely’s expense. Without her unwavering support, I would have died in a ditch a long time ago.”

She leaned back in her chair, utterly uninterested in arguing with Griscent. Her sole purpose was to fix Slade and she would leave if the Evil Eye had nothing to add.

 “So, do you know how to fix Slade?”

 “I have accepted my nature as Beholder, but the instincts ruling me are so deeply different from humans that I cannot support Slade. I thought he accepted his desires, but he only acknowledged that he shouldn’t run away from them. He doesn’t know what to do with them.”

 “So the answer is ‘no’. Fine.” She slammed the glass table with both hands to stand up.

As an Evil Eye, Griscent used to yearn for the last stage of evolution. It was the ultimate dream, a blissful paradise from which she never wanted to wake up. Alas, she could only taste a glimpse, just enough to rekindle her desire and torture her soul.

In comparison, reality was such a dreary world that she agonized upon waking up. She would grieve for days, pondering whether she should kill herself. But in the end, she would always resume her mad conquest, putting herself at the fringe of safe territories to plant new pillars.

Slade shattered the ceiling that haunted her, bringing the dawnbreak of her new life. He became her light.

In such circumstances, Griscent was the least qualified person to help Slade. She needed help as badly as him.

Griscent faced Violet alone, seeking the answers only she could know. The Evil Eye would put her life on the line to receive Violet’s secrets of the Heart...

I will keep you here, no matter the cost!

Tentacles wriggled from underneath the table. They rushed towards Violet.

The warlock jumped in surprise, feeling threatened and ready to fight. “What are- huh?”

Griscent’s appendage brought a glass and bottles sloshing with fragrant liquid.

God, where are they coming from? Violet cringed after peeking underneath the table.

The tentacles stirred a cocktail and left it right in front of Violet.

She looked suspiciously at the mint leaves and lime swirling in the glass.

 “This is an alcoholic beverage from Slade’s world. A mojito. Please enjoy.”

 Violet took a sip from the sweet drink. “Uh… Ok, not bad.”

 “No matter what kind of trash you were in the past, you are currently doing fine. That is precisely the reason you are the fittest person to help Slade. You must have reached some sort of answer from your extensive life experience.”

 “Me? Doing fine? Are you talking about my sovereign title? I didn’t even get it from my own efforts. It has only been a few months since they gave it back. It was merely a product of luck.”

She slammed her glass on the table. “Shit! All I want is a nice fucking night of dicks, pussies and alcohol! What lies am I supposed to tell him? Go with the flow and wait for luck to fall in your laps?”

Violet got off from her chair. “I have no time to waste here. I’m leaving.”

Oh no, you don’t. A tentacle brought a book to the table.

The warlock froze to take a peek at it. “What are those outrageous pictures?”

 “It’s Slade’s favorite collection.”

“What!? It’s awful!” Violet blushed, imagining herself in the place of the heroines featured in the hentai book. She memorized the style of clothes and behavior for future reference.

After stalling the sovereign, Griscent seized the chance to leave her seat and prostrate herself to Violet.

 “I beg you, Lady Violet. The answer lies within your wisdom. The culmination of your countless years of suffering, struggle and pain can guide us. There is no one but you to save him.”

Violet put the book down, feeling Griscent’s sincerity. “Of course, I want to save him if I can… But I don’t have wisdom or anything.”

 “You’ve been able to move forward. You rescued your rooks, revived my beholders, and delivered a wonderful speech at the inauguration. What gave you the strength to carry on? To wake up every day? To prepare that speech?”

Violet nodded. Funny, I thought I would knock myself out on liquor tonight but my feet ended up carrying me to his room.

Those choices became expressions of her identity, and her sloth couldn’t muffle it. Perhaps there was something valuable to learn from her life.

Pushed by Griscent’s faith, Violet finally faced her unpleasant past with seriousness to save Slade’s ego.

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She walked to the rail of the cruise ship, staring at the horizon. She muttered, wandering in her own thoughts.

After allowing a moment of privacy, Griscent carefully walked next to Violet. She was too curious to leave her alone. She was unprepared for the sight of the tears flowing down Violet’s distorted face.

Violet smiled bitterly. “Did you know? Our mana-storing organ is immune to spells itself. It is a fatal weak point that never heals, no matter how many Cure spells are cast. Resurrection can reconstruct a mana center, but only in the state before death without extending its life expectancy.”

Griscent nodded.

 “Time marches on, unimpeded by the miracles of magic. Human organs break down around 150 years of service, and I managed to squander 140 years of my life.”

 “Is that the reason you struggled rather than idling in comfort? Because you are running out of time? Are you desperate to leave something behind?”

 “That’s right. On the surface, I wanted to give up since the end was so close. It looked easier to drown my regrets and let them disappear along with my fading life.”

 “But you didn’t completely give up on life. You summoned Slade.”

Violet nodded. “My mind gave up, but my heart did not. I had to repay Lorely before I left. Who cares about the boring management work? I would leave behind my own elemental spirit so that she could remember me. And so I put all my efforts into research.”

A rechargeable slime came out of it. It would clean up after all her bird crap, too.

“I forced myself to do my best for the sake of the Shadowlord, but I ran out of fucks. I still feel guilty about it, and I’m sorry for Milia and Shaki… But I’ve started to do whatever felt right, because I’ll die soon.” She laughed, unfettered of responsibilities.

She wanted to contribute to her faction and be acknowledged and loved by her peers. Failing to do so was her greatest shame and insecurity.

“After making Slade, new possibilities popped up. And now, I feel really pressed by Time chasing after hope.” She rubbed her belly, grinning.

 “I see… so it was hope.”

Disappointed, Griscent looked at the sky. It used to be blocked by a symbolic Pillar of Eye. Chasing after that illusion no longer provided fulfillment.

 “To me, hope is just a mirage.”

Violet tilted her head. “Hm… A mirage, right. Of course, hope isn’t entirely the answer.”

Her fingers tightened around the rail. “I wasted all my life trying to serve the Shadowlord until I burnt out. No matter how many missions I completed, there was always a new one waiting for me. The only thing left at the end of the road was the emptiness left by vanishing mirages that drifted ever further away.”

Violet was the only one struggling, so she pressed on, chasing after the backs of her peers.

 “Hopes are all empty dreams. We’re always told that we’ll find happiness in the future. But the mirage keeps shifting away. The final reward alone can’t redeem all the suffering we go through.” She slouched, plopping her chin on the rail.

Griscent nodded.

 “Instead, the answer might lie in the path taken to reach the goal itself. You’ve got to contribute in the way you like; in the way you can be you. I feel like I’ve been able to express my identity through my actions lately, and I didn’t even think about comfort. Look, I was about to drink myself to sleep, and I ended up making love with Slade tonight, hehe.”

“The road outweighs both comfort and goal?” Griscent’s eyes widened. Violet’s insight blew her mind open, exposing her heart with a delightful clarity.

She leaned on the rail in dizziness. Her world shattered to remake itself, adding a new puzzle piece to the mystery of the heart. Her mind rewound her past, scrutinizing it under a new light.

Slade almost gave in to Griscent’s harem. Just like Violet, he had pursued a thorny path that left nothing but bruises on his heart. He had lost faith in everything. Without a path to pursue, he would readily accept the endless pleasure.

Unexpectedly, his young self infused him with the faith that there was a future to believe in. A new road opened for Slade, and he took it. Each step was enjoyable, because he expressed his identity and belief.

In the end, the comfort she offered him was hollow compared to the freedom and autonomy to take the road he loved. He didn’t care about the goal of taking over the Dungeon if the distasteful road meant betraying his kind sovereign.

She admired him for it. She strove to do the same, but she couldn’t see herself succeed until listening to Violet.

There was something almost mechanical to the trajectory of Fate. Pain, pleasure, and hope provided the ever-shifting ground upon which the mind walked. Stagnation haunted the Living with craving and boredom to fuel action. Hope provided a direction. And pleasure rewarded the steps taken towards it.

Each individual had their own sensibility towards the path they were supposed to follow. True, some Evil Eyes enjoyed killing and conquering. But Griscent would rather build knowledge and broaden the intellectual wealth of her species. She enjoyed living in a place where she wasn’t just a tool, but the custodian of freedom and knowledge, researching ways towards everyone’s well being.

It was the same for Violet. She forced herself into a road that didn’t fit her until she was stuck in a limbo of empty pleasure. The urgency of her mortality merely allowed her to take a new path without fearing consequences. At last, she had blossomed before the end.

The last doubts lingering in Griscent’s mind were dispelled. The Pillar of Eye won’t haunt her anymore. She would never betray her allies for the sake of that misguiding hope.

“Thank you, Violet. Thank you so much.” She smiled, her heart fluttered with the unwavering faith that she could find happiness by being herself.

 

 

 

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