Chapter 1: CH 1

Boyfriend and Friend

If there was such a thing as the ‘peak of life’ for me, it definitely came a few hours after my junior high school graduation ceremony was over.

On that day, I confessed my feelings to the person I had been crushing on for almost two years then, and I received a good response. My mother was worried when she saw me grinning all the time at home. My sister, who tried to consult me, came into my room with a tearful look on her face, asking me in a whisper, “Did something painful happen to you?”

I had been without a girlfriend my whole life, but now finally, I got one. I expected my school life to be rosy since we were both going to the same high school.

However, within a few days of entering school, I began to realize that things were not so easy.

Even though we were in the same class, I hadn’t been able to talk to her much, even on social media.

So, for the first time in a long time, I was fidgety and restless when I saw an incoming message on my phone this morning.

“Can you come to our class early today? There’s something I need to talk to you about at school. Is there a discreet place we can go to talk?”

A discreet place… In the end, I couldn’t think of any as I had just entered the school. So, I stood at the end of the stairs leading to the rooftop that she suggested.

As it turned out, it was a place where we could be together inconspicuously as long as we were careful enough not to let our voices echo. My heart began to beat rapidly after realizing that my girlfriend wanted to use this kind of place to talk privately.

“Sorry about this morning. I’m glad you noticed my message. I know it’s been a while since we’ve talked.”

“No, it’s totally fine…”

The super gorgeous girl who stood in front of me, with her incredibly silky hair tied as a side ponytail, was my girlfriend.

It still didn’t feel real to me, and I had been feeling uncharacteristically anxious ever since I got there.

I didn’t know what that was, that restlessness.  I lived a life where wrong predictions tend to come true, which made me anxious to the fullest.

“Look, I left early last Friday. I wanted to talk to Nagi-kun about our homework… Have you done the math assignment for the fifth period?”

Nagi-kun was the nickname given to me after we started dating, based on my name ‘Nagito’. When I was in junior high school, I was called Senda-kun, which had been much more impersonal than it was then. It was only natural, since we were strangers.

“Nagi-kun? Anything wrong?”

“Oh, yeah, I’ve already done the… assignment.”

“Really? I’m glad. It’s still hard for me to talk to students from other junior high schools. I was afraid they might think, ‘Why did she come to our high school if she can’t even keep up with her studies after taking time off for work?’”

“That’s true…”

When she had chosen to bring me to this discreet place, I had thought that she was aggressive in the morning, that it was hard for her to talk to me during the weekend, or maybe she was just excited.

But it was not just because I was upset that I couldn’t give a good answer. I was really nervous.

The person in front of me was the same ‘Kiritani Noa’ that I saw on TV—yes, she was an undeniable celebrity. After appearing in a drama during her junior high school years, she became famous nationally. Her real name, different from her stage name, was Kiri Asatani.

She transferred to the same elementary school as me during the eighth grade. She didn’t become famous as a celebrity until her third year in junior high, but she was said to be cute from her second year.

When I saw her for the first time, her hair was in a short bob, and she gave me the impression of a lively and friendly girl. It was the first time in my life that I was so attracted to a girl after only brief contact.

Thinking back to those first days, I guessed that I was still in shock. Maybe that was the running lantern I would see when my love ends.

“After all, in times like these, it’s friends like you who can be relied on, Nagi-kun”

—It was over. With just that one word, my love was clearly and definitively… destroyed.

I confessed my feelings to her, and she said yes, but did she mistake it as a ‘friend’ instead of a ‘girlfriend’?

“I’m glad that I was sitting next to you, Nagi-kun.”

“I mean, that’s totally… you know, natural…”

“Ehh… Thank you. I’m so lucky to have a good friend like you.”

She said ‘friend’ again, and I couldn’t deny what was right in front of me.

She didn’t seem to have taken my confession personally, which made me feel even more trapped and miserable. I wondered if the confession I made on graduation day was just a dream of mine. Or maybe the real me was still in junior high school, having been in an accident and never woke up.

I knew it was good to escape reality, but I couldn’t even ask her why I was being treated as a ‘friend’.

Did she gradually wake up and see reality when she entered high school after the spring break?

Although she said yes at that time, I realized she didn’t want to go out with me after all.

“Hey, have you made any new friends, Nagi-kun?”

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I couldn’t help but imagine what lay beyond that conversation. But I was trapped in a corner and couldn’t escape because Asatani-san looked up at me one step down the stairs.

“For the time being, I’m going to have lunch with some of the guys around me, but…”

“Oh, me too. I’m already in a group in my class, and they let me join them. I don’t know if I’ll be able to make friends, but I think I’ll be okay.”

“Hmm…”

Asatani-san implied that one day, she and I might be able to eat lunch together.

She might say, ‘Why don’t I make you a lunch box?’ or maybe she would ask me if I wanted to make her lunch. Even if she didn’t, it was okay because my sister was annoyingly supportive in these situations.

All of my fantasies were popping like bubbles and disappearing. The rosy future that I saw was slowly losing its color.

The possibility of us spending time together as boyfriend and girlfriend was gone before I even realized it. I didn’t even know it until now, and I just couldn’t accept the reality.

“Nagi-kun, I know you’re going to be busy when you make new friends, but please don’t be rude when I ask you to teach me again.”

I’m not going to be rude to you. I’m not in a position to do that.

She was one of the most prominent new students, the top of the class and I was ordinary. The main reason why I was trying to avoid being seen talking to her like this was so that I wouldn’t bother her.

“I’ve got to go now. I’m sorry you had to come all this way on such a silly errand.”

“Oh, yeah. I’ll give you the notebook when I get back to class.”

Even though she was sitting next to me and it was easy to hand over the notebook, she was always the center of attention. There were fans of Asatani-san in the class. Their attitudes even became blatantly strange when they saw her. I knew Asatani-san before she became famous, but for students outside of the same school, she was the celebrity ‘Kiritani Noa’.

“… Hey, Nagi-kun”

“… What is it?”

I thought she was about to leave, but she didn’t. Instead, she looked up at me.

For a moment, the look on her face didn’t seem to be as cheerful as usual. It was only there for just a moment.

“Let me know if you get a new girlfriend, okay?”

With that and a small wave, Asatani-san climbed down the stairs.

It would’ve been more hopeful if she didn’t get my confession or that she didn’t see me as a boyfriend.

“… I guess I’ve been dumped after all.”

Usually, I don’t use honorifics. But I had been using honorifics with Asatani-san since junior high school, and I couldn’t get rid of that strange behavior ever since the start of our relationship.

No wonder I was dumped. My longing was so strong that I thought I could get by just saying I liked her. I thought that I would find out more about her after we got together, so I just let my expectations grow without taking action.

The fact that she wasn’t even a ‘girlfriend’ was like Asatani-san’s own denial. If she had never even thought of me as her boyfriend, she wouldn’t have bothered to say new girlfriend earlier.

So I was dumped because I couldn’t do what was expected of a boyfriend while Asatani-san thought of herself as my girlfriend.

If I clung to her like that, asking her to tell me why things didn’t work out, far from being an ex-boyfriend, I’d probably be labeled a stalker or a creeper.

“Gosh, I want to die…”

I sat down on the stairs a few steps down, feeling as if all the strength I had left my body.

From downstairs, the buzz of everyone coming to school was getting louder, but I couldn’t bring myself to move until just before the bell rang.

I could still exchange messages with Asatani-san on social media. Also,I had promised to lend her my notebook, so our connection was not completely severed.

However, we had to change seats, so there would inevitably be fewer opportunities to talk. Also, it’s definitely not a good idea to bother Asatani-san by sending messages with her busy schedule.

That was how we gradually drifted apart. I wondered if I would be able to forget that I ever liked Asatani-sanand that I was happy to be with her.

“…”

My phone vibrated and a message arrived. It was from Asatani-san, who just broke up with me.

“If you don’t come back soon, the teacher will come! Do you want me to come up?”

Of course… Since she sent me such a joking message, her breaking up with me was not a particularly serious event in her mind. We would be in the same class for the next year, which was a relief for me. I would have to ignore the pain of a thorn in my chest.

I got up and ran down the stairs. I was sure Asatani-san would smile at me with a ‘friendly’ face when she saw me slip into the classroom just in time.

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