Chapter 1: Who Am I?

The ceiling flashed by at a constant speed. Every few seconds, a light bulb would come into view, emitting a dim glow, before disappearing at the other end of his field of vision.

He shook his body and once again confirmed that his hands, legs, and even head were firmly restrained to the flatbed. He could not budge an inch. He tried to speak, but everything below his eyes was locked tight by a mask. He could not even wiggle his chin. There were only a few small hole-like openings for him to breathe.

He raised his gaze upward. From the edge of his vision, he could see a person’s nostrils filled with thick nasal hair… as well as a chin full of stubble. That man seemed to be in his forties.

The man’s clothes were white, but from his angle, he could not make out the style of the attire.

The man was a man! It seemed that there was no other conclusion to be drawn.

Then, he turned his eyes the furthest they could go to the side and could barely make out the wall that connected with the ceiling. It was about two meters away from him. The plaster had begun to peel off, revealing the moldy wall inside. The sound of water droplets fell from several exposed water pipes.

It was a corridor, but because of his limited field of view, he had no way of knowing if there were any windows, rooms, or doors on either side of the corridor. 

It had been about five minutes since he woke up, but the hallway he was being transported in did not have a single turn. It was one straight road. Although he could not be completely sure, he guessed that he was in a large and rather old building.

Then, he sniffed the air around him. It was not very fresh, but there were no strange odors either. It seemed like there were people cleaning the place up.

‘Maybe I should try grunting loudly to see if that man will lower his head. Then, I’d be able to see his face…’ However, he decided against the idea.

It was better not to do anything until he figured out what was going on.

…

There was something strange about the person lying on the flatbed.

First of all, he had no collection as to why he was here. All he knew as soon as he opened his eyes was that he was strapped to this flatbed gurney.

Usually, when people wake up and find themselves tied up and transported around a completely unfamiliar environment, they would probably be scared and start crying. However, this person was very quiet and habitually observed his surroundings.

Second, he had absolutely no idea who he was. He did not know what he looked like, his age, or his nationality. He had no memory of his childhood either. In fact, since there was no mirror around and he had no way of touching his chest, he did not even know if he was a man or a woman. Earlier, he tried to say a few words in his mind to figure out which country he was from, but he was surprised to find that he was multilingual. He could not tell which was his native language.

…

Clang! A very soft sound came from the direction of his feet.

The flatbed seemed to have bumped into something. Then, a door was pushed open with a creak.

Sure enough, a doorframe appeared in his sight. A sign was attached to the frame, but he could not see what was written on it.

The flatbed turned a corner and continued onward for about two minutes before stopping, and the person pushing the flatbed behind him came into view. The man wore a white coat that had turned yellow at the hem. It had most likely not been washed for a long time.

‘A doctor?’ he wondered. ‘No, a doctor wouldn’t be so sloppy. Even if he doesn’t wash his coat, he should at least trim his nose hairs.’

Creak…

Another door was pushed open, and a man’s voice sounded. It obviously belonged to the person who was pushing the flatbed. “We’re here, Ms. Liu!”

He was speaking in Mandarin! His tone also sounded respectful…

‘But Mandarin is a gender-neutral language,’ he lamented slightly.

Then, a woman’s voice sounded.

“Come in.”

…

As soon as she spoke, the flatbed began to move again. The voice seemed to have come from the direction of his feet.

The upper eaves of a door came into view, followed by the ceiling of the room. It was made of wood. This room was obviously much better decorated than the hallway.

“Lift the bed up!” The woman’s voice that sounded again was accompanied by the rustling of papers.

Then, the wheels under the flatbed creaked.

His line of sight shifted…

It was a nice-looking single-person office, not too big. There were several wooden bookcases filled with books lining the wall, and in front was a desk. Behind the desk sat a woman with black hair. Her face could not be seen clearly as she had her head down, and although there was a white coat draped over her, he could tell that she had a good figure. At the moment, she was leafing through a pile of papers in front of her.

“Take off his mask!” she said without looking up.

Only then did the man who was pushing the flatbed come into view. His hair was messy, and there seemed to be a strange smell lingering around him. From his faintly flushed cheeks, it seemed he had a habit of drinking too much. Furthermore, the collar of his white coat was filthy. If there was anything special to be said about him, it was that he looked slightly more robust than the average person. If this was a hospital, why would they employ such an unkempt worker?

…

‘A mental hospital!’

He came up with the answer the next second. That explained why he did not smell disinfectant when he came to. After all, mental hospitals did not have much foot traffic, and there were only so many types of medicine.

‘It seems like I’m a mental patient,’ was his next, immediate thought.

The mask was tightly fastened and took about a minute to completely take off. He opened his mouth and groaned. ‘That feels much better.’

It was just a simple sound, but he garnered the following conclusions:

‘One: Judging by my voice, I’m a man in my twenties.

‘Two: The muscles controlling my chin aren’t that stiff, which means that the mask hadn’t been on for long. It was probably put on me shortly before I woke up.

‘Three: I have to test if there’s anything special about my voice, but it seems there’s nothing unusual. In that case, why did I have to wear a mask that prevents me from opening my mouth when my hands and feet are already firmly restrained? Am I a psycho who has a penchant for biting?’

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At that moment, the female doctor in front of him seemed to have finished reading the documents in her hand. 

“You go out first,” she said. She gathered the pile of papers on the table and placed them on the corner of the desk.

“Yes, Miss. Um… I’ll be right outside the door. Call me at once if you feel that something’s wrong.” After the man spoke, he walked out of the room and closed the door.

‘The man called her Miss twice instead of Doctor. Was it a personal habit? Maybe this woman in front of me isn’t a doctor, and this isn’t a mental hospital?’ It was clear that he would have no answers to those questions for the time being.

To be honest, the only parts of him that he could move now were his eyes and mouth. Nothing else budged. However, why did that man make it sound like this place was dangerous? It was as if he needed to be on standby outside the door to rush in at any moment.

That was what the man strapped to the flatbed was thinking. His mind worked quickly, and his observation, analysis, and association seemed completely involuntary… He simply could not stop!

Just then, the woman in front of him raised her head, and he instantly began to focus on her. His sudden shift in attention did not make him feel the slightest discomfort.

‘She’s in her thirties. She wears light but professional makeup, and her eyes have the confidence of a successful woman. There are shallow wrinkles at the corner of her mouth and eyes. She’s either not much of a smiler, or she’s very good at taking care of her skin. There’s a faint print on her lipstick. Does she bite her pen? Her fingers? No, she smokes! Her earrings look ordinary, but they’re definitely expensive. She’s a woman who knows how to be tasteful without coming off as ostentatious. Of course, she’s also rich.

‘Her white coat is clean, and all the edges are meticulous. Hmm… she’s a successful career woman indeed. She’s not wearing a badge, but even if she was, I wouldn’t be able to see it at this distance. However, I should be able to guess her dominant hand. Hmm? An outstanding woman like her doesn’t have a ring on her finger.’

Regardless of whether it was useful or not, all this information flooded into his mind in an instant.

…

The woman began to speak.

“Hello.”

The person on the flatbed did not speak. He could not garner any information from just a simple ‘hello’, so he chose to remain silent to see what she would say next.

The woman did not appear puzzled or displeased at his silence. She simply opened a file in front of her with flowing movements.

“Chen Xiao?” she asked.

‘Hmm, Chen Xiao, or Chen Xiao1Both names are pronounced the same but written differently.?’ He knew that this should be his name. Then, he frowned. ‘No, it’s Chen Xiao2The Xiào here means (to) smile or laugh!’

Although he only heard the pronunciation, for some reason, he felt that the Xiao of his name was written with the word for ‘smile’. That aside, it was still a strange name.

Smile! It was a very pleasing word. He thought, ‘I think I like this name very much.’

Then, he grinned. He was surprised to find that his mouth opened quite wide as he smiled.

The woman in front of him frowned as if she had seen something unsettling.

‘Oh… It seems I don’t look very good when I smile,’ thought Chen Xiao. However, he did not mind. He stuck out his tongue and licked his lips.

It did not seem like a good idea to keep quiet, so he said in a very small voice, “Hello, how are you?”

Then, he froze.

He had only grunted earlier, but after actually speaking now, Chen Xiao found that his voice was very shrill. It sounded a little ear-piercing.

“What?” Behind the desk, Ms. Liu frowned again. She obviously did not hear what he said.

That was because Chen Xiao deliberately lowered his voice.

“Ahem! Ahem! …I said, hello, how are you?” He cleared his throat and pretended to raise his voice, then spoke in an even smaller voice. 

Ms. Liu sighed, reluctantly picked up the file on the table, and walked over.

This was exactly what Chen Xiao wanted.

‘She’s around 168 cm and looks a little thin overall. There’s nothing special about the lower part of her white coat. Black slacks and… high heels? That means her actual height is only 165 cm or lesser.

‘Why would a doctor wear heels?’ However, the observations were meaningless.

Just then, Ms. Liu walked to a distance of about half a meter from Chen Xiao before stopping. Maybe it was because she thought this distance was enough for her to hear him clearly, but the greater possibility was… She was not willing to get too close to him.

“What’s wrong with your voice?” she asked with a frown.

“Ahem, ahem!” Chen Xiao pretended to clear his throat again, then replied in a normal volume, “Nothing.”

Ms. Liu shrugged, looked down at the papers in her hands, and said, “It seems we can communicate normally. From now on, you will answer whatever I ask you. If you cooperate well, you may earn yourself a chance to be discharged from this hospital. However, if you’re unwilling to cooperate, you’ll have to return to your solitary ward again. Given your threat level, you’d be kept here until you die of old age.” After that, she paused for a moment to look Chen Xiao in the eyes and continued, “Do you understand?”

‘…It seems this really is a mental hospital, and I’m indeed a very dangerous patient. Am I dangerous to the point where I have to be locked up in a solitary ward and never be let out in my lifetime?’ Chen Xiao very quietly wiggled his bound arms again. ‘…Yep, it seems I’m quite dangerous indeed.

‘Here comes the question. This woman said I’ll be able to earn a chance to be discharged, but logically, a patient like me shouldn’t be able to leave the hospital. Could it be that my mental condition is improving to a normal standard, and I meet the criteria for discharge? Am I undergoing a test right now to determine if I can be discharged?

‘No, if I’m really that dangerous, no one will take the risk and agree to my discharge. They’ll just keep me locked up here forever.

‘Then, what does this woman mean by ‘cooperating well’?’

Chen Xiao knew that he would have an answer to those questions later, but he still could not help but ponder.

“Okay, Miss,” said Chen Xiao. He gave her a smile that he felt would be considered polite.

Ms. Liu frowned again as if she was disgusted by the smile.

Chen Xiao could not help but feel a little depressed. ‘Is my smile that disgusting?’

 

1Both names are pronounced the same but written differently.2The Xiào here means (to) smile or laugh

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