Chapter 1: JUST… MC

Doki Doki Literature Club is a game that left an impact on me. I never finished the cannon version, since I stopped the moment Sayori died. After that, I only finished playing a mod version with happy endings for each, and the Sayori after story. However, I love the original story as well, even if the characters' deaths pain me, it was a really well-made game, with excellent writing, and compelling characters that stick with fans to this day.

This story comes from the premise. What if MC was the one that was depressed, something that has appeared in other stories, but I felt like going a little more extreme, not sure if it has been done before. Some characters, like Sayori, may be slightly OOC, since she doesn't have depression here.

* Tired from the endless cycle of deaths, and pain, MC believes it is all his fault that every one of his friends either dies or disappears. As the direct vessel of the player, he gains knowledge beyond that of even Monika. Enough to reset the world more thoroughly than Monika ever could. But at what cost? At his own cost of course.

- "What if I never joined the club?"

MC now holds, the pain of all the Dokis on himself, no longer bound to the player, how long can he hold on before everything collapses? Is there someone out there that can save him from his reality?*

DOKI DOKI LITERATURE CLUB, AND ALL RELATED, LOGOS, CHARACTERS, ELEMENTS, PLOTS, ETC. ARE TRADEMARKS OF TEAM SALVATO. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

REFERENCES TO PURIST MOD AND THE AFTER-STORY MODS WERE MADE IN THIS WORK OF FANFICTION. ALL RIGHTS ARE RESERVED TO THE RESPECTIVE CREATORS OF THOSE.

DDLC logo utilized in the image was posted on Reddit by: a_memer

The logo was called: DDLC smash logo

All I own is the plot of this story. Written by Eli Samuel Orfila Rosario. Hope you enjoy it.

                                                                            JUST... MC

   Inside his house, a rather short, brown-haired, high school student stares into the outside from a slightly open door. He sees as a girl with a red bow and coral pink hair leaves her house quite early in the morning to go to school. Her house is right across from his. You would think they'd walk to school together. But why would they do that, it's not like they know each other?

- (Sigh) "Ok, let's do this."

   Once the boy makes sure that the happy, go-lucky, girl is out of sight and way ahead, he steps out of his own house, backpack ready, and closes the door behind him. He didn't eat anything, as he didn't feel like eating.

   His hair was a mess, and his eyes were dead. He didn't focus on anything, as he walked down the same road the girl took. He slouched as he walked and stared at the ground, one would wonder why someone so young might feel so gloom.

   After some time, he reached his school, multiple students chatting idly with each other. Walking together, playing games, watching videos, or just on their phones. The boy couldn't care less, or more accurately, he just didn't notice. None of that mattered to him. His mind was muffled with thoughts. His reaction came when he saw a beautiful girl with purple hair seating on a bench with a book in her hand, reading and smiling, comfortably on her own. He stared for a second and quickened his pace just as her head turned to the direction in which he was a second ago. Her face was perplexed, as she had felt someone's gaze upon her.

- "Crud, almost blew it back there... Oh, shoot... Not this again!"

   The boy was walking faster, trying to reach his classroom in time, but suddenly his previously dead eyes turned feral. They didn't look like the eyes of a normal high school boy, no, they looked like those of a killer. He lowered his head, face covered by his bangs, as a creepy grin was plastered on his face.

Itch

   He felt an itch on his arms. An itch to scratch, an itch on the inside. He wanted to see blood. He hadn't felt like this before. He started to press his nail against his arm, as his gaze lingered on metallic objects with some level of sharpness.

   The pain on his arm, from his nails, snapped him into reality before he could draw blood. He gasped and hyperventilated, as he crouched on the floor and held his head in his hands. Students walked past him, some with concern on their faces, some with confusion, some with indifference, and some even with disgust.

'What was that boy doing?'

- "MC... Are you alright?"

   The boy responded to this nickname. No one in this school knew his real name, not even him, but for everyone, this wasn't a matter to be concerned over.

His teacher had asked as he had found him just outside his door.

- "Umm... Yes... I am ok. Thanks, Mr."

- "If you say so, MC. Please go to your seat."

The boy was back to normal, his normal anyways.

...

   Classes were over, and the boy had kept his head down, no notes in his notebook, despite the board full of them. Even the teacher left the classroom before him. He stood up, picked up his things, and got ready to leave before he saw a piece of paper on the floor. He picked it hurriedly, as no one was to see the poem he had written there.

   Staring both sides, he walked out of the classroom, when no students were in the hallways. Slowly he made his way to the club rooms.

- "Off to the Anime Club... (Sigh)... I just... I want to go home. Who cares if I go today or not?"

   Why would he bother with a club? People like him don't join clubs, people like him only drag down the vibe. But the only reason he had joined, was to avoid being invited to another. It's not like no one knew him enough to make an offer like that, but he preferred not to take chances.

   As the boy walked towards his club, he heard light arguing from a club meeting to his left. The voice sounded fierce but cute. The smell of cupcakes could be felt in the hallway. The boy liked to come through and pause here, just outside the door of this club, but it brought some strange feelings to him.

   Now he felt anger. He wanted to snap at something for the slightest inconvenience. He felt he needed to protect his desires, feelings, and himself. He was angry, sad, frustrated, and... Hungry?

   Just like his previous out-of-character moment, he turned back to the slouch he was, but he smiled slightly as he approached the room. He opened the door slightly; the voices inside didn't let the sound of the door be noticed. HE stared from a corner at what happened inside.

   Inside, a pink-haired girl, slightly smaller than him, was protecting a batch of cupcakes from the girl that lived right across from his house, the cheerful one. To a side, the tall purple-haired beauty he met earlier, was reading again, focused solely on the book.

   Suddenly, from the back of the room, another tall girl, known very well throughout the school, walked towards the others. She had brown hair in a ponytail and a white bow. She seemed to have it together. But at the moment the boy saw her, he pressed his eyes shut.

   He groaned, for some reason he heard white noise, not that he didn't before, but it got more intense. This was mixed with a longing for a world he couldn't reach. A reality that was not there.

   Just like before, the feeling was gone. The popular girl known to all in school as Monika addressed the others with something akin to 'Hello everyone."

   He heard instructions, something about writing poems to share with each other, the topic began when the pink-haired one was mentioned to have written a poem. But why should the boy care? He had been avoiding everything and everyone. What should it matter to him what a literature club did during club activities? It wasn't like he was a member. It's not like he knew anyone in there. The boy didn't even care. Right?

   He prepared to leave, but some level of shock, entered him, and he froze. Staring inside the room, someone stared back.

- (Whispering). "Crud... She saw me."

His neighbor stared back.

   She smiled at him, even if she couldn't make out his features from what little she saw from the slightly opened door. But as friendly as ever, she waved at him. But the boy didn't feel at ease, he felt dread. Quickly he left the area. The girl stopped smiling and looked at the now empty spot in confusion.

   Meanwhile, the boy ran to the bathroom, and closed the door, he sat in the toilet, held his head, and felt panic. He shouldn't have been spotted.

- "This is bad... She didn't recognize me, did she? Everything is fine, isn't it?... Yeah, it was too short a moment, she didn't even see me fully."

   He didn't even manage to process his feelings, when a hurricane of feelings that were not his own flooded his mind in an instant.

'Worthless'

"Pathetic'

'Stupid'

"Unnecessary'

'Blank self-insert.'

'Your fault'

"Better without you.'

   Sadness, guilt, regret, hopelessness, dark thoughts, tiredness, lack of motivation, and loss of the will to live. That is what he felt.

- "I'm not going to the club today."

   The boy left the school, slouched his way to his home, plopped his backpack at the entrance, didn't bother to lock the door, and went to his room. He plopped in his bed, still fully dressed, but unwilling to move anymore.

- "I don't think, I'll go to school tomorrow... Besides, it's not like anyone will miss me..."

***

1. In His Thoughts

This is my reality now.

   All alone. Sayori's depression, Yuri's possessiveness, Natsuki's secret pain, and whatever feelings her father harbored against her. I have them all inside of me now. It is all a part of my new program. It sucks huh? Ha-ha. But I deserve it.

But to top it all else, there is another thing I have.

Monika's self-awareness.

Surprise! As if I couldn't possibly have it worse. But it's better this way. At least this way nobody dies.

   For whatever amount of time, I was at the Literature Club, I ignored everyone's pain. I thought my childhood friend was an annoyance, and only viewed the club girls as potential romances. But I guess that is what the game appeared to be at first.

   I was just a vessel, for some part, of those who played a supposed dating sim visual novel with a twist. But not everything was chosen by whoever controlled me. There were lines and choices of my own. The fact that they were preprogrammed doesn't change that they were mine.

   I am not to be justified for abandoning my childhood friend up until the day she invited me into the club. I am not to be justified for how I used poems (or more accurately, the words selected for poems) to manipulate the other club members into liking me more. I am not to be justified in how I only asked for Sayori when it came to settling an argument or showing her a poem. Not to be justified in how I berated my depressed friend, for not telling me she was depressed, when I had decided to cut myself off from her mostly. Not to be justified, on how I flirted with both Yuri and Natsuki (depending on the route chosen for me), while my supposed best friend had just revealed to me her deepest secret, one that should have caused me concern, not taken as a passing conversation, because routes were chosen. And most of all, I am not to be justified in how I said I loved someone, but didn't even bother to check on her after I had learned of all the pain she carried.

   I singlehandedly, tore a group of four friends apart. All because I hoped to gain something from the club? I hoped to end up with one of the girls? NOT BOTHERING TO SEE THE SIGNS IN THEIR POEMS. THEIR CRIES FOR HELP. Monika might have exacerbated their problems, but at least she knew about them, plus, she had her own. I am sure the players might have seen the hints in the poems, but I didn't, because I cared more about what they thought of mine, and what they thought of me. I am sure the player would have stayed with Sayori after she spoke of her depression, there is even a mod where it's like this. I'm sure the player would have checked on Sayori that morning, instead of going to school like normal, but that wasn't one of the options and preprogrammed or not, I made my choice to ignore it and walk to the festival as if it were more important than Sayori's life.

   As I stood frozen in a clubroom, Monika staring through me, I had time to think about how meaningless all I was doing was. Monika was going insane while I idly played along, using poems to charm away, acknowledging Monika asking for my attention, but not, really fighting the 'program' to give it to her. People had to die before I noticed that something was wrong with Monika. Monika did what she did, treating the other club members as simple characters she could get rid of, but at least she can say she was self-aware (even if it was a simple meta edge given to her character, also part of the program), but where is my excuse. I treated them as objects in my quest for romance, but I wasn't self-aware, to me they should have been as real as me, but I treated them as if they weren't. And I can't blame that on the player.

   It's been days, months, years? Not sure. It's been a while since I was trapped in that clubroom with Monika, I don't fully remember her talks with whoever controlled me, my head was blank, a literal vessel, but I was conscious. I'm not sure if it was her who said it if it was only a thought of mine, if it occurred in that clubroom, or afterward for some reason. But I know I was the cause for this disaster, the player accessed the game, I became a vessel, and all heck broke loose in the club, I brought them pain, throwing the dynamic off-balance. The player made choices, yes, but the actions that came through those choices were mine. It is my fault they were gone.

   In that clubroom, my awakening began. Multiple players worldwide, controlling vessels of me, multiple routes, multiple endings. Many times Sayori dies, many times Yuri stabs herself, many times Monika deletes others, and many times Monika is deleted. From the slightly good end to the common end, to the end where you don't even get to play before it's over. Multiple mods to try to find happy endings, other mods that are unrelated, mods that are still dark, after-story mods, blah, blah, blah. Still, the players have done more for these girls than I ever did.

   They have rewritten my program to be a better person, given me more choices (or more likely given themselves more choices), etc. As a direct vessel of the player, multiple see-through chats with self-aware club members, and programming were rewritten. I think I have gained even more self-awareness than Monika in the main game. At least I know I can't alter the script, rather the script dictates I alter it. I even know this isn't the game, but even she has knowledge of that, some fanfictions let her know she is on a fanfiction, but still.

A million playthroughs later, many mods later... I finally come to a conclusion...

What if I never joined the club?

***

- "Don't you think that something is off?"

- "What do you mean Sayori?"

- "I don't know... Like something is missing?"

- "Are you sure you're not just hungry?"

- "Hmmph... Meanie..."

- "Hahahaha..."

- "Ok everyone, settle down. Are we ready to share our poems for today?"

   The next day at school, a certain literature club had grouped together once more. Ready to share poems.

- "U-Umm... If I may interrupt... I kind off agree with Sayori... I don't mean that there is anything wrong with today's activity! (Quick flustered speech) ... It's just that, it feels like someone is missing."

- "But we are all here Yuri. I know you love those dark novels, but at least look around the room before you sit down to read!" (Intense challenging tone).

- "You probably didn't notice, because the first thing you did was check your Manga." (Stern, condescending, yet calm tone).

- "Guys, remember we are here to share with each other not argue... But now that Sayori mentioned it, I had a weird feeling during our last meeting. I believed someone was going to join the club at the last meeting. But no one came, it was not a hunch... It felt like it had to happen."

   Natsuki didn't reply to Monika's comment, since for some reason, she felt that in the last meeting she should have shared her cupcakes with someone else, beyond the four girls currently present.

   All the girls glanced at each other. They felt a strange sense of having lived through the current moments before, but with something different, with someone, not present, but compared to the other members, one of them felt worse than all the others.

   Sayori felt empty. Like a piece of her heart had been taken away. She had multiple gaps in her memory. Having memory gaps was common for her, for some reason she had huge gaps between childhood and high school. But now, she had gaps from childhood and high school as well, but it was like the gaps were patched to be different.

   She felt like someone important was missing from her life. She had felt it before, throughout her life. She had felt extremely happy, she had many friends, and always brought a smile to everyone's face, but she always felt like someone was missing. The only moment she didn't feel it, was on few moments when she felt someone looking at her from the house across from her own, and when she saw that younger boy... At the last meeting...

- "That boy..."

- "Boy?"

- "Uuu... Sayori... Do you have a boyfriend?"

   Natsuki teased with a smug expression on her face, Yuri had a small fluster-breakdown, while Monika made a pose for no reason, but Sayori, remained in thought, until suddenly...

- "MC!!"

***

2. In His New Role

   I know this is part of the plot, just like it always is, but for once I am doing something. With my newfound awareness, I pulled a Monika, but since I have always been in more direct connection with the players, I've had more control of whatever world 'Doki Doki Literature Club' is. I made sure I never joined the club, but not only that, no one knows me.

   I took away all depression from Sayori's character. All of Yuri's yandere tendencies, and her self-harm, I took it out. Natsuki no longer needs to worry about her dad, nor does she need to take a defensive position. And Monika... She is no longer self-aware. The role of president is mine, even if she still leads the club and I am not part of it.

   But all these negatives had to go somewhere. I might be better at programming than Monika, but even I can't erase these aspects from the game, so I did the only thing I could. I made them part of me. Sayori's rainclouds are mine now, but I can't give in to them. Yuri's self-harm and possessive behavior reside in me, but I can't go around cutting myself now can I? I carry in me all those traumatic experiences that made Natsuki the person she was, and I also have in me, whatever made her father behave like that. And just like Monika, I constantly hear white noise, only mine never stops, not ever, I feel like erasing everything. But I know that the moment I'm gone, the endless DDLC cycle will begin again, and I will lose all I have learned and will become the useless vessel, that only brought pain and thought of himself.

   Am I stronger than them, for being able to hold this all in? Absolutely not, the only reason I'm still here is because I blocked my programming from being able to act on these impulses and emotions, otherwise I would already be dead, or others would be as well.

   My actions are not perfect, the moment I am spotted by one of the club members, they would get a sense of something being missing, making it harder to keep all of this in me. I need to stay away. To avoid encounters, I made myself a year younger, that way, I never met Sayori, if I never met Sayori, I never go to the club.

   Sayori would be disappointed in what I became. I am a NEET, just what she didn't want me to become. But this is what I deserve. The small moments of joy I have, are when I stare at them when they aren't looking, seeing Sayori smile genuinely, with no sadness to hide, seeing Yuri being a nervous wreck, but with no dark secrets inside, Natsuki being... Natsui, but because she likes being herself, not because she feels the need to be strong, and seeing Monika just being the president, striving for excellence, and loving literature... It all just makes me smile.

***

She dropped everything and ran out of the room.

- "Sayori? Where are you going?!"

   Monika was worried, she had just seen her best friend, and vice president of the club, storm off the clubroom in a rush. But more than that, the name MC... It resonated a little. But why? It did put at ease those feelings she had, about who she felt needed to join, but she hadn't met anyone with that nickname before. But for some reason, she remembered being seated at a desk, alone, with a boy in front of her. The thought made her shiver.

   Seated with her book in hand, Yuri visualized herself reading a book along with someone, a boy with brown hair. She never read books in the company of others unless for class or club, but even on those occasions, but never from the same book. But this memory begged to differ.

You are reading story JUST… MC at novel35.com

   All while, for some reason Natsuki saw herself struggling to get some manga in their correct place while berating a boy about it.

   Whoever this MC was, it was important to them, but it paled in comparison to how important he was to Sayori.

   As she ran, she saw memories from childhood. Little Sayori, following a boy whose face she can't make up. He helped her whenever she was hurt while they played. Both had fun. But she had forgotten him?

'How could I? He is my best friend. I-I love him.'

'But why haven't I seen him? He's my age and lives in front of me. He goes to my school. But I haven't seen him at school. It's like he is real, but he isn't'

   She arrived at his house, remembering the walks to school, and wondering what happened. Conversations on the literature club passed through her mind, conversations she hadn't had, on days she hadn't lived yet.

'Why... Why do I look so sad? Why does he look worried? And why is that feeling... So familiar?'

   A conversation they had in her room passed through her head, a confession made just outside her house, then... Fog?

   When she found the door unlocked, she had a weird feeling of a similar situation, but on the opposite side, like something similar had occurred, but she wasn't the one entering an unlocked house, rather someone had entered hers.

   Windows were closed, there was a mess everywhere, and no lights were on. The house felt eerily empty, she felt like she could throw up from how nervous this scenario was making her. Her heartbeat was increased. She needed to find him. Why she didn't remember him didn't matter, all that mattered was making sure this MC was ok. She knew him, even if she didn't. He meant a lot to her, even if he had never been there? What did that mean?

   She walked past everything, nearly tripping at his backpack, but when she reached what she assumed was his room, she felt her stomach churn. She was scared of what she might find behind the door... But she opened it.

Sobs.

***

3. His Comfort

I barely moved at all since the moment I reached this place after yesterday's encounters.

   Her rainclouds were some of the strongest things I had to deal with, but meeting face to face with her... It really, brought complications. All day and night I fought myself not to lose control of the reality I had altered. I couldn't let us go back to the cycle. They didn't deserve it, I had to hold it together for their sakes. This is my penitence, my heck.

   I barely moved to go to the bathroom, and brush my teeth, night and morning. I didn't bother eating, or showering... I skipped class today, why should I bother, it's not like it was real, and it's not like anyone cared, those I cared about were already happier.

   I stayed in bed; eyes open ever since 1 AM. I couldn't sleep anymore, but I didn't plan on doing anything except go to the bathroom when needed.

Hours had passed, the club meetings had started, and I barely had a glass of water today.

- "Can't die of dehydration now, can I?"

   But that's when it started, a small sob escaped me. I was losing it. How had they been able to deal with this for so long? Hours spent with countless voices telling me to end it all, an unsatisfiable itch to cut, pain and anger, buttled in a person of toughness, and knowledge that nothing is real, while having an inextinguishable hope to escape, but finding no way out.

   I cried, sob after sob, as I placed my body in fetal position, hugging my legs trying to find some relief in the heck I had created for myself, but when I least expected it... There she was.

Sayori.

Standing just outside the opened door of my room. I immediately stopped crying.

'Oh no...'

'This was bad.'

   If she had found me... It meant that in my moment of weakness, my grasp on reality faltered, even if just for a second. Who knows what memories she could have regained?

- "MC?"

- "..."

   She rushed towards me and pulled me in for a hug. I didn't know what to do. This wasn't supposed to happen. I couldn't gain back control of this reality, or make sure she forgot me again if she stayed with me.

   She kept repeating my name. Over and over. Her grasp on my body getting tighter by the second. I wouldn't dare return the physical contact; it would only worsen my chances of gaining control back.

- "How could I forget you? How could I go on as if you didn't exist? Meanie... Why didn't you tell me? Why did you let me forget you?"

She was crying...

'Dang it... This wasn't supposed to happen. I didn't want her to cry.'

   She kept hugging me, placing my head as close to her heart as possible without making things awkward. Her sobs were heartbreaking for me, I wanted her to be free from this.

- "Dang it... I didn't want this to happen... You shouldn't be here. I have to do this, not you, just go. Can't you see I'm making you sad?"

   My voice was so hoarse from lack of speech that it could barely be heard but considering how close Sayori was to me at the moment, I knew she had heard.

- "It's my raincloud, isn't it?"

'How?'

   She wasn't supposed to know about that. Had my grasp on reality failed that much in such a short time? To the point where she remembered her depression. But even that makes no sense. She isn't supposed to be self-aware; how would she know this rain cloud is hers?!

- "Back when I was a kid... I was so happy. Yet one day, I don't remember the exact moment, but everything changed. I began to lose interest, I felt useless, pathetic, worthless. It was sudden, but I felt it growing, I didn't know why, but as sudden as it had come, it was gone again. I didn't understand, but I saw you, even for a second, I saw a brown-haired boy, and everything went away, as well as him. That was you wasn't it? You took it away."

   She got the memory. The memory of the origin of her problem. The moment I altered her program. To do that, I had to be present at the exact moment the problems in their programming began, not just to Sayori, but to all of them. The moment they began, I took them away and erased my presence or the knowledge of that problem from them.

- "Meanie... You've been carrying all this alone. This was my problem. Why would you do that? Why would you disappear from my life? All those moments we used to play together. All those walks to school. The poem you made just for me. Did you hate me, that much that you just erased yourself from my life?"

Shi3t... The rain cloud is slipping from my grasp. I need to reign it back in...

- (Gasp)... "I see... You disappeared from my life... To prevent me from regaining my rain cloud...

All it took was a moment and she understood.

- "But why? Why take this all for yourself? Why leave the club? The others, I don't get it?"

- "BECAUSE IT'S MY FAULT!"

- "..."

I snapped. No matter how sad or lonely Sayori had felt. She had never snapped at me. I'm not strong, I'm not doing anyone a favor. I can't even pay my penitence right.

- "It's my fault. I came to the literature club through your invitation, and all I did was wreak everything. You all had your problems. You, Yuri, Natsuki, Monika... And not only I didn't know, I was so focused on obtaining what I wanted from the club that I didn't bother to notice. Treating everything like a game, using poems to manipulate feelings. I left you behind time and time again, until you offered me to join the club. You were in pain, you gave me such joy, and I just took it for granted. You were always there for me; I wasn't there for you. Years of supposedly knowing you, when I didn't know you at all. Clear cries for help through your actions, and your poem... And I didn't notice until your feelings were shoved in my face. Not even when you told me yourself, I only took your feelings lightly! Only when your last poem shoved everything on my face was when I acted, and it was too late!"

   I cried. I couldn't hold it. At least I knew the rain cloud was still with me. I could feel it. Telling me to end it all, telling me that I deserve what I feel, which is true. That is all I should have. Better me than her. I just wish she would go and forget me already. All the comfort I want now is from a knife and I can't even have that.

- "I'm sorry Sayori... For everything. Please leave... Forget about me. You were happy before you even got these memories. Leave and I'll make sure you forget this. Tomorrow you'll be at the literature club with Monika, Yuri, and Natsuki; laughing, snaking and making silly jokes. Yuri and Natsuki might get into an argument, Monika won't know what to do, and they'll need you to get things on track. You'll be happy like you should be. The happy bubbly Sayori you deserve to be. The one you always were meant to be before this heck!"

- "You're wrong! ...."

- "..."

- "You are wrong. Happy bubbly Sayori was never me, it was only a part of me. But... The raincloud is as well, Do I wish I didn't have it, of course, but it's mine, it's not yours. It's part of what makes my character. You gave me a gift. You took away my rain cloud and gave me a happy life, but I am not complete. With a clear mind, I can see there are ways I can work on keeping the rain cloud at bay. Professionals that work to treat my condition. You took it away because it was the only way you thought you could save my life. I thank you, but it's time I took it back. You also speak of the problems the other girls had. I don't know about those, but I know they would never want you to hold them on your own."

- "I can't Sayori... (Tears and wobbly voice).

Our embrace had been broken a while back, giving way to a face-to-face conversation.

- "If I give them back the cycle will begin again. You'll be depressed, Yuri will cut herself, Natsuki will be hurt by her father, and Monika will have to process knowledge that could drive anyone mad. You will die, Yuri will die, Natsuki will disappear, and Monika will as well. Everyone will be gone in the end. Only for it to happen again and again, me unable to know about it, and behaving like a total jerk!"

- "It won't be like that MC..."

She hugs me once more, this time lighter.

- "You've spared us pain for years, or months, or weeks, or however long it has been for each of us. We've felt true happiness, but at the cost of your own. I know there is help out there, for when I compare what was before through my memories, to what is now, I see more options than ever. Life is not limited to home, a school, and a clubroom silly. And I'm sure they know as well."

- "But... Why give away that perfect happiness? Why look for help, when currently you don't need it? I can carry those problems. I was the reason that they were exploded. Let me carry them please."

- "You aren't God MC. This may be a fake world, where you can alter programming and change things... But you aren't God, you can't make everything perfect, you can only do your best to make things better, but not at the cost of yourself."

More memories were slipping into her. The more she stays, the harder this will be to fix. Now she knows this world is fake, just like when she became president, just like in her After story mod.

- "I know I'm not God. I never wanted to be. I just wanted everyone to be happy. If wasn't here, you all would be. I just want you to forget me. Without my memory, you'd still be happy."

- "But I want your memory. Let us find help together. What you did was wrong yes. Seeing everyone only as a potential romance, yes it was wrong. But you couldn't know we had problems. You couldn't know they were going to be exploded. Everyone did things wrong in some way. But that doesn't mean I want to forget you. That doesn't mean I love you less. If anything... Look at what you've done. You have changed, you learned from your mistakes and accepted them, and used your power not for yourself, but for others, but it is time for you to rest."

- "But... The cycle..."

- "It won't return... Your actions made sure of that. Just because you let us deal with our problems ourselves, doesn't mean it will all be the same again. Things changed. When our problems return, they will be in the early stages. More than enough time to look for help. It won't go down the same way again. This is no longer a game, and you are not the same MC that cared only for himself for a while. You are the MC that I remember from when we were kids. The one that made sure I was ok when I couldn't keep up with you. The one who cleaned my room and tried to tidy my uniform, even if he found it annoying. Just because you made mistakes, doesn't make you a hopeless cause. I'm sure this time, you'll be there for us like you realized you should have in the past."

- "..."

   I stayed there. In Sayori's hug. Thinking about all she said. How long did I think I was going to be able to hold all this in? Was she right? Would the cycle not return? Did all of us have a shot at happiness this time around, even in a fake world directed by plot?

- "I love you, MC. I mean it. But before you return our problems to us. Before you devote yourself to helping us through them like I know you will... Let me be here for you like I know you'll be there for me. You've carried too much for too long, thinking it was your punishment. I was nowhere when you needed me, you've been helping me all this time. I know my rain cloud will make you think you don't deserve it, but just know I know you do. Think of it, as something I want to do."

- "Are you sure? ..."

- "Of course, I am silly. Just sit down, close your eyes and relax."

I did as I was told, and was hugged from behind with one hand, and my hair was stroked with another. I haven't felt a comforting touch since I don't know how long.

- "I remember you were taller... Why are you small?"

- "I made myself one year younger than you... That way we would have never met in this reality."

- "Ehehehe...Tiny MC is so cute!"

- "I'm not that small, I'm just 162 centimeters, you are 171, it's not such a huge difference."

- "Hehehe... Small MC."

- "Give it a year... And we'll see who's small... Chibiyori. (Annoyance in his voice)."

- "Hehe..."

- "Are you sure you want this? Once you get your rain cloud back, things won't be the same for you. You can take it back. What you said. Whenever... Ok."

- "Never."

   She placed me to her side, pressed her forehead to mine, and spoke in a way that made me blush. She was so close, that I could feel her breathing on my face. Sayori was never this forward. Then again, I had never been closed to a non-depressed Sayori before, part of me was sad that this would be gone, but she felt she needed to do this.

- "I love you MC. And I want you happy too. I may not remember everything I lived with you, but I know I love you, that hasn't changed and never will, even when I feel I can't love myself, know I love you. More than a friend, same as before."

- "Even after all..."

- "Mistakes and all. I love you."

I couldn't hold it anymore. I began to cry again.

- "I love you too..."

- "Ehehe... This is embarrassing a bit..."

- "Do you want to stop..."

- "No!"

   She separated herself from me in a gasp of true Sayori fashion. Only to turn into awkward Sayori and advert her gaze, tapping her index fingers together. All that was left was seeing that expression she makes when she crosses her eyes and begins to decipher the secrets of the cosmos, and I'd have seen them all again. Something that made me smile lightly, even if it didn't reach my eyes.

- "Can I stay with you MC?... Like... Hugging you... Until you fall asleep... Ehehe... It's just... I want to be there for you, now..."

Determined Sayori... How could I forget determined Sayori, fist raised to her shin level, serious face...? I had forgotten that expression.

- "I am kind of hungry though..."

I wasn't hungry myself.

- "There are cookies on the fridge, I'll go get them."

- "No... Just stay here, I'll get them."

Faster than expected she left my room. Depression or not, Sayori is always hungry. It made me smile. I'll just close my eyes and wait until she gets back... Just close my...

***

Sayori returned to Mc's room with a tray full of chocolate chip cookies.

- "Sorry Mc, I kind of ate half the bag on my way up. I still left you five of the non-broken ones, and there are a bunch of others that are in crumbs..."

   Sayori looked at the bed, to find a slightly younger MC than the one she had known through her memories, yet one that had memories of more lifetimes than she could even process. One that thought all was his fault. One that held the problems of 4 girls all at once, on himself, killing his body slowly due to stress. Fake or not. Plot-driven or not. She loved the boy before her. He was asleep now. Too tired to share cookies.

   She placed the tray on a nightstand. Picked up the slightly smaller boy, a boy that was surprisingly, and worryingly, very light, probably due to lack of eating. She sat down reclined against the lower end of the bed and placed the boy in her arms. She knew after today, she wouldn't be doing things like this, for who knows how long, so she would give him all the affection she could at the moment. It seemed like a bridal carry position, but that way, she could hold him and hug him while he slept and it wouldn't look or feel inappropriate or too intimate, and the first thing each other would see when waking up would be each other's face.

   She smiled, at his sleeping face, and decided to lightly peck his nose. She collapsed her head to his and fell asleep.

   It didn't matter what the future held for them. They would all face it together. No one would carry all those burdens alone.

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