Chapter 114: Chapter 105: Blood is thicker

I looked over the faces of Eirlathion and Rimir who were among the few brave enough at the moment to be this close to me.

My mother was also here, but I could not easily see her face. Three years ago, as we were fleeing from the village of my birth, I had been the one who would force my way into her lap as she was the one to uneasily go through the motions of motherhood with me, a small child.

In those intervening three years, things had come to be reversed as I had slowly given up on her ability to see someone like me as a daughter. It made sense. I was not just some little kid. In terms of absolute age, I had learned she was 84 this year. This is old enough that she legitimately could have been considered old enough to be my mother even if I were to add in my years from my previous life.

However, my mind had lived three quarters her own age. And, as a human in my previous life, I had lived my life at a far faster pace than her. In terms of maturity, a fey might put my mental age at a hundred times the chronological time I’d spent in this world.

Despite being her child, I was the more mature of the two of us. And, as someone with memories from a past life, I could not easily be regarded as her child. I had grown up as someone different. The life lessons I’ve learned were not from her, and were not things she could relate to.

The manner in which I was conceived aside, there were several more reasons why it could be easily seen that me forcing the role of motherhood on her would only cause her to be under undue stress.

And so, I pulled away. At first, I had pulled away feeling it was an act of love. It was me giving her the space she needed. I would be ready for her when she’d decided it was time to open up.

In time, over these three years, I still saw pain in her eyes every time she looked at me. I could see in those eyes that she was still not ready.

As the time wore on, and I felt nothing even resembling love from her, at some point I’d just given up. At that same moment, I decided it was clear she did not want me. And so, that fragile hope I’d once held slowly turned to resentment.

I kept telling myself that my resentment was inappropriate. I’d kept telling myself I was the more mature one among the two of us. I was the person who’d come from Earth, a world in which the field of psychology had developed a far greater understanding of the kind of pain caused by what this family had gone through. I was the one between the two of us who’d actually had prior experience with parenthood.

But, telling myself that my emotions were inappropriate or unfounded did nothing to address them. It just made them stubbornly embed themselves deeper into my heart.

And so, now that she’d suddenly decided she wanted to take another try at the role of a mother, we saw a scenario in which the situation from three years ago was reversed.

I now sat uncomfortably in this woman’s lap. Meanwhile, she was the one who insisted upon holding me to her chest in a suffocating hug as she desperately clung to the child who’d just shown signs of clear emotional distress.

Rimir had wound up having to carry me out from the grass forest I had just created. I’d seen a few haggard looking adults pulling children from the dense jungle as he carried me over. The very moment my feet touched the ground, I was immediately swept up in this woman’s embrace.

[Asaren.] She said in a choked voice as she struggled with what to say next. [I… I am not very good at this, but… I am sorry I have not been a good mother to you. I… I want to help. I don’t know why you are in so much pain. I… I know I am not the first mother you have had, but I am the mother who brought you into this world. I… I can still be a mother to you. I want to try.]

Those words. Why did she have to say something like that now of all times? These were the words I had been waiting all of this second life to hear from her. If I had heard them at any other time, I would have been overjoyed.

At a time like this, though… now, when the distress I am feeling is very real and very urgent, demanding rapid action… why did it have to be now, when I could least afford to address this in the way that it should be?

I did not want to begin blaming that bastard for everything, but… no, with this timing, he definitely considered this. That means this time, his target is my entire remaining family. I really am going to have to tread carefully on this one.

Were I to growl at her, dismiss her and state that there’s no time for her concerns right now, doing what my fear and sense of urgency demand, he wins.

I stifle the fear and urgency I feel to run to the city to rescue Levin and Rolwen, and I lift up my arms to gently hug her back. It doesn’t take much. This is all I should need. That’s right. Rather than push her away, I can bring her with me.

[The boys are in danger.] I mumbled into her ear.

[Ehh?] She responded.

[You say the boys are in danger?] Rimir repeated out, likely for Eirlathion’s benefit.

[Is that why you are upset?] Mother asks.

Meanwhile, Eirlathion comes around and kneels next to her, placing himself at eye level with me.

[How do you know this?] He asks.

I struggled to find my voice for an answer. I had opened up to him about a lot of things in the past three years in regards to our Earth origin and about the meditative practices I’d learned in my past life. The latter was particularly important, considering he was instructing us all on how to use the magic of this world.

However, the subject of that demon had never come up. I’d had no reason to bring it up. He had not made contact with me in three years now. I thought this was behind me after that mess with Tia.

But now, it didn’t look like there was any way out of telling them about it. After that explosive display of emotion, combined with the complete lack of any contact I have with the boys at this moment, there truly is no way around it.

Knowing how that bastard operates, I couldn’t help but feel this too might be playing into his hand somehow. The mere fact I’d been left with this as my only road forward caused suspicion by itself.

But, before I could say anything, Rimir approached and fixed me with a hard look. There was something in his eyes. I wasn’t really sure what.

[Are you about to tell us you saw this in some kind of vision?] He asked.

My mind froze. A vision? That would be a way out of having to tell them I’d heard it from a demon , which would likely not win me much in the current situation, but there was something behind Rimir’s voice. One would normally think it was skepticism, but that didn’t quite seem accurate from the situation.

A part of me wanted to grab onto that lifeline, but something else was making me hesitate. As I warred between the two, all of the social cues I was seeing were telling me this was no lifeline he was giving me.

[I have seen it.] He continued. [This is not the first time you have had knowledge about things that will happen. Until now, it seemed as though they were things that fit in with the explanation you gave, of being good at judging people you have met or who you have information about. But this…] He gestured toward the nearby forest of tree-size grass. [This was a reaction of emotion, not of logic, and it was to something you could not possibly know about.]

With every word he spoke, I became more certain of two very disturbing things. One was that he was not at all skeptical of the idea that I might be having visions of the future. In fact, this was really more of an accusation by someone who had just received the final bit of proof he needed.

The second thing, was that he considered such visions of the future to be a very bad thing. Something worthy of condemnation.

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[It was not a vision of the future!] I told him.

[If not a vision, then what was it?] He demanded.

[I was told!] I said, meeting his gaze with as hard a look as I could. I was certain it would be a fairly bad idea to say exactly who told me. With tensions raising like this, I could only see that going badly.

[Told? By who?] He demanded.

I could only look away in that moment. I had to think of something to say… but what? Come on, think!

Well, I guess when I don’t have enough information to go on, I should just keep it vague where I can.

[I… don’t know.] I said. [This is… I have heard this voice speak to me a few times before. I don’t know who it is. He claims he wants to help me. This time… he told me that…]

[Ancestor.] Before I could finish speaking, an aged female voice interrupted our conversation. As we all turned to look, I saw the ancient form of the high matriarch of the tribe riding atop her gigantic wolf mount.

That a creature that large could move so quietly truly spoke to the grace that the animal possessed. Still, it’s paws seemed to only make the lightest of sounds as it minimally disturbed the grass, and even those sounds were lost on the wind and only audible as the majestic creature got closer.

Upon reaching us, the beautiful wolf laid down with her side facing us, so that she and her rider could both present themselves respectfully to the group of fey.

[I apologize for interrupting.] She said. [I have just received some disturbing news. The mages of Neruu are present in the city which those we liberated are from. With young Levin and Rolwen in that city at this time, I am certain the mages may take an interest should they be discovered. The ripples they create in the mana of the air is still distinct enough, and the training they have received from master Eirlathion only teaches them to hide the energy of the spirit.]

[Is that so?] Rimir mused and then looked down at me.

The tension rose in my stomach. I could tell from the tone in his voice that I was not going to like whatever he was about to say.

[This would be the danger you spoke of?] He asked.

[No, it’s…] I tried to say, but he quickly interrupted me.

[They would not pose much threat. I believe this is something you should be able to aid them with alone.] He said.

My mind screamed. Of course that wasn’t it! But… if I kept on insisting, then that might very well bring us back to our previous confrontation which was already going very badly.

[Send the messenger back.] Rimir concluded. [Tell them to keep an eye on the mages. If they wonder about on the lands of the Hidan, we might need to take action. Until then, young Asaren can handle what business she has with them without the support of the tribe.]

The matriarch frowned as she glanced over toward me, but she ultimately seemed to resign herself and simply bowed her head.

[Of course, ancestor.] She said, and then righted herself on her wolf who quickly stood. [I shall relay this to the tribe as you wish.]

With those words, she retreated back toward the temporary settlement of the nomadic Hidan.

As I was trying to figure out what to do in this situation, I caught sight of my mother’s head tilting up toward Eirlathion.

[Master] She said in a pleading tone.

He had a pensive look on his face. But, he ultimately nodded his head and gave her a wordless smile, gesturing with his head toward me.

Mother took her cue and immediately directed her attention back to me.

[It is alright Asaren.] She said. [Master Eirlathion and I will go with you in order to save the boys. We will help you however we can.]

While my heart warmed to hear her words in that moment, I also felt my stomach tighten. The last words of the demon still rang in my head.

‘The only question will be whether or not you can access it before something irreversible happens.’

That did not sound good at all. I certainly did not want to risk loosing them after we seemed to finally be getting close. But, I also knew that spurning that offer would only strain our relationship. And, I felt fairly certain right now that if I were to go off on my own, I would definitely be followed.

Besides. I still had the appearance of a five year old, and also still knew very little about this world. I certainly could use their help.

[Thank you.] I said, and then gave my mother a deep hug. In doing so, I also settled my resolve. We did not have the aid of the Hidan or of Rimir. But, there was still one place I could still get more help.

[I have to get something.] I told her as I got down out of her lap. [Can I ask the two of you to find the messenger? We will need to get directions.]

[Of course.] She said, after which her and Eirlathion promptly ran off.

I cast a weary gaze at Rimir, who was still fixing me with a rather contemptuous glare. I did not understand what set him off like that. I would have to ask Eirlathion later. But for now, I had some recruiting to do.

I turned back toward the forest of grass and took a deep breath. It’s time to undo some of this damage, and get a few more living weapons and a lot more bio-mass in the process.

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