Chapter 5: 5

Shimono Nanaya and Kamijou Touka

“You’re such a great girl, Touka-chan.”

“You’re so reliable.”

“You’re so polite.”

Ever since I was a young child, I received praise over praise. But in reality, I was terrified of being scolded, so I did what I could to make everyone happy. This oddly enough led to these results. There’s no person who would hate to receive praise, huh? I was no exception of course. I felt happy, wanted to be praised more, and worked harder. Especially when it came to my academic efforts.

My mom’s a beautician, but I was always clumsy with my hands like my father, which is why I instead focused everything on studying, which led to me being praised again. That made me happy in return. However, I thought it’d be lame if people around me knew I was happy, so I tried to keep my composure and feelings a secret. That’s when I received more praise for being so calm and polite. It felt weird being praised for what was essentially my own weakness, but as I worked hard to achieve that, it didn’t matter much. Of course, Mom easily saw through that.

My weak personality didn’t vanish despite all that work of course, but the experience and knowledge I gathered helped solidify my being. My older brother called it self-management. A human’s psyche isn’t set up by but one piece. A personality is built upon several pieces, all corresponding to one aspect. Many of these are gathered over the course of one’s life, and the more you have, the greater your confidence. That’s why I don’t hate myself for who I am.

I’m clumsy, a coward, and a weakling, which is why I sometimes come to hate myself. But even so, I don’t think I’ve chosen the wrong life. I’ve done everything I could…except one thing. Truthfully, I’ve gathered many pieces in my life. However, there’s one I’ve never actually achieved—Love. In a way, that’s an expected result. After all, my specs aren’t good enough to level up that skill. No matter how many other pieces I may gather, it’ll always be out of my reach. I’m aware that it was on display for me. It may have been attainable for me.

Then, why did I not reach for that pack of pieces? Once more, I’m a coward. If I tried to move outside of my puzzle, all the pieces beneath me would fall apart. Plus, that one piece is a lot more powerful than any of the others I have. And in order to change me, I have to change the entire puzzle. And I’m sure that most people know how difficult it is to change oneself.

It might be simple to say, but I doubt many people succeeded. Especially someone like me who is always putting up a fake personality, someone who has already gathered all the pieces necessary, now going through a mountain of them. Changing the puzzle is close to impossible. That’s why I wished to be given a second chance in the shape of this time travel. However, I shouldn’t have relied on that. Nothing’s guaranteed to work out. Expectedly so…since I’m clumsy. Some clumsy person like me couldn’t hope to suddenly paint a new picture. What color should I choose? Where should I put it? Even these simple steps had me staggered. And before I realized it, half a year passed.

And while I was spending my days in confusion and hesitation, a girl with a similar situation as me appeared—Ushiki Oguri. She’s just like me, just like any other coward. However, she was reaching for the pack that had the love piece in it. She confessed to Nanaya-kun once in middle school, and even though she was rejected by him, she still worked as hard as she could. For two years, even.

Compared to that, I wasted half a year doing nothing, which just made me feel pathetic. While crying, she told me that she couldn’t change anything. And truthfully, we may not have been able to get rid of our cowardice. But even so, she’s been taking step after step. I was painfully reminded of the fact that I had a long way to go. Though, I kept on lying to myself, saying that the pack of pieces I reached for didn’t have a love one in it, and I bet I got in her way one too many times, but what’s done is done. Because in the end, we’re the same.

And that’s why we fell in love with the same person. I knew why we two cowards fell in love with the same boy. It’s because Shimono Nanaya accepted us for who we are. By being praised that I’m cool, admirable at my job, clever, and all that…I managed to hide my true self. I was desperate to hide behind the pieces I gathered. And yet, he saw right through that, praising me for even that. He protected such a strict and scary woman over and over. He treated me like a princess. How could a princess not fall in love with such a prince? And in that sense, both Ushiki-san and I are the easiest princesses ever.

But, what’s it matter? This is my one and only life, and I was even granted a second chance. Nobody would blame me if I reached for the pack that has the princess piece in it. It felt like I finally found the courage I needed. And all it took was Ushiki-san and her efforts over the past two years to rebuild her puzzle. She gave me the courage I needed. That’s why, in order to change my puzzle into a pink flower bed, I’m gonna first need that love piece.

Beneath the winter sky on this Christmas Eve, I made up my mind and took out my smartphone as I sat back down on the bench. I’m going to call Nanaya-kun here. I have to apologize for worrying him this past month. I’m done running away. I’m done being some kindergarten child, as Ushiki-san had referred to me. I’m done seeking attention. I’ve played bingo several times over, and I was expecting him to comment on that fact. Thinking back on it, I was really just embarrassing myself.

Maybe I shouldn’t call him after all? Oh crap, I suddenly feel so embarrassed! Yeah, I should stop! I don’t care anymore! Why am I even trying to sound like some psychologist! Onii-chan’s a much better fit for that! I should stop, yep! I’m fine being a coward. This is who I am! So that’s okay! It’s totally okay…but that’d just make me feel bad for Ushiki-san, who pushed my back this much. I’ll just close my eyes and press the call button!

I opened up my address list, clicked on Nanaya-kun’s profile, closed my eyes, and called him. I don’t care what happens now. If he answers, then I’ll think about it then. That’s when I heard a faint ringing sound near the entrance to the terrace. I jumped in shock and turned toward the source of that sound. Shortly after, a boy wearing a suit appeared from behind a pillar. This guy, since when was he watching…! It was none other than Shimono Nanaya.

“E-Ehehe~” He laughed awkwardly as he looked at me.

I gazed down at my phone screen, cutting the call. Immediately after, the ringing sound stopped. Seriously, this guy…! And how fitting it is that we’re facing each other on this holy Christmas Eve.

*

Right after Oguri-chan left me behind, my phone started ringing. The sound of the incoming call escaped my jacket, passed through the cold hair, and reverberated.

“Oh, crap.”

Surely, it must have reached even the chief, who sat on the bench. I opened my phone and checked who was calling me—which turned out to be the chief. I poked out from the shadows to look at her, as she held her phone in both hands. But why’s she closing her eyes? However, she then swiftly opened her eyes and looked toward me. Well, she figured out where the sound was coming from, I’d wager. Can’t help it.

“E-Ehehe~” I flashed an awkward smile as I stepped out of the shadows.

Seeing me, the chief tapped on her phone once, which stopped the ringing sound from my phone. Following that, I made my way toward her.

“Um…Can I sit next to you?” I pointed at the opposite end of the bench the chief sat on.

“…Go ahead.”

It was just about enough space for another person to sit on, so I accepted her kindness. After a brief silence, the chief spoke up first.

“Since when were you watching?”

I hesitated for a moment but decided to give an honest answer.

“From the very beginning.”

“I see…”

I prepared myself to get the scolding of my lifetime, but that was all she responded with.

“It seemed like Oguri-chan lied to everyone that we are dating without me knowing, so things turned quite noisy. I’m sorry about that…I wanted Oguri-chan to apologize to you first, but I was curious how things were going so…I came here.”

“Very much like you, Nanaya-kun.”

“I’m sorry.”

I apologized to the chief, as I always would. But unlike before, she didn’t even look at me.

“If anything, I should apologize for always avoiding you. And I’ve said some horrible things to you, so I’m sorry.”

“No, I knew that you weren’t in the right mind back then.”

“Even so, I did it consciously. I was begging for attention. You heard Ushiki-san just now, right?”

“I don’t know if calling you an attention-seeker is appropriate, but…”

“It’s okay, you don’t need to be kind. It all made sense when Ushiki-san explained it to me.”

“Ahaha…”

This must be one of the chief’s self-deprecating jokes. I can’t see her face, so I can only guess.

“Can I…ask one thing?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you come to the maidenhair tree on the day of the cultural festival, Nanaya-kun?”

Ah, I see. She thinks I botched the promise. I don’t like making Oguri-chan the bad guy, but I’ll need to be honest here.

“Oguri-chan said you’re waiting for me on the rooftop. That’s why I headed there instead.”

“That makes sense. She’s really worked hard, setting up smaller traps like this. I can’t help but admire her efforts.”

“I’d love to agree with that, but I don’t appreciate these traps getting in the way of someone else’s love.”

“…L-Love, is it?”

Ah, crap. I just blurted that out in the heat of the moment, but how am I even supposed to handle this situation? The chief knows that I heard her conversation with Oguri-chan, thus I also am aware of her feelings for me. That brings up the question…is she aware that I feel the same way? She must be, right?

In the end, we may have had a feeling that the other person felt the same way we did, but it was just hard to believe. And considering all the misunderstandings up to this point, matched with Oguri-chan’s meddling, it’s not too hard for us to believe that there was nothing going on. However, reaching this state, there was practically no denying it. If anything, turning our backs on our feelings would be rude, now that Oguri-chan involuntarily gave us both a push. It’s not just me…we both have to change. We can’t keep this relationship as vague as it is.

“That day…back in June when we both went out drinking…do you remember?”

“Of course I do.”

Our time leap began on that day when we visited that weird shrine. Oguri-chan mentioned her time leap started the same way. And, there is one thing I prayed for when standing in front of that shrine.

“When we stood there next to each other, this is what I wished for.”

“…”

“If I was given the chance to redo my encounter with her, then I’d like to try hard and become a man worthy of standing next to her…”

“And that ‘her’ is the person you always admired?”

“Yes.”

“I see…”

“I’ve known you back when I was in high school for the first time, Chief. From the day of the election, I’ve admired you, and that has never changed.” I got up from the bench, stepping in front of the chief.

And then, as I looked directly at her, I continued.

“Kamijou Touka-san, you’re the person I’ve always admired.”

The chief responded to my gaze. The lights of the terrace made her eyes look like they were sparkling, and I continued.

“But, I don’t admire you anymore.”

“Wha…”

“It’s not just that.”

“Nanaya-kun…”

“You’re right in front of me right now. You’re not the senior I admired. You’re also not my strict yet respectable superior who I’d only seen as the unattainable flower. Right now, all I see is the person I spent the last half a year with, experiencing nothing but joy and happiness. Becoming someone who could stand by your side and support you…none of that matters anymore. I just…I love you. You said you wanted to enjoy your youth, and that’s why you wished to travel back in time, right? Then, let me say this…Please, Touka-san…spend your second youth with me!”

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I did all I could to convey my feelings, offering my right hand to Touka-san. I’ve got no proof that she’ll definitely take it. But, that’s fine. My youth ended once without me ever being able to confess my feelings. I’m done regretting that once. I was given this second chance to never regret it again.

“Shimono Nanaya-kun.”

She called my name and stood up.

“You forgot one crucial detail.”

“C-Crucial detail…?”

Her tone was serious. And I had no idea what she was thinking.

“The day after the student council election where Nao-chan sadly lost, I already told you, and you must’ve heard me. But, you hit your head and forgot all about it.”

…Wait, why does she sound angry?

“I’ve told you exactly what I want. I told you what I’ve been feeling all this time!” She glared at me with the sharp gaze of a hawk.

In the end, she didn’t take my hand. How could she, after all—

“I want to spend my second youth with no one but my beloved Nanaya-kun!”

She slipped right past my hand and instead embraced my whole body.

“C-Chief, I can’t breathe.”

“Don’t call me Chief now!”

“Right, sorry…”

Because she hugged me, I couldn’t clearly see her face, but I was certain she must’ve had a beautiful smile.

“But, there is one more thing I need to correct.”

“Correct…?! Am I getting dumped seconds after we start dating?!”

“No, stupid…I don’t want it to just be us two…I want to spend this youth with everyone else…”

“…Of course. That includes Nao, Onikichi, Biwako-senpai, and Oguri-chan.”

“Yeah…let’s enjoy your second youth with everyone.”

“That sounds wonderful, Touka-san.”

“H-Hey, don’t suddenly call me by my name, it’s embarrassing!”

“Which is it now? Seriously.”

“Ahaha.”

I put my hands on Touka-san’s shoulders, closely inspecting her expression. It fit wonderfully with the night. And both of us just looked up at the sky at the same time. Touka-san muttered.

“Snow…”

“Yes…”

“No snow in sight.”

“I figured as much!”

“The weather forecast said it would snow, though!”

“Yep, Onikichi told me. Said it’d be a White Christmas today!”

“It’d just be perfect if it snowed right now!” Touka-san grumbled.

“Yeah, it’d create the most romantic memory ever!”

“But the sky’s as clear as ever!”

“If anything, the moon is in plain sight!”

“Seriously, this god watching us is such a prankster! Then, say it! You know, what. Say it!”

“What are you referring to?”

“Look, the moon.”

“…Ah, I see. Isn’t that a bit old-fashioned?”
“It’s not!”

“You can be such a romantic at times, Touka-san.”

“Don’t call me that!”

“The moon is beautiful tonight1.”

“So blunt and devoid of emotion!”

“You’ve got so many requests…”

“It’d be like changing the author!”

I bet there’s only one couple like us who’d be able to ruin the mood so flawlessly.

“Haha.”

“What are you laughing about, now?”

“I was just thinking that being with you really is the most fun for me.”

“…! You’re such a playboy, after all!”

“Huh? Nobody ever said that to me.”

“It’s scary how you’re not even aware of it. I won’t forgive you if you run off and cheat with some random girl you won over.”

“Scary…you’re back to being a strict superior, huh?”

“What was that?”

“Nothing at all!”

We continued for a while, but no snow fell.

“Guess life doesn’t play out like some TV drama,” Touka-san commented.

“Well, it was just a forecast. You’ll never know what happens in the end.”

“The future is always uncertain…”

“We talked about that right after we came to this time, remember?”

“Did we?” I asked.

“We sure did.”

No matter how far science may progress, and no matter how many clever people work on this project, predicting the future is impossible. Even by using a cheat like traveling back in time, there’s no guarantee that history stays the same. That’s why life can be this fun. And that’s maybe how I was allowed to be together with the person I treasure the most in this world. That God with his shrine probably meant to teach us that we should grasp our future with our own hands.

“Let’s go, Touka-san.”

I offered her my hand.

“Yes, Nanaya-kun.”

She responded by taking mine, and we started walking ahead. Not as subordinate and superior…but as Shimono Nanaya and Kamijou Touka

1 You know, Natsume Souseki’s way of a confession.

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