Chapter 34: Interlude 3

Clarissa was floating. With her eyes closed, a song played itself in her mind, over and over and over. She let it fill her, let the feeling of the cool air on her skin envelop her in peace. She was where she wanted to be, free from the world's worries.

The song was hypnotic, like a lullaby. She felt weightless, buoyant and light. It was as though she were a feather wafted by the wind. The world moved past her, but she did not think about it. She was in the here and now.

Time did not matter. She did not need to think. She just was. It was beautiful. Clarissa knew then that the Divine Creator had given her life to her so she could go on like this forever. She was content with it and knew it would all be okay.

“I feel so… so…” Clarissa trailed off.

“… free.” Her own voice spoke to her, a whisper. She thought it sounded like it came from far away. It was odd, but she didn't mind. It was what she had expected.

“And so happy.” She smiled at the thought. Happiness was a feeling Clarissa couldn't imagine having again.

Clarissa could hear her heart slowing. She could feel the ache in her chest, the pain growing. It told her she was dying. But it was okay. She was home. She had never been so happy in her life before, and she knew this was how it was always meant to be.

The music filled Clarissa's ears, as though she were drowning, with the water slowly draining out of her. The song played the same part over and over, and Clarissa couldn't think about anything else. She didn't need to.

Slowly, the blackness grew around her, her lungs filling, and a feeling of dread came with the pain. Clarity grew in her mind, and she could feel the pain. She could feel it in her soul. The feeling was not fear, for this was joy. She was looking forward to it.

“Looking back, my life has always been a succession of failure.”

When a person died, their entire life would flash before their eyes. Clarissa had never thought of her life as a series of failures before. Yet, with that moment came an understanding that she had been through more than a few.

Clarissa had seen herself as a loser, a failure in all aspects of her life, but that was all in the past. She was looking forward to the next thing, whatever that may be. The feeling in her mind wasn't that she was afraid of death, but that she was looking forward to it.

“Why?” Clarissa wanted to know the reason she felt this way. She had never been this happy in her life, or felt that peace. She would always be grateful to death, whatever it was, for allowing her to find this out.

The feeling grew in intensity, and she thought she could hear her own breathing, just over the music. When the music stopped, so did Clarissa's heart. The world vanished, and it felt like she was standing in a void of total nothingness. She was free from the pain of her heart and the world's worries.

She was home, and she was happy. The blackness spread through her, the fear, like tar, creeping into the very centre of her being. She would not deny it. The blackness had become a part of her now, and she could feel it reaching its peak. She could feel it as it tore her to pieces.

“Your soul has been lost.” A voice from the darkness spoke. It was familiar, but she could not remember where she had heard it before. “It has been stolen from you, as it is the very essence of who you are, and there is no cure for it.”

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“You must take it back before it is too late.” The voice continued. Clarissa couldn't tell where it came from. She didn't care.

The music began again, but it seemed to have a warning in it. It told her it was about to leave. Clarissa wondered why, but it did not matter. She didn't mind. The world was spinning, and it didn't matter where it went. She was home.

The world began swirling, and Clarissa felt a breeze on her skin. She closed her eyes and felt herself floating. She could feel herself pulled back towards earth, and when she opened her eyes, she could feel the air again.

Gravity was pulling her, and it felt like she was falling backwards. She wasn't sure, but she thought she could see the light. It felt like it was getting closer and seemed like it was coming from a distance.

“Please take my hand.” The voice whispered in her ears. Clarissa could not understand what it said, but it didn't bother her. She trusted the voice. She felt as though it was her own, but she wasn't sure.

As gravity pulled her, the light became brighter, as if a huge light bulb had come on. The air was becoming more and more intense. And then a voice. It was so strong she could hardly understand what it was saying.

It was in her mind, but so loud that she couldn't pick up the words. She just felt what it was trying to say, coming from a far away place. She felt something warm at her side and turned to see a hand. Clarissa took it and felt a warmth in her chest. It was the light, the light of all things.

“Do you see it, Clarissa? Do you see what you've been searching for?” The voice was stronger. Clarissa felt as though it was her own, as though she was inside her own head. “It's calling out to you, as you to it. Go to it. Go.”

The warmth in her chest grew, and the voice grew louder and louder. It was as though it was right behind her, whispering in her ear. And then there was silence. Nothing existed except for the warmth inside her, the warmth of the light.

The light was everywhere, and there was a feeling of peace, like all the worries of the world were no longer a part of her. Clarissa had never felt so calm in her entire life. She was no longer a body. She was a part of the cosmos.

“Clarissa?” The voice was back. It was like a lighthouse guiding her back to reality. The voice was reassuring to her. She was safe. “You're okay, Clarissa. Do you understand what I am saying? You're okay. Don't be afraid.”

And so, she did what the voice wanted her to do. She felt the warmth of the light enveloping her, and the feeling was amazing. The light became bigger and bigger, and she knew she would get lost in it. It was as though she was one with the light and everything.

Clarissa found herself floating upwards, and the warm feeling in her chest filled her with the light, and she felt blissful happiness, like nothing she had ever felt before. She could barely feel the blackness anymore, for she had become whole again.

But the blackness was still there. There was no hiding from it. Clarissa felt its presence all around her. It was calling to her. It wanted her to stay in it, to become part of it. However, she would not give in. She had to leave. The voice in her head spoke to her, as clearly as it had ever done before.

“You need to go. Don't you dare think of this place as your home. This place is not your home. It is a prison.”