Chapter 21: Volume 2 - CH 1.4

Jusetsu returned to Enou Palace. Since it would be bothersome to be caught by Kajou again, she went in from the back. Jusetsu called a nearby eunuch to her and asked about Shiken’s condition.

“He seems to be doing fine now. He is currently grinding tea leaves in the back.”

There was a small courtyard behind the rear palace from earlier. Shiken was grinding tea leaves with a tea leaf roller at a table and chair he had brought outside. Next to him, a young eunuch was crouching down, roasting the tea leaves in a pot. He was burning away the moisture within them. The tea was made by grinding the chunks of hardened tea leaves known as “bingcha,” roasting them, and then sifting them and finally boiling them.

The area was faintly filled with the aromatic scent of roasted tea leaves and the fresh scent of grinded tea leaves. The two eunuchs stopped what they were doing and stood up, then bowed towards Jusetsu.

“Fukuji, tell someone to take over the grinding.”

Shiken told the young eunuch. The eunuch named Fukuji lowered his brows in discomfort.

“The palace ladies won’t accept it unless the tea leaves are ground by you, sir. They’ll yell at me.”

It seemed that Shiken was good at grinding tea leaves. “I’ll apologize to them myself,” he said, and drove Fukuji out of the courtyard. He then knelt to Jusetsu once again.

“I was immensely discourteous in front of you a while ago, Lady Raven Consort. I should have been scolded, but instead, you wasted your attention on me by looking after me.”

“Are you feeling better now?”

“Yes, thanks to you, Lady Raven Consort.”

“I only helped you lay down,” Jusetsu went next to the table and peered into the tea leaf roller. “You’re skilled at grinding tea leaves, yes?”

“I am told that the tea leaves I grind smell good when boiled. That is why I am always the one doing this job.”

The tea Ei Sei made was delicious. If he made tea with the tea leaves Shiken grinded, then it would surely be a delicious tea. I should tell Koushun about this, she thought. Or maybe he already drank it before.

Fukuji brought the replacement eunuch, and Shiken led Jusetsu and the others to a building outside the palace. It was a simple and compact building. It seemed to be a eunuch dormitory. After entering a room, Shiken offered Jusetsu a chair. In the room, there were only two chairs, a small table by the latticed window, and a bunk against the wall. It was a simple but clean room. Onkei, Jiujiu, and Ishiha stood behind Jusetsu, facing Shiken.

The sunlight shining in from the window made the dust scattered in the air sparkle. A pale blue shadow was cast onto the wall where the sun didn’t shine. Shiken was framed by the gentle sunlight, yet he seemed to be standing in the shadows.

“We met Oubun,” Even now, Jusetsu still spoke straightforwardly. “So, Yuisa killed a blue swallow.”

Shiken bowed his head. “Yes, that is right.”

Earlier, he had said that he didn’t know the details of the situation because he was a child, but now it seemed that he was ready to talk. That was probably why he brought Jusetsu to his room, where no one else was around.

“I heard that he was trying to get feathers to give to the Swallow Lady.”

“Yes. ——At first, he picked up a feather dropped on the ground. It was the tail feather of a blue swallow. It was a beautiful feather, so Yuisa blew off the dirt and presented it to the Swallow Lady. …She was a kind person, and she had always been considerate to the young Yuisa and I, and she talked to us as well. It might be because she herself was quite young. At that time, she was around fifteen years old, perhaps a bit older. She was a naïve and innocent person who often laughed out loud. It was rare for a consort from a distinguished family.”

A smile appeared on Shiken’s cheeks as he was telling them this. His smile was a mix of nostalgia and sadness.

“The Swallow Lady was also someone who would help me if I collapsed.”

Shiken turned his eyes to Jusetsu. ——Was that why he decided to talk to me? Most likely, it is the secret that he will soon reveal.

“…The Swallow Lady was delighted by the feathers Yuisa presented to her. She didn’t make them into hair ornaments, but seemed to simply enjoy looking at them. Perhaps it was because she wasn’t old enough to be interested in gemstones, but she preferred novelty to beauty. From then on, Yuisa would look for fallen feathers when he wasn’t working. It was easy to find feathers in the woods and forests. But Yuisa was searching for something more beautiful and rarer.”

There, Shiken let out a sigh.

“Before long, Yuisa was catching birds and plucking feathers from them. He used cages and nets so that he wouldn’t accidentally kill them or harm their feathers. When he caught a rare bird, he would tell me about it with a bright smile on his face. However…”

Shiken looked down at his feet. His face was half in shadow.

“The happier Yuisa was, the less delighted the Swallow Lady became. Every time he gave her a feather, her response became duller and duller. She would gradually look more and more uncomfortable. ——The Swallow Lady had gotten bored. The feathers that had been so rare at first had faded. Once she lost interest in them, no matter how many rare feathers he brought, they were only feathers. But the Swallow Lady was too kind to say that she had gotten tired of them. She told him she didn’t need any more, but she didn’t reject him strongly. She only smiled awkwardly. …However, Yuisa wasn’t aware of it. No, he pretended not to be aware of it. He began to chase after the birds even more intently.”

I should have stopped him, Shiken’s voice shook, his head still hanging down.

“But, I couldn’t do it. In fact, I helped Yuisa. I couldn’t tell him, who was desperately trying to catch birds, to stop, nor could I leave him alone. Giving the feathers was the only thing that directly connected the Swallow Lady to Yuisa. He clung to that and couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t stop him because I knew that too well. But if only I had stopped him, then that thing would have never happened.“

He told them that a blue swallow died in the trap that he had set up.

“We set up a net between the branches. The blue swallow that got caught in it seemed to have struggled so badly that it broke its wing. It must have died from weakness. When we found it, it was hanging from the net with its head down. Feathers that probably came loose when it was struggling were scattered in the net and on the ground. …Yuisa was stunned as he looked up at the dead bird. He was in terrible shock. I told him to get it out from the net, and he silently removed the net that was wrapped around the bird’s legs. Killing a bird meant the death penalty. But I said that since we were the only ones there, no one would know if we kept quiet, and we’ll bury the bird properly and mourn for it. Yuisa didn’t say anything, but I thought that meant he agreed. But then, he…”

Shiken swallowed his saliva and shook his head.

“He hugged the cold blue swallow to his chest and…showed it to the Swallow Lady.”

“What?”

Jusetsu had been listening to Shiken tell his story without interrupting until now, couldn’t help but speak up.

“He showed her the bird’s corpse?”

“Yes.”

“Why——”

“I don’t know how exactly Yuisa felt during that time,” Shiken said in a strained voice. “However, I think that was how shocking the bird’s death was to him. When he left with the corpse in his hands, I thought he was going to bury it somewhere unknown, so I was cleaning up the trap. When I returned to the palace, it was too late. Apparently, Yuisa had knelt down beside the Swallow Lady, who was out in the garden, and holding the corpse out with both hands. He told her that he had let it died, and he was crying.”

Jusetsu was at a loss for words. ——Isn’t that akin to going to your own death by yourself?

“I heard that the Swallow Lady screamed and ran back into the palace. Yuisa was captured and sent to the gaol.”

The gaol—that was the eunuchs’ prison.

“The crime was obvious without any need for an investigation. After all, he himself confessed to it…”

And so, Yuisa was executed.

Shiken clasped his hands together in front of his body. His hands were trembling.

“I…I was terrified the whole time. Until Yuisa was executed, I was terrified.”

Jusetsu lifted her gaze and looked at Shiken’s face. “Terrified?”

He nodded. His face was pale. Thinking that he might be sick again, Jusetsu was about to get up, but he immediately said, “I’m okay,” in a thin voice.

“Sit in the chair. I don’t want you to collapse. I want to listen to what you have to say.”

After she gave the order in an annoyed tone purposefully, Shiken finally sat down across from her. However, he still looked pale as he stared at his hands.

“…I was frightened because I was afraid that Yuisa would talk about me as well.”

“About you?”

“I helped set up the trap that killed the blue swallow. I climbed up the tree with Yuisa to hang up the net. I was also the reason that bird died. That’s why, I was worried that he would talk about me in order to lighten his sentence, or because he doesn’t want to be the only one executed…”

Shiken pressed his hands against his forehead.

“It was a terrible and painful experience for me to see Yuisa get executed. At the same time, I was terrified that I would be executed as well. In fact, I wished that Yuisa would get executed quicker, before—”

Before he talked about me, Shiken spat out the words like mud. His pale face was sweating.

“Yuisa was my friend. We entered the inner palace around the same time, and we were the same age. Even when we were hit and beaten by our shifu, we lived and encouraged each other. But I can no longer call myself his friend.”

Shiken bent his body and buried his face in his hands. The sunlight shining on his back was white, dazzling, and painful. Jusetsu cast down her eyes.

“…You’re afraid of dying. That’s natural. I am as well.”

Jusetsu murmured and touched her own hair that was worn up. Her hair that was dyed black. ——Jusetsu, who was a survivor of the previous dynasty, lived in fear and with bated breath. She was afraid of being killed.

“Don’t deny those feelings. You should live your life with regret. Your anguish is your punishment. I am probably still alive now because I have a punishment.”

——That is why I can endure being the Raven Consort. Because it’s my punishment for letting my mother die.

Shiken lifted his head and stared at her face for a few seconds. It was as if the sense of guilt that had been nestled deep within their hearts had been understood by each other. Shiken’s expression softened, and something like a tearful smile appeared on his face.

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“Yes. ——It’s exactly as you’ve said.”

Thank you, he quietly said. His face and voice had regained their composure. There was a clear calmness in his eyes, but at the same time, there was also a shadow of weariness. Even if the incident was in the past, it could be a serious felony if he assisted in the killing of a bird. She wondered if he confessed because he wanted to expose it and feel at peace.

Jusetsu shifted her eyes to the window, and then looked at Shiken again.

“Did Yuisa ever say ‘I’m sorry’ in the Hatan language?”

“The Hatan language? I was taught a few words by him, but I don’t believe he has taught me ‘I’m sorry’…”

“Ishiha,” Jusetsu turned around. Ishiha straightened his back. “Try saying ‘I’m sorry’ in the Hatan language.”

“Yes,” he answered, and then said something. Shiken’s eyes widened when he heard that, and then he nodded.

“I do remember that word. ——Yuisa kept saying it to the dead blue swallow.”

―I’m sorry, I’m sorry…

Were those words directed to the blue swallow?

“Yuisa continuously apologized to the blue swallow he caused the death of.”

When she said that, Shiken dropped his gaze.

“Was that why…he went to the Swallow Lady to tell her that he caused the swallow’s death? To make up for what he regretted doing.”

“…Perhaps he finally realized his own shallowness after allowing this small life to die tragically.”

He wanted to make the Swallow Lady happy, to get close to her, to be liked by her, to have her smile at him—he was gradually going deeper and deeper into the abyss. By the time he realized it, there was no way to return to the shore.

——How should I send that ghost to paradise?

There was no need for him to suffer after his death. That should be left to the living. Jusetsu put her fingers to her temples, deep in thought. “Lady Raven Consort,” Shiken called out to her.

“Are you investigating in this way in order to save Yuisa’s ghost?”

“…I do not know if I can save him.”

“But, you are trying to save him.”

Shiken stood up and approached his bunk. He crouched down and took out a small box from under it. He opened the lid and returned to Jusetsu with the object within in his hand.

He put it on the table.

“——This is…”

Jusetsu took it in her hand and stared at it. It was a clear, deep blue feather. When the sunlight hit it, the color changed slightly to aquamarine.

It was a blue swallow’s tail feather.

“…It belonged to the blue swallow that died. I was going to get rid of it, but I just couldn’t…”

Because I feel like Yuisa’s heart is there, he said.

Jusetsu stared at the feather intently, and then muttered, “I see, so it’s the dead blue swallow’s feather.” Then, she headed towards the door.

“We’re going to Hien Palace.”

Onkei swiftly moved ahead and opened the door. Before she exited the room, she turned back to Shiken.

“Are you coming with us as well?”

“I have work here, so—”

“I’ll ask Kajou.”

Jusetsu immediately went to Kajou’s palace and left after receiving permission to borrow Shiken. He hurried to follow her. They had been three when they left Yamei Palace, but now they were five. They headed for Hien Palace, trailing after Jusetsu. The Swallow Lady would no doubt hear about it if this many people wandered around her palace, so they visited it from the front to avoid any trouble.

“You’re the Raven Consort? Oh my, how scary…”

She met the Swallow Lady for the first time in front of the palace. She was a pretty woman. She was about twenty years old, or perhaps even older. However, her gestures and words were younger than her age. She covered her mouth with a fan and stared at Jusetsu fearfully. She seemed to be afraid of the Raven Consort.

“Eh? The garden? Ah, yes, please feel free to use it as you like.”

That was all she said before she was about to retreat within, when she suddenly turned around and said, “Hey, there isn’t a ghost in the garden, is there? I just can’t deal with those kinds of things.”

Her eyebrows were lowered in sincere distress. It was such an innocent, girlish expression that a small smile appeared on Jusetsu’s lips. She’s a much more charming and endearing woman than I, she thought. The Swallow Lady blinked in surprise at Jusetsu’s smile.

“I merely wish to see the rabbit-ear irises in your garden. They must be beautiful. Would you be kind enough to give some to me?”

“Y-Yes—please, take as many as you want.”

The Swallow Lady’s face flushed red, as though flustered. She told an attendant nearby to lead them there and then, hiding her face with the fan, ran into the palace. She might be from a distinguished family, but she was just like a child.

She knew where the garden was without needing a guide, but she followed the attendant. When they came to the rabbit-ear irises, the attendant handed flower scissors to Jiujiu and withdrew.

Jusetsu took out a peony from her hair and blew on it. The pale red smoke wafted over the rabbit-ear irises. Yuisa’s figure emerged.

“Yuisa!”

Shiken shouted. However, Yuisa’s eyes didn’t move even at that voice. His hand was gripping a blue feather.

Jusetsu took out the feather from her pocket. It was the blue swallow’s tail feather that Shiken kept. She clasped it between her palms and blew a thin puff of air on it. A deep blue smoke rose from the space between her palms. The smoke, wavering up and down as if confused, gradually began to gather in one place. It trembled, and it repeatedly seemed to come together for one moment before coming loose and dispersing. Jusetsu reached out and traced the smoke with her fingers. As if guided by her, the smoke gathered and solidified. The blue smoke became a blue mass, and one by one, feathers appeared and became wings. Strikingly deep and vivid tail feathers budded and grew out tautly.

A beak, eyes, and feet were formed. With a single, clear, high-pitched cry, the bird flapped its wings. Jusetsu held out her finger, and it perched on it.

Yuisa’s eyes were looking at the bird. The beautiful bird that was resting on Jusetsu’s finger.

She moved her finger. The blue swallow flapped it wings and flew up. Yuisa suddenly stepped forward and reached out his hand. The blue swallow flew around in a small circle, then went towards him and landed on his finger. Its small claws were gripping it.

Yuisa lifted his hand and looked at the blue swallow from the front. Its beak was buried in its feathers as it groomed itself. Yuisa’s eyes became tinged with moisture, and before they knew it, the tears were overflowing. His lips moved and his voice leaked out. ——I’m sorry, he was saying.

This blue swallow was Yuisa’s last regret. His remorse for causing the death of this bird still held him here. It was something he could be released from now.

The blue swallow flew away from Yuisa’s finger. After dancing in the sky and singing beautifully, it disappeared in a puff of smoke, seemingly blending into the color of the sky. Only a faint wisp of its singing lingered behind.

Yuisa looked up after the blue swallow disappeared. He could see its figure slowly fading away. He turned his head back and let out a faint breath.

“Yuisa.”

Shiken called his name. This time, Yuisa turned to him. He looked at Shiken with a blank face. Then, a gentle smile broke out on his face, and he said something along with laughter. After that, Yuisa’s figure disappeared as if blown away by the wind. His faint laughter lingered in their ears. It was a thin, light sound.

The blue swallow feather fell on top of the rabbit-ear irises. Jusetsu picked it up and returned it to Shiken. He stared intently at the feather handed to him. It was a deep blue feather, the color of a summer sky that seemed to suck one into it.

“——I think he probably didn’t recognize Mr. Shiken at first,” Ishiha murmured. “That was why he looked blank. But then, he recognized you and laughed. Did you hear what he said at the end?”

“I knew he said something, but I couldn’t catch it,” Jusetsu responded. “Was it a Hatan word?”

“Yes. ——He said, ‘Tonkaji.’”

“What does that mean?”

“It means ‘friend.” It’s a word you use to call someone, like ‘My friend,’ or something like that.”

Shiken held his breath. He stared at the spot above the rabbit-ear irises where that figure could no longer be seen. He seemed to be murmuring, Yuisa, but no sound came out of his mouth. The hand holding the feather was trembling.

Jusetsu stared at the feather he was holding. No one heard her murmur, Friend, huh.

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