Chapter 80: LXXIX

"ARE YOU cheating on my best friend with him?"

Laia didn't hesitate to ask Jake once they settled inside Sawyer's SUV which strangely smelled familiar.

She noticed how Jake's grip on the steering wheel tightened before turning to her with an expression that almost seemed like he was already expecting her blunt question.

"So are you?" Laia repeats when Jake didn't answer her question and instead acted like he heard nothing.

The boy sighs deeply. "I am not cheating on Brie--"

"Then what was that all about?"

Laia was already conflicted on what to feel and believe after she just found out that the boy who was supposed to have mutual feelings with her was spotted in Germany acting all lovey-dovey with his supposed ex-girlfriend and now she finds out that her best friend's boyfriend is all lovey-dovey with Samuel's older brother as well.

Great. How many more surprises is she supposed to encounter today?

The girl definitely cannot handle one more.

"I'm not," Jake insists but it seemed as if he was convincing himself not Laia. "Sawyer's just a... friend,"

"Do friends leave hickeys on one another's necks and collarbones?"

Laia was drunk, not blind. Her eyes didn't miss how Sawyer had an almost identical love mark on his collarbone which she saw closely when he crouched down to her level earlier.

Jake looked away. "He was drunk,"

"I am drunk," Laia points at herself, growing more frustrated every time Jake denied his obvious association with Sawyer. "Do you see me leaving love marks on any of your body parts?"

"Laia, please," Jake turns to her completely once they stopped at a red light. "Please not now--"

"Then when?" Laia chuckles dryly. "When should I tell my best friend? Never? Should I not tell Brie at all? Are you best friends with Samuel because you two like leading the people who like you on and cheating on them in the long run when you're in the mood to try someone else?"

Laia didn't miss how hurt Jake looked. His jaw clenched but he didn't say anything to defend himself or his best friend.

"Won't you defend your best friend?" Laia knew she should stop but maybe it was her drunken state or maybe she was just making her drunken state a reason to say everything that she wanted to say out loud. "Or at least yourself? Huh? Don't you have anything to say for yourself, Jake?!"

"Laia,"

"Tell me!" 

"I don't love him," Jake says. "I love Brie,"

Laia scoffs. "Does he know that?"

Jake turns away from Laia's angry gaze. "He knows,"

"Hah," Laia threw her hands up in the air. "Just like how I'm supposed to know that I was just someone your best friend liked for three months?"

"Why are you bringing Samuel into this--"

"Because you're way too similar after all? I don't know Jake, you tell me!"

Jake stopped the car right in front of Laia's house, which the girl didn't notice until she looked outside. "Laia,"

"What?!"

"I am not cheating on Brie," His words were firm and it almost made Laia want to believe the boy but she turned away from his pitiful expression. "I would never cheat on her,"

"Sawyer," The boy sighs deeply. Laia could hear how much it frustrated the boy to think of Sawyer and how it agonized him at the same time. It seems like there was more to the picture than she thought but honestly she couldn't think of a single reason at the moment as to why should she try to understand their side.

Nobody tried thinking of what she might feel all those months when the asshat was just apparently leading her on, right?

Maybe it was her stubbornness or maybe it was because of how angry she was at Samuel and she had no one else to pour her frustration but at Jake.

"Sawyer's a close friend," Jake says. "I first met him when he visited Samuel out of nowhere in his condo,"

"He had always been clingy and expressive when it comes to me," Laia didn't miss how Jake smiled briefly. "I never thought much of it until now when you shouted at me and accused me of cheating on your best friend,"

Laia rolled her eyes but decided against screaming at the boy again. Her headache was really bad already so she opted to just listen to the boy rather than start another argument once more.

"If I were being honest, I don't know what to do and what to feel about him," Jake lets out another heavy sigh and looks away. "But what I do know is that I am in love with your best friend and I do not want to hurt her again,"

"So you're okay with the fact that you'll end up hurting Sawyer for Brie?"

"He's not serious about me,"

Laia thinks back to how Sawyer looked at Jake in a way that was definitely not how Jake describes it. She decides not to mention what she saw, the fear of Jake changing his mind about Brie once she tells him is a huge factor in her decision.

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It might be unfair to Sawyer but Laia just doesn't want to see Brie crying over Jake again. She'd rather it be just her lamenting in agony until college starts than Brie who would probably have more difficulty moving on compared to Laia.

Give or take, Laia could probably move on from that fucking asshole in a matter of two months. Or maybe three.

Or maybe it's just her drunken state talking shit.

"If you're so sure that he's not serious about you then stop meeting or contacting him altogether," Laia says. Guilt was eating her but she ignored the pit in her stomach. It's not like she hated Sawyer or was punishing him for what his younger brother did to her but it felt like she was with the words that were coming out of her mouth. "Focus on Brie and stop making her feel bad about herself due to your relationship,"

It was selfish. Laia knew that she was being selfish and horrible to Sawyer but she only wanted what was best for her best friend.

She didn't want Brie to end up just like her.

Laia could see regardless of the darkness inside the SUV how Jake's fists tightened. "Okay,"

"Okay?"

The smile on the boy's face was too fake. "Okay."

Laia ignores it and nods, proceeding to step out of the car after saying a few words of gratitude and goodbye. She watched the SUV leave until it became no less than a dot. 

Closing the door behind her, the house was still empty and cold. Laia slowly fell into a sitting position just in front of the living room as she absentmindedly looked around. 

The skull-cracking headache from earlier had disappeared and was replaced by a feeling of nausea that Laia tried to ignore but later on, she couldn't, so she ran towards the bathroom and started vomiting everything that she drank and ate earlier until the bathroom smelled like whisky, vomit, and loneliness.

Laia thought that she was already done with crying but with the tears that started to fall to her hands and thighs apparently, she was not. The girl looked into nothingness and let her tears fall like a damned waterfall without doing anything, not even bothering to wipe them as it would just prove to be useless.

"Ugh," The girl groans loudly before standing up and deciding that her crying was enough for the day. "I should just go to sleep already,"

She blindly made her way to her bedroom, bumping into the walls and even almost tripping in the process before she finally was able to lay down on her bed. 

But of course, just like how her body wouldn't allow her to sleep whenever she still had things that bothered her and made her overthink, Laia wasn't able to fall asleep despite how much she hugged her pillow or hid underneath her blanket.

Even her trusted breathing exercises weren't effective.

"What if I try counting sheep," Laia mumbles, staring at the ceiling. "Or maybe wolves or chickens or how many ways can I murder that fucking asshole in his sleep,"

Ugh, great. 

Thanks a lot, brain. Now Laia's back to thinking about the asshat's aggravating face and existence.

Just like a tidal wave, all the memories from the entire school year that she spent in the constant presence of the asshat came back to her. All the bad, the good, and the undeniably unforgettable experiences.

Undeniably unforgettable experiences being the last four months that they spent together being almost a couple. Honestly, Laia doesn't even know how to label their previous relationship. Mutual-feelings? Mutually-together? Mutually together but not really? Pre-boyfriend and girlfriend?

And yet, even if she doesn't know how to label their relationship that lasted for only four months and almost a half (if the asshat didn't decide to ghost (is that the term?) her) she cannot deny that there was still a part of her that misses the boy.

Laia slapped herself repeatedly until a sudden impulse made her reach for her phone and press "call" once she saw Samuel's photo and number amongst her contacts.

The only sensible part of her brain tried convincing her to just go to sleep instead of messaging the boy (the same boy!) who was the reason why she cannot sleep in the first place but her drunken state wouldn't allow her.

She started typing furiously.

Laia: R u happy there

Laia: huh

Laia: after leaving without a single word

Laia: are u happy there with ur gf huh

Laia: R U HAPPY RESPOND TO ME

Laia: WHY WONT U MESSAGE ME BACK

Laia: R U HAPPY IN GERMANY HUH

Laia: if i see u again i will mdiwmwmka

Laia: ud wnidkqmls

Laia: i fuckiwmdnw uwbsuwkw

The screen of her phone blurred due to the tears that once again threatened to escape her eyes. Recognizing the same feeling before her breaking down earlier, Laia threw her phone towards the floor and covered her face with a pillow, screaming obscenities into it.

The last thing that Laia saw before her eyes closed for that day was how her phone lit up for a split second before it turned off.

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