Chapter 108: Chapter 108: Trust

 

While some were still laughing and he himself had an amused smirk on his face, Deckard came up and offered me his hand. “Come on, get up.”

Just because I laughed with him didn’t mean he was forgiven. However, I had so many questions, questions about the classes I could choose from, questions I didn’t want to ask here surrounded by so many strangers.

So I accepted his proffered hand, and with his help, got back on my feet.

Of course, I let go of my best friend and wrapped him back around my waist to keep at least a bit of dignity. Sage did a great job of keeping me calm, relatively. His services were no longer needed, though. The dread that gripped my gut and squeezed my heart was gone, replaced by immense relief and tremendous joy.

“I will no longer have to be a slave,” I whispered.

“In my eyes, you never were, girl.”

What was that supposed to mean? More bullshit like an Overgrown Duster? Ah, no! That wasn’t it. Guess he was telling the truth. After all, he never took me as a woman, either. To him, I was always just a girl. 

Damn, that guy was giving me a hard time. I should have been mad at him, but instead, I fought the urge to hug him.

Fuck it!

I wrapped my arms around him in an embrace, fluttering wings in delight while doing so. “Thank you.”

The genuine surprise on his face was priceless. The poor man didn’t even know whether to hug me back or not. In the end, he went for an odd pat on my head. The whistle of some guardsmen seeing more behind my hug than there was made it even more awkward.

“I understand you hate your class, but you shouldn’t rush your decision,” he said, glancing around. “Like some idiots.”

A chuckle escaped my throat. “No...no, no, no,...I have so many questions.” I said, ignoring the loud disapproval of some of the city guards, men and women, at his remark. 

“I’m sure, but not here.” He said and paused. “You can let me go now, girl.”

Oh, sure, I let him out of my embrace, now feeling a bit embarrassed the hug lasted longer than I intended. Even more so when my stomach rumbled again, reminding me and everyone else of my hunger.

“Maybe a proper lunch first?” I asked, while wondering where the healer who deserved my thanks had gone. He did a damn good job, as my regeneration didn’t cause me any more pain, but my hunger remained.

“Hmm, lunch...what do you say, San?”

Rayden nodded at Deckard’s question. “Reasonable. I think all of Squad Four earned it.”

“Not me, Captain?” came a familiar, sonorous voice.

“You think you did, Farshine?”

Clay, how could I forget the guardsman who made me push through the last level to class evolution? He stood among the guardsmen, thoughtfully scratching the back of his head as his eyes fell on me. Was he pissed? I couldn’t tell.

“Think twice before you answer me. You were nearly beaten by someone with no class evolution and no training.” Rayden warned him the moment he took a breath to answer.

“Sorry, ma’am.”

“You should! It’s nothing to be proud of,” she said sharply, raising her voice for all to hear. “Instead, it reflects badly on all Castiana City Guards, including me!”

She let her words sink in. “I don’t want you to have the kind of determination that Grey showed here. That’s extreme, but you’ve all seen where it can get you. She matched one of you, you who’ve trained for years. How do you intend to keep order on the streets when more like her show up?”

“Are there more freaks like her?” It wasn’t Clay who said it, but it didn’t matter. I didn’t blame them, as it wasn’t strange for them to think that, not after what I showed them. Hell, if I were in their shoes, I’d think the same. That didn’t mean I didn’t mind.

“Turner, if you mean people willing to go further than you, then yes. Out there in the streets, there are people cornered by despair. You heard what Aspen Werley did when she thought she had no other way, and you saw what Grey pulled off. So open your fucking eyes, stop sitting around with your thumb up your ass, and start trying too.”

“Can’t she just order them to train harder?” That was the one thing she could do as captain, right?

Deckard smirked. “She could, and trust me, she tried. It’s just that if these assholes don’t put their hearts into it, not much will change. If you do it out of sheer force, it can only take you so far.”

“Really? Because I hated what I was, what Dungreen was doing to me yet...” My inner voice broke. Was he trying to say I wanted to suffer through it all?

With one hand in his pocket, he flicked my forehead with the other, too fast for me to avoid. 

“You weren’t listening. I said it would only take you so far, not that it’s utterly pointless. However, there is a limit, I would say, around the level...”

“One hundred and twenty.“ I finished for him.

He raised an eyebrow. “So you’ve noticed, good.”

“I’m not blind, but there are stronger guardsmen.” I pointed out. Was it individual? What about the master guards?

“That level is the limit of where training will take you if you lack any motivation. The army faces the same problem, and such soldiers make up the majority. Foot soldiers.”

He didn’t say it, yet the word cannon fodder popped into my head. An earthly term that may not have existed here at all. I didn’t notice any cannons mounted on the city walls, even magical ones.

“Then there are those who put some effort into their training and their profession. They may enjoy it, they may have some reason that pushes them a little further, but it hardly ever gets them past the hundred fifty. They lack the drive, the desire, and the courage to get past two hundred.”

“Desire?” When I looked around, I saw a couple of guys and gals whose looks gave me creeps.

“Don’t confuse envy with desire. Willingness might be a better word. They are not willing to make sacrifices or suffer to get further. By all means, don’t feel sorry for them. It’s their choice. You know very well how unfair life is. It doesn’t give you anything for free, and it can take what little you have in the blink of an eye.”

Harsh, but true.

“Ah, it looks like San has finished speaking her mind. Now, go and shake hands with that guardsman, girl.”

“Show good sportsmanship, huh?” I was gonna do it, anyway.

He gave me a shrug. “To make sure how things are between you two.”

To see if he had any grudges, huh? I get it. However, that thought didn’t make it any easier for me to approach him. What if he had one? A grudge. I didn’t have the strength for another confrontation, even a verbal one. I was glad to be standing on my own two feet.

The fact that he didn’t frown at me when I reached him was a good sign. I was prepared for insults and spittle. 

“Are we good?” I know, not the smoothest way to ask.

The guardsman chortled. “To be honest, seeing you turn into a beast fucking pissed me off.”

“First time I’ve ever done that.” I cut in quickly, knowing right away that it would require clarification. “I mean, went so far with...the change.”

“That just makes it even harder to be shit up at you. You know I thought you were trying to sneer at me, to show me who’s stronger and that you didn’t need your full power until that moment when you did that...beast thing.”

Yeah, I kind of got that when he shouted at me after the change. “Trust me, that wasn’t....”

“Don’t!” He stopped me. “The Captain has already given me an earful. Plus, if you went half-heartedly into it, you definitely wouldn’t get the level. I’m not blind to see that. The way you passed out at the end...what I’m trying to say is, it was a great fight. I even got a few skill-ups, so yes. We are good, Grey.”

That was a relief to hear. It meant one less guy to worry about stabbing me in the back or kidnapping me later. At least I hoped so.

“It’s Korra, Korra Grey” I offered him my hand.

He shook it with a smile on his lips. “I’ll remember that.”

“And you?” Rayden called him Farshine, but...

“Didn’t I say you’d have to beat me to tell you?”

This time, it was me who let out the chuckles. “You call that a win?”

“Absolutely. I wasn’t the one who ate the dirt.”

“Next time, it’ll be you.”

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At that, he shook his head, his eyes flashing with disbelief. “With the rate, you’re growing...I’m not sure I’ll want to fight you next time.”

That sounded like him giving up, like what Deckard was talking about. Clay lacked the motivation, nor did it look like our fight gave him some.

“See you tonight, Korra.”

“Oh, yeah...tonight,” I nodded awkwardly. I still haven’t figured out how to feel about the whole party thing and how to handle it. Should I make any arrangements, find a tavern, get drinks, snacks, that sort of thing? If I should, it will be a very lame party. Firstly, I didn’t have the means, then there was the problem of my lack of participation in any parties, let alone hosting them for the past year. The thought of it now gave me the jitters.

...

But everything that weighed on my mind, gripped my heart, and wrung my guts disappeared when I sat down at the mess hall table with a tray of food in front of me. Marcus and the healer, who I eventually found and thanked, both warned me to take it slow. Also, I remembered stories from World War II of people who ended up in concentration camps. Yet, I couldn’t resist digging into the food like a hungry beast. I was willing to face any problems from doing so, as long as my stomach was full.

“So...” Freyde hesitated with his question, seeing me still stuffing myself with food after refilling the tray for the second time. He, Harper, and Meneur were sitting here with me. Only they had long since finished eating, replenishing their energy. My stomach seemed bottomless, though.

“Hmm?” I looked at him with my mouth full.

“You, when you fought us....” he paused again.

“Damn it, Frey. Just fucking say it!” Harper said, looking at me with a frown. “You didn’t take us seriously, did you?”

At her words, my heart sank. There it was, the resentment.

I swallowed a mouthful, almost choking. “I did. It...”

“It fucking looked like you didn’t to me!”

“The beast thing, if I may say, you looked pretty badass, but...” Freyde paused again, searching for the right words. “My grandmother would say you fucked with us.”

“It truly seems like we haven’t been able to get you to fight us in earnest,” Meneur added his own insights. “Among taurus warriors, it is a show of strength but also a disgrace to the weaker ones.”

“Look...” I let out a sigh. “In that form, I can’t talk, and I really wanted to get to know you.”

“That’s your reason? Are you shitting me?”

“Harper, I...” If I wanted to regain their trust, I had to come clean. “I was afraid of what you would think of me. Look at me. I’m freak enough as it is.”

I don’t know what I expected, but the fact that none of them denied it spoke a sad truth.

“So what are you, Korra Grey?” asked Meneur. “You’re not kirin, you said as much yourself. I can tell you’re not a terran, either.”

It wasn’t much of a secret anymore, but just in case, I pulled out the Silencer Deckard had given me for talk like this. A small magical tool that fit into my limited spatial storage and served to shield unwanted ears from hearing us. As soon as I put it in the middle of the table, Meneur’s eyes sharpened, and his ears pricked up.

“Silencer, strong one.”

“Expensive as hell,” Freyde added. “How did you get it?”

“My mentor,” I said no more and activated the Silencer.

“Deckard, right?” he asked, and I nodded.

“Damn!” Harper shook her head. “I still can’t believe you’re his apprentice. It’s Deckard, one of the strongest seekers in the city we’re talking about.”

“One of the strongest?”

Freyde smirked. “I hope he wasn’t trying to tell you he was the strongest, Korra.”

“I didn’t ask. Actually, I didn’t care.” I said, thinking back. “He helped me, and that was enough.”

“Pretty gullible of you, but...he helped you?” Harper asked. “Why? I thought he actually lives in Fallens Cry.”

“True, indeed.” Meneur nodded. “He is very well known among the taurus clans. A few years back, he was a rising star among the seekers, then...rumor has it he gave up and wants to pass the throne to someone else.”

“That’s not true,” I argued.

“We know,” Freyde said. “It’s just that he never tried to deny these rumors, so...care to enlighten us?”

Okay, I tried asking Deckard, but the Union Rings had limited range, and apparently, he was nowhere near. So I had no choice but to consider myself, what to say and what to keep secret.

“I won’t tell you the reason he was looking for an apprentice. That’s for him to say. However, why he chose me...actually, I don’t know what he sees in me.” It was true. He said I was a miracle, but he never told me the exact reasons. If I had to guess, he went with his gut feeling.

“You’re kidding me, right?” Harper stared in disbelief. “Who wouldn’t want someone like you as an apprentice?”

Now I was the confused one. “Me?” People wanted me for experiments, not as an apprentice. For some reason, Deckard was an exception.

“If I counted right and my eyes didn’t deceive me, you leveled up twice in a few hours,” Freyde said, then leaned closer. “It’s not some kind of illusion, is it?”

“It’s not,” I replied, not really grateful to be reminded of my class evolution. The initial excitement that I would no longer have to be a slave had quickly turned to dread. What was supposed to feel liberating was making me feel even worse, the fear of better options.

That’s why I tried to put it out of my mind during the meal, not to think about it until I discussed my options with Deckard. In retrospect, Freyde was not to blame, as I found it impossible not to think about it despite my best efforts, anyway.

“You heard Deckard congratulating her,” Meneur reminded him, and stopped. “Where are my manners? Congratulations on achieving class evolution, Korra. I hope to follow in your hoofsteps one day.”

“Same here,” Freyde added quickly. “Congrats, too.”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s what we all want. It’s the reason why the hell are we here...” Harper rolled her eyes. “What I want to know is how you did it. I get the shit that the classes aren’t straightforward, but your guts to go that far...that’s some crazy shit. How?”

“Honestly, when you fell to the ground, I thought for a second you were dead,” said the would-be-elf, showing his bookkeeper side again. “Don’t take this the wrong way. I’m glad I was wrong.”

Later or now, it didn’t matter. They should know, so I shook my head. “No, I died. Starved to death, actually.” 

Thinking about it, if it weren’t for the healer, I could have ended up in a horrible cycle of death, with regeneration bringing me to life and killing me at the same time. The thought sent shivers down my spine. 

The puzzled expressions of the three made it more than obvious that they didn’t quite follow. 

“My regeneration,” I said. “It’s really, really good!”

To my surprise, Meneur was the first to speak. “Captain Rayden mentioned it makes you a good tank for the squad. She didn’t say anything about it being able to bring you back from the dead, though. Are your skills truly as low-leveled as she said?”

“I had my doubts when I fought you. Now I doubt even more. Such regeneration is a matter of tier five skills, if not tier six and above.”

I gave Freyde I-don’t-know-what-to-tell-you look. How was I supposed to prove to them it was true? Use the Identification Station in front of them? Where would I even get one? Whatever! I wouldn’t have done it anyway.

It was up to them whether they trusted me or not, but if they couldn’t...then I should ask myself if I could trust them.

“Nah, I fucking doubt Rayden would lie,” Harper grumbled. “She’s got righteousness shoved up her ass. But if you’re not lying and you died. Then I’m even more curious to know what made you do it. Hell, I know I wouldn’t go that far.”

“Well,” I scratched the back of my neck and looked at the taurus. “You asked me what I was, Meneur. I’ll tell you what I used to be, a human. Since what I am now has already gotten me kidnapped twice. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention what I’m about to tell you anywhere.”

Even if they opened their mouths later, it probably wouldn’t make any difference. Those interested in me already knew more than enough about me. But a little warning couldn’t hurt. 

After they promised to keep it to themselves, I told them about the experiments and what they made of me. I shared with them how weak and helpless I felt at my captor’s hands and how that hadn’t changed even after gaining my freedom. 

Not having to look over my shoulder with fear for the rest of my life was what drove me to push on past my limits, even at the cost of my life.

“....there are worse things than death. Trust me.”

 

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