Chapter 39: 34

Chapter 34

He Is Always Bullied

Translated by boilpoil
Edited by boilpoil

 

Bai Yao didn’t notice it until now.

The wind.

Loud, deafening wind.

He stands up from the bed and looks outside the window. There is nothing but darkness outside. The rain is still strengthening, and if the weather forecast is accurate, it will turn into a full-blown thunderstorm tonight.

Waves are lashing, taller and mightier than it usually is. The white foam in the ocean disguises the force the water strikes the land with. Bai Yao cannot see, but he can imagine the reeds near the ocean being devastated right now.

What his enhanced vision as a beastkin can see, though, is what is near the bottom of the stairs of the beach.

A group of sea otters. The same ones that frequent this area.

They are all holding each other’s paws tightly, forming one tight, impregnable fortress that stands up against the gale and the tempest. Thanks to this, they will not disperse or scatter no matter how severe the storm becomes. From his angle, Bai Yao can see only one cohesive, grey mass, that leaves only their fuzzy but firm backs exposed.

The roaring all around them does not even perturb their sleep the slightest.

Mu Mu’er can feel Bai Yao moving over the bed, and tightens his grip around Bai Yao’s finger. He is afraid he will suddenly go away.

Bai Yao looks down at Mu Mu’er’s grip. He is grabbing Bai Yao’s fingers tightly. So tightly his joints go pale. Even Bai Yao can feel a slight pain of suffocation around his firm fingers.

This is the moment when Bai Yao thinks he understands what happened.

The sea otters… They must have been exclusionary to Mu Mu’er, haven’t they?

They do not treat him as one of them, but as a strange, foreign creature.

Mu Mu’er has told him before he did not transform. He has lived in the oceans for a long time before meeting Bai Yao. Perhaps, with those sea otters. His scars, the wounds, weren’t a result of human or even beastkin abuse. But, from the sea otters that exclude him.

Mu Mu’er is not afraid of the rain or the storm. He fears isolation, separation and possible death to follow, and fears the sea otters that would not reciprocate holding his paws.

Bai Yao’s heart is sinking. He is devastated he did not realise this truth any sooner. How did he not recognise Mu Mu’er’s wounds for scratches by sharp claws and for serious, non-playful bites by animals?

Beastkins are as different from true wild animals as they are from humans – especially in their scent and pheromones. They are not the same. The same way humans are not fish, beastkins are not animals.

In the same way, if Bai Yao transforms back into his snow leopard self, and tries to approach a real snow leopard on a snowy peak, he will be repulsed and reviled, attacked, even mauled to death in response.

He didn’t even need to ask. The boy must have tried to hold hands with other sea otters as per the instincts of his animal form, but they fought him away. He did not smell like them. He was an animal and a human.

He was attacked by creatures that are savage enough to hunt even bullhead sharks. Mu Mu’er was only a weak ‘creature’ that did not even smell like them.

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Bai Yao is angry. He doesn’t even know who he is angry at. He can’t be angry at nature’s wind and rain that none can control, or be angry at the group of sea otters for being themselves. Yet it is unfair. Why must fate be so cruel against as good as boy as Mu Mu’er.

Mu Mu’er, being the sensitive soul that he is, can feel Bai Yao’s frustration and anger. He pauses for a moment, before looking around and settling on his hand in Bai Yao’s palm. Is he angry because of him? He struggles his hand free, and shrinks himself even further into a small, miserable pile, looking up in fright.

“No need to hold hands. No need,” he pleads, “don’t be angry. Yaoyao. Yaoyao don’t be angry.”

It is like being caught in a fishing net with a sharp, dense mesh. It tightens, and wounds Bai Yao. Blood begins to ooze, and then a paralysing numbness.

He feels so sorry. So sorry for Mu Mu’er, who cannot know any better, who is bullied and harassed. If only he can turn Mu Mu’er even smaller, as small as a shell, that he can keep in his pocket close to his heart, that he can remain by his side, safe at all times.

And then, from his care, from his protection, Mu Mu’er can enkindle a most brilliant pearl from within.

He has opened his mouth wide, but has not a word he can say. He wants to tell Mu Mu’er not to be afraid, but he knows its effect next to useless. How is a simple ‘be not afraid’ going to alleviate the fear of someone so frightened? Qiaohai’s summer features sunny days and stormy days – two separate storms have come and pass this summer already, in fact, when Mu Mu’er must have spent them frozen and isolated with fear.

He can at least offer Mu Mu’er the hot cocoa he whipped out earlier. He gets up to get them. He can only hope sweet sugar can cheer Mu Mu’er up a little.

“Mu’er, don’t worry, I’ll be back immediately,” he touches Mu Mu’er on the head, then pulls up the blanket again.

Though Mu Mu’er doesn’t seem to have heard him clearly. He can only see that Bai Yao is leaving, and immediately follows after him. The blanket trips him, and he falls from the bed, only rescued in the nick of time by Bai Yao’s quick response.

“Don’t go… Yaoyao, don’t go. Mu’er does not need to hold hands.”

“Ok. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere,” says Bai Yao, retrieving the boy from the blanket. He brings him to the living room with him. Mu Mu’er’s head remains buried in Bai Yao’s chest at all times.

The hot cocoa is now only a warm, cooled cup of cocoa. The cup with the marshmallow is slightly warmer than his own, and he hands it over to Mu Mu’er, “drink some. I added marshmallows. It’s sweet.”

The cup of warm goodness fails to remedy Mu Mu’er at all. He only holds it in his shaky hands meekly, and does not so much as take a sip, with his terrified eyes glued to the window.

So Bai Yao can only carry him back into the bedroom. He puts him back in the bed, inside the blanket, while sitting next to him to try and calm him down.

He knows Mu Mu’er is not overreacting. When conditions in the oceans worsen due to a storm like this, it is life threatening to have nothing to hold onto. The agitated currents and strong winds will easily drag them somewhere dangerous and unfamiliar. Even adept swimmers like sea otters.

While anyone can identify if they are in a warm, sturdy house that is safe, and even a child can calm down even if they are afraid of storms, but Mu Mu’er likely has traumatic memories of struggling and drifting in stormy waves. It is like PTSD for him. And the more the thoughts penetrate his mind, the more scared he becomes.

The storm is still intensifying. The raindrops strike hard and loud against the walls and ceiling. It is beginning to feel like the sky has been torn asunder with a wall of water descending upon the earth. Suddenly, one bright streak of lightning actually tears the heavens apart, burning the clouds and brightening the sky for one brief moment.

Suddenly, a gust rips a branch from the banyan tree outside, which slams right onto the glass of the window on the second floor alongside a torrent of rain. The blast blares into the room.

Thankfully, Bai Yao has built his home with extremely sturdy materials. The glass didn’t so much as crack, and it was simply the noise that was scary.

Mu Mu’er, though, squeaks in horror and shudders. He starts to frantically burrow himself into Bai Yao’s embrace, like he’s trying to bury himself inside of him.

Bai Yao can feel his clothes getting wet. He touches the boy on the face – he is crying. His tears would not stop. His face is all water. Bai Yao tries to wipe them away, but the tears would not stop.

Before Bai Yao can come up with something to try and soothe him, Mu Mu’er starts crying out loud, “why do you not hold hands with Mu’er… Mu’er will give you scallops. All Mu’er’s scallops… Please don’t ignore Mu’er. Mu’er will behave.”

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