Chapter 44: 44 – Child – Lingering Regrets

I saw it.

A familiar but unfamiliar sight.

It was a traditional style funeral. One with an altar bearing an ornate temple and a single portrait in front of it.

I couldn't see the face. Glare against the glass prevented me from getting a good look at the person. But I could tell. That person wasn't old. He wasn't young either, but he wasn't an elderly person. At most, he was in his early thirties, but realistically in his late twenties.

Buddhist chanting echoed in the background as a crowd of people in black clothing sat before the altar. Most looked apathetic. But there were five who weren't.

An older man that looked in his fifties knelt down before the altar, his head bowed as tears quietly streamed down his face.

An old woman around the same age knelt beside him, quietly patting his back while trying to hold back her own tears.

A man sat in the front row of the seats covering his face in shame. On his lap, there was an insurance policy. One with a payout sum reaching nine digits in yen.

A woman shook her head, sobbing as she held onto a clumsily wrapped present and handwritten note card.

And a young man, just out of his teenaged years sat there in numb shock, staring down at a shiny new phone while holding a small gift card.

...Ah. I recognized them.

Right. They were my parents and my siblings.

And this... This must be my funeral.

A gong echoed through the room.

...Hey. Dad. It's not like you to cry like that, you know? And you too, Mom.

Big bro. You should hold your head up high. You're the one who has to set an example now.

And big sis. Sorry I couldn't get you the fancy bag you wanted back then. I'm glad to see that you got the one I bought though.

...And little bro. I know how much you like playing games, so I got you a new phone and a gift card. Don't spend it all in one place like I did, alright?

...No. They couldn't hear me. Even though I spoke up and wanted to tell them, they couldn't hear me.

No one could.

...Right. I remembered this now.

I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to end things like this, so I stuck around. No, I desperately clung on even while everything started to fade.

But something pulled me away.

As the last gong echoed and the funeral rites concluded, I was forced out of the building. When I was, the last bits of my memories were ripped away from me. I forgot who I was, who they were, all the memories from this life.

But I held on.

I didn't want to forget it.

The fact that I ended up this way because I kept trying to take shortcuts.

The fact that everything fell upon them even at the end.

The fact that the only thing I brought my family was misfortune and sorrow.

So I fought back. I didn't care what happened to everything else, but that much at least... That much at least I wanted to remember. To not make the same mistake in my next life, whatever it was.

And just when I was going to fade into the light far above... Just as I was pulled out over an intersection and towards the sky.

A crimson light enveloped my body. And then-

-LIV-

"Rudy." A quiet and pleading young girl's voice. "Wake up, Rudy. Please... wake up. Please..."

*tick*

I gasped and sat up, opening my eyes in a panic.

A young girl's face was right in front of mine, her amber eyes glittering with tears. And when she saw me stare at her, she let out a relieved smile before hugging me. "Oh thank Milis! You're finally awake!"

Her silver hair tickled my nose, letting off a scent of flowers-

Wait. Silver hair?

I blinked and then the silver color faded, turning into a beautiful light green color, reminiscent of the grassy fields I lived by.

The girl... No, Sylphy. Right. She was Sylphy.

Sylphy leaned back and then brushed her tears away, sniffing. "I-I thought that you'd never wake up! Miss Zenith said you were fine, but you just wouldn't...!"

I reached out and patted her head. "There, there. It's fine, Sylphy. I'm fine."

Sylphy let out a teary smile and nodded. "O-Okay! I-If Rudy says he's fine..."

I laughed and said, "Really, I'm fine. I guess..." I frowned, trying to recall my dream. "I guess I was just having a long dream that I didn't want to wake up from."

Considering that it happened after Dad hit me in the head with a stick, it was pretty ironic. But I was sure that it wasn't just brain damage.

...No, I was pretty sure I got some of that. Dad hit me pretty damned hard.

...Actually, maybe he sent me halfway to heaven again when he did that in order for me to see that dream.

But whatever the case...

"A dream?" Sylphy paused. "...Was it a happy dream?"

I paused to think about it and then said, "I guess you could say it was a happy dream."

It wasn't in vain. At the end... At the end, I meant something to them. Even though it was twisted... Even though I felt guilty at being happy from seeing their tears... I was glad.

Because that meant they cared for someone like me. That my frantic efforts near the end weren't meaningless.

*tick*

Warm arms wrapped around me. Sylphy.

I blinked and then laughed. "What's that for, Sylphy? Miss me-"

"Promise me that you won't choose a dream over us, Rudy."

I froze. "...Sylphy?"

"No matter how happy the dream is... I-I'll make sure you're happier here! So... please don't leave again. Please don't disappear."

Her tiny arms held me just a bit tighter. As if she was afraid I would disappear if she didn't.

"...Don't worry, Sylphy." I smiled and ruffled her hair. "This is my life now. Even if that dream was important... Everyone needs me here."

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I still regretted it.

Because of me, my family had to suffer so much.

My parents had high expectations and pride when I was younger, but were forced to lower their heads in shame when I grew older.

My older brother was always thought lacking when compared to me even while he managed to secure a stable job and start up a happy family.

My older sister was ignored by my parents who gave more attention to me and eventually ran off to become a career businesswoman, cutting all ties.

And my younger brother was expected to follow in my footsteps as a 'genius' and was put in every sort of program possible to give him a head-start, only to fumble through, miserable and anxious.

They hated me. No, I thought they hated me. But at the end... It seemed like I managed to make up for the pain I caused just a bit.

And that was enough. Knowing that was enough.

So...

*tick*

I closed my eyes and muttered, "I'm sorry, everyone. But thank you. And goodbye."

...I said farewell to the life before. This time, for good. As I did, I felt something lighten up a bit inside me. A weight I didn't know I was carrying suddenly lifted.

Just kidding.

I felt the same, but I did feel a little better about myself. It wasn't like the regret and pain would just disappear in an instant like that.

But I was sure that it wouldn't be paralyzing anymore... And that I wouldn't snap again because of it or have it as a weakpoint able to be exploited like by that bastard Being W.

Seriously needed to figure out a way to kill him. If that guy was a god, this world didn't need them.

Still patting Sylphy's head, I took a look around.

It was my room. My sword was propped up against the wall while the worn-out healing primer Mom gave me was resting next to it. And then wrapped around the sword's hilt was Mama Lily's knitted scarf.

"Just how long was I out anyway?"

"U-Um..." Sylphy leaned back and poked her fingers together. "W-Well..."

"It's fine." I gave her a warm smile and said, "You can just tell me. I won't get upset or anything."

"...Are you sure? It... It might be a bit shocking."

I laughed. "What? That makes it sound like I was out for like a year or something."

"..."

I froze. "W-Wait. I-I was just joking. Y-You can't be serious."

"...Um."

"...What season is it?"

"It's-"

A giggle echoed from outside my door. At the same time, the door opened and a toddler walked in.

A cute little girl with blonde hair and bright green eyes.

She tilted her head and then pointed at me, a wide smile on her face. "Rudy wakey!" She giggled and then ran over to jump on me. "Hug!"

"Norn! Where are you going you little lady?! You can't just..." My mom walked into the room.

She was a little different now. A few gray hairs mixed in with her gold, no doubt from stress. A few more wrinkles on her pretty face.

But it was definitely my mom.

Covering her mouth with her hands, she slowly walked forward, tears dripping down her cheeks. "...Rudy?"

"Um..." I shifted over the little girl... No, my baby sister Norn. I shifted Norn over to sit on my lap and then looked at my mom. "Hi Mom?"

Norn giggled and then said, "Rudy wakey! See?" She turned back to me and then said, "Hug!"

"A-Ah. Yeah." I hugged Norn. "So, uh..." I looked at Sylphy who was still shifting in place. Then I looked at my mom who was crying happy tears... at least I hoped they were happy tears.

"How long was I out again?"

*tick*

Footsteps echoed from the hall outside my room. After that, a familiar calming voice echoed. "You have been asleep for over a year and a half now, Rudy."

Mama Lily walked into the room, carrying a cute young girl in her arms. One with short red hair and light green eyes. And also someone who shyly looked away from me.

Wait.

A year and a half...

A year and a half?

A YEAR AND A HALF?!

I shifted Norn to the side and then jumped out of my bed, running to the window.

My baby sister giggled, thinking that it was funny.

But I ignored her. I didn't have the time to think about that.

I shoved the curtains to the side and threw open the window.

There was no way. No way I just got put out like that for a year and a... half.

The tree was still outside. The one I grew for my mom. But the last I remembered, it was still covered in snow. Now, it was in full bloom, not a single bit of snow in sight. Not just on the tree, but anywhere around. And more than that... the tree was even taller than it was before. Noticeably taller, meaning that it definitely wasn't just a few months.

...No. I didn't believe it.

"Rudy." Sylphy grabbed my hand and said, "Please, calm down-"

"I'm calm. I'm perfectly calm. There's no way that I wouldn't be calm after waking up after such a nice long nap. In fact, I'm so calm that I'm going to calmly walk to Dad's office and write a letter. After that, I'm going to very calmly pack my bags and-"

"And leave before even saying hello to your dear Master? Really, I've waited all this time just for you, you know?"

I froze.

A familiar and nostalgic voice. One that I hadn't heard for what seemed like an eternity.

Master Roxy's.

*crack*

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