Chapter 770: Diary for One (5)

“2009, December 25th, Christmas. She cried for a long time because of Qin Yinan. She’s the one shedding tears, but I’m the one suffering the pain. I really wish to comfort her, but I didn’t dare get close. I’m afraid she would think I’m taking advantage of her. After a long period of contemplation, I came up with the perfect solution. I applied for a new number to message her, wishing her Merry Christmas. She didn’t reply, but it’s okay because I’m used to her ignoring me.”

“2010, October 8th. I’ve officially registered my company in Beijing. I chose this date because I first met her on October 8th.”

“2011, April 5th. Interviewing for a secretary. Don’t really want one because used to doing everything alone. However, the workload is piling up, had to hire one. Many people came for the interview. Ended up choosing Cheng Qingchong for the simple reason that she came to the interview wearing a blue dress that Song Qingchun also has in her closet.”

“2012, March 6th. Qin Yinan left to join the military. She has been waiting for him to reply, but Qin Yinan was nowhere to be found. Her sadness affected me. I believe my love toward her has shattered my sanity. I’ve accepted the sinfulness of my life, so I acted like a crazy person and hacked into Qin Yinan’s email address. I pretended to be Qin Yinan and replied her. After she received the reply, she was so happy, and I was happy for her. Even though there was a dull pain underneath that happiness, I’m used to it. It’s okay.”

…

“2013, April 8th. I’ve sent 99 emails to her in just a year. She doesn’t know they came from me. She believes they came from Qin Yinan. Her love toward Qin Yinan must have deepened. Even though I feel sad, it’s okay. Better that she falls in love with someone else than me. However, there is a little secret that no one knows. Those 99 emails have the same word count, 520, I love you. 99 emails, telling you I love you 99 times.”

…

“2015, August 7th. Song Cheng died. Perhaps it was our blood relation, but when I heard this news, my heart skipped a beat. The next thing I thought about was her. When I saw her, it was as I expected, she was crying helplessly like a child.”

“2015, September 17th. Song Empire’s stock market collapsed, and Song Menghwa was hospitalized.”

“2015, October 2nd. She came to see me, but I didn’t meet her.”

“2015. October 29th. Underestimated her persistence. She still hasn’t given up even though I told her so many nasty things.”

“2015. November 2nd. She waited outside my company for a whole day. Actually, I really want to help her, but I didn’t dare make the first move. I can only use those bad memories we shared to guilt her. I didn’t dare to be good to her because I was afraid, afraid that once I start, I wouldn’t know how to stop. I’m afraid my kindness will influence her, will drag her into the abyss of hell with me, so I could only harden my heart to be someone she hates to the core.”

“2015. November 23rd. She’s sticking to me even harder. I’m annoyed because I feel my conviction breaking. I wish to be closer to her, that’s my biggest wish, but I’m afraid my selfishness will ruin her for life.”