Chapter 26: Plagueis the Wise

[An: I was thinking about rewriting this chapter and even made a public poll about it and asked you guys if you wanted me to rewrite it. To my surprise, the majority told me to forget about it so I changed my mind and in the end there is no rewrite. This chapter is riddled with memes (ugandan knuckles and star wars prequel mostly) and I thought it was too many memes, it was too crack-ish. You most likely won't get a chapter like this again, I will tone down the memes and use them in moderation. Enjoy.]

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During those two weeks of intense training, I also opened the chest. Not really, but I'm extremely close to it.

I was thinking of learning how to open locks but I said fuck it and just used fire daggers for hours on it. Mind you, normal locks open in seconds if you use fire daggers, so I'm actually really excited about its contents. Observe might have told me that it had some good shit in it, but I don't actually know what's in it yet.

Clank*

And fucking finally, the chest opens up.

Inside, two beautiful weapons greet me. As expected, this much time wasn't wasted.

Firstly, a bladeless sword. How do I know it's a sword if it doesn't have a blade? Because I recognize it.

It only has a white hilt with white spiraled tape around it and has a cross shape at the top.

[EXCALIBUR]: Posessed by a great spirit of fire. Allows its owner to use Plasma Bending through the hilt.

This sword can basically cut through anything. I love it. Thank you Arthur Boyle for showing me its uses.

Next is something I don't recognize but still love nonetheless. A beautiful and elegant looking dagger.

[Glai]: Possessed by a great spirit of air. Allows its owner to use airbending through the blade by slashing.

I'm sure I have some hidden skills like [Plot Armor] or something. Come on System, show me the hidden skills. I'm absurdly lucky these days.

Seeing my non-sentient system silent I gave up and took the blades into my hands with a huge smile.

When they said 'allows its owner to use xxx' I'm sure they meant while using the weapon. The blade of the Excalibur is plasma after all. I'm guessing Glai allows me to use airbending like air slashes or something.

But I have the Gamer System with shit ton of ridiculously overpowered uses. Maybe I can bypass the restrictions and use the airbending and plasma bending without the weapons?

Could I use them why they are in my inventory? Not likely since it says 'through it', but a man can dream.

I'm honestly content with firebending for now. I love it and I enjoy it. I don't really need to learn airbending or something to make myself stronger. I'm sure by the time Aang is released, I will be as powerful as his peak... I hope.

But I know, sooner or later I will either get bored or reach the peak of firebending. Or most likely, I will start getting diminishing returns and get frustrated. Something like airbending to expand my vision and would help a lot.

Oh wait! Can I use airbending to make my fire stronger? Like gather the oxygen and...-

'Alright, I won't spend half an hour for this. I can think of that later, I'm busy now.' I interrupted my thoughts as I looked at Glai.

''Sup!'' A relaxed and soothing voice of a woman rang out in my head but I wasn't startled.

Gamer's mind had already assured me this was just communication and they couldn't touch my mind in any other way.

''Hi.'' I greeted back simply, only to hear a rough voice from the sword.

''Don't talk with my wife like that ya lil' shit.'' Despite his words, his voice was surprisingly calm.

''You guys are married?''

''Don't ask the obvious.'' Glai laughed cheerfully.

'They won't be hard to manage, will they? I would rather if they didn't have any personality at all.'

''Sooo... How is the spirit world like?'' 

'Fuck, I really don't know what to talk about with these guys.'

''It's really nice actually. It's all full of places you humans would call 'mhytical'.'' Glai answered with her soothing voice.

'Yeah, I can get used to that elegant voice.'

Seeing them stay silent after this, I gave up with a sigh and just started practicing with them.

I didn't know I would get such good weapons, so my bladed weapon master was a little bit stagnant. My skills never got rusty thanks to the system but since I don't practice much with my weapons they are still novice level at mastery. Whatever, I'm sure I can get it to a nice level soon enough.

I started with Glai as the Airbending intrigued me much more than just another branch of Firebending.

''Do you want me to teach you the way?'' Glai said as soon as I started slashing the air. I was trying to see how to use it's airbending feature but unfortunately, they didn't come with manuals.

''Don't teach the human da wae dear.'' Knuckles, is that you?

''No Excalibur, the way is meant to be spread. I will teach him just like how I taught you.''

'Taught him? He knows airbending too? That's weird, I think I'm misunderstanding something here...'

''I would be really glad actually, I have no idea how to do it.''  I was honest as I knew they had good intentions. Worst case, I can just throw them into my inventory and ignore them.

''Is there like a special way I use... you? Is it okay if I say it like that? It sounds a little bit weird.'' yeah, 'using her' in front of her husband sounded weird.

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''Yeah sure, I don't mind it. I entered into this artifact on purpose after all. But I'm not going to teach you how to 'use me'.'' She giggled at the end of the sentence.

'Hm?'

''What do you mean?''

''I will teach you something much more precious. Much more sacred. Something the humans wouldn't teach you as they are scared of its power.''

'OH! Is this like some kind of special airbending technique? Like how that red lotus guy sucked the air out of the earth queen? Maybe even better than that!'

''Yes please.''

''Tell me boy, have ever heard of the... weed?''

''...''

''...''

''...''

''...''

''The what?'' She isn't talking about that, does she? Does weed have some special powers I don't know of?

''Hahaha! Of course you ignorant human wouldn't know.'' Excalibur chipped in.

'Yeah, I guess this is something big.'

''Don't worry, I will teach you all about it. ALLL about it.'' Glaire

''First, let me give you a history lesson. Have you ever heard the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the wise?''

'...The fuck? Are they transmigrators? They're just fucking with me aren't they?'

Seeing Kunyo's confused gaze, Glai continued her story.

''It's not a story libraries would tell you. Plaguesis was so wise, so influential he changed the whole world in just a few years.''

'Alright, they're definitely fucking with me.'

''Ironic. He saved many people, but he couldn't save himself.''

Kunyo's grip on the dagger tightened. If she was a transmigrator who was trying to take over his mind (which she couldn't) he would end her right here and right now.

''Legends say he discovered a powerful treasure, some even say he created the said treasure that changed the whole world.

But, the truth is different. That treasure was given to him by the Spirit of Freedom... Me.''

As Kunyo stood there without expression, Glai chuckled inside.

'Don't worry, I will impart my wisdom onto you, my young student.'

''So, what is that treasure?'' Kunyo asked finally.

''A certain herb.''

'They're just potheads aren't they?' Kunyo sighed inside as he asked another question.

''Then why does no library talk about him. You said he changed the world, how?'' Her story was full of shit.

Glai sighed sadly before continuing.

''It was my fault. I should have warned him. The power he gained was too much, he couldn't restrict himself.

You see, everything in life needs moderation. Humans are mostly made out of water but they could die if they drank too much of it. You need proteins, but take too much of it and you will be riddled with various diseases. And if you take too much of my wisdom, you get addicted to it.''

''...''

''But don't worry! I have experienced the past and learned a valuable lesson from it. I will teach you the way of relaxing without any harm! In ancient times they called this the 'Dao of Chillax'. Don't worry, it's completely harmless!''

Seeing Kunyo silent, Glai continued her persuasion

Kunyo couldn't help but think, knowing what was to come

'Don't say it.'

''Use my knowledge, I beg you.''

'...Fuck.'

[An: I will be honest with you, I wrote this when I wasn't in the right mind. I was going to delete it for obvious reasons but I feel like it's a waste so it stays lol. I don't care what you do with your life and I'm not telling you to use the substance mentioned here. I'm in no way experienced enough to talk about this subject. Just like that Fujoshi one, this is just a joke from some memes. You should take everything I say as bullshit since I'm just a fanfic author.]

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