Chapter 86: Dealing With Feelings

The next day I decided to visit Joanna during work and surprise her, I went to the restaurant she worked for and asked her to sit at a table.

When I sat, I scrolled through the menu and spotted a few dishes she made me taste when she prepared the menu at home.

When the waiter walked in I ordered the few dishes I tasted already.

I looked at the restaurant, it was a small place yet looked beautiful in its simpleness.

The waiter walked back to me carrying the food, I thanked him and waited a few minutes before calling the waiter back on the table.

I pointed at the food and raised my eyebrow, "may I ask you to see the chef? I have to discuss some flaws of the dishes."

The waiter nodded and walked back into the kitchen hastily, probably worried I was some famous critic or someone important who came there to write a bad review on the place.

A few seconds later Joanna walked out, she was pale and nervous, but when her gaze traveled the room and fell on me she took a breath of relief and then laughed.

"I got scared," she said chuckling and shaking her head.

"I am sorry I couldn't not prank you," I said, I stood up and hugged her.

"How are you? Are you tired?" I asked, my gaze wandered between the tables, most of them were full.

I bet Joanna was very busy so I hugged her one last time, "go back in the kitchen, I love you." I said.

She nodded, "love you too." she ran back inside and I finally tested the dishes.

those were delicious even more delicious than the one she made me taste at home.

She already improved in such a short time.

I finished eating and then tipped the waiter and told him to compliment the chef for me. 

Then I walked out and came back home.

My phone started to ring and when I answered it I heard music playing in the background, then a voice followed.

"Hello?"

It was Cameron's voice.

"Hello" 

"Are you busy?"

"Never for you," I replied as I giggled.

I heard him giggle as well, "I have a vintage radio, do you have free house?"

"Hmm, hmmm." I nodded.

"On my way." 

He hung off and I ran to change and to fix my make up, then I hastily put the dishes in the wash disher and cleared the dust from the higher shelves.

When he rang I run to open the gate and fixed my skirt one last time as I watched him through the window driving in the garage.

I got out and smiled at him as I leaned against the wall waiting for him to reach me.

"Hello beautiful," he complimented me kissing me sweetly

I went to open the door but before I could even put the key in he already had started kissing my neck.

"Cam," I whispered shrugging to make him wait.

I opened the door and as soon as we entered I slammed it with a kick as he pulled me against the wall and kissed me again.

I hope the old lady neighbor didn't see us or she would tell everyone in town in a few days. 

"I missed you, I missed your scent."

He sighed, I smiled, pulling him on the sofa.

"It had just been a few days." 

"Still too long no see." He smiled.

He put the radio on the table and turned it on, a classic song started to play.

"Would you like to dance? "He asked stretching his hand. 

I held it and bowed down, "I'd love to." 

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He kissed my hand before he placed his hand on the back of my shoulder and began to dance slowly according to the music. I followed his moves, and we found him in the middle of the room. He stopped and his gaze fell on the bracelet he gave me. 

"You still wear it." He whispered.

I nodded, "I do."

"I had never been good in talking about my feelings. Well I never needed to do so before. So feel free to tell me if I am ridiculous." He chuckled shyly and nervous. "I feel as inexperienced as a teenager."

I smiled, "it's fine. I like seeing you in difficulty and kinda lost. It's funny." And sweet, so sweet that my heart swallowed in response. 

"Funny?" He frowned pretending to be angry as we kept dancing, he made me twirl around and then I wrapped my hands around his neck.

"Yes funny." a laugh escaped from my lips.

He was funny when he was nervous because I wasn't used to having access to that side of him, and he wasn't used to giving anyone the benefit of discovering that side.

The music stopped and we stopped too in the center of the room. 

"For someone who never dated seriously before, you really know how to persuade a woman," I said as I walked to pour some wine on the glasses next to the radio, I gave him one and drank a few sips.

He placed it back on the table and then stole my glass from my hands and put it on the table.

"For someone this beautiful and stunning, You know how to make your beauty be the less interesting thing about you." He answered.

Wow, his statement took me aback, that was one of the most amazing compliments someone ever gave me.

I looked at my watch, it was already quite late and I sighed.

"Joanna is gonna get home soon," I said hugging him right refusing to let go. 

He kissed me and then nodded, he caressed my cheek. 

"See you tomorrow. Have a good evening."

I walked him to the door and waved at him as I sighed one more time seeing him go.

no matter for how long he stayed away from me nor where he was going, I always got sad when I saw him go.

Joanna came back home about half an hour later, and at that time I had already washed the glasses not leaving any tracks so that she wouldn't suspect I invited someone in.

"Oh my! I am so tired!" She said as she walked in and sat on the sofa worn out by her tiring day.

meantime I made pasta and put it in two dishes.

"How was work?" I asked.

"It was good but there were so many people, anyways many of them congratulated my dishes and were surprised to hear that I was only an amateur."

I smiled hearing her, I leaned her dish closer to her and poured some water into our glasses.

"I told you! You'll go far I promise you!" I replied.

"You were also right about my father. I can feel he is right by my side whenever I cook, I can feel him next to me." She smiled, she cleared her voice as soon as it lowered and creaked, "I can feel he is proud of me."

"He is proud of you Joanna. He will always be."

She nodded, her eyes sparkled with a different light as if she was finally finding her peace after his father's death. She was accepting his absence slowly.

I also couldn't be prouder of her, of the woman she was becoming, I saw a bright future in front of her and I couldn't wait for her to achieve all her dreams from the smallest to the biggest one because she deserved it.

"I hope he makes you happy." She said, after a brief silence, I frowned confused and puzzled. Maybe I heard it wrong so I asked, "What do you mean?"

She cleared his voice, "I can recognize when you see Cameron because your eyes lit up and you have some feeling of content. 

I almost chucked on the water as I heard her, was that true, or was she just guessing? 

"Joanna," I pretended to chuckle, "that's not true, I am just happy because I see you happy."

She shook her head not buying my answer, " Lily I've never seen you this happy. Or this in love..." She whispered dropping her gaze to the table as if she grew shy.

"I am not ... I am not in love." I sighed, the love word scared me for all the possible withdrawals that it may eventually cause.

I didn't want to be in love again, I didn't want to be hurt.

"Lily I guess you are and you haven't realized yet. I hope he will always make you this happy. Because in seven years of dating Carl I have never seen you like this. Not even on your wedding date."

Was she subtly saying I wasn't in love when I was with Carl?

Her words shook me so much that I was speechless.. I just didn't know what to say and I started to question my real feelings. Was I really in love with Cameron?

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