Love in Another Life: My Gentle Tyrant
Chapter Twenty-One
‘Jixiang, is there anything you wish to drink?’ The moment these words left her mouth, Xuanji scolded herself in her heart once more. She wasn’t even in the modern world, so what was she doing – asking a guest if he wanted tea or coffee?
Jixiang must have come because she had something important to say.
Jixiang waved her hands and smiled. ‘Thank you, but it’s all right. I only came to take Hefang back with me. Concubine Nian, earlier, I was audacious to have addressed you by your given name, so please be merciful and forgive my carelessness.’
‘It’s fine,’ Xuanji said, shaking her head, before freezing in place. ‘You’re taking Hefang back with you?’
Jixiang nodded.
‘Why?’ Puzzled, the question left her mouth instinctively. There was a moment of silence before she said quietly, ‘What you said earlier… pardon my foolishness, but I don’t think I understood.’
A faint smile appeared on Jixiang’s lips. Staring beyond the window, she said in a clear voice, ‘Your Highness, you’ve asked me a total of two questions: the first on why I wished to take Hefang back with me, and the second on my presumptuous words earlier. Regarding the first question, all I can say is this: if Your Highness has understood, then there is no longer a reason for Hefang to remain here. However, if Your Highness has not, then there is even less reason for Hefang to be here.’
The corners of Xuanji’s lips twitched, and she almost blurted out: your words are too profound for me to grasp.
In any case, she did not understand what Jixiang was referring to, and even if she did, Jixiang was still going to take Hefang away – except, it was better if Hefang left. Who wanted a rebellious and difficult servant to attend to them?
Jixiang sighed. ‘Perhaps I should answer your second question then.’
Xuanji assented. Without reason, her heart seized as she suddenly remembered the Emperor’s careless glance towards Jixiang in Huayin Palace.
‘Since the ancient times, it is natural for unexplainable things to happen in the imperial palace, just like how a consort can miscarriage without warning, or a member of the imperial family can be mysteriously poisoned –’ Jixiang paused.
A shiver spread through Xuanji’s spine, the faint stirrings of comprehension beginning to dawn upon her. Not just any member of the imperial family – Jixiang was clearly referring to the Empress Dowager.
Her heart began to race.
With a mild glance in her direction, Jixiang continued, ‘Weeks ago, the Empress Dowager was feeling unwell and was bedridden. On the Empress’s decrees, Ruyi and I followed His Majesty to the Autumn Mountains to pray for the Empress Dowager’s health. Regarding the Empress Dowager’s poisoning, I only heard about this matter when I returned to the palace. The narrative is as such: on that day, you and your young servant personally delivered a small heater to the Empress Dowager. Fortunately, as eunuch Yu’s sense of smell is particularly sensitive, he immediately discerned the poisonous fumes within your heater.’
Cold sweat formed on Xuanji’s palms. Only now did she finally understand what had happened that very day.
‘For each event which unfolds within the imperial palace, the common people will always seek a reason behind their occurrence, especially when the event is such a serious matter concerning the Empress Dowager’s life.’ Jixiang turned towards her. ‘Your Highness, do you agree?’
Xuanji forced a smile.
Perhaps, the Empress Dowager was the very person who was behind her poisoning.
To execute a person, one needed a reason.
Lowering her voice, Jixiang said quietly, ‘If this matter, upon investigation, revealed another perpetrator behind it, then all would be fine. If, however…’ Jixiang’s voice trailed off, her lips upturned in a faint smile.
Yet Xuanji understood the meaning behind Jixiang’s unsaid words. If it was indeed the Empress Dowager who was behind the poisoning, then what judgment should the Emperor make? Moreover, since Jixiang had said so much, then it was clear that the very mastermind behind this incident was…!
‘Your Highness is astute,’ Jixiang said quietly. ‘That day, a roomful of servants witnessed you and your servant delivering the small heater. If we were to simplify the entire affair by focusing on this point, clearly, there are two prime suspects. If this was not a conspiracy between you and your servant, then it can only be the independent action of one. Only, when a master commits a crime, how can his servants be absolved of their role? Your Highness, do you understand?’
Xuanji smiled bitterly. If she still did not understand what happened after Jixiang’s explanations, then she was really beyond hope.
If she were the mastermind, her young servant would have been sentenced to death along with her.
If she were not the mastermind…
‘Your concern towards your servants is touching. Only, have you considered what the Empress Dowager and the other consorts would think when you dared to shed tears for a criminal servant?’ A crease appeared between Jixiang’s brows, but she continued, ‘If the Empress Dowager had chosen to pursue this matter –’
Xuanji stilled, suddenly remembering the words she had said to the little wolf in the Lin Gardens, when they had been running for their lives: ‘The dead will not revive, it’s more important to protect yourself.’ And the Emperor’s words in turn: ‘So you’ve understood this.’
Jixiang’s voice disrupted her thoughts. ‘There are all sorts of servants. Does a servant who has been attending to you for years truly have your best interest at heart? Or perhaps, there is a motive behind their willingness to serve. How clearly can we divine these reasons? Only, if you are unable control your own servants, then I’m afraid you’ll be severely disadvantaged within this palace. Your Highness, that is all I wish to say. I hope you do not find fault with me for saying all these today.’
***
Her head resting against the edge of the bath tub, Xuanji stared at the red petals scattered across the clear bath water.
It turns out, behind each casual arrangement and every careless action were deeper layers of intention. Even Diefeng and Hefang, two servants with immensely different personalities, had both been tasked to serve her for a reason.
Failing to take control of her own servants – Xuanji laughed at herself.
She was truly a useless master. What kind of place was the imperial palace? If she could not even take her own servants in hand, could even not use them for her benefit, then death was a certain outcome for her.
She remembered, before Jixiang had departed, she had urgently grabbed onto Jixiang’s hands and asked why she had come to tell her these.
For a long moment, Jixiang observed her, a strange emotion flickering across her eyes. Yet as expected, Xuanji did not receive the answers she had been hoping for.
Except, wasn’t Jixiang the Empress Dowager’s personal attendant, just like Ruyi? So why did she intentionally come over to give her these words of advice?
That man’s gaze, serene and untouchable, once again surfaced in her mind. Since the afternoon, she had… Xuanji gave a small smile.
Suddenly, Diefeng’s voice sounded from behind the embroidered screens.
‘Your Highness, should I bring your clothes in?’
Xuanji assented absentmindedly, and Diefeng strode in with a jovial smile on her face. Carefully placing the stack of clothes on a shelf, she chattered away, ‘Your Highness, your skin is so smooth, it’s no wonder the Emperor favours you.’
Abruptly, her eyes landed upon Xuanji’s body. As though discovering something frightening, Diefeng immediately stumbled backwards, scrambling to kneel on the ground, crying, ‘Please be merciful! I did not see anything –’
Stupefied, Xuanji followed Diefeng’s gaze only to see that the bronze mirror hanging next to the embroidered screens reflected a silver of her bare body – how could it be?! Alarmed, she pressed her lips together to stifle her shock.
Beneath her collarbone was a mark the shape of a crescent. But that was not the important point… what mattered was the small red mole on her left arm, near her shoulder.
Even if Xuanji had been uncertain previously, Diefeng’s terrified face was a giveaway which revealed the answer: shougong sha.
Nian Xuanji was an untouched woman?
Yet it was said that Consort Nian had already obtained the Emperor’s affections on the night of their wedding.
Just what had happened that night…
Why?
If earlier, she was still unsure of the reasons behind the Emperor’s affections towards Nian Xuanji, now, she was almost completely certain that, whatever those reasons were, love was not one of them.
He seemed to be her only support in this majestic and lonely palace, but now, she clearly understood that that wasn’t the case, just like how the original Xuanji must have known this as well…
She remembered something, and said in a trembling voice, ‘Diefeng –’
Yet Diefeng paled, shaking her head furiously as she repeatedly kowtowed. ‘Please be merciful! I will never tell anyone.’
Xuanji sighed. ‘Then give me a reason not to spare you.’
Frightened, Diefeng stammered in a choking voice, ‘Your Highness, please don’t kill me, please…’
Xuanji could not help a small smile. Lightly, she said, ‘I will never kill you! All right, you may rise.’
When Diefeng continued to stare at her with trepidation, Xuanji forced herself to smile once more. Though she did not have the habit of revealing her bare body in front of others, at this moment, she abandoned her hesitations and quickly stood up from the bath tub. Water splashed around her onto the grounds as she helped Diefeng up.
‘Do you need me to make a vow?’ A little exasperated, Xuanji could only try to negotiate with this young servant who had been frightened beyond her wits.
Wiping her tears from her eyes, Diefeng quickly shook her head.
‘All right, then can you tell me, once a woman spends a night with the Emperor, would anyone come to check on the… shougong sha?’ Xuanji’s face burned as she finished her question.
Diefeng swiftly nodded, bewilderment settling across her features as she said haltingly, ‘Your Highness, another servant will also arrive the next morning to retrieve the white silk. You should be clearer on this than I, you were there that day…’
Abruptly, Xuanji realised that she had said too much and quickly bit her lips, not daring to continue questioning Diefeng.
In the imperial palace, those who overstepped their bounds were the first to meet their ends.
Closing her eyes, Xuanji pulled Diefeng’s hands and said, ‘Diefeng, I don’t want to kill anyone, now, or in the future. But this also means that I’m placing my life in your hands. You – can I trust you?’
Diefeng stared at her.
After a long moment, she said in a quivering voice, ‘Your Highness, from today onwards, my life belongs to you. I will never betray you.’
Nodding, Xuanji continued in a low voice, ‘This matter cannot be revealed to a third party, even if that person were Ruyi. Do you understand?’
As the words left her mouth, Xuanji smiled sadly – she had never once imagined that, one day, she would also learn to be this guarded.
‘I understand,’ Diefeng said as she nodded vigorously.
‘You can withdraw. I wish to stay here a moment longer.’
Diefeng assented and quickly left.
Under the faint glow of the flickering candlelight, the shadow of her young servant flittered across the embroidered screens.
A pause.
Softly, Xuanji said, ‘Diefeng, even if you betrayed my trust, I will not kill you.’
Diefeng stilled.
Then she turned, bowing, before retreating into the shadows.
Were her words a reassurance for Diefeng to betray her without fear?
She was really foolish.
Perhaps, from Diefeng’s perspective, her words were merely a test.
Surprised at her own thoughts, she wondered when had she learned to fathom and contemplate another person’s true thoughts and character?
This was a frightening thing, wasn’t it?
She had read many books about the imperial palace… it appeared an inescapable fact that with the passing of years, the inexorable influences within this walled paradise would eventually sway a person’s heart and change a person’s character.
If you were not the killer, then you could only be the victim.
No, Zhu Qi, never change.
Never, ever change.
Never, ever murder.
It was only the passing of a night, but she seemed to have learned a lot. But when one began to understand these things, disillusionment quickly followed. Just like how children, in their youth, often longed to grow up as fast as possible, yet, having traded their innocence and childhood naivety, now wished to return to the past and escape the harsh realities of life.
Except, time could only press forward, never to turn back.
All right. Enough of the philosophising. She should wash up and retire for the night.
Chapter 21: CH 21
‘Jixiang, is there anything you wish to drink?’ The moment these words left her mouth, Xuanji scolded herself in her heart once more. She wasn’t even in the modern world, so what was she doing – asking a guest if he wanted tea or coffee?
Jixiang must have come because she had something important to say.
Jixiang waved her hands and smiled. ‘Thank you, but it’s all right. I only came to take Hefang back with me. Concubine Nian, earlier, I was audacious to have addressed you by your given name, so please be merciful and forgive my carelessness.’
‘It’s fine,’ Xuanji said, shaking her head, before freezing in place. ‘You’re taking Hefang back with you?’
Jixiang nodded.
‘Why?’ Puzzled, the question left her mouth instinctively. There was a moment of silence before she said quietly, ‘What you said earlier… pardon my foolishness, but I don’t think I understood.’
A faint smile appeared on Jixiang’s lips. Staring beyond the window, she said in a clear voice, ‘Your Highness, you’ve asked me a total of two questions: the first on why I wished to take Hefang back with me, and the second on my presumptuous words earlier. Regarding the first question, all I can say is this: if Your Highness has understood, then there is no longer a reason for Hefang to remain here. However, if Your Highness has not, then there is even less reason for Hefang to be here.’
The corners of Xuanji’s lips twitched, and she almost blurted out: your words are too profound for me to grasp.
In any case, she did not understand what Jixiang was referring to, and even if she did, Jixiang was still going to take Hefang away – except, it was better if Hefang left. Who wanted a rebellious and difficult servant to attend to them?
Jixiang sighed. ‘Perhaps I should answer your second question then.’
Xuanji assented. Without reason, her heart seized as she suddenly remembered the Emperor’s careless glance towards Jixiang in Huayin Palace.
‘Since the ancient times, it is natural for unexplainable things to happen in the imperial palace, just like how a consort can miscarriage without warning, or a member of the imperial family can be mysteriously poisoned –’ Jixiang paused.
A shiver spread through Xuanji’s spine, the faint stirrings of comprehension beginning to dawn upon her. Not just any member of the imperial family – Jixiang was clearly referring to the Empress Dowager.
Her heart began to race.
With a mild glance in her direction, Jixiang continued, ‘Weeks ago, the Empress Dowager was feeling unwell and was bedridden. On the Empress’s decrees, Ruyi and I followed His Majesty to the Autumn Mountains to pray for the Empress Dowager’s health. Regarding the Empress Dowager’s poisoning, I only heard about this matter when I returned to the palace. The narrative is as such: on that day, you and your young servant personally delivered a small heater to the Empress Dowager. Fortunately, as eunuch Yu’s sense of smell is particularly sensitive, he immediately discerned the poisonous fumes within your heater.’
Cold sweat formed on Xuanji’s palms. Only now did she finally understand what had happened that very day.
‘For each event which unfolds within the imperial palace, the common people will always seek a reason behind their occurrence, especially when the event is such a serious matter concerning the Empress Dowager’s life.’ Jixiang turned towards her. ‘Your Highness, do you agree?’
Xuanji forced a smile.
Perhaps, the Empress Dowager was the very person who was behind her poisoning.
Lowering her voice, Jixiang said quietly, ‘If this matter, upon investigation, revealed another perpetrator behind it, then all would be fine. If, however…’ Jixiang’s voice trailed off, her lips upturned in a faint smile.
Yet Xuanji understood the meaning behind Jixiang’s unsaid words. If it was indeed the Empress Dowager who was behind the poisoning, then what judgment should the Emperor make? Moreover, since Jixiang had said so much, then it was clear that the very mastermind behind this incident was…!
‘Your Highness is astute,’ Jixiang said quietly. ‘That day, a roomful of servants witnessed you and your servant delivering the small heater. If we were to simplify the entire affair by focusing on this point, clearly, there are two prime suspects. If this was not a conspiracy between you and your servant, then it can only be the independent action of one. Only, when a master commits a crime, how can his servants be absolved of their role? Your Highness, do you understand?’
Xuanji smiled bitterly. If she still did not understand what happened after Jixiang’s explanations, then she was really beyond hope.
If she were the mastermind, her young servant would have been sentenced to death along with her.
If she were not the mastermind…
‘Your concern towards your servants is touching. Only, have you considered what the Empress Dowager and the other consorts would think when you dared to shed tears for a criminal servant?’ A crease appeared between Jixiang’s brows, but she continued, ‘If the Empress Dowager had chosen to pursue this matter –’
Xuanji stilled, suddenly remembering the words she had said to the little wolf in the Lin Gardens, when they had been running for their lives: ‘The dead will not revive, it’s more important to protect yourself.’ And the Emperor’s words in turn: ‘So you’ve understood this.’
Jixiang’s voice disrupted her thoughts. ‘There are all sorts of servants. Does a servant who has been attending to you for years truly have your best interest at heart? Or perhaps, there is a motive behind their willingness to serve. How clearly can we divine these reasons? Only, if you are unable control your own servants, then I’m afraid you’ll be severely disadvantaged within this palace. Your Highness, that is all I wish to say. I hope you do not find fault with me for saying all these today.’
***
Her head resting against the edge of the bath tub, Xuanji stared at the red petals scattered across the clear bath water.
It turns out, behind each casual arrangement and every careless action were deeper layers of intention. Even Diefeng and Hefang, two servants with immensely different personalities, had both been tasked to serve her for a reason.
Failing to take control of her own servants – Xuanji laughed at herself.
She was truly a useless master. What kind of place was the imperial palace? If she could not even take her own servants in hand, could even not use them for her benefit, then death was a certain outcome for her.
She remembered, before Jixiang had departed, she had urgently grabbed onto Jixiang’s hands and asked why she had come to tell her these.
For a long moment, Jixiang observed her, a strange emotion flickering across her eyes. Yet as expected, Xuanji did not receive the answers she had been hoping for.
Except, wasn’t Jixiang the Empress Dowager’s personal attendant, just like Ruyi? So why did she intentionally come over to give her these words of advice?
That man’s gaze, serene and untouchable, once again surfaced in her mind. Since the afternoon, she had… Xuanji gave a small smile.
Suddenly, Diefeng’s voice sounded from behind the embroidered screens.
Xuanji assented absentmindedly, and Diefeng strode in with a jovial smile on her face. Carefully placing the stack of clothes on a shelf, she chattered away, ‘Your Highness, your skin is so smooth, it’s no wonder the Emperor favours you.’
Abruptly, her eyes landed upon Xuanji’s body. As though discovering something frightening, Diefeng immediately stumbled backwards, scrambling to kneel on the ground, crying, ‘Please be merciful! I did not see anything –’
Stupefied, Xuanji followed Diefeng’s gaze only to see that the bronze mirror hanging next to the embroidered screens reflected a silver of her bare body – how could it be?! Alarmed, she pressed her lips together to stifle her shock.
Beneath her collarbone was a mark the shape of a crescent. But that was not the important point… what mattered was the small red mole on her left arm, near her shoulder.
Even if Xuanji had been uncertain previously, Diefeng’s terrified face was a giveaway which revealed the answer: shougong sha.
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The legendary shougong sha – a small red mole, the mark of a virgin woman.Nian Xuanji was an untouched woman?
Yet it was said that Consort Nian had already obtained the Emperor’s affections on the night of their wedding.
Just what had happened that night…
Why?
If earlier, she was still unsure of the reasons behind the Emperor’s affections towards Nian Xuanji, now, she was almost completely certain that, whatever those reasons were, love was not one of them.
He seemed to be her only support in this majestic and lonely palace, but now, she clearly understood that that wasn’t the case, just like how the original Xuanji must have known this as well…
She remembered something, and said in a trembling voice, ‘Diefeng –’
Yet Diefeng paled, shaking her head furiously as she repeatedly kowtowed. ‘Please be merciful! I will never tell anyone.’
Xuanji sighed. ‘Then give me a reason not to spare you.’
Frightened, Diefeng stammered in a choking voice, ‘Your Highness, please don’t kill me, please…’
Xuanji could not help a small smile. Lightly, she said, ‘I will never kill you! All right, you may rise.’
When Diefeng continued to stare at her with trepidation, Xuanji forced herself to smile once more. Though she did not have the habit of revealing her bare body in front of others, at this moment, she abandoned her hesitations and quickly stood up from the bath tub. Water splashed around her onto the grounds as she helped Diefeng up.
‘Do you need me to make a vow?’ A little exasperated, Xuanji could only try to negotiate with this young servant who had been frightened beyond her wits.
‘All right, then can you tell me, once a woman spends a night with the Emperor, would anyone come to check on the… shougong sha?’ Xuanji’s face burned as she finished her question.
Diefeng swiftly nodded, bewilderment settling across her features as she said haltingly, ‘Your Highness, another servant will also arrive the next morning to retrieve the white silk. You should be clearer on this than I, you were there that day…’
Abruptly, Xuanji realised that she had said too much and quickly bit her lips, not daring to continue questioning Diefeng.
In the imperial palace, those who overstepped their bounds were the first to meet their ends.
Closing her eyes, Xuanji pulled Diefeng’s hands and said, ‘Diefeng, I don’t want to kill anyone, now, or in the future. But this also means that I’m placing my life in your hands. You – can I trust you?’
Diefeng stared at her.
After a long moment, she said in a quivering voice, ‘Your Highness, from today onwards, my life belongs to you. I will never betray you.’
Nodding, Xuanji continued in a low voice, ‘This matter cannot be revealed to a third party, even if that person were Ruyi. Do you understand?’
As the words left her mouth, Xuanji smiled sadly – she had never once imagined that, one day, she would also learn to be this guarded.
‘I understand,’ Diefeng said as she nodded vigorously.
‘You can withdraw. I wish to stay here a moment longer.’
Diefeng assented and quickly left.
Under the faint glow of the flickering candlelight, the shadow of her young servant flittered across the embroidered screens.
A pause.
Softly, Xuanji said, ‘Diefeng, even if you betrayed my trust, I will not kill you.’
Diefeng stilled.
Then she turned, bowing, before retreating into the shadows.
Were her words a reassurance for Diefeng to betray her without fear?
She was really foolish.
Surprised at her own thoughts, she wondered when had she learned to fathom and contemplate another person’s true thoughts and character?
This was a frightening thing, wasn’t it?
She had read many books about the imperial palace… it appeared an inescapable fact that with the passing of years, the inexorable influences within this walled paradise would eventually sway a person’s heart and change a person’s character.
If you were not the killer, then you could only be the victim.
No, Zhu Qi, never change.
Never, ever change.
Never, ever murder.
It was only the passing of a night, but she seemed to have learned a lot. But when one began to understand these things, disillusionment quickly followed. Just like how children, in their youth, often longed to grow up as fast as possible, yet, having traded their innocence and childhood naivety, now wished to return to the past and escape the harsh realities of life.
Except, time could only press forward, never to turn back.
All right. Enough of the philosophising. She should wash up and retire for the night.
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