Chapter 45: CH 38

Chapter 38: Starting School Gift

Yue Zhishi spoke very seriously, only just to have his face covered by Song Yu’s large hand.

“What are you doing?” He lifted his own hand, wanting to remove his gege’s troublesome hand, and heard Song Yu say, “You need to get better at observing other people’s reactions.” 

“Huh?” Yue Zhishi wrapped his two hands around Song Yu’s wrist, slightly surprised.

“They’re very supportive.” Without any expression on his face, Song Yu tilted his head. “Just like you.” 

He lightly patted Yue Zhishi’s cheek twice after he finished speaking and then turned around to open the door of Yue Zhishi’s room. “I’m leaving.”

Yue Zhishi felt he did something foolish again, but thinking about how everyone supported Song Yu, he thought it was nothing to do something silly like this if everyone was satisfied. Song Yu very naturally applied to the university he wanted to attend, and the day the acceptance letter came, the entire family was particularly happy. Since their eldest child managed to get into university, the Song family, for all intents and purposes, needed to treat their relatives to a meal.

As they sat around the dinner table, older Uncle Song expressed his dissatisfaction at Song Yu’s choice multiple times.

“Hopeless. Everyone who does well on the entrance exams all go Beijing, Shanghai or Guangzhou. What’s the point in staying here? And such an unpopular field of study too. Young people these days all either study IT or something high tech. Easier to earn money.”

Yue Zhishi was very angry at this form of parental criticism, but he had no position to retort back. He could only give Song Yu some pieces of beef. 

“I don’t lack money,” Song Yu very flatly said. “The majors you mentioned are all very good, but I have no interest in them.” 

His aunt chuckled and said, as if trying to smooth things over, “Xiao Yu, your uncle’s just thinking of you. Yes, it’s important to be interested in what you want to study, but geomatics is too unpopular. So many people haven’t even heard of it. Wouldn’t it be hard to find a job?” 

“And yes, Wuhan U is very good, but you would’ve been able to get into Tsinghua with your score. It’s such a pity. It would’ve been fine even if you’d ended up taking a slightly more ordinary degree at Tsinghua. You’re still too young. When you’re later looking for work, no matter what degree you have, people will respect you as soon as you say you graduated from Tsinghua.” 

Lin Rong couldn’t help but snap, “In that case, sister-in-law, why don’t you go work in Tsinghua’s cafeteria? Why are you still working in a local school? You should believe in yourself a bit more, it’ll sound so good to say you work in Tsinghua’s cafeteria.” 

Their aunt had nothing to say to Lin Rong’s brusque words. It was very difficult for Yue Zhishi to hold back his laughter — his leg started shaking in his amusement and only stopped when Song Yu reached below the table and held it down.

Since the atmosphere was slightly awkward, Song Jin said a few words. “Yes, Xiao Yu’s score truly could’ve taken him to those universities. But if we think about it, if he went to Tsinghua and studied something he didn’t like and ended up with a job he didn’t want, he would’ve struggled to be happy. We don’t want him to have a future like that. Since he’s already planned out his life and wants to continue researching into geomatics in the future, then naturally he needed to choose the best school for that field. Of course,” he said, looking at Song Yu, “uncle and auntie are just sharing their life experiences with you. You should listen to them too.”

Yue Zhishi silently thought, they didn’t even go to university, what experiences can they have? It’s just that they found an opportunity to point their fingers at their family to nitpick. 

His aunt sighed again. “That’s true. For children like Xiao Yu, they all have an escape route if they end up regretting choosing a field they liked or not. You can always take up your dad’s company if you’re really not happy. Your dad’s working so hard just for you, after all. And to use a phrase that’s super popular with you young people — you having your dad already means you’ve won at life. You actually don’t need to work that hard.”

Her face may have been covered by a large smile, but her eyes were filled with sarcasm. Song Yu was too lazy to reply and indifferently continued drinking his soup, entirely ignoring every single thing said by the people around the table.

But Song Jin, who had always had a gentle personality, said with a stern face, “Sister-in-law.”

Seeing Song Jin without any traces of humour, she slightly panicked. She wasn’t able to say anything before Song Jin continued speaking.

“I’m not working so hard just for him to have already won at the starting line of life. It’s so my son can have the right to make his own choices.”

Song Yu’s hand also paused.

“What I can give him is the confidence to continue being himself.”

Yue Zhishi was suddenly very touched. He’d attended many of these dinners since he was a child. He didn’t understand when he was younger, thinking everyone got along in beautiful harmony, but after visiting grandpa last time, he now understood their aunt and uncle’s family wasn’t what he’d imagined. And yet every time they gathered together, no one tore apart the exterior layer of peace. 

Especially Uncle Song — Yue Zhishi had never seen him get angry. He had always been the person to ease the tension in the room while carrying a smile on his face.

But this time, he very seriously stood up in front of Song Yu and defended him, safeguarding his choices. 

Yue Zhishi was very happy for Song Yu, and slightly envious.

Having gotten into trouble, their aunt very naturally changed the topic since her own younger son might not even be able to get into an undergraduate course. She would only lose her own face if she continued to argue about study fields. The dinner may have been awkward, but the wonder of Chinese family dinners lay in the fact that no matter how many struggles or dramatic arguments may have occurred in the past, the entire family will always come together — whether in true joy or not.

In the last few days of the summer holiday, Yue Zhishi went with Song Yu to the library. They would buy a cup of milk tea and a cup of lemonade as they travelled there on their bikes and be able to stay there the entire day.

The library truly didn’t contain a girl like he’d fantasied. The only person who sat across from Song Yu, watching him quietly read and study, was Yue Zhishi himself. 

The person he’d seen as his benchmark since he was a child moved forward towards his own goals step by step, becoming an increasingly more outstanding adult.

Peiya’s high school department was about to start school, so Yue Zhishi no longer followed Song Yu to the library. He closed himself off in his room for an entire week. Song Yu thought he was trying to play and watch anime as much as he could before starting school again — after all, he was about to start high school and even needed to attend military training. In those few days, Song Yu never could have imagined that Yue Zhishi didn’t actually lock himself in his room to play.

The start of high school was earlier than the day new students needed to report to university. The day before Yue Zhishi started school, he sent a message to Song Yu, who was in the library.

[Yue Zhishi: I want to eat barbecue skewers. Let’s go get some for dinner, since Aunt Rong and Uncle Song aren’t coming home tonight.]

Naturally, Song Yu agreed.

They agreed to meet in front of the little restaurant. Delicious barbecue restaurants were all usually very shabby, hidden amongst old communities filled with the history of their people. Many small tables were clustered in front of the door and were prepared to be used later during the late night snack hours. Song Yu parked his bike and as soon as he entered, he immediately saw Yue Zhishi sitting next to the window and looking at the menu with his head lowered. 

Yue Zhishi truly had grown up. His arms and legs were long and slender, his skin very fair, and he was easily noticeable in a crowd of people. It wasn’t just because of his appearance — but also because of his pure and clean youthfulness that was unable to be ignored. 

Song Yu walked over and sat across from him. Yue Zhishi immediately lifted his head, his light-coloured eyes brightening. “You’re here. I’ve already chose a few things, do you want to add anything else?” He then covered his face with the menu, very softly hinting to Song Yu, “The table next to us ordered a crab noodle pot. It looks really tasty.” 

“You can’t eat it,” Song Yu heartlessly replied and took the menu from Yue Zhishi’s hand.

Yue Zhishi was very dejected and poured himself a cup of hawthorn iced tea. “Okay.” When he went to pour a cup for Song Yu, he abruptly noticed that Song Yu had actually ticked off the crab noodle pot on the menu.

“Didn’t you say I can’t eat it?”

“You can eat the crab.” The corners of Song Yu’s mouth lightly crooked up. He raised a hand, calling over a waiter, and asked, “Can we change the egg noodles in the crab noodle pot to thick rice noodles?” 

“You can, but the rice noodles will break apart easier.” 

Yue Zhishi was already very satisfied. “That’s fine, I don’t mind rice noodles.” 

Song Yu inspected once again the items Yue Zhishi had already marked off, and seeing there weren’t any problems with them, handed off their food order to the waiter. He took a sip of the hawthorn iced tea Yue Zhishi had poured for him and frowned.

“Isn’t it really sour?” Yue Zhishi laughed. “The little bit I just had was also really sour.” His hair was still a soft dark brown colour. After staying at home for so long during the summer break, his hair had grown out, once again starting to curl. It looked like it would be very soft to the touch.

“You’ll need to fix your hair before going back to school,” Song Yu reminded him.

Yue Zhishi nodded. As they waited for their food to arrive, he took out a gift box from his bag and lifted it towards Song Yu over the table.

“What’s this?” Song Yu asked.

“Open it after you go home. Don’t open it now.” Since Song Yu had yet to take the box, Yue Zhishi slightly pulled back his hands and waited for Song Yu to nod before he was willing to give it to him. “I originally wanted to buy it, but none of the ones I saw were any good.”

Yue Zhishi withdrew his arms and wrapped a hand around his plastic cup. “I recently read online that guys shouldn’t give handmade stuff as gifts since they’re not worth much. Usually most people who are given those gifts don’t really like them either.” His fingers tightened, the cup changing shape and the hawthorn tea inside almost spilling out. “And a lot of people in the comment section also agreed.”

“But it was a bit too late. I only saw the Weibo post last night after finishing this.” Yue Zhishi tried his best to hide how disheartened he felt, but it was still very clear. “So look at it after we get home. Actually — no, bring it to university and then open it. Don’t open it at home, I don’t want to see how dissatisfied you are with it.”

The expression on Song Yu’s face shifted, and yet this guy completely didn’t give him a single chance to say anything. 

Yue Zhishi lifted his face and looked at him. “If you really don’t like it, you can tell me. If you’d told me about this earlier, I wouldn’t have kept making so many useless handmade things.” 

He threw back his head and drank some of his tea, his posture looking as if he was trying to drown his sorrows.

In Song Yu’s eyes, the look of Yue Zhishi moping about was a bit cute and also a bit pitiful. So he asked, “Then when should I have told you? Kindergarten?” 

Yue Zhishi thought about it. That was true enough, the first time he’d given Song Yu a present was in kindergarten — the love heart his teacher had taught them to fold.

“True.” Yue Zhishi very seriously said, “Then this is called cutting your losses.” 

“It’s not like I’ve never rejected any before.” Song Yu raised an eyebrow.

That was also true. Yue Zhishi then said, “Then that means you didn’t reject them strongly enough.” 

Song Yu quietly laughed once. “Have you seen me accept presents from other people?” 

Yue Zhishi shook his head. “No, but you probably took mine because you had no other choice. Since I’m your little brother.”

Song Yu’s fingertip softly tapped on the table. “I can’t help it if you want to think that way.” 

“Here it is, here it is.” Yue Zhishi rested a cheek against one of his hands. “I’ve seen that phrase online before too. Many people make fun of it.”

Song Yu didn’t understand what he was talking about and frowned.

“That phrase is listed as one of the things girls hate their boyfriends saying the most.” He even purposefully pretended to act very impatiently and dismissively. “I can’t help it if you want to think that way. That’s just how I am.” Yue Zhishi spoke very energetically and completely didn’t notice he’d compared their relationship to being boyfriend and girlfriend. He also didn’t notice Song Yu hadn’t initially said it with indifference — rather, he’d said it helplessly. 

“Excuse me, your barbecue potatoes, tendons, green peppers and cartilage.” The waiter carried their barbecue skewers over and placed them on the table, interrupting the two of them. After thanking him, Yue Zhishi slightly forgot what he was just talking about.

Song Yu opened his mouth after waiting for the waiter to leave. “Stop going online so much.”

Yue Zhishi tightened his lips and didn’t retort, only grabbing a barbecue potato skewer to start eating.

The crab noodle pot without any egg noodles came very soon after. The dish was actually made in a very similar way to braised crayfish — it’s just that the crayfish was changed to crab. After grilling, the crab turned wonderfully spicy and fragrant with its rich and thick sauce, and the egg noodles would then be mixed in and absorb the sauce and juices from the crab. It was a very popular late night speciality dish for the locals.

Since Yue Zhishi unfortunately couldn’t eat egg noodles, the main eating point was changed to rice noodles. Even though it didn’t absorb flavour as well, the mouth feel and texture of those noodles was smoother and more refreshing, and it did taste quite delicious.

Yue Zhishi was a very open-minded person. He wouldn’t be disappointed if something he couldn’t eat needed to be cooked a different way for him to eat it. Many things in life were like that as well — if you weren’t meant to have it, then don’t think too much about it.

He even directly gave up on the pieces of crab he couldn’t break open, choosing another piece to eat.

Yue Zhishi always felt he was the type of person who wouldn’t force things.

They left for home after they satisfied their stomachs. Cotton Candy whined to go downstairs, so Yue Zhishi went to walk the dog by himself.

Song Yu went back to his room, sitting at his desk to examine Yue Zhishi’s gift. Yue Zhishi would usually also make the gift wrapping by hand and would decorate it with some cartoon drawings, but this time, it truly looked like he’d been disturbed. He used a gift box from somewhere; it was packaged very beautifully and looked just like a very important gift.

But Song Yu still liked and preferred Yue Zhishi’s old packaging. He’d yet to throw away a single one of the gift boxes he’d received since they were children.

Since Yue Zhishi didn’t want him to open it, Song Yu followed his orders and directly placed the box into the suitcase he planned to take to university. He closed the suitcase and pushed it into the corner of his room.

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This medium sized suitcase rested in the corner for only four days before following Song Yu to report to Wuhan University. The campus was on the other side of the river, not really that far from home. Song Yu stubbornly wanted to go by himself, but Song Jin and Lin Rong, thinking this was an important event in their son’s life, insisted on sending him over.

The university was surrounded by mountains and lakes, Chinese classical architecture mixed with western and fused with layers of greenery. It was very beautiful. The volunteers in charge of welcoming the new students were also very friendly, doing their best to help the new students as they arrived on campus. Song Yu and his family drove over in a car — the school was even bigger than they’d imagined. Lin Rong wanted to follow Song Yu up to his dormitory, but Song Yu directly refused.

Song Jin said, pacifying his wife, “Xiao Yu’s already so grown up. If you go up and fuss around, he’ll be laughed at by his roommates.” 

Lin Rong didn’t take him seriously. “If it were Le Le, he would definitely let me go up.”

“So you have nothing to regret this time, you still have one more chance,” Song Yu said.

Song Yu refused to let them go up with him once more, so his two parents went home after strolling around for a bit. They really were quite busy with work, and since the campus was in the same city, they could come by whenever they wanted.

After Song Yu sent them away, he pulled his suitcase by himself to the designated reporting area: the plaza in front of the School of Arts and Sciences general library. The major he chose truly was very unpopular — the amount of people arriving there to report was much less compared to the size of the plaza, and with the efficiency of the people working there, the reporting procedure finished quite quickly.

Song Yu held his residence registration form and a map as he prepared to walk towards his dorm. The map said he could take the campus bus to his dorm, so he dragged his suitcase along as he searched for the bus stop.

He stood there by himself for a little while, and then Song Yu lowered his head to look at the watch on his wrist. When he looked up again, a person not too far away was moving closer, carrying his own suitcase. This person looked very pale and very exhausted.

There were always many coincidences in life.

The greeting Song Yu failed to send months ago because he didn’t have his contact information swirled in his brain.

But he still couldn’t open his mouth by the time Xu Qichen was separated from him by only three metres. 

There was still another person who didn’t know what was happening — Xu Qichen was staring at the map on his phone, and when he finally lifted his head, he met Song Yu’s eyes straight on. Surprise flashed across his eyes before it quickly disappeared, and his gaze once again turned apathetic. 

He’d lost a lot of weight. He’d originally had a very thin figure to begin with, but now he looked almost skeletal, weak and fragile. He wore a white t-shirt that no longer looked new, a pair of faded jeans and a pair of glasses, his eyes dull.

Song Yu eventually opened his mouth. “What a coincidence. I didn’t think we’d end up at the same university.”

Xu Qichen pursed his lips, looking as if he didn’t really want to speak, before he finally nodded. Song Yu couldn’t tell if he was acknowledging what he’d said or if he was merely saying hello. 

The campus bus still had yet to arrive, and Xu Qichen looked like he wanted to leave. Song Yu saw that he was carrying a lot of things, his suitcase very large, and his heart slightly softened. He honestly wasn’t someone who was eager to help others, but he thought about Xia Zhixu, thought about Yue Zhishi — if either of them were here, they wouldn’t leave Xu Qichen behind and ignore him.

So he walked up and helped Xu Qichen carry a luggage bag.

“Your dorm should be nearby if you can get by without taking the bus.” Song Yu glanced at the residence form in his hand. “I’ll go with you.”

“No need.” That was the first sentence out of Xu Qichen’s mouth since he arrived. He didn’t look well at all, looking as if he’d fall over with just one gust of wind.

Song Yu frowned and asked a question even he thought was very absurd. “Are you okay?” 

“Mn.” Xu Qichen didn’t look at him. “Quite well.”

“You don’t look too well,” Song Yu said, very frankly.

Xu Qichen finally lifted his face and gazed at Song Yu. “Is there any need for me to lie?”

Song Yu paused, momentarily unable to answer. It’s not like he was Xu Qichen’s friend; at the most, he was only a friend of a friend.

“I heard about what happened before. Xia Zhixu was also very worried after he heard you got into trouble.”

What he said was true, but in reality it was also a bunch of useless words. There was no way Xu Qichen didn’t know about it, so after he finished speaking, Xu Qichen remained expressionless. The sun was very bright, and the two of them stood in a place without any shade, facing each other.

“Thank you for telling me.” Xu Qichen stared at the shadows on the ground, the black spreading without a single obstacle. 

Song Yu didn’t want him to be like this, so for Xia Zhixu, he tried to get something from him. “Xu Qichen…”

“Do you think it’s a pity?” Xu Qichen suddenly raised his head and looked directly at Song Yu.

Song Yu froze.

“What’s so pitiful about it?” Xu Qichen laughed. “What’s wrong with being like this?”

Rumours were the best way to destroy a person. Song Yu knew this, especially when it came to someone as sensitive as Xu Qichen, but he kept feeling that the two of them shouldn’t have ended up like this. But at this very moment, as he took in Xu Qichen and the way he acted, a seed of doubt grew in his heart.

“You don’t regret leaving so decisively at all?” 

Xu Qichen laughed again, the cicadas drowning out his soft laughter. “If there was anything for me to regret, I should regret many things. I should regret getting my parents to take me out on a trip after my high school entrance exams. I should regret the fact only I survived the accident — I should regret getting on that bus the first day of high school and meeting Xia Zhixu.”

His voice was a bit shaky, and he paused for a few seconds before he continued, voice steady. “No, maybe the last thing I should regret is meeting him. After all, he is the person who pulled me back up to my feet again.” 

A few girls chatting and laughing arrived. They were most likely new students too, their words and voices filled with expectation, with hope. 

On a day when everything can be started all over again, who wouldn’t look towards the future with hope? 

Xu Qichen took his luggage from Song Yu and said, “But if I were to relive my life again, I would rather have never met him.” 

He politely gave Song Yu a slight smile, almost as quiet and calm as the first time they’d met. He expressed his gratitude. “If you really want me to live well, then pretend you don’t know me. We’re in two different departments after all, so we shouldn’t see each other often.”

“If I see you, I’ll keep thinking about him. I don’t want to be like that anymore.”

The bus appeared, and that cheerful group of girls got on while Xu Qichen left by himself. 

Song Yu sunk into an indescribable emotion. He entered the bus, and the inside was very cramped, giving him no way to breathe. On the very first day of classes, in a new environment, he bumped into a familiar face who couldn’t really be called an old friend, but the other person was already no longer the same as before.

He was assigned to a relatively new building for his dormitory. There were four people to a room, and he was the first one to arrive. The dormitory room wasn’t as spacious as his room at home, and Song Yu opened the window, feeling quite empty. He didn’t really want to pause and rest, so he started making his bed, spreading open his mattress cover and bedsheets, tidying and cleaning until finally, he opened his one and only suitcase.

He’d brought a pitifully small amount of things. The left side of the suitcase held his usual clothes and daily items, while the right side was mostly taken up by a large gift box and a photo album.

Song Yu pulled out the photo album, flipping through the pages. It was filled with a child who looked like a western doll. 

Following Yue Zhishi’s orders, Song Yu grabbed out the starting school gift he’d been given many days ago and sat on a chair. He silently opened the packaging.

He’d actually already thought of many possibilities of what outrageous toy he might receive this time, but the gift he finally received was very different from what he’d imagined.

Yue Zhishi gifted him a globe.

The base and the stand were both carved by hand, the detailing very exquisite, and were covered with a layer of metallic copper polish. And the actual globe — the rivers, mountains and land, the seven oceans and four continents, the latitude and longitude lines — every minute detail,  every little mark, was personally hand drawn by Yue Zhishi as he copied the markings from a real globe. 

It was very hard for Song Yu to imagine just how much time Yue Zhishi had spent on it. 

Song Yu stared at the heavy globe in his hand, and the only thing he could think of was what Xu Qichen had said earlier. 

People who’d lost all hope could choose to not see each other in order to cut their losses. But there was no way for him to cut away this relationship — from that rainy night Yue Zhishi had trespassed into his life, Song Yu had become an older brother even if he hadn’t wanted to, even if he didn’t want to stay as one. There was no way to reverse time — everything they’d gone through had become memories and bonds caging him in place. 

Sometimes, Song Yu truly would rather they were strangers and have the kind of beginnings strangers had.

But he once again had no way to give up those memories of growing up together.

At his heart, he was actually the one person who was deeply trapped in contradictory thoughts and yet who was unable to give anything up.

In his quiet dorm, Song Yu placed the globe in his hand onto his desk. The active and noisy voices of many new students passed through the window, and they were filled with the spark of youth. He leaned against his chair, his long arm resting on top of his desk, and lightly touched the globe with a fingertip. The globe gently swayed, as if it was blown by a breeze.

This globe rested peacefully on his desk and stayed with him through many late, sleepless nights as he studied. 

The first time it rained, Song Yu was outside and kept worrying if the window in the dorm was tightly shut. Later, he didn’t want to worry, so he directly placed it under a glass cover.

The cherry blossoms started to bloom in March, and the petals occasionally drifted in only to be blocked outside the glass with no way to fall onto a single river drawn by Yue Zhishi.

When it snowed, the dorm was very cold. A thin layer of white fog often covered the glass, the small globe turning hazy and indistinct.

Sometimes he touched it with a fingertip, gently brushing against the glass cover and leaving behind a fingerprint or even a name. But his mark never stayed for long and was very quickly wiped away.

As if nothing had ever happened.

The person hiding under the cover, and his globe, were both very safe.

“This globe of Song Yu’s has been sitting on his desk for almost three years now. It looks almost brand new.” Roommate Chen Fangyuan ate some potato chips as he bent over to look closely at Song Yu’s globe, looking closer than if he was at a museum. “It’s drawn so well. This is the first time I’m looking at it from such a close distance.” 

“Don’t you touch it. He won’t be happy when he comes out of the shower.” One of their other roommates, and also the dormitory leader, Wang Chengzhi was packing away some things. He zipped close his bag and looked outside at the dark and gloomy sky. “It looks like it’s going to storm. I need to hurry up and go home, my mom’s still waiting for me to eat lunch together.”

“Go, go.” Chen Fangyuan stood up straight, stretching. “Old Liu is with his girlfriend, and you need to go home. Everyone’s leaving. I’m going to hang out at my little brother’s place in a bit. Only our tall and handsome Song Yu will stay and keep this empty room company.”

“I can’t believe him, he’s clearly a local. He never goes home and keeps locking himself away in the research lab.”

As the two of them spoke, Song Yu came out of the bathroom, drying his hair. Seeing Wang Chengzhi was about to leave, he reminded him, “Remember to bring an umbrella.”

“Don’t worry.” Wang Chengzhi shrugged on his backpack. “I’ll bring back some of my mom’s braised beef for you.” 

“I’ll go downstairs with you and borrow your umbrella while we’re at it.”

“How many umbrellas have you lost this semester, really…”

The dorm once again calmed down. He blew dry his hair as the sky turned darker. It was the morning, and yet it looked as if it was night time. He sat back at his desk, and Song Yu turned on his desk lamp, opening a book, when his phone vibrated. He didn’t look at it, thinking it was a roommate.

But his phone didn’t just vibrate once — it vibrated twice, then three times, the notifications consistently popping up on his screen. Only one person texted him this way.

So Song Yu placed down his book and unlocked his phone.

[Yue Zhishi: Gege, it’s my monthly break]

[Yue Zhishi: Aunt Rong said she’s made some soup for you, but she can’t come. She asked if I had time, and guess what I said?]

[Yue Zhishi: “What kind of good luck is this?”]

[Yue Zhishi: And all that is the context. I’m going to your school to look for you, I’ll get there in the afternoon]

[Yue Zhishi: Gege, wait for me]

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