Chapter 231: Chapter 231: Grief

Chapter 231: Grief

23^rd March 2012, Wakanda

(Jasmine Sayre POV)

He looked around and said, “It’s time. I just wanted to tell you that it was an honor staying beside you all these years, being your friend, comrade, and partner. I don’t regret a single thing, not a single moment or decision. Goodbye, old friend.”

Before I could respond, he flew at me, turning into a shadow and enveloping me. I felt my very existence change and burn. It was agonizing, and yet I wasn’t feeling pain because of what was happening to me, but because of the death of my oldest friend.

My last thoughts before I blacked out was of my friend and the regret that I didn’t say goodbye. I didn’t even thank him for his sacrifice. I saw as my teardrops fell into the sand, and the astral plane shattered like glass.

I didn’t know how much time I spent in the darkness. I was conscious and yet I was not. I could feel myself changing on a fundamental level. But I didn’t care. All I thought about was Erebus and his sacrifice. He was my oldest friend, my oldest companion. He’s been with me ever since I was a child, learning at the Academy in Atlantis.

In many ways, he was like a brother to me. He saw me at my worst, and at my best. He was there when I defied Death itself, and he picked up the pieces after Atlantis sunk. He was there every single time someone I cared for died, leaving me alone. He wasn’t always there; we both wanted to travel, and to learn, but whenever I needed him whether I knew it or not, he always came.

Five thousand years, that’s how long we had been together, and it was over, just like that. I never wanted anyone to die for me. It was horrible, the guilt, the pain, the agony. It was my fault. Perhaps, I should have stayed as Death’s avatar. I didn’t mind staying enslaved to a cosmic entity if Erebus got to live.

Suddenly, I felt that whatever was going on was done. I gasped, and I realized that I was fully back to the waking world. I opened my eyes and saw that I was back in the cave. The vibranium walls were glowing very intensely from the magic and cosmic energy released. The runes had disappeared completely, consumed by the ritual.

However, I didn’t care about what happened to me. For now, I just wanted to mourn. I don’t know how long I spent there, but for now, I just wanted to vent.

It wasn’t fair. Why does this always happen to me? Why do I have to watch everyone I care about even the slightest, die? For thousands of years, there have been two constants in my life, Erebus and Selene. I would shudder to think about Selene leaving me as well. I was certain that it would break me. I wouldn’t be alive anymore, just an uncaring woman waiting for the inevitable death of the world, hoping that it would take her with it.

I let out an agonizing scream and instinctively let out a telepathic blast that shook the mountain itself. I reined myself in before I destroyed the mountain and buried myself inside. Instead, I sat up and kept punching the ground.

There was a sound that was let out when something powerful struck vibranium, an odd ringing so to speak. I barely noticed it, as I kept punching the ground with my full strength. After the first punch, I kept going and going and going, until the ground was dented from my punches. I had overloaded the capacity of kinetic energy storage of that particular section of the metal.

I was sobbing, yelling at every punch. I could feel the shockwave that emanated with every punch. I wanted to hurt, and yet my fists didn’t split or bleed. They didn’t even bruise as I struck tons of the strongest metal on Earth.

By the time I had calmed down slightly and stopped abusing the poor vibranium floor, I was gasping in exertion. I didn’t know if it was the ritual, the physical exertion or the emotional one. I was just tired. I wanted for everything to stop, for me to have at least some rest, but Erebus had sacrificed himself for my sake. I owed it to him to live, to grow, but I just wasn’t sure that I wanted to, anymore.

I curled into a ball and just sobbed for what felt like hours. Nothing had ever hurt me this much. I wasn’t vengeful, there was no one to blame but me, no one to take revenge on to make myself feel better, or just to occupy me from remembering what happened.

That’s enough moping, Erebus would want me to move on, grieve with my family for a bit, but not let myself wallow in pity, like I did after Hestia was gone. I stood up and took a good look at the damage I caused to the cave. I raised an eyebrow to how extensive it was. The vibranium walls were cracking and there were some obvious fissures. The floor wasn’t perfectly flat like it used to be, but it was completely warped in a way. There were bumps up and down. The small lake was nowhere to be found, but I sense some water vapors around. Had I done this in my anger and grief?

I didn’t know but I didn’t want things to stay like that. I controlled the well inside of me, and slowly the entire mountain started to warp. The cracks were being filled, the floor was being straightened, the lake started to form, and water was filling it. In mere seconds, the Empty chasm was back to its formal glory.

I marveled at my new powers. I had barely thought about shaping my magic at all, let alone try to figure out a spell. Was this how celestials used their powers? Because it was very instinctive. No wonder they were stupidly powerful from the moment that they were born; they never needed to work on controlling their powers, unlike us with our magic.

A wave of sadness enveloped me when I realized that I wasn’t a witch anymore. It was such a fundamental part of my identity, that I never even imagined myself without it. I was the greatest magic user that ever existed, that was a fact. No one, except perhaps an elder god, or Agamotto, could rival me in terms of pure magical knowledge, and I took pride in that fact. I was the Morrigan, the Wadjet, Hecate, Medusa. I founded the principles of magic that are being used today. I was Helga Hufflepuff, Morgan Le Fey, Isolt Sayre. Those were some of the few names I had taken and each of them had changed the world of magic in a very fundamental way. The magical world was my world, my child, protected by my mist from the rest of the world. And yet, could I call myself their savior, their minder, if I wasn’t a mage anymore?

No, I was planning on retiring anyway, and let Rose take the reins. I was going to let the wizarding world go regardless. I guess it was odd for it to come out of nowhere. And yet, I was strangely very melancholic about it.

For now, I needed to fully understand exactly what Erebus did to save me, because his explanation was quite lacking. I felt normal, outside the weird things with my new power source. But there was more to it, I could feel it.

For the first time since I woke up from the ritual, I decided to channel my Death senses. Immediately, the ability came to my command, and I marveled at the control I had over the ability. I could see the flaws in the vibranium, the small fissures where only a single pound of pressure could shatter them and destroy the cave. I nodded to myself; this was far more control than I had before. Even when I was using Death’s cosmic energy, I wasn’t really conscious of it. It was like a sixth sense, on the back of my mind, pushing me towards the ultimate way of killing the beings in front of me, that had angered Death so. But Erebus had somehow been able to translate them into something I could see and only see, not with the weird cosmic entity senses that I didn’t understand.

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I let go of the power and I felt different, far different. It was very odd, like something was inherently different with the way I was thinking. It was very subtle, but I could feel it. I gasped as I finally understood what had happened. Erebus’ energy acted like a buffer, but I couldn’t regenerate it. It wasn’t mine, after all. It completely contained Death’s imprint, but when I did use it, Erebus’ energy was consumed to act like a buffer. To avoid my mind not shattering from the imprint, a small part of it is stored in my soul, where it wouldn’t be as limited as my physical brain. Every time I use Death’s abilities, I lose a bit of myself, I come even closer to ascending, until Erebus’ energy is fully gone, that's when I will fully ascend and permanently lose my humanity. My cosmic core is located inside my soul, meaning that it’s an order of magnitude more powerful than my previous magic one which was bound to the capacity of the cells in my body. I was essentially half ascended, with only my mind being anchored to my body through Erebus’ essence.

I understand now, Erebus wanted to give me another chance at life, another chance to remain mortal and human. My eyes watered as I finally understood my old friend’s parting gift. He gave me a choice. Every time I use my powers, I could choose to risk using Death’s powers, and slowly ascend, or I could choose to remain as I was and continue living. The ritual had changed me, more so than my magic, but I didn’t have an objective perspective about what happened, and I needed to study everything properly.

I nodded to myself. I need to take a closer look at my new cosmic core. For now, I will restrain myself to sorcery until I get everything under control and familiarize myself properly with my new abilities.

I sighed and just created a portal around me, leaving the Empty Chasm behind. I appeared in my mansion in New York where I just left a few hours ago to perform the ritual. I looked around and was accosted by Wanda and Rose who had flung themselves into my arms, hugging me. Seconds after, Selene had teleported in front of me, and gave me a light smile.

That smile was gone in a fraction of a second when she noticed that something was wrong. I sometimes wonder how well she knows me, that she noticed something was wrong even when I’m trying to pretend to be fine, “What happened?”

I shrugged, “There was a complication with the ritual. I nearly didn’t make it.”

Wanda looked at me, pleadingly, “But you’re okay?”

I nodded, “Yes, I am.”

Selene didn’t seem to believe me, “no, something else happened.”

I sighed and steeled myself, “Erebus is gone, Selene.”

My voice visibly cracked at the end of that sentence, and even Selene’s eyes widened at the implication. Erebus was an immortal creature, a being of death and rebirth, the fact that it was gone meant that what happened to me had to be very serious for that to happen, “Is he going to reform?”

“Yes, him and Fawkes, but it’s going to be like a reincarnation. It won’t be Erebus, you know.”

Selene looked down, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

I nodded. There were very few people who knew how close Erebus and I were, and Selene was one of them. She understands that the moment we’re alone, I’m probably going to break down in tears and that I was holding on for the sake of the kids.

Speaking of the kids, I looked down to Wanda and Rose, “So, did you spend the whole day worrying about me?”

The two young women shared an odd look before Rose spoke out, “Jasmine, you’ve been gone for six months.”

Ah, fuck, this was going to be problematic.

On the other side of the galaxy, an energy projection of an ancient being lifted its head with its eyes wide, “Oh, how interesting. This is the first time something like this happened. Looks like I’ll have to give Terra a visit shortly.