Chapter 14: 14

Chapter 14 - For My Younger Brother

 

 

[Akiyama's POV]

I wonder if I've been a decent Older Sister to Iku?

Every night, when I look at him innocent face while sleeping peacefully on the same futon, I repeatedly ask myself the same question.

Every time I thought about it, the only answer that came to mind was no.

Studying? Still not enough. I need to go to a public university and save as much as I can. I want Iku to go to a good school. I want him to follow my example and study hard. I want to be able to teach him.

What about homework? Not enough. I should have asked my mom to teach me more before she started working late. I'm not good at cleaning or doing laundry. My cooking skills are very dregs, and I have a bad impression of it.

What about taking care of him? It's too difficult. Children are irritable because they're unpredictable. When Iku caught a cold, I didn't even know what to do.

What about friendship? I didn't have any friends, or even someone to talk to. I was fed up with my own incompetence, but at school, I put on an indifferent expression and devoted myself to studying. Thanks to that, it gave me the impression of a cool and intelligent person, which was my goal. I thought Iku would admire me for that.

Have I been able to take my father's place? He was a kind and thoughtful man, the perfect father that Iku should have had. He was the cool dad that I admired.

Was I able to fulfill the role of a mother in my mother's absence? Not just in housework. Was I able to provide emotional support like my mom, who was a little out of the loop but able to cover everything?

Boro-boro.

As her Older Sister, I wasn't good enough. I need to be more perfect.

I've thought so for a long time.

I'll be a good older sister to him next year! I'm not sure if I'll be a cool older sister or not. Or, should I turn into a cute and pretty older sister for him?

I could imagine my father's face as he rubbed my mother's belly while laughing softly.

They were a lovely couple and their relationship was going well. They were a couple who rarely fought. They were the picture of what a happy family was.

From my perspective, my father was a flawless man. Even when the girls around me started talking bad about their father, but instead of hating him, my respect for him grew.

I never saw her fail at anything. He did everything with a cold face, whether it was housework or childcare. However, he was very kind to me and my mom as well.

That's why we all rejoice in the addition of a new family member to our happy home.

--- "You are her Older sister, so you must set a good example for him. That is a promise."

At the time, I didn't know that my father would have an accident, so I took it as a simple promise. I was still in middle school at the time. I thought he just wanted me to be good to my older nsister.

We couldn't wait for Iku to be born, and we talked about it from time to time.

......I don't remember much about things after my father died.

Our family was happy, but overnight, we sank into a pit of despair.

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From that day on, my mother and I didn't talk much. If I opened my mouth, I would realize that my father was gone.

I forgot how to laugh. It was something my father taught me.

Time marches on, even in the midst of these bland days. In my mother's mind, my sister had grown up well.

After the funeral, Iku was born.

At first, I thought it was meaningless to have a younger sibling after my father's death. I couldn't feel happy that my father was gone.

But now, I deeply regret that I ever thought that way.

Contrary to my thoughts, Iku has brought smiles to our faces. Our lives gradually became centered around Iku, and amidst our dizzying busyness, we gradually began to look forward.

Only when I was with Iku could I smile from the bottom of my heart. Iku was the only place where I could find comfort.

Thanks to Iku, our family, which was at its lowest point, was able to brighten up. And then I remembered my father's words.

I'm going to be a cool older sister. I'll be the perfect older sister, just like my dad.

That's the role I have to take on in this fatherless house.

I will fill the hole left by my father.

But, I can't be my father.... .......

I couldn't do anything. My mom started working to make ends meet, and we moved into a cheap apartment. Even though the environment was changing rapidly, I remained a helpless child.

My mom worked alone and managed the household and raised Iku. As a middle schooler, all I could do was watch.

This didn't change even after I entered high school. It wasn't until Iku entered kindergarten and my mom became busy at the same time that I finally realized how hard it was for her. Until then, I had always used my learning as an excuse not to deal with it. I thought I was too spoiled because my mom always forgave me.

I was far from being the perfect older sister. I realized it more and more in the past few days.

But, Iku told me that it didn't matter.

Kyota and Soyoka also scolded me.

Of course, the promise I made with my father remains my property.

But thanks to the three of them, I was able to change my way of thinking a little.

--- "You've been a good older sister."

I felt as if the father in my memory had said that to me.

I could see a slight overlap between the image of my father and the image of Kyota. His aura, the way he treated his son, the way he thought. I couldn't express it well, but somehow, he felt similar to my father.

No wonder Iku liked him so much. But I don't know, I think my father is more handsome and smarter than him.

"I can't lose to Kyota, can I?"

He was being a little arrogant just from having done homework for a long time. But I'll catch up with him in no time.

I gently kissed Iku's forehead as he sighed in him sleep next to me and sank my head into the pillow.

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