Chapter 8: Chapter 8: A system? I don’t even know them.

[Meditation], [Earth Manipulation], [Rock Spear], and [Stone Grasp].

I would focus on obtaining these four skills above all others. The last three related to my element, and I could visualise them in my mind. William had spoken about meditation as though it was important. Nobles wanted their children to learn it, so I would too.

The moon was high in the sky and its light peeked through the cracks in my ceiling. I’d gotten up early from my nap. My parents were asleep, and I was stuck in my cot. I couldn’t access the stones in my room, and I’d sprayed dirt across the floor already. I didn’t want to drain my mana fully. Not yet. No matter. I could still work with what I had.

I pushed myself up and crossed my legs. Meditation didn’t have to be done in the sitting position, but it was what I was used to. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, and another. My body relaxed, my breathing slowed, and I felt the world around me disappearing.

“The key to skills is visualisation.” I repeated the words in my mind.

I remembered creating my first skill, the blank space, and the emptiness around me. Meditation followed a similar theme, quietness, and tranquillity. I had to empty my mind and make sure the emotions in my heart simmered down.

The sounds of the world around me became clearer as my breathing continued. I heard the puffer’s low squeaks as it lay on its stone. The sound of the wind outside my room breezed into my ears. A new sound wrestled against them for dominance. A deep breath in, a deep breath out. My breath.

I focused on the sound of my breathing. In my mind there was myself, and only myself. The outside world couldn’t intrude here.

My mind calmed down, and all I saw was darkness.

My memories. My thoughts. My doubts. My fears.

They came slowly from within the depths of my mind, bringing with them emotions and adrenaline. They forced themselves into the emptiness I’d created and brought noise to the silence. I was assaulted at all sides by the things I had been running from.

The first thought to push itself forward was the system. Its very existence was something I’d tried to ignore. It was a reminder of the differences between this world and my own. I hadn’t explored it at all, and that was my mistake. It was time to take control and twist it to my own benefit.

I accepted it into my life.

The worry that I’d carried over the system’s presence disappeared. I could feel it letting go of my mind and soul. I watched it disappear, and then my heart lurched.

A new image assaulted my mind. A smiling child surrounded by loved ones and friends. I could still feel the laughter and the happiness, the comfort, and the safety, of my old life. I’d tried to push my memories down and hide them so that I wouldn’t have to accept my new reality.

My first kiss. My acceptance into university. My parents.

A loud thumping sound almost tore me out of my meditative state. My heart was loud enough to hear. I ignored it and pushed forward. All the memories of my life that I’d tried to push down came rushing to the surface, beckoned by my will.

Did I even remember my own name anymore?

Andross Silver.

That was my name.

The memories brought emotions with them. Happiness and sadness. I hadn’t hidden them because of that. It was what those memories inevitably led to that caused my heart to try and carve its way out of my chest and made my head split.

The final memory.

Broken on the street, calling for help with my dying breath. Watching the crowd gather. Calling out for my family. My death. I’d blocked it all out, and it came back with a vengeance.

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My heart pushed against the memories, fighting their existence with every emotion they could conjure. It wasn’t just my newborn physiology; it was the impact the event had on my life.

I’d been stripped of my family and my friends. Everything I had ever accomplished was worthless in the face of death. What I had been, what I could be, and what I was. All of it was gone. I had come into contact with my mortality.

It was horrifying.

“You’re what I’ve been running away from.”

There was no eagle-eyed view of my body. No slideshow of my dying moments. There was only the sensation of my body being pierced, and the pain accompanying my final moments.

And a pair of bright golden eyes.

I took a deep breath. The dirt under me shifted as my body trembled. My heart wasn’t used to these emotions, and my body was reacting in turn.

I didn’t care. I'm better than this. I'm greater than my fears.

What was done was done.

I had died and come out into a new world. Now I had advantages I couldn’t have dreamed of. I was able to create matter out of nothing. That was a god-like ability in my previous world. On Earth.

Overcoming my outdated fears was nothing compared to that. I concentrated on this sole memory, weaving a world inside my mind that could contain it. The darkness was replaced by a shimmering figure. My real body, the one I’d had before my death. Around me the world shifted, and I was standing inside the blank space that I had used to visualise my first skill.

Before it had been filled with mountains, trees, and grass, but that’s not what I’d wanted to recreate.

The scene of my death played out across the area like a movie, repeating on a loop. A screen in the sky showed the world through my dying eyes. It had always been there, weighing in my mind. It dragged me down and made me run away and lose myself in the baby I’d become.

It was time to get over it.

I floated towards the memories and watched them play out. I’d felt so helpless, so fragile. Every person facing their own death would feel the same. I was different now. I would overcome the things setting me back and I would never be helpless again.

I held out my hand and the screen shrunk, twisting, and warping into a smaller form. I pulled back, and the memories flew towards me. They shrunk until they were the size of a marble, and then I cupped them in my hands. I grasped them and squashed them until they were an insignificant speck. Less than an atom. Then I threw them away.

My emotions followed them. Fear, anger, and injustice. All of them served important purposes. All of them had taken over my life because I’d allowed it. I took in another deep breath, and they were gone. There was nothing to fuel them anymore.

They would be back. I was certain of that, but I would be ready for them.

The blank space disappeared. I’d had my use for the mental construct, but now I needed the darkness and silence of a thoughtless mind.

My heart was a tranquil ocean. Its waters lapping rhythmically against my chest. My emotions had calmed, no longer chained, and not acting out. The beast formed out of my memories had stopped its assault. A quiet balance formed across my mind, body, and soul.

It was a familiar sensation, one that I’d had once, but had never felt since I’d been reborn.

Peace.

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