Chapter 425: My Identity Was Nothing

Nianzu drew Chuntao closer and put his hand around her shoulder. Chuntao lifted her head and peered into his eyes. "Are you good? I still feel you did not tell me everything," she proclaimed. 

"Do you want to know about me? I never told you things related to me," Nianzu asserted. 

"I would love to know about you," Chuntao replied. 

"When I was a kid, my father, was mostly into the battles as the Empire needed to expand. At that time, Weng Wei was the queen and according to the rules of the Palace, the inner palace is controlled by the Queen and now the Empress. My education was limited, and I was not allowed to enter the main Palace by her. I even could not select the things of my choice. 

I remember, once I wanted a dress. That was a beautiful piece.. But the material was from the rarest silk. As my legal mother was Weng Wei, so she had the right to decide. She refused and told me- 'Not to select those things which are not made for me.' I was nine years old at that time. From that day, I stopped asking for those things. I limited my choices." Nianzu heaved a sigh reminiscing those hurtful memories. 

After a while, he resumed speaking. "She used to get angry with my mother if I tried raising my voice on her. 

Then, my other mothers also did not treat me well. I excelled in my studies, and it became the reason for jealousy in them because father might have handed me a good position in the future. I never wanted fights in the family because of me, so I refrained from getting involved with them," Nianzu told her a few of the dark things which no one could ever imagine would ever happen to the Prince. 

"Weng Wei once warned me not to give answers to the philosophers as my father wanted to check the knowledge and intellect of his five sons at that time. Also, there was a reward too– Father would give 100 golden coins to that son who would give the best answers. I wanted them because once my mother liked gold jewelry but Weng Wei did not let her buy it. We used to have limited pocket money so that was a large amount, and I could have purchased that jewelry for my mother. So, I did not listen to Weng Wei and answered every question. I did not want to restrict myself that day." He suddenly paused as he recalled something. Chuntao kept her gaze intact at him but did not say anything. She only read his expressions. 

"Later in the evening, Weng Wei called me and punished me for defying her orders. I was beaten with a stick. The stick hit my legs a hundred times. My legs hurt that day badly. I was not able to walk for five days. Father also found out, but he did not do anything. That's when I told my mother that I wanted to leave the Palace. My Father found out about this. However, he refused to send me away. Father did not punish her that day as I had told him, and I hated it," Nianzu pronounced as tears on his own rolled over his cheeks, recalling those painful memories. 

"It was not my fault that my mother was a Concubine. Everyone around me ill-treated me except Sheng Li, Wanxi, and Weng Yu. I wanted my father to see this side of me which he never bothered to know about. I know he was more concerned for Sheng Li, but he could have once tried to know why I demanded to leave the Palace because my identity as an individual was nothing to anyone. I was told to fulfill my duties towards everyone- respectful towards my legal mother and other three mothers, my brothers," Nianzu finally stopped speaking. 

He was disheartened that his father would end every relationship with him and even would not allow him to meet his brothers and his mother. 

"What happened to your knees? Earlier I noticed that you have difficulty while walking," Chuntao waited for his answer. Her eyes were misty. 

"I begged for forgiveness from my father for hurting him. I was on my knees for a few hours." 

"Did his majesty forgive you?" She had a hunch that the Emperor did not forgive him. 

"No," Nianzu snickered. 

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Chuntao also cried after hearing all this. She pulled Nianzu's head down and caressed it. Nianzu closed his eyes, buried his face in her neck, and hugged her tightly. Chuntao, with her other hand, caressed his arm. "You are a great person. Despite all this, you never left your true self. That's what is great about you." She felt the tears of Nianzu on her skin, near her neck. 

They stayed in that position for twenty minutes when Nianzu pulled back and quickly turned his face away. He wiped off the tears from his face and remained silent. Chuntao wrapped her arms from behind and rested her cheek on his back. 

"You are not alone. Do not feel low," Chuntao asserted. 

"Even my mother has turned selfish since she became the Empress. I wish this time she could understand me," Nianzu said in a low voice. "Thank you for holding me like this. For the first time, I am feeling warm." Nianzu placed his hand on her hands which had wrapped around him and then turned to her. 

Chuntao lifted her hands and with her thumbs wiped the area below his eyes. "Are you feeling good now? Is there something more to say? Say then. It will make you feel better." Chuntao moved her thumbs over his cheeks.

"I am better, now," Nianzu replied. 

Chuntao smiled and moved a little up to reach his lips. She pecked them and leaned back. "You shall not remember your past anymore. It always hurts. Let's live in the present and make our future better," suggested Chuntao. 

"Yes," Nianzu replied. He stroked her hair. "I will marry you the day after tomorrow. Sigh, it will not be a grand marriage as you might have dreamt of. Is there any distant relative of yours? I will call them if there are any," Nianzu opined. 

"There is none," Chuntao replied. "I wish my parents and younger brother would be here. Father always wanted to see me as a bride." Chuntao suddenly missed her family.

Nianzu stopped stroking her hair and touched her cheek from the back of his palm. He gently stroked it. "Do you not want to return to the Palace? You are still a Prince for a day," Chuntao reminded him. 

"I do not want to go there. I will go in the morning," Nianzu answered her. 

"Then, are you staying here t-tonight?" Chuntao asked him. 

"Hmm. I will spend the night here," Nianzu replied. 

"Then, I shall cook for us. You must be tired from the day-long activities," Chuntao stated when Nianzu told her not to move. 

"Why?" Chuntao asked. 

"Because I want to look at you." 

Chuntao giggled upon hearing him. "You can look at me later," she said when Nianzu kissed her lips and leaned back. Both peered at each other before their lips again met. 

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