I sat up quickly, greeted by the shoeprints and stains of rain on my bed sheets. I couldn't have given less of a crap.
Jumping out of bed, I ran to make a coffee, then to the toaster before I had even pulled a mug out.
I didn't need any coffee. I was already going mach-ten.
So I just stood there in the kitchen, holding my hand up like the one ring lay in my palm. But it was my hand itself that was the MacGuffin.
It just looked like a hand.
Of course, I was the weapon, not my appendage.
I held my hand out towards the sink, closing my eyes, bidding something to come out.
"C'mon," I urged myself. "What sort of mage are you?"
My hand shook, but it was just me doing it, as much as I tried to believe it was the start of something powerful.
So instead, I went to the place I always turned to in any unfamiliar situation.
The Internet!
I ran to my bed and flipped open the laptop, closing the web pages of porn and Misty's Youtube channel, instead going to the search bar and typing, How to do—
I paused.
The academy upheld a very strict law. They made it known to all. All those with magic must be trained by them. To do otherwise, or to do magic when untrained, was highly illegal.
Did that mean they would have trackers for searching stuff like that? Well, it was harmless to just search for that simple question. I bet every human alive has searched it once in their life.
But it would start a trail on me.
Damn. Guess I gotta figure this out myself.
I stood up and went to the middle of my room, flexing my fingers toward the bed.
"Maybe if I say something dumb like, you underestimate my power, bed!"
I held my hand out and bit my lip, wincing at the potential explosion about to occur.
Not even a whimper.
"What if I'm a magi of the faith?" I wondered. "I never wanted to be a healer, but at this point, I'd take it. Maybe I have to cut myself to unlock the healing powers- No, that's dumb. Hey, maybe I could put a ward on my dick so I don’t have to wear condoms."
Heh, I laughed at myself. I bet all magi have thoughts like that. The potentials were limitless, though limited by their specific affinities and imaginations.
It must suck if you get a lame affinity you didn't want.
Still better than having baby magic. I couldn't even make it go googoo. Whatever that meant.
What if it was goo? My lord.
Fire, water, earth, wind, and the secret fifth to unite them all, the green ranger of the elements, goo.
"I'm having way too much fun with nothing," I mumbled. "Focus."
It was hard to focus. I hadn't felt this elated in years, like a veil had been lifted from my eyes, and everything was finally in focus. Which was literally what had happened.
Except I felt no focus, not really. Just wild excitement.
I held my hand out, willing it.
"My power is unknown in this mortal realm!"
Nothing.
Never in a thousand years would I have dared utter such a thing in public, so it was probably a good thing that it didn't activate it.
It could be the hand gesture.
I tried a couple. Peace sign, when I did the rockstar sign, I was immediately reminded of a very similar scene in Toby Maguire's Spiderman.
"Go magic, go!"
I fell onto my bed.
Clearly, this wasn't going to work.
"So," I said to the window, "I can't look it up on the internet, and I don't dare go to the academy. After all, they were probably the ones to put the ward on me when I went for my interview. Can I sue them for that? Whatever."
I fell on my back and stared at the ceiling, then I turned my head to the muddy Converse prints on my covers.
She was not going to be happy about being my Obi-Wan.
***
Walking down the street felt great. I even said ‘hi’ to a few people walking past, bidding them good morning.
What didn't feel great was trying to choose what to wear before I left. I'd never really felt that anxiety before. Usually I just threw on whatever random t-shirt and jeans I saw first.
But this was different. I judged Misty to be the kind of tribal person who would rather hang out with someone of similar interests. I mean, who wasn't like that? She was a bit more specific about it, though.
I wasn't about to dress like an emo with black nail polish and slanted fringe, but I did think it might be worth trying to meet her in the middle. If she’d be convinced to take me on as her student, it might help if she felt good about doing so.
The only thing I could see in the dresser that she might respond to was an old Star Wars t-shirt, suitably faded in all the right places.
No, it wasn't old. I got it from the store a few years ago, where it had been pre-distressed.
She was going to see right through it. Would probably call me a poser with her outdated lingo.
Still, it felt appropriate, considering what I was going to ask her. It might work as not-so-subliminal messaging. So I said screw it and put it on.
I was now approaching her store.
I half expected it to have disappeared, and then I could ask someone about it, and they'd say, ‘Magic shop? Why, there hasn't been a magic shop in this town for a hundred years.’
And I'd say, ‘But it was right over…’
"There, there, there, there..." I said aloud, making my voice go quieter and quieter like an echo.
"What's over there?" Misty asked.
I jumped and turned around. She was holding a bagel bag in her hand, a coffee in the other, and a scowl as powerful as the sun across her beautiful face. Her eyes reflected orange from the sun. Incredible.
Her hair was long and straight this time, so she looked less like Wednesday and more like Morticia.
"I was just doing a bit in my head," I said honestly.
"The answer’s no," she said, pushing past me.
She placed her coffee in the bagel hand and dug her keys out of the pocket of her leather jacket.
Misty wore a short flowing black skirt underneath the jacket, with lots of frilly gothic bits and a white lace layer showing underneath the bottom.
Completing the outfit, of course, was her Converse.
Misty pushed open the door and entered with a jingle, then snapped her fingers, and all the vintage-style lights came on.
"Cool spell," I said. "How did you do that? Doesn't seem like something a chaos mage could do."
"It's a smart light, idiot."
I followed her into the shop and shut the door, so nobody would hear our conversation. At the same time, she put the bagel and coffee down on the counter, walked around to the stool, and picked up the Gameboy she must've left there the night before.
"C'mon, train me," I said.
"No."
"Be my Obi-Wan."
"You are not the droid I'm looking for," she said, turning up the shrill beeping of the Gameboy.
"So then, what am I supposed to do?"
"Why should I care?" she snarled at the Gameboy, getting angrier by the second.
"Do you even care a little? How would you feel in my situation?"
"Annoyed? Pissed off? Hmm, I have no idea what that feels like."
I nodded, sighed, and turned away to look at the clothing on the wall.
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Suspenders. Eye monocles. Fedoras. It all looked so dumb. Why would I want to be a part of that world?
"I know why you should help me," I said quietly, still looking up at the clothing.
"And why is that?"
"To stick it to those guys," I said, pointing at the clothing and looking at her.
She put the Gameboy down and stared daggers at me again, as she was often wont to do.
Then she shrugged. "Is that it?"
"Fuck the academy," I said, with all the intensity I could muster.
She laughed and looked away. "Now he's got a catchphrase!" Her ebony hair shined magnificently, reflecting off the lamp lights.
"Heh, I guess I am a mage, after all."
She didn’t respond but put her elbows on the table and rubbed her eyes, giving an adorable grunt.
"What if I can offer you something in return?" I asked.
"I don’t wanna suck—"
"Will you stop being so vulgar! No, I don’t mean that. I never once meant that. You’d probably bite it off."
"Grr." She clenched her teeth and snarled at me.
"That’s cute," I said. "No, not that."
"What then?" She put her hands on the table and leaned back against the stool, stretching her arms and yawning, then she crossed one leg over the other and picked up her coffee.
I noticed she had a cute white collar over the black dress—just like Wednesday.
"Your lighting," I said. "It sucks."
"You thought it was a cool spell a minute ago."
"No, the lighting in your videos. The audio was awful, too, all echoey. And it's not produced at all, so quiet."
She said nothing, staring at me—a stalemate.
Then she said, "What else?"
"Well," my heart raced a million miles a minute, "the actual content is fantastic, as good as I've ever seen. It's just the other stuff that needs work. You've got bad thumbnails, titles, etc. It all needs revamping. The actual...meat of the videos, though? Really good. That's the hardest part, and you nailed it. You just need someone to do the other stuff, then you can focus on the bit you’re good at, being creative."
"I hate all that other stuff," she said. "And I can't afford to get someone to do it for me."
"What about one of your many boyfriends?"
She grunted and took an unladylike gnaw of her bagel, saying through a full mouth, "You just have to push your luck."
"I only speak to you how you speak to me."
She froze as if I had said something that struck a nerve, then she gulped a swallow and said, "I'm not saying yes."
She took another long sip of coffee right after the words, as if defensively.
"You're not saying no, either. Aren't you even a little curious about why I was warded?"
"Sure I am, but I'm also not stupid. The further you are away from me, the safer I am from whoever did it."
"So that's why you broke into my apartment, to get far away from me? That was still pretty messed up, by the way. Don't think I haven't forgotten it. Oh, and how did you even find me?"
It came to me. When she got home she looked me up on the internet, just like I did her. She must’ve used my phone number. I should really lock down my social media.
"I didn't know about the ward then," she said, ignoring the question I no longer needed an answer for. "And I just know if I say yes, I'm gonna get tangled up in all that bullshit."
My heart raced at the words. It felt like a moment I could walk away from and never have to deal with any problems in my life. I could go and work a good job and forget all about it.
I could live a normal job and forget all about it. A nice, simple life, free of danger.
Free of magic.
Not a chance.
"If I had to deal with all that stuff," I began, "then to have you by my side would…"
"Yes?" She raised her eyebrows.
"It would suck. I couldn't think of a worse ally. I’ll be trying to pew-pew the bad guys while you're shouting insults in my ear."
"Pew-pew? More like a dribble-dribble with your baby magic."
"Stop calling it that!"
"So I take it you couldn't get it up this morning?"
"Yeah, not even a whimper."
"Just what a girl wants, impotence."
"You keep bringing up stuff like that, I'm gonna think you actually do want me."
"Fuck you," she said, crossing her arms and looking away. "And get out."
At this angle, I noticed her nose had a very faint roman point to it. Her black lips were full, lipstick perfectly applied.
"Fine," I said, walking away.
Just as I touched the door, she asked, "Do you have a car?"
"Yeah," I said, looking out to the street.
"I close at five, don't be late."
I smiled. "I won't let you down, Obi-Wan."
The doorbell jingled as I opened it.
"Obi-Wan gets killed," Misty said through a heavy mascara stare. Then she added, "And so does Anakin."
She shook her head dismissively and picked up her Gameboy.
"I thought I'd be Luke," I said.
"Then I’m Leia and off limits."
"Not before a kiss."
"Get out."
I left the store and walked back home with a spring in my step. I burst into laughter. I punched the air with happiness, and I didn't care who saw it—which happened to be a group of teenage girls who giggled at me as they walked past.
Then my phone began buzzing, and I pulled it out.
Unknown number.
My heart raced. It had to be Misty. She had retrieved the scrunched-up phone number note from the waste paper bin. She was calling me from a secret line, probably going to tell me to wear something more flexible for our parkour training, or that I better bring an apple for teacher.
"Hello?"
"Is this Peter?" a man's voice asked.
Pete, I said internally. "Yeah, I’m Peter. Who’s this?"
"We met at my office yesterday. I've got some good news. I'd like to offer you the job."
My gut lurched. I’d completely forgotten that I had a job interview yesterday. It felt like a lifetime ago.
I knew I should take it. After all, if I was gonna be meeting with Misty after work hours, I would still need to work myself. Got to pay rent and all that.
Misty could do magic, and she still had to work.
"I’m sorry," I said. "I found something else."
Very dumb, but I didn’t care.
I’d figure it out. I always figured it out.
Just like I figured out magic?
My stomach clenched with dread.
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