Chapter 34: Volume 3 - CH 3

“Hey, Jirou. Here’s one thing I understand now.” My classmate Kurose Yamato let out a melancholic sigh next to me. “In recent manga or anime, there’s a growing trend of men crossdressing as women, you know. But…in reality, there are not many men who look good in female clothes.”

“…Kurose. Enough. The more you say, the worse you’ll feel.”

Today is the day of the school festival. The classroom had fully changed into a cafe inside, as Kurose and I stood in front of it, trying to attract customers. The school festival had already begun. We seem to have been blessed by the weather as well, as a lot of people visited our school. Then again, Rouran Academy’s school festival has always held a certain level of popularity around here. Although it would only last a single day, the program was filled to the brim as well, with a lot of interesting attractions every year.

Naturally, we’re offering a very individual attraction ourselves…

“Still, what kind of name even is this…”

Kurose…No, I can’t even call him Kurose anymore. My classmate, forced to wear a tight white nurse uniform, looked at the large billboard in front of the class, and let out a sigh.

‘Boys Crossdressing Cafe – How did things end up this way’

…I mean, you know. How did things come to this, I wonder.

“You still have it good. This uniform was originally planned for a girl, which is why it’s so tight on me…”

The former judo club member and classmate had his large back curl up as he dropped his head in sheer depression. On a side note, I’m dressed as a policewoman. Well, the moment a man like me is wearing it, it probably isn’t a policewoman anymore, but I guess it’s better than the guys forced to wear bunny girl or cheerleader costumes inside the classroom while serving customers, being laughed at by the girls in class.

As a result of that, the inside is like hell. Lots of traumas are being born, as well as special interests awakening. I couldn’t pick up much, but I heard phrases such as ‘This year, my parents are coming to visit…’ or ‘Oh man, I’m starting to enjoy this…’ you know.

However, despite the internal suffering (and joys) of those working classmates, the cafe itself was a great success. Ever since we opened up the store, we’ve been dealing with a long line outside. Of course, the main source for this popularity undoubtedly was—

“Kyaaa! Subaru-samaaaaa~! Please come to this table next~!” I heard a high-pitched voice from inside the classroom.

I took a peek inside, to which I found a large table put together for customers, filled with girls who raised cheers. Standing in the middle of this mass of people was none other than Subaru-sama, also known as Konoe Subaru—who was wearing a china dress. No exception from the other boys, Konoe turned into another cosplay warrior, but the impact and explosive power from her cosplay put all of her other classmates, us, to shame.

“D-Dear customer, is there anything else you would like to order?” Her cheeks were red from embarrassment, and I could see tears building up in her eyes, as she desperately tried to calmly serve the customers.

The gap between this and her usual indifferent and cool attitude was too strong. Just watching it was a blessing to the eyes.

“Crazy, right. That’s Subaru-sama for you. It’s not fair being this cute despite being a man.” The tight nurse came to take a glance inside the classroom as well, spitting words that had my back freeze up.

Well yeah, Konoe’s a girl after all. She had her hair tied up with a pair of fake dumplings, wearing a red china dress that emphasized her white skin. Because of the impactful design, it emphasized her chest, and the slit at her waist was deeper than the Japan Trench. Thanks to that, everybody could see Subaru-sama’s white thighs.

As a result of Konoe’s initial embarrassment, or because she’s afraid of being found out as a girl, she’s moving carefully, and very gently. Not to mention her blushing, she’s just too cute. This isn’t good for my heart.

Anyway, the inside of the classroom is a mess in a lot of ways. It’s burning up like a frying pan on the gas stove. This of course is still on the better end, as we also had girls who wanted Subaru-sama to dance for them. I feel like this cafe could turn into a strip club if we weren’t regulated by the school. It’d bring in a lot of money, at least.

“What are you doing?”

Right as I was enjoying the view of the school’s prince, a dignified voice called out to me. It was Suzutsuki, who became the provisional store manager since Tamura was still out cold. Since she’s a girl, she’s wearing the usual uniform, giving me an exhausted gaze.

“We’re busy right now, so help out inside the cafe.” She said with a calm attitude as always, so I consented.

If we were talking about soccer positions, Suzutsuki would definitely be a midfielder. She has control over the game like the representative of Italy, giving out easy orders to her classmates.

“Can’t help it then, we should help serve the customers.” I let out a sigh, and was about to move back inside the classroom—when someone suddenly grabbed me by the shoulder.

Looking over, the tight nurse was giving me a dubious gaze from a certain distance.

“K-Kurose, what’s up? Did you awaken to some odd fetish?”

That wouldn’t be funny at all. If I was pushed down like this, I wouldn’t be able to get up. It’ll be nurse vs policewoman.

“…I mean, I’ve been wondering about this for a while, but…” Kurose took a deep breath. “You’re pretty close with Suzutsuki Kanade, right?”

“!”

With that simple question alone, I had goosebumps all over. Of course, experiencing this feeling because of a man dressed in a nurse outfit is a terrifying thought to begin with, and one of the reasons why I’m experiencing it, but the contents of his question were much worse.

If Konoe is like a prince in the eyes of the girls, Suzutsuki Kanade is admired by all the boys in this school. She’s a profound and perfect noble lady, and has an atmosphere to her that makes it different to approach, different from Konoe. She rarely talks with boys. However, I am talking with this unattainable flower on somewhat regular terms. Not to mention that we shared a kiss last month.

Everything is simply to protect Konoe’s secret, but…I can’t tell Kurose about that. I’m not sure how to even explain myself here…

“No, you don’t need to tell me. I totally get it.” He whispered with a quiet voice, and approached his mouth to my ears. “You like Suzutsuki Kanade, right?”

“…What?”

When I raised a dumbfounded voice, Kurose threw a ‘Hey now, don’t play dumb’ at me.

“I’ve been thinking about it. Specifically, why you’d become friends with that difficult Subaru-sama. It’s all that you can get closer to her, right?”

“Kurose, I’m not going to say anything right now, so just get checked out at a hospital for me, will you.”

“No need to hide it. The reason you’re staying with Subaru-sama despite the rumour about you being gay, it’s all so that you can be with her, right. At the very least, that’s how it looks to us boys.”

“………”

Because of that odd logic, I could only stay quiet in exhaustion. Why do I have to listen to that messed up logic from a guy wearing a nurse uniform? Now I just feel annoyed more than anything. If that guy wasn’t a fake nurse, I’d request a li*ovitan.

“Well, Suzutsuki Kanade and Subaru-sama are the ruling idols at this school. I don’t blame you for admiring them. But…you’re having some trouble lately, right?”

“What? I’m not poor, you know.”

I mean, I wouldn’t mind more money, but I’d rather get an illegal loan than ask you for help.

“Come on now. You…had a fight with Subaru-sama, right?”

“…Wha?”

“Ah, bulls-eye, huh. I thought something was off. Recently, you’re not meeting up that much.” Kurose laughed energetically.

Are you really my classmate Kurose Yamato? Were you playing some brain training games during recess while I wasn’t watching? Subconsciously, my gaze drifted towards Konoe, who was taking orders right now. She must have caught on to my gaze by pure coincidence, as she looked at me—Our eyes met for a second, but she immediately looked away.

Ever since that incident up on that rooftop, it’s always been like this. When I would try and talk to her, when I would try to invite her to eat lunch together, she fully ignored me. It’s almost like we’ve gone back to before we started talking altogether. On top of that, the plan with Usami that caused all of this isn’t working out too well either.

Instead of Konoe, I’m eating lunch with her (on my treat, of course), and walking home from school with her, but…

“…Ouch.” A sharp pain assaulted my head.

In order to explain this pain, we have to go back in time—

×

“So, come with me for my shopping today.” Twintails shook in the wind.

The very day after the incident on the rooftop, now that classes had ended, Usami dragged me to a swimsuit store.

“What do you mean ‘So’? You suddenly dragged me here with no warning.”

Apparently it was to practice for the school festival date or something, so that we get used to each other or something along those lines. At the very least, I don’t think I can get used to such a violent rabbit.

“Why are you even buying a swimsuit? Pool classes will start soon.”

“I know that. This is for my class’ attraction during the school festival.”

“…Attraction?” I asked, to which Usami showed a flustered reaction.

“Swimsuit Cafe – Passionate Adventure.”

“…What?”

“That’s the name of our attraction. We’ll be serving customers while wearing swimsuits or something like that. And…”

Ahh, so she wants my help in choosing a swimsuit for her. But, why not go with your friends then…Oh right, she doesn’t have any.

“Alright, then let’s get to work, shall we.”

“Y-Yeah. I’ll pick out some, so wait for me!” She announced with a fast announcement, and ran towards the women’s corner.

I guess my duty today is to fashion check her, huh. Still, a swimsuit cafe? So both our classes were thinking the same thing. Even the naming sense is a mess. Anyway, after waiting for about ten minutes, right as I was looking through some swimsuits of my own, Usami came back with a few swimsuits in her shopping basket.

She then stood in front of a changing cabin, muttering ‘If you open it, I’ll kill you’, filled with pure killing intent, and vanished inside. Not like I would dare to anyway. Following that, I heard faint rustling sounds from inside. After waiting for a brief moment, I heard a disgruntled ‘You can come in. Only with your head, though’ from the inside. It felt like I put my head through a guillotine for a moment, but she’s probably too embarrassed to fully open the curtains, I bet.

Seeing no other option, I did as I was told, and poked my head through the curtains, inside the changing room, and—

“…!” Immediately after, I was at a loss for words.

Standing there was Usami Masamune, awkwardly fidgeting with a blushing face. She’s not wearing a bikini, nor a one-piece swimsuit. It was a stylish design with black fabric and red lines onto it—a competitive swimsuit. This is the type they’d use in the swimming club.

“Y-You, wasn’t there anything else…Like a bikini…or a one-piece?”

When I looked over, her entire shopping basket was full of competitive swimsuits. Is she into that stuff or something?

“No! I don’t want to wear such flashy swimsuits! I can’t wear something so embarrassing in front of my classmates. But, going with the school swimsuit would have been too lame, so…” Usami started mumbling, lining up excuses.

So this is like her last resort. Then again…it honestly doesn’t look that bad on her. A tight competitive swimsuit fit Usami’s bodyline quite well, and the black color of it emphasized her otherwise white skin. Is this really her size? I feel like her chest is about to pop out…

“…And? How does it look?” She raised a somewhat anxious voice.

She might be worried because I wasn’t saying anything.

“No, it’s great. Though, I’m worried that the size might be a bit too small.”

I feel like it’s got much bigger destructive power than a straight-forward attempt like a bikini. When I gave Usami my honest impression, she returned a quiet ‘I-I see…’

……Is she flustered?

“…Then, I’ll take this one. They just ran out of the right-sized ones. Alright, fashion show’s over, so pull back your head or I’ll strangle you.” She must have been attempting to hide her embarrassment with that.

Aye aye, time to retreat. Then again, I feel like looking a bit more wouldn’t have hurt.

“Stupid Chicken.” There, Usami called out to me beyond the curtains. “Here you go.”

A hand came from inside the curtains. Not sure what to do, I simply accepted the object in that hand—Wait, hold on. That’s the competitive swimsuit from just now.

“Go and buy that. I’ll give you the money.”

As I already stood frozen stiff, Usami delivered yet another blow. G-Go and buy that, she says…!

“Don’t joke with me! Why would I have to buy a swimsuit for my classmate!” I glanced over at the register.

Of course, there stood a young female employee. You seriously can’t expect me to go buy that now. This is even worse than buying porn magazines at a convenience store.

“B-But, it’s embarrassing to buy a competitive swimsuit when I’m not even in the swimming club! What if they think I’m into some weird stuff!”

How self-conscious can you be? There’s no way that woman would doubt you that much. If even, she’s been looking over here for a while now, showing a perfect customer smile.

“I’m not in the swimming club either, nor am I actually a girl!”

“She’ll understand it, don’t worry.”

“Misunderstand, you mean! She’ll think I have some weird interests!”

“It’s fine. While you’re buying it, I’ll slip out of the shop.”

“You plan on sacrificing me!?”

How can she be so crazy? What am I supposed to do about this? I wouldn’t be surprised if a police officer was preparing to tackle me.

“…Hm?”

Thinking that far, I realized something. She told me to buy it. So that means…this is the swimsuit Usami chose. In other words, she was just wearing it…

“Hey! Why are you suddenly all quiet! Y-You’re not sniffing on it, are you!?” A shout pierced my ears.

Eeek, what is she thinking? Thanks to her scream, the female employee’s gaze became sharper. She’s like a security guard looking out for theft!

“You’re the worst! I know you’re a chicken, but using this to your advantage…!”

“You perverted rabbit! Who would do such a thing!?”

“Wha…Don’t tell me, you’re not satisfied with just sniffing!?”

“Stuff your perverted fantasies away, will you!”

“Pervert! Boiling it in a hot pot to keep it moist…!”

“What kind of pervert do you think I am!?”

Also, where did the hot pot even come from!? Damn it, just because of this swimsuit……Wait, now that I realize it, it’s still warm! It feels like I have a time bomb in my hand!

“Dear customer, could I have a moment?”

“Eeeeek!”

When I turned towards the source of the voice, the female employee from just now was moving towards us. It must have been subconsciously, but her legs were shaking. She definitely thinks of me as a weirdo.

“Damn it!”

Reflexively, I put my hands on the curtains. I need to remove this ticking time bomb from my hand. And there’s only one method to do so. Namely, to give it back to this stupid rabbit.

“Kya!? Idiot, don’t open it now…” I heard a flustered voice from the inside, but it was already too late.

I opened the curtains, and—

“!?”

It felt like I got hit by a truck. Inside the small changing room, what first caught my eyes was Rouran Academy’s uniform, neatly folded in the corner. Following that, I saw legs enwrapped in long knee-socks. Black and White. The white skin and jet-black kneesocks created a fresh contrast. When I raised my head, standing there was Usami Masamune, wearing faint pink underwear.

“……”

……I mean. This order is just messed up—is what I wanted to retort. I mean, why are you putting on knee socks after your underwear? And more than anything, why did you give me the swimsuit when you still haven’t finished changing? Maybe she was too flustered because of the situation that she messed up the order of things, or maybe she wanted me to be gone so she could rest easy when putting on her clothes.

Whichever it may be—it doesn’t matter. What’s important right now is that the blushing Usami’s right leg was closing in on the left side of my head, and as I am an adolescent boy, the sight in front of me left me unable to react in time, which is why…

“Guha!?” A groan escaped my mouth.

The second the impact of the leg hit me full force, my consciousness was blasted into darkness.

×

“…Jeez.”

That concludes the flashback. I pressed my hand on the wound I had suffered several days ago, and let out a sigh. This being the case, despite me treating her to lunch, helping with her shopping, and running away from the store in shame, there are absolutely no rumours going around about us dating. Well, looking at the swimsuit shopping incident, that might be for the better.

According to Usami, the [Watch over Committee] is trying its hardest to spot any such information from spreading. Even so, she wanted to go on a date before today’s war—today’s battle, but I’m honestly already over it. Just end this plan already, so I can explain everything to Konoe.

“Don’t be so depressed. I don’t why you were fighting with Subaru-sama, but you actually want to make up, right? Let me help you poor fellow.” Kurose showed me a thumbs-up, and smiled brimming with confidence.

Yay, that’s what I would expect from my good friend, he’s not just some useless and rotten connection I’ve known since middle school. Right now, you look like an angel in white……Did you really think I was thankful for that, you damn nurse. I know exactly what you’re planning with this.

“That’s why…why don’t you introduce me to Subaru-sama as well?”

“I figured.”

Normally you’d be suspicious about a guy wanting to be introduced to another guy, but I can guess what he’s plotting. He wants to get along with Konoe to then get closer to Suzutsuki. You make fun of me, but you’re trying to do the exact same thing, you know. Then again, I bet that’s the case for most of the other students, Suzutsuki is like an idol after all.

“No worries. I can make you get closer again. I have a very special plan just for you.”

“Be straight with me, you’re losing credibility.”

After all, this tight nurse actually only has ulterior motives with girls. Normally, I’d decline right away, but…

“…Alright then. I’ll go along with your plan.” Albeit hesitant, I nodded along.

Honestly speaking, I want to get along with Konoe, and although it was all to protect her secret, I still feel bad. If I can expect help from him, I want to take it, no matter how rotten it may be.

“Alright, that’s what I want to hear! Love ya, Jirou!”

“Please, don’t say such stuff while looking like that. I’m going to barf.” I threw a retort at Kurose, but he just laughed even more.

“Now now, don’t you worry! My plan is perfect! You just play along!” Kurose said, and pulled me into the classroom.

Eh? We’re going to execute that plan right now? But, wait, there’s too many people around.

“Hey, Subaru-sama…No, Konoe. Can I have a second?” Still dragging me along, Kurose called out to Konoe.

The china dress Butler-kun looked towards us, but seeing me immediately averted her gaze again. Ahh, so awkward. This mood is unbearable.

“What? I’m busy serving the customers.”

“Don’t be like that, just come with us to the hallway for a second.”

Subaru-sama clearly emitted an ‘I’m in a bad mood, don’t talk to me’ aura, but Kurose wasn’t bothered by that in the slightest. I think he’s pretty amazing in that. Makes sense that he made it pretty far during the judo nationals in middle school, he really can’t read the mood at all.

“Come on, there’s something I wanna give to you.”

“Wha…what are you doing!”

Kurose forcefully grabbed Konoe’s arm, pulling her along. At the same time, an endless amount of gazes pierced us.

“What is he doing to Subaru-sama…”

“I can kill him, right?”

“Don’t stop me, I will crush that pervert with my own haaaaands!”

Hurry up, Kurose. At this rate, we won’t have a tomorrow to work for. In the midst of the cold gazes ready to kill us at any moment, Kurose managed to drag Konoe into the corner of the hallway.

“What is going on? Why did you drag me out here? Let me be honest, but I’m in a bit of a bad mood right now.” Konoe narrowed her eyes, and gave us a harsh scowl.

That sure doesn’t feel like a bit to me, alright. If anything, I never saw Konoe this disgruntled before, I believe.

“Come on now, don’t be so angry. Jirou said he wanted to make up with you, okay.”

“……Hmpf.” Konoe’s translucent eyes turned towards me for a brief second.

Her gaze was as sharp as before, but I could see a faint hope glimmering deep inside of her eyes…Hm? This might actually be going better than I initially anticipated? Alright, you can do it, nurse!

“That’s right. Jirou wants to get along with you, which is why he prepared a present, you know?” Kurose said, and took out a neatly-wrapped package from behind his back.

Where did you even hide that?

“…A present?”

“Indeed. Jirou tried his best when choosing it. Well, he said he was too embarrassed to give it to you directly, so I reluctantly tagged along.”

“J-Jirou…did that…for me…?”

It felt like Konoe’s anger towards me lessened a great bit. Maybe a straight approach like that would have been the best choice from the very beginning?

“Here, accept this. This contains all of Jirou’s feelings.”

“O-Okay…!” Konoe blushed ever so slightly, and accepted the present from Kurose. “C-Can I open it?”

“Of course. You’ll be shocked. I can definitely tell you’ll like it.” With these words, Konoe reached for the wrapper of the present.

She looked like a child on Christmas morning, rushing to open up the presents.

“Y-You’re crazy, Kurose. I have newfound respect for you.” I whispered behind Kurose in a volume where Konoe couldn’t hear me.

“Right? I told you, just leave it to me.” Kurose laughed confidently.

Damn, I never knew he could be so reliable. Before, I half-doubted him because of his track record, but now I feel embarrassed. To think my classmate nurse could be so reliable.

“But, will this be okay? How did you know what he likes?” I was still a bit worried nonetheless.

Just what did he prepare as a present? Even being so confident about it…

“No worries. If you’re a man, you’ll definitely love it.”

“……”

Right as I heard those words, an awful premonition filled my chest. I feel like we did something horribly bad there. This looked like everything was going along smoothly, but now I was starting to feel like the people on the Titanic, the board captain sending out an emergency broadcast over the radio. And as expected, three seconds later, this bad premonition became reality.

“Kyaaaaaaaaah!?” A girly shriek pierced my ears.

Looking over, Konoe had thrown the present away in a rage. Coincidentally, it landed right in my hands. Shown on it…on the cover of the magazine was a woman with twintails, opened clothes, showing suggestive poses.

“Huh? You didn’t like it?” Kurose was the only person who failed to grasp the situation, and just looked at the porn…excuse me, magazine aimed at adults in my hands in confusion.

“You idiot! What kind of present is that supposed to be!?”

“Huh? What are you talking about. Even Subaru-sama is a guy, right?”

“What if he’s more into delicate stuff!?”

“Eh, that Subaru-sama? I mean, even you are into that stuff, right?”

“Why are you pulling me into this mess!?”

“Huh? You don’t remember? In middle school, you were the one who said ‘I actually like tsunderes’, weren’t you—” That’s how far Kurose spoke, and shut up.

The butler knuckle silenced him. As I had feared, a sharp liver blow rammed right into the nurse. If this was a straight throw in baseball, it might have burned a hole through the fence. Proof of this was the nurse being blown off with a somewhat feminine ‘Agyaba!?’, his body landing directly in the girls’ toilet of all places.

“Eh? What was that sound just now…”

“Um, are you okay…Wah, who is this person!?”

“Nooooooo it’s a pervert! He’s wearing a nurse uniform!”

An orchestra of screams filled the inside of the toilet. Thanks to the appearance of the buff nurse, a scene of hell was painted behind those closed doors…Yeah, he should be okay. He’ll probably get out after being beaten up by a cleaning brush. In the worst case, the public morals committee might catch him, but I honestly have worse problems than this.

“…Jirou.”

“Eeek!?”

An alto voice filled with pressure practically forced me to turn around, and I was greeted by the dear butler-kun in her china dress, her lips quivering, as her arms shook in anger.

“You supposedly picked this out with all your heart…just for me, right? That’s why, I best be thanking you properly…”

“W-Wait! You’re wrong! Kurose set up all of this! I just wanted to make up with you…!”

In a panic, I put all the blame on Kurose. But in reality, I was the idiot for even believing in him.

“…Hmm. So that’s what it was? But, don’t worry.”

“K-Konoe! So you understand!”

“Of course. I won’t do anything cruel.” She smiled, like she was talking with her master. “In your case, I’ll at least listen to your final words.”

“Wah…Konoe-san!?”

“It’s fine, it’ll all be over soon. Not to mention…You like girls like on that cover, right?”

“Why are you so hung up on that!?”

“S-Shut up! After all…t-that girl had her hair like that as well!”

“That girl…”

“Y-Your girlfriend! She was wearing her hair in twintails!”

“Ah…that’s…”

“Giving me that as a present…Ah, you’re trying to show off, right…!”

Konoe pouted, muttering words like ‘Twintails here…tsundere there’, but I still don’t get it. Why is she so angry? I mean, was she bullied by a tsundere in her previous life or something? At the same time, I heard the hallway growing more noisy. Curious onlookers started to gather around us.

“A cosplay cafe? Not half bad.”

“Hello? Come over here right now! A china dress girl and policewoman are fighting! Not to mention they’re both guys!?”

Voices everywhere, all of them with different emotions. It’s like all the rats came crawling out of their holes. That’s the school festival for you. Everybody’s so excited for some reason. The atmosphere is so different from usual, everyone’s going crazy. Are they getting drunk on this mood or something?

“K-Konoe, just calm down.”

I judged that I had no chance in actual physical combat, so I went for the peaceful preservation.

“Shut up, you normie.”

“N-Normie!? W-Where did you even learn that word from…”

“I read about it in a book before. They call people like you with a lover that way, right. I hate people like that.”

“Konoe…”

“Don’t call my name. I get the creeps if a normie calls me like that. You called it a present…and I was really looking forward to it…”

“……”

Right. In the end, Konoe is still a girl. She would look forward to getting a present, and get her hopes up. And yet, I just…

“I thought…I would get some strawberry daifuku1…”

“Why strawberry daifuku!?”

“Because I wanted to eat some since yesterday.”

“How am I supposed to know that!?”

“Jirou…we’re talking about strawberry daifuku, not whiteberry daifuku.”

“I know that!?”

I know that it sounds similar, alright. Still, strawberry daifuku, huh…Konoe really likes sweet stuff. Then again, is there even anything this gluttonous butler does not like?

“Listen, strawberry daifuku is amazing. Add that soft and fluffy feeling from the daifuku together with the sweet red bean jam paste, and the bittersweet taste of strawberries, the inside of your mouth just starts melting…” Konoe showed a relaxed smile, as she explained the greatness of strawberry daifuku.

I mean, it’s not like I don’t get where she’s coming from, but how am I supposed to know about your current interests?

“Anyway, die.”

“What do you mean anyway!?”

“Shut up. A normie that won’t even give me strawberry daifuku gets an express ticket to heaven. That is my choice as a butler.”

And for me, it was the beginning of the end, a declaration of death. Konoe’s butler knuckle cut through the air, aiming towards me. Damn it, to think I would be killed while being called a normie of all things. My head was full of regrets, when…

“Will you two give it a rest already?” A dignified voice mixed with anger reached us.

Looking over, the provisional store manager Suzutsuki Kanade came walking towards us, her arms crossed.

“Subaru. Playing around with Jirou-kun is great and all, but do you mind going back to work? If you don’t come back soon, it’ll probably cause a rebellion.”

“Urk…” The butler let out a groan, as her fist hovered in the air directly in front of my face. “However…”

“What? You won’t listen to your master’s orders?” The young lady showed a gentle smile.

Immediately after, dear Butler-kun let out a shriek, and lowered her fist in an instant. It seems like she must have felt the pressure coming from beyond Suzutsuki’s smile. Konoe gave me a final ‘Hmpf’, and returned to the classroom. Damn it, rather than making up, our relationship has taken a dip for the worse.

“…You saved me, Suzutsuki. Without you, I might have gotten to greet my maker.”

“I don’t need any gratitude. I’m just trying to keep the class together for our attraction. Well, that’ll be over soon as well.”

“Over?”

“Indeed. I have some business to attend to, so I have to leave. In the meantime, I’ve asked a few girls to take over.” Suzutsuki explained with her usual calm tone.

I wonder what business she’s talking about? Since it’s about her, she probably will get confessed to again.

“Leaving that aside, Jirou-kun.” Suzutsuki looked over at me. “It looks like you’re on bad terms with Subaru as of late, did something happen?”

“!”

“And, I hear about you being together with a girl from another class a lot. What relationship do you two share? Is she your girlfriend by any chance?”

“Urk…”

Because of the sudden question, I was forced to keep quiet. I was careless. Even that Kurose realized, so there’s no way that this rich lady wouldn’t catch on to things being awkward between me and Konoe. Worst of all, she’s somewhat aware of Usami’s existence. I need to clear up this misunderstanding immediately…

“Well, not like I care.”

Unexpectedly, Suzutsuki immediately cut the conversation.

“You don’t care…what do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said. Unlike Subaru, I know about the fact that you’re just playing lovers.”

“……!”

…Hey hey hey, are you kidding me. How sharp can you be? Rather than catching on, she’s already aware of everything.

“H-How did you find out?”

“Oh, I was right? I was just betting on the chance, but I guess I was spot on.”

“!?”

“I mean, a chicken bastard with gynophobia would never get a girlfriend this easily.”

“……”

“If I had to guess, that’s probably the reason why you got on bad terms with Subaru, right? You promised to walk around the school festival with her, but were forced to break that promise…something along those lines?” She seemed to be enjoying herself, her lips raising to form a grin.

…Alright, I don’t think I can ever win against Suzutsuki Kanade.

“Since we’re talking about you, you probably had to agree for some odd reason, but…be careful. I don’t think Subaru will stay quiet about this, even if you already broke your promise.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said. That girl can be unexpectedly stubborn, so she won’t back down easily. Well, if you’re in a pinch, then just ask for help.” Throwing some confusing words at me, Suzutsuki walked away with a simple “Bye.”

“…Hm.”

It seems like she decided to stay an onlooker for now. Well, that’d be the best for me as well. If she were to leak that to Konoe, she most definitely won’t stay quiet. Knowing her, she probably would do something to Usami. And then, that whole plan would break down in shambles, with that nasty rabbit putting the blame on me. More than anything, there’s a chance Suzutsuki could try to mess up the plan herself.

I probably should be thankful that she has other business to attend to right now. I just need her to lay low, and—

“…Oh right, Jirou-kun. One thing I don’t understand, would you mind me asking?”

Suddenly, Suzutsuki crossed her hands behind her back, and turned towards me.

“What is it? Depending on it, I might be willing to answer.”

Then again, she pretty much figured it out already. The only piece of information she’s lacking is the whole reason we’re doing this.

“So…” For some reason, Suzutsuki showed a charming smile. “That magazine aimed at adults you’ve been holding for a while now, I was wondering what that title ‘Authentic account! A lewd school festival with a rich tsundere lady!’ was about.”

×

“You’re two minutes and 28 seconds late.”

Usami Masamune stood in front of the school gate, greeting me with as much of a sharp voice as always.

“Zip it, I had my own trouble.”

I seriously did. After what happened, I screamed ‘Don’t joke with me! You’re not even a tsundere!’ at the top of my lungs, to which Suzutsuki responded ‘Should I show you some dere then?’, which made me run away in fear. Devil Suzutsuki, she’s nothing but a devil, alright. Terrifying in way too many ways.

The time had just arrived around noon. We had planned to meet up for a date now. I thought that I still had plenty of time, but I guess that’s the nasty rabbit for you, she has no good bone in her after all.

“Late is late, you stupid chicken.” She stabbed the toe of her long boot into my leg, and let out an exhausted sigh. “You’re not worth anything as a man if you make a girl wait. Are you an idiot? Gonna die? You a chicken?”

“It’s two minutes. That’s about the time it would take to make cup ramen, alright.”

“…Are you even aware of how worried I was during those two minutes?” Usami lowered her head for a brief moment.

Eh? Was she actually worried? Because of two short minutes? Seeing her saddened and lonely expression made my chest tighten up…

“Yup. I was worried you were assaulting another girl and got arrested in the process.”

“I don’t need you to worry about that!”

“Ah, right. I shouldn’t have had to worry, you’re a BLC after all.”

“BLC?”

“Boys-Loving-Chicken.”

“Don’t make that a term!?”

“Now it sounds like a BLT2 sandwich…Fufu.”

“Why is that so funny?!”

“It makes me imagine a boy-loving chicken bastard being sandwiched by two guys.”

“Will you shut up already, you perverted rabbit!”

…Damn it, I know I’m doing this to protect Konoe’s secret, but how could I let her have such a misunderstanding about me. I confirmed my surroundings. Luckily, nobody was around to hear that problematic statement. However, on the path leading from the gate to the school building, countless people stood to look at the various stalls. Now that noon had arrived, the school festival started to grow more noisy. No doubt, we’ll be seen by a lot of people like ths. Once that rumour about me and Usami dating goes around, things might finally improve.

“Now, let’s move on to the date. We don’t have much time until the event, so we need to make up for the loss we suffered because of you.”

“You sure are annoying, alright. I had to change clothes.”

Just until a few minutes ago, I was a policewoman, you hear me. In the fashion magazine I read yesterday, it didn’t say that I should go on a date looking like that.

“I mean, you changed your clothes as well, right?”

What was it, Swimsuit Cafe Passionate Adventure? She can’t exactly come out here with a competitive swimsuit, right…

“Eh?”

However, Usami let out a dumbfounded voice, her gaze wandering about…Don’t tell me, was she too lazy to change, and just put on her uniform above the swimsuit?

“N-Now, let’s go! If we don’t hurry up, the festival will end!” Usami urged me, like she was trying to hide something.

…Well, whatever. I’m a bit curious as to what she’s wearing beneath that uniform right now, but I shouldn’t lose my focus because of that. After all, this odd relationship will end today. Once that final event is over, I’ll be freed. And then, I can say goodbye to this nasty rabbit.

“Then, I’m counting on you, Stupid Chicken.”

“Hm? With what?” I wasn’t sure what she was talking about, so I returned a question, only to get back a dumbfounded ‘Eh?’ from Usami.

“What are you talking about? When on a date, you have to take the lead, right?”

“Wha?”

“…Hey, what was that ‘Wha?’ about? Don’t tell me, you didn’t think of anything?” Usami gave me a sharp scowl, silencing me.

Could you blame me, I was too busy with preparations for the crossdressing cafe, I got home late, and it completely slipped my mind then.

“Woah, you’re actually the worst. Have you ever gone on a date before?”

“Wha…Don’t make fun of me! Of course I did!”

That being said, I went to the game center before with Konoe, but it was all set up by Suzutsuki…and same goes for the leisure land.

“What about you then?”

“Eh?”

“Don’t ‘Eh’ me. If you’re making fun of me, you must have gone on a lot of dates, right?” I returned a bothered complaint.

As expected, Usami’s expression froze up with an awkward ‘Wha’, and she started blushing furiously.

“D-Don’t make fun of me, stupid chicken! O-O-Of course I did! I’m brimming with experience!”

“Then why don’t you take the lead? You’ll definitely do better than me.”

“Urk…” Usami’s mouth changed shape into a triangle.

So she really was acting tough after all. Not to mention this reaction, is this actually her first date?

“W-What’s that gaze for! That’s right, this is my first date! What about it!? Everybody would be nervous during their first time!” Usami averted her gaze and tried to act strong.

So it’s exactly as I expected. Also, nervous, huh. Makes sense, looking at her.

“Even if you want a plan or something, the best we can do is walk around the school festival, so let’s just look at the stalls?”

“…O-Okay.”

Having a fight now would only be a waste of time, so I threw in another proposition, to which Usami nodded…Jeez, if only she’d stay calm, she’d be this cute.

“But, don’t think you’re better than me now. I’m not listening to you or anything.”

“Can you not be quiet for a minute?”

“Are you telling me to be like a dog, just listening to you!?”

“Who said that!”

“Oh hell no, even if you’re my boyfriend, I won’t walk around the park at night with a collar around my neck!”

“Your fantasies are far too lively, you know!”

We really can’t arrive at any common ground. Also, how are her fantasies always this lewd? I get that we’re in the middle of our adolescence, but holy moly. Well, leaving that aside, it’s time to focus on the date. We lined up next to each other, and walked towards the stalls. Holding hands would probably raise our efficiency a lot, but that would equal to me taking a walk with a death god itself.

Recently I realized that my gynophobia activates much easier when I’m touching another person. That’s why holding hands like that is dangerous. If I were to give an example in the world of Jo*o, it would be like ‘The Grateful Dead3’.

“Ah, look at that, stupid chicken.”

Usami interrupted my thoughts as she grabbed my hand, and pulled me along. Eeek, I can feel the warmth of her fingers directly conveyed on my skin. I can feel goosebumps all over. It sure sets in fast with direct contact. Doesn’t help that she’s holding my hand so tightly.

“H-Hey, let go.”

“What? Are you embarrassed or something?” Even before I could say any further, Usami started grinning. “Huh, really now. This is totally normal on a date, come on come on come on.”

“Wah, s-stop it already!”

I tried to resist, but Usami would not let go of my hand, even wrapping her arms around mine, like she was a koala clinging to a tree at a zoo. T-This nasty rabbit, she’s probably using this chance to pay me back for what I did before. Not to mention…Oh man, she’s got more than she originally shows. Her body’s pretty slim, but…in the end, she still is a girl.

She seemed to be satisfied with my suffering, as she rubbed her…body…even more onto me. What kind of heavenly punishment is this? I was fully focussed on making sure my gynophobia wouldn’t grow rampant.

“Look, doesn’t that look delicious?”

Not even knowing of my suffering, Usami nonchalantly gazed at the stalls at our sides. The takoyaki in particular. I’m so jealous, I wish our class would have decided on something orthodox like that. When the delicious scent of the sauce and meat tickled my nose, my stomach started grumbling. Oh yeah, I haven’t had lunch yet.

“Are you hungry?”

“Yup. Are you going to treat me to some?”

“Of course not, you’ll be treating me. I heard before that a man has to pay during a date.”

Again with that? What do you take me for, some kind of sponsor? Also, who did you hear that from if you don’t even have any friends? Maybe juniors from her club?

“Who’d treat you, Usamin.”

“Ehhh, stingy chicken.”

“Say whatever you want~”

“A flightless chicken is just livestock.”

“Of course!?”

“See! Chicken is livestock!”

“I know that even without you telling me!”

“—Chicken!”

“My eyes, my eyeeeees! Will you stop it already!”

She really loves Ghi*li, huh. Also, I’ve always been treating her to the food in the cafeteria, so I really don’t want to waste my money anymore than this. When I protested, Usami pouted.

“Alright then. Once this date is over, I’ll treat you to some homemade food of mine, so pay for it now.”

“What kind of contract is that?”

“Isn’t it fine? I mean, money’s a bit tight…I used a lot of it for the swimsuit…”

“Money’s tight…”

Is she in debt or something? That’s why she asked me to pay for her during lunch or when we stopped at stores in the business district on our way home? Is this some reverse leecher situation that I’m in?

“A lot happened, and I got fired from my part-time job, and I could technically cook, but I don’t have any ingredients…Recently, I haven’t been eating anything worthwhile lately.”

“Worthwhile…so what were you eating?” The curiosity got the better of me, and I asked.

That moment, I could see a shadow dropping over Usami’s eyes, like she was looking down at a dark ocean.

“—Mayonnaise.”

“What?”

“Did you know, stupid chicken? A person once ended up stranded on a mountain, and managed to survive on mayonnaise and water for an entire week.”

“………”

“Even the bread from the school cafeteria is pure bliss to me. And so many calories…”

“Enough, Usami. I get it, it was my bad. I’m sorry.” I forcefully cut the conversation.

I feel like I’ve seen a side of her that should never have come to light. I guess Usami Masamune is more of a commoner than I expected. Also, judging from that, is she maybe living alone? Since I’ve been in so much contact with that rich lady and Subaru-sama, two people living in a completely different world from me, it feels fresh having such a girl around. Kureha? Well, the world she lives in is yet again different in a separate way.

If I had to guess, she’d probably not be able to get along with Suzutsuki. From what I heard, the environment they live in is completely different. We’re talking about a rich lady and a commoner. It’s such a faint assumption of mine, but I definitely cannot allow these two to meet. She’ll probably say something like ‘Don’t underestimate commoners’, and see Suzutsuki as a rival.

Well, I don’t dislike confident people for sure. Also, their personalities are pretty much the exact opposite. Suzutsuki would hide her true personality, acting like an unparalleled and perfect beauty, whereas Usami is the opposite. She may be clumsy, but she properly says what she wants, and acts how she wants. Probably even to the point where it would get in the way of her relationships. I seriously doubt that Suzutsuki’s nonsense would work on her.

If so, then—they might just be polar opposites. You have a lying wolf woman, and a nasty rabbit who hates lies: Suzutsuki Kanade and Usami Masamune. All I can ask for is those two to never meet when I’m around…

“Also, I want you to treat me to some food right now. That would be more like a date, right?”

“More like a date, huh…”

Do you want to go on a date that badly? Is she the type of person who writes ‘Ginza No.1 Hostess’ on her future plan survey all to trouble the teacher? Or, does she want to brag about being used to going on a date? Just treating someone to food doesn’t make it a date.

“…I’m sorry, one portion of takoyaki please.”

In the end, I could only order some food for her. I know I’m pretty pathetic for doing this, but if I don’t treat her to some food, she probably will keep clinging to me. She should calm down with a bit of food, right? I feel like I’m feeding a wild rabbit.

“It’s a promise. Remember the equivalent exchange.”

“Leave it to me. I’m confident in my cooking.” Usami said, but could not tear her eyes away from the takoyaki we just bought.

She stabbed a toothpick into one, blew some air on it, and stuffed it into her mouth. Immediately after, her expression melted away in bliss. I stuffed one into my mouth as well. Hmm, not bad. I should have made this a present for Konoe instead of that porn magazine.

“Hey, stupid chicken.”

We walked around without a concrete goal, eating some takoyaki, when Usami spoke up.

“You said that you went on a date before with someone, right…Was it Subaru-sama?”

Function over aesthetics. Rather than listening to the girl next to me, I was too engrossed in my takoyaki, and answered ‘Yes’ without thinking about it twice. Naturally, I immediately regretted it. Think about it, Konoe is a guy in the eyes of everyone at this school, so it’s like I was openly admitting to going on a date with a guy.

I was thinking about how to get out of this situation, when I saw Usami frozen stiff, the takoyaki still in her cheeks. She looked like a squirrel on the hunt for rations for the winter.

“Waah, I can’t believe you. That Subaru-sama went on a date with you? Paid dating?”

As if, she ain’t some celebrity at a host club.

“It’s not that big of a deal. He and I got along pretty well, so we just met outside of school to chill.”

I wasn’t lying. Compared to the first time we met, we were at least a bit closer then. Though, everything was reset right now.

“…Huh.” For some reason, Usami didn’t seem too satisfied with my response.

If anything, she looked more doubtful compared to before.

“It really is weird.”

“What is?”

“I mean, you’re a perfectly normal and average human being. Playing your girlfriend over these past few days, that totally became apparent. If this was an RPG, you’d be ‘Villager A’.”

“Sorry about being normal, okay.”

“Normal…yeah. That’s why it’s odd. How could someone so average like you suddenly get along with Subaru-sama?”

“Even if you ask me that…”

Oh yeah, that was what she asked me when we first met.

—How did you become friends with Subaru-sama?

The answer is simple. I found out about Konoe’s secret, and we became partners in crime. I’m not some special existence at all, nor do I play any special role. It’s just…Konoe always wanted someone she can share this secret with, someone she can be friends with. I just happened to fill that position.

“Why’re you suddenly asking me about that?”

“Isn’t that obvious? I…I really like him after all…” Usami averted her gaze, blushing furiously.

You are reading story Mayo Chiki! at novel35.com

So she’s the same pattern as Kureha, huh. All of them suddenly end up so girly as soon as we talk about Konoe. Where’s that biker atmosphere run off to?

“Well, I get that Konoe’s really cool.”

Even her face is dignified to a point she doesn’t look like a boy at all. Well, she actually isn’t, so that makes sense. But, I can’t blame people for falling for her.

“…That’s not it.” However, Usami denied my words, as she kept her head hanging low. “It’s not about him being cool or not. I don’t particularly like him for his face.”

“Huh? So then, what do you like about him?”

“…Hmpf. I won’t tell you. Not someone who managed to become friends with Subaru-sama despite not being special at all.”

Where did her meek attitude go from just now? Now she’s showing clear hostility towards me. Maybe she does hate me after all.

“I hate you. I absolutely despise you. Even today, I would have preferred to have Subaru-sama at my side.” Or so she said, and yet she pushed a toothpick with takoyaki on it towards my mouth.

“Hm? Is there no octopus in there or something?”

“You stupid chicken. I told you we have to act like lovers.” She said, and tried to forcefully shove the takoyaki into my mouth.

Ahh, I see how this is. She’s trying to act flirty to show off towards the people around us. Still, this is pretty embarrassing. More and more people gathered their attention towards us. Which makes sense, we’re a stupid couple in the middle of a crowd in a crowded school festival.

“H-Hurry up. I’m embarrassed over here.” She spoke with an unusual faint voice, so I guess she must be the same as me.

Well, who wouldn’t be doing something like this.

“Also, close your eyes when you’re biting on it. Our eyes meeting is too embarrassing.”

“Yeah yeah, I get it.” I did as I was told, and closed my eyes, simultaneously opening my mouth.

Since she says that she feels embarrassed about meeting gazes with other people, she must not be used to dealing with other people. A few moments later, I felt something soft and tender teaching my lips.

“Mm?”

Huh? Did takoyaki always feel like this? I feel like it’s much more voluptuous than I remember…

“Mmm!?” My doubt lasted only for a moment.

Immediately after, something warm was stuffed into my mouth. Waah, what is this? It’s forcefully being pushed into there. Not to mention that the taste is too weak for takoyaki. Weird, is there even sauce on there?

“Mguh!?”

Even more was stuffed into my mouth. Urk, I’m going to suffocate…I can’t breathe. What an awful way of dying this is. Even torture during the middle ages wasn’t as cruel. I tried to resist this fate, and bit on the invader.

“…Goh!?”

Gaaaah! Hot hot hot! What is this? It hurts! So hot, and spicy! This definitely isn’t takoyaki!

“Y-You wench! What are you doing!”

I coughed violently, and opened my eyes. Immediately after, what I had been biting on fell to the ground. Looking at it, it wasn’t even takoyaki, but taiyaki4. You tried to stuff all of that into my mouth? Also, the bean jam inside is so red…Wait, that’s tabasco! I was wondering what kind of stall would sell something like this, only to find a large billboard saying ‘Fresh blood taiyaki’. How dare you sell something like this?

“Are you some mother bird feeding its children!? I’m not some baby penguin!” I tried to complain as best as I could with my numb tongue.

“Huh, aren’t you doing great.” A piercing cold alto voice spoke up.

When I directed my gaze towards that voice, I found a sour expression glaring at me, translucent eyes trapping me in their sight.

“K-Konoe! Y-Y-You! What are you doing here!?”

That’s right, this is Konoe Subaru. Subaru-sama still wore her china dress like she did before, now crossing her arms as she looked at me in disbelief and anger. Next to her stood Usami, who looked at Konoe with as much shock as I have in my face.

“What about your job!?”

As she’s the number one money maker of our cafe, she was given a special shift, so she should be working herself to death right about now. Labor laws? What’s that?

“I ran away.”

“You ran away!?”

“There is a more wonderful and worthy working place for me in this world.”

“Why do you sound like a shut-in who just got fired from their part-time work!?”

“Also, I have no plans of working there without the young lady around. I have much more urgent business than that.” Konoe said with a suggestive tone, and pulled closer towards me. “I’ll be observing you from now on.” She said with a quiet voice.

“Observe…Why would you have to do that!”

“Do you really have to ask that? You might tell that girlfriend of yours about my secret, remember?”

When I protested with a quiet voice, Konoe responded.

“You seem to be pretty close with this girl, right? Walking around with linked arms, eating takoyaki, openly flirting around in public…!”

Crap, so she was following us ever since I left the classroom? In my head, I imagined Konoe following after us while hiding behind a telephone pole. That’s quite the crime there.

“That being the case, I decided to tag along with you two. It’s fine, right? I’m your friend after all, so I have to make sure your relationship is working out for you. That’s my duty.”

“………”

…It’s over. What she’s saying is all over the place, but judging from my experience with her, Konoe won’t back down no matter what I say. Ahh, I get what Suzutsuki was talking about. There’s no way Subaru-sama would give up that easily. But, I didn’t expect her to forcefully fulfill the original promise like this.

“Y-You stupid chicken! What are you whispering about!” Behind my back, I heard Usami’s whispering reach my other ear.

She must be at a loss with Subaru-sama’s sudden appearance, I bet.

“…Sorry, but I think that Konoe will have to tag along from here on out.” When I told Usami just what was going on, her mouth opened in shock, together with a dumbfounded ‘Eh’.

“D-Don’t joke around like that! That would completely ruin our plan! Do you even know what will happen if—” Usami spoke that far, only to suddenly end up completely quiet.

Konoe’s gaze directed at her robbed her of all words.

“After discussing it with Jirou, we decided that I will be joining you. Please treat me well.”

“Ye…yesh…pwease treat me well…”

What a one-sided game that was. With the Subaru-sama she deeply admired in front of her, Usami could only be quiet like a terrified rabbit.

“Now, let’s go. If we take too much time, the school festival will end.” Konoe said, only to take my hand and start walking.

Eeek, she knows of my gynophobia, and yet…!

“Ah! Wait a second, you stupid chicken!”

At the same time, Usami grabbed my other hand. Waaah, what is this situation! The gazes of everyone around us stabbed my bodies. Now I’m not just flirting with one girl, but I also have Subaru-sama with me, the prince of the school, wearing a china dress. This is more than just crazy, I might be able to ask for money like we were a zoo attraction.

“Here, where do you plan on going?”

“The stall you just visited. I also wanted to try some takoyaki.”

“You wanted to try them…”

Is that your first takoyaki experience? Well, she had her first cup ramen last month, so I wouldn’t be shocked.

“Why would we need to go over there? I still have some I just bought for Usami.”

“…Hmpf, so annoying. I want to have my own share, okay.” Konoe let out a disgruntled sigh, and walked towards the stall.

When we arrived there, the person who just sold us our share looked at Usami and me in confusion. Can’t blame them, the stupid couple they just sold the takoyaki to now come back as three people. Not to mention that we’re all holding hands, it must be weird to look at.

“Hm, so this is takoyaki.” Konoe stared at the machine.

This must be her first time after all, huh. Suddenly, her gaze turned towards me.

“Jirou, treat me to some.” She said it like it was something to be expected.

“Why would I have to pay for you?”

“I forgot my wallet in the classroom.”

“Forgot…so what about that taiyaki just now”

“I was given that by a very kind person on the way here.”

“A very kind person…”

Thinking about the always cold and collected Subaru-sama, there’s nobody who would do that. If I had to guess, she probably saw me paying for Usami’s takoyaki. I bet she didn’t forget her wallet either, just making up stuff on the go. I don’t know why, but she seems jealous towards Usami. Does she want to eat takoyaki paid with my money that badly?

“What’s wrong? Are you not going to pay for me? Even though you did it for that girl?”

“Urk…”

“Even though this is your fault for breaking your promise.”

“……”

“Jirouuuu.” Konoe looked up at me, with somewhat dampened eyes.

She looked like a small child begging her parents to buy a toy.

“…Alright, I’ll pay for you.” I took out my wallet, and handed the money to the person at the stall.

Of course, my biggest motive was the fact that the sulking Konoe was just so cute…but I’ll keep that a secret. Because of that conversation just now, we have gathered attention from the people around us.

“What does he mean by promise?”

“Did he reject Subaru-sama?”

“Then why are they together like this?”

“Is this…a battlefield?”

Ahhh, so many bad rumours in the making! There’s always been the rumour about me and Konoe dating after all. With Usami around, it’ll only grow worse, for sure. After all, I already heard voices like…

“He’s got two girls with him.”

“Calm down, Subaru-sama is a guy.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m so jealous of him…!”

Hey now, we can always switch if you’re that jealous.

“Over here, Stupid Chicken. Let’s walk around inside the school next.” Usami must have felt similar feelings, as she pulled on my hand.

“Ah…Waif! Font feve me fefind!” Stuffed cheeks full with takoyaki, Konoe came running after us.

Following that, she clung to my arm, almost as if to say that I was not allowed to run away…Ahhh, you idiot butler! Did you forget about my gynophobia or something!? Do you plan on worsening my symptoms!?

“Wha…Why are you clinging to him like that!”

“Silence. Jirou is my friend, and this is perfectly normal for friends.”

“It’s not normal at all! If so, then I also…!”

“Wait, n-not fair! Don’t push yourself onto him like that!”

Usami was still fully intent on spreading a rumour about the two of us dating, whereas Konoe was just unable to accept her, as she had me break my promise with her. The two were tightly squeezing against me. From an outsider’s perspective, it may look like I have two flowers in both hands, but it honestly feels more like marshmallows. At this point, I was simply focussing on not having another nosebleed. My legs were shaking left and right just by walking along the path. Makes me feel like I’m in the final stages of a Sahara marathon.

“This is weird! Why are you this close despite both being boys!

“S-Shut up! I’m Jirou’s friend!”

“I’m his girlfriend!”

“Urk…H-He first promised to walk around the festival with me…!”

“H-Hey, how about we check out some classes now?” I suggested, while trying to gasp for air.

At this rate, I’ll die. Being clung to by girls, I will die a pathetic death. At the very least, I’ll be escorted properly to heaven.

“Hm.” Having heard my words, Konoe stopped in her tracks.

She must have found something she was curious about. Tracing her gaze, I spotted the outside of a classroom, decorated with lots of plush toys. Looking at the billboard, it seemed to be another style of cafe, generally where you would be served by students wearing cat or dog ears and tails. Apparently they’re also selling plush toys.

“…..Mmm.” Konoe stared at the classroom with great interest.

When I looked over, wondering what exactly she thought so interesting of it, I spotted a familiar sheep with sharp teeth in the mix of plush toys—The Silent Sheep. It could only be a reference to that one scientist of that one movie. From what I heard, this surreal design actually is what made it pretty popular, which only sold more plush toys or other goods. I really don’t get trends in this world.

“…Jirou.” Konoe spoke up like a small child asking for sweets, looking up at me.

Yeah yeah, I get it. You’re a big fan of that sheep after all. I’m more than fine with going there, it’ll help disarm this situation. The only thing that had me a bit dubious was the name of the cafe, written on the billboard.

‘Animal Cafe – Agony of Death at 2am in the morning’

What kind of name is that even? That sounds more like a haunted house than anything. With these thoughts, me and Konoe were about to enter the classroom, when—

“…Don’t tell me, is this where…” Usami muttered next to me.

For some reason, she grew pale.

“…Yeah, there’s no mistaking it. This is their class. They mentioned they were doing a cafe…”

“……?”

They? Does she know someone in this class by any chance? I thought something was off, when I suddenly heard the sound of tableware shattering.

“Damn it! You figured me out!?”

With an oddly panicking attitude, a single male student came running out of the animal cafe. He carried a small digital camera in his hands, as he was gasping for air. So…who dis guy? Since this was such an odd sight, I wanted to call out to him, but the screams of pain inside the classroom stopped me from that.

“F-Forgive me! It was a sudden impulse!”

“Hey, hurry up and run…Gyaaah!”

“President! Kumai was done in!”

“Kumai! Pull yourself together!”

“F-Forget about me…Just hurry and…”

“Kumaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!”

“Damn it, is this hell!? If I can at least render one useless…Gaaaaah!”

“Someone! Someone call the nurse! Please! Where is sheeeeee!?”

Many more screams of agony reached my ears. Even the boy who had just run out of the classroom now came running back in order to help his allies. However, it didn’t take even a minute for him to collapse on the floor, foaming from his mouth.

—This is a tragedy. Nothing short of a hellish tragedy. I’m terrified to even look inside that classroom right now. It’s like I waltzed right to the West Front during World War 2. Finally, all the noise suddenly vanished, and an eerie silence filled the classroom. It seems like their fight had reached a conclusion.

…Is it safe now? I wanted to take a peek inside to confirm the situation, but…

“Nya? What are you doing here?” A familiar and innocent voice spoke up.

Several male students collapsed inside the classroom. The only person standing there was a small girl with a befitting short-cut hairstyle. She must have been working at this animal cafe, as she had small cat airs, and an adorable tail attached to her uniform. Spotting me, she smiled happily.

“Nyahaha, welcome welcome, Nii-san.”

“…Yo, sorry to intrude.”

That’s right, I was talking about Sakamachi Kureha. No way would I mistake the innocent smile of my little sister, as she stood in the classroom.

×

“You see, a guerilla force of the photography club snuck in here.”

The tragedy had ended, so Kureha saw it as her duty to explain what exactly had occurred.

“And then, they started taking lewd pictures of the girls. So, I gave them some ‘Baaaah!’ on the way.”

“Not just ‘Baaah!’…you absolutely obliterated them.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I only did what I do every morning to you, Nii-san.”

Ah, that? Well, they all got carried off to the infirmary with a stretcher, so I can only pray they don’t suffer any after-effects. Still, to think this animal cafe was the attraction of her class. Looking around, a lot of the plush toys were of the Silent Sheep category. Not to mention that there’s not only plush toys, but also mugs and cups and all that, and the students serving customers were wearing in-theme costumes. What kind of specialized shop is this?

“Waaah…” Konoe’s eyes were sparkling in excitement, as she looked at all the sheep goods around us.

I can’t blame her, it’s like paradise for Konoe.

“Crazy, right? Our class president brought all of this with her. She’s the daughter of the company president who manufactures this sheep.” Kitten Kureha explained, as she tightly embraced the plush toy.

Huh? Wasn’t she bad at dealing with that character?

“Hey, you were bad with this occult stuff, right?”

“Yeah, but…this child is different.”

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t know why, but it suddenly looks so cute to me. It’s in a boom right now. Everyone thought ‘We definitely need to buy it!’, you know.”

“Huh…”

Brainwashing? There’s also a chance that she was drugged with some visual perception drug. If not, then I cannot think that such a weird thing could ever experience any boom.

“Also, are you actually serving the customers? Onii-chan’s really worried that you’re just slacking.”

She was standing on top of a mountain of corpses after all. Also, how are all the customers just ignoring that slaughter that just happened? Is my little sister even properly working here?

“Nya, no need to be so rude. Our class is properly working. We even have a manual for serving customers.”

“Really now? Then, tell me about the 5th item of that.”

“Um…’Tell them that all merchandise was made in Japan’.”

“……”

“Huh? Was it ‘In the case of attempted theft, carry them to the back of the school building, and make them regret being born’ instead?”

“Enough. I fully understand what working mentality this class here has.”

What an awful class. I bet they charge you crazy prices as well.

“Ahh, but that class representative girl told me about the top 3 ranks of most-selling sheep goods. For example…that ‘Sheep hugging pillow’, which ranked in at Nr. 3!” Kureha pointed at a nearby big Silent Sheep. “By the way, she even received grateful comments from people who bought it.”

“Grateful comments?”

“For example, with that pillow…’Thanks to this pillow, I can sleep like a sheep at night’ or ‘I use it as a stress-reliever by punching it from time to time’ and ‘I can’t even get any sleep without this pillow’, and so on.”

“I feel like… I should probably ignore those comments since they must be the minority?”

“Ranking at Nr. 2 is this ‘Sheep Straw Effigy’.”

“What does that have to do with sheeps!?”

“Here, the comments say stuff like ‘Thanks to that, my grades drastically improved’ or ‘I got my fortune much faster than expected’ or ‘An unprecedented tragedy in my tribe happened, so I’m really thankful’, and so on.”

“Scary! Also, is that last person actually living in our day and age!?”

“And…as for the top spot of the sales…We have the beloved ‘Sheep Chainsaw’!”

“What is going on with recent trends!?”

“Eh, you don’t know? It’s popular with all high school girls right now.”

“As if! I’d hate it if girls my age were into this sort of stuff!”

“As for the comments…’I made it through a troublesome rehabilitation’ or ‘Shigeru-kun finally started going to school again’ or ‘Being alive…is wonderful, isn’t it’, and many more.”

“And you don’t even feel like asking what they did with that chainsaw!?”

“…Nii-san, I know it’s hard, but this is modern Japan…”

“I actually want to die!”

“…You two really are unexpectedly close for being siblings.” Usami showed a wry smile as she stood next to us.

No, most definitely not. No matter how close we may seem right now, all of that will be wasted the second she’s training her wrestling moves on me again.

“Nyahaha, I’m surprised as well. To think Usamin-senpai knew Nii-san.”

“…Sakamachi. How many times do I have to tell you to drop that nickname?”

“Oh come on, don’t be so uptight. Aren’t we close enough to call each other by nicknames?”

“Ah, hey…Stop! Stop, I said…Hya!”

“Nya nya nya? Your skin is so slippery, Usamin-senpai!”

“Hya…idiot…Stop…D-Don’t touch me there…!”

I was given a scene of Kureha clinging to Usami, who tried her best to shake her off. What kind of softcore p—wrestling is this? Also, even Kureha doesn’t know the rumour about me and Usami dating? I guess her plan really isn’t working out…

“Will you stop it already, you damn junior!”

“Wahh, you don’t need to get so angry. Usamin-senpai, you often skip practice, so I can’t even meet you that often! Even though you’re so strong.”

“Strong…Aren’t you much stronger than me? You’re above me in the club ranking.”

“Well, not wrong, but when it comes to kicking, I definitely lose. It must be a problem of senses. If it comes simply to kicking, you’re probably the strongest in the entire club, Usamin-senpai.” Kureha smiled innocently, and moved away from Usami.

Oh right, these two were in the same club—The Rouran Academy handicrafts club. Seriously, what kind of club is that? I heard about their regular club work, but they’re pretty active, huh.

“Anyway, Nii-san, I’ll have to go bring in some more customers, so you have fun.”

As I was thinking about that, Kureha waved her hand at me, and left the room. Even if you tell me to have fun, I’m not interested in all these plush toys. Even more if this is a sheep we’re talking about.

“You two really are close. I feel like she might just call you ‘Onii-chan’ at home.”

“As if. I’d die if she called me in such an embarrassing way.”

Then again, she did call me like that a long time ago. But, now it’s too embarrassing.

“Also, aren’t you on pretty good terms with Kureha as well? She’s your junior at the club, right.”

“…No, that’s not it. She’s just cheerful and close with everyone.”

“…? Are you not good with Kureha?”

Kureha can be a bit too energetic after all. I might just be fine with her personality, but the same might not be the case for Usami.

“Rather than that…I’m jealous.”

“Jealous…of Kureha?”

“Pretty much. I mean, she can live honestly, not worrying about a thing. Always brimming with energy, always straightforward. How could I not be jealous of that. She’s not as twisted as me, and not nearly as doubtful.”

“……”

“That’s probably the point I’m most jealous about. Unlike me, she can actually put trust into the people around her. It’s not like I was constantly worrying about that, but if I had a personality like your little sister, living would be so much more enjoyable, I bet. Also, the same goes for having such a friendly family like you…” Usami muttered with a saddened tone.

…I didn’t think she’d be this hung up on it. That she has the tendency to not be very honest with herself and the people around her.

“………”

That reminds me, how did she even end up this way? I don’t think that she hates me, and thus doesn’t put faith in me, I rather think that she must have a different reason.

“Well, anyway. Why don’t you check out the stuffed toys with Subaru-sama?”

“What’s that about? What about the plan?”

I thought that spreading rumours about me and Usami dating would be harder now that Konoe joined us…

“It’s enough. We only have a bit longer until the event, so whatever we do, it won’t do anything now. Also, since you’re friends with Subaru-sama, I just feel like I’m getting in the way.”

“……”

“If anything, I’m tired. Don’t think there’s any meaning to going on this date anymore. In the end, I didn’t earn anything. Man, I’m tired.”

“…Usami.”

“Don’t be getting depressed now. Just to let you know, but my feelings for you haven’t changed at all. I still hate you, and I don’t plan on losing at the event.”

“…’Zat so.”

Jeez, that nasty rabbit. Really, only her looks are what’s cute about her.

“Alright, then I’ll be chilling with Konoe.”

“Yup, all good. I don’t think she’s around anyway.”

“…She?”

When I returned the question, Usami gave me a brief ‘Nothing, just me talking to myself’, and walked away. Oh yeah, before she said ‘their class’, right. Maybe Kureha isn’t the only friendly face she has in this class?

With these thoughts in my head, I walked towards Konoe, who was still busy inspecting all the Silent Sheep in the vicinity. Still, this is some crazy number. I think that classmate is the daughter of the manufacturer’s company president? Honestly speaking, this is more than just eerie. It’s like I’m watching a ghost TV show.

“Senpai.”

“Woah!?”

Suddenly, someone called out to me from the side, which had me jump in shock. When I looked over in shock. There, I was greeted by a Silent Sheep costume. Wahh, it’s bigger than I expected. Seeing a sheep like that big move felt almost eerie. I would probably die from a heart attack if something like this assaulted me at night. Not to mention…’Senpai’? Does it know me?

“Ummm…Been wanting to meet you for a while, Senpai.” The Silent Sheep grabbed my hand, and tightly squeezed it.

From that voice…I’m dealing with a girl? Not to mention that she sounded fairly grown-up despite being younger than me.

“Who are you?” I asked the costume.

As a result, the costume politely lowered its head towards me.

“—Nakuru. Nakuru’s name is Narumi Nakuru. She is a first-year in the handicrafts club, just like Kureha-chan, and the class president of this class. Ah, you can call Nakuru by her given name ‘Nakuru’. By the way, Kureha-chan calls Nakuru ‘NaruNaru’…”

“!”

Narumi Nakuru…A member of the handicrafts club like Kureha and Usami…? Is this the person Usami was talking about before? My head was filled with doubts, to which the girl called Nakuru continued with a ‘But, you can call Nakuru however you want’.

“Nice to meet you, Sakamachi Kinjirou-senpai. Let Nakuru introduce herself. Nakuru is the president of the ‘Watch over Subaru-sama with a warm gaze committee’—Narumi Nakuru.”

×

“The Watch over Committee!? Not to mention…president…”

“Shhh. You shouldn’t scream in such a loud voice. Usami-senpai will catch on, right over there.”

The costume…No, Nakuru covered my mouth with her large hand. Looking over, Usami was ordering something to drink at a nearby table, and Konoe’s gaze was still glued to Silent Sheep around. I don’t think she’ll catch on to us…

“See, Usami-senpai is a part of [S4], remember. Nakuru is the president of the [Watch over committee] so…we’re not on the best terms. Ever since middle school…”

“Middle school?”

“Yes. In reality, Nakuru and Usami-senpai were in the same karate club back then. Ever since then, she hated Nakuru…” Nakuru’s costume body lowered its head in dejection.

Because of the costume, I couldn’t properly look at her face, but I guessed that she must be a docile girl. But, karate? She must be experienced then.

“Not to mention that Nakuru hates this position as the committee president. But, when she created the [Watch over committee], everyone said how nice she was. Nakuru simply wanted to draw some manga…”

“Manga?”

“Have a look if you want to.” She said, and took out a sketchbook from the costume’s chest pocket.

So it’s built like a kangaroo. When I flipped over the pages, I saw a boy wearing glasses, and another boy who had the beautiful face of a girl. Hmm, the drawings aren’t half bad. I kept looking, and flipped over the pages—Suddenly the scenery changed with fluttering petals, and the two boys were naked. Not to mention that they were out of breath, showing exhausted expressions, as they embraced each other. No matter how I look at this, these guys are modelled after Konoe and me.

“Fufu, what do you think? Nakuru figured that this would be able to satisfy you, Senpai. Would you like to enjoy it thoroughly with a glass of coke maybe? Nakuru is bad with carbohydrates, so she’ll take some orange juice, and…Ouch!?”

I slapped the sketchbook right onto Nakuru’s head. I was careless. Even if she seemed docile and calm, she’s a member of the [Watch over Committee]—not to mention the president—so of course she’s fully into any kind of BL regarding me and Konoe. Not to mention that she’s a member of the handicrafts club. Of course she had to be some kind of weirdo.

“Urk…Sorry…Nakuru is sorry…” She said, while rubbing her head.

Hm? She apologized fairly honestly to my surprise. Maybe I hit her too hard? I thought it would be fine because of her costume.

“Rest assured. Next time, Nakuru will draw something that will definitely satisfy Senpai.”

“I should have hit you harder after all!”

“Eh? Was the situation not good enough? Nakuru thought it was pretty fresh, but…Maybe some swimming competition full of butlers?”

“What awful situation is that supposed to be!?”

“As for the story…A swimming competition with the prize being Senpai’s glasses. In order to take back your glasses, Subaru-sama helps you, and accepts the challenge. But, Senpai can’t pull off everything because he’s missing his glasses…Then, Subaru-sama comes in to save the day, saying ‘Jirou, I will become your glasses’ while blushing…”

“Why are you this fixated on my glasses!?”

Ahhhh, there’s so many parts to retort on, I can’t choose which one! Crap, this Narumi Nakuru is big trouble, even compared to the folks I recently encountered.

“Eh? What are you saying? Talking about Senpai, you can’t forget about the glasses.”

“Was my character always this weak!?”

“Yes. Without your glasses, the [Watch over Committee] would probably not have been formed. A lot of people at this school are glasses fans, including Nakuru.”

“……”

Is that really it…I mean, I thought it was weird. Leaving aside Subaru-sama, why would I, an average guy, be targeted like this? So it’s all these glasses’ fault…

“Maybe I should switch to contacts…” I muttered with no particular seriousness, but Nakuru let out a loud ‘Excuse meeeeee!?’ scream.

Following that, she started shaking like the world was about to end.

“How foolish! Do you plan on selling your soul to the devil, Senpai!?”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“Of course not! To Nakuru and the others, contacts are like a cursed item! Laser techniques are a ritual of black magic!”

“Even if you say that…So then, are you wearing glasses as well?”

Because of the costume, I had no way of telling, but since she’s that adamant on it, I’m expecting her to wear glasses.

“Of course. Nakuru is properly wearing them beneath this costume.”

“I figured as much.”

“If anything…Nakuru is only wearing glasses and underwear beneath this.”

“What do you mean by that!?”

“Eh? Exactly what Nakuru said. She’s wearing…nothing but that inside this costume…” She tried to suppress her embarrassed face (despite her costume hiding that already), and said so with an awfully flustered tone.

I mean, even if you suddenly get embarrassed, this is…Wait, why would she even embarrass herself like that…

“N-Nakuru is embarrassed herself! But, this is all for her work.”

“Work?”

“Nakuru is the type who can’t write without experiencing it herself. That’s why, for the sake of her next work, Nakuru wanted to understand the feelings of Senpai, who tried his best for his beloved Subaru-sama, while wearing nothing but glasses and underwear in a costume, so she dressed herself like…Ouchies!?” I flipped my fingers on Nakuru’s forehead in order to stop her passionate rambling.

…S-She’s a pervert. Not just a weirdo, she actually is a deviant beneath that docile atmosphere of hers.

“Urk…How cruel. Even if you’re jealous of Nakuru’s appearance, you can’t just do that…”

“Who’s jealous?”

“You’re not…Ah?! Are you actually wearing underwear beneath your uniform!?”

“Of course I am!?”

It’d be hella bad if I didn’t. Don’t just decide that I’m not on your own, alright.

“Hey, what do you like about glasses? They’re just in the way. If I didn’t have bad eyesight, I wouldn’t be wearing them.”

“Wha…how could you say that! Glasses are the symbol of human evolution and culture! Do you not know of that famous person’s saying!”

“Saying?”

“Yes, someone very important said that…” Nakuru sighed, and. “If you don’t have bread, just put on glasses!”

“…”

No, that doesn’t resolve anything. Glasses alone won’t save you from starvation. What an awful saying that is.

“Alright, I get it. You love BL and glasses. But, what does the great president want from me?”

Did she come here to gather material? If so, then I should probably head over to either Konoe’s or Usami’s place. I really don’t feel like playing along with her nonsense.

“Nakuru has something very important to talk about with Senpai.” She suddenly dropped her tone, indicating that this was rather serious. “—Please run.”

“Huh?”

“Nakuru wants you to evacuate from this school festival. The secret war between the [Watch over Committee] and [S4] will begin soon. It’ll be the greatest battle to date. Depending on the result, you may be in danger.”

“……”

Um…is this what Usami talked about? Something about me being sanctioned if [S4] wins? But, didn’t she promise to guarantee my safety?

“Let Nakuru be honest with you.” She must have guessed that I was uncertain, because she continued. “Nakuru doesn’t know what Usami-senpai told you, but it would probably be better to not put too much faith in her.”

“…What do you mean?”

“…Ah, please don’t get so angry. Nakuru doesn’t want to talk badly about Usami-senpai, but this is for your sake. You two are often together as of late, right?”

“Not wrong.”

“As a result of that, there’s a rumour about you two dating going around inside the [Watch over Committee]. However, that alone won’t shake the committee. Nakuru and the others believe in Senpai and Subaru-sama after all.” Nakuru said, beaming with confidence.

I mean, I really don’t want you to believe in this alleged BL relationship that we apparently share, okay.

“From how Nakuru sees this, Usami-senpai probably came to you with a trade, right? By spreading the rumour of you two dating, the [Watch over Committee] will fall apart, right? In return, you have your guaranteed safety…or something like that?”

“Hm…”

Since she was perfectly on-point, I was at a loss for words. To my surprise, she was pretty sharp in regards to that. Just like a certain rich lady, she had good senses. I might be able to respect her if she wasn’t some pervert who loves glasses and BL.

“But, that’s a mistake.”

“A mistake?”

“Yes. Please, listen carefully. The fact that your safety will be guaranteed—most likely is just a lie Usami-senpai made up.”

“…What?”

…No no no. What is she talking about?

“In the beginning, Nakuru’s [Watch over committee] was a part of the [S4]. We split up because of our differences in interests, but we were a single unit before. That’s why Nakuru can tell.”

“…What exactly?”

“That…you are being deceived by Usami-senpai. After all, there’s no way that Usami-senpai can guarantee your safety, Senpai.”

“!”

No way? What, why? So according to her, Usami won’t be able to keep me safe even though I helped her?

“Nakuru just told you, right. She had been in [S4] for a while. That’s how she knows. What kind of position Usami-senpai has.”

“Position?”

“Yes. Usami-senpai simply wanted to know more about Subaru-sama, which is why she joined [S4], but she didn’t try to get along with the other members. It pains Nakuru to say it, but…her evaluation inside the group isn’t the best.”

“……”

If so…if what Nakuru is saying turns out to be true, then what was that contract…that promise we shared about. She said that she could influence the top of [S4]. Those were her words. So…what if that was all just Usami’s lie?

“Basically, Usami-senpai alone cannot get control of [S4]. So, if [S4] were to win, there’s no mistaking that you will suffer from the result. That’s why—”

—Hurry and run, is probably what Nakuru wanted to say, but she wasn’t allowed to finish her sentence. A flying kick had Narumi Nakuru fly off to the side.

“Hauuu!?”

Together with a shriek, she rolled along the floor. Luckily, she was wearing that fluffy costume, I can hope that she’s not injured inside. That’s why, what I should instead focus on…

“You messed it up, Nakuru.” A cold and piercing voice spoke up.

Looking over, I saw a single female student standing in a kicking position, her twintails shaking through her motion: Usami Masamune. She glared at the girl she had just kicked with no remorse.

“I was careless. To think you’d be hiding inside that costume. I realized too late.”

“Urk…Usami-senpai…” Nakuru tried to stand up.

However, because of the pain and the big costume, she had trouble doing so. At the same time, Usami let out a sigh, and turned towards me.

“So, what did she tell you, stupid chicken. Something about me deceiving you by any chance?”

“Usami…you…” I was confused to say the least.

Usami must have seen this, and laughed in a somewhat cynical tone.

“…Sorry, stupid chicken. Everything that you heard from Nakuru is true. I’ve been deceiving you from the very start. I just have to win at this event no matter what. As long as I can, everything else doesn’t matter.”

That moment, Usami’s right leg shot up. Another kick was coming. The same sharp kick that slammed into Nakuru just now. Kureha said that she would lose against her when it comes to kicking. I can see that. I heard she was part of the karate club, but I think this is…self-taught. Right as I reached that conclusion, Usami’s right leg was about to stab into my solar plexus.

“!?”

Right before it reached my body, a hand stopped Usami’s leg, leaving her shocked.

“What…is this about?” A threatening alto voice rang out.

That’s right, it was Konoe Subaru. She must have caught on to the ruckus, and intercepted Usami’s kick.

“…Urk!” Usami grit her teeth, and ran out of the cafe.

“……”

What is this? Why would she suddenly do a complete 180 like this? Don’t joke with me. Was she actually deceiving me this entire time? Also, why is she so desperate to win…Does she have another reason besides crushing the [Watch over Committee]?

“Jirou…What is this about?” Konoe watched Usami run off, and turned towards me.

I can’t blame her. In her eyes, my girlfriend just suddenly attacked me. That’s why I should probably tell her the truth, but…

“……”

Silence. I couldn’t open my mouth towards Konoe’s question. What should I do? Even if I was deceived like Usami and Nakuru said, I should just explain the situation to Konoe. Then, if I did that, we might be able to make up again. But…

“…!”

That would require me to confess about me being deceived. I lied to her about dating Usami, and even broke our promise. Just thinking about that had me hesitate for a moment. Can I really tell her the truth…

“…Okay. If you don’t want to tell me, then I won’t force you.” Konoe must have sensed my hesitation, and spoke up with a calm voice. “However, at least explain to me what is going on right now. That girl just now talked about some event?” Her translucent eyes were looking directly at me.

I…don’t think I can pull this through.

“This event is talking about your fanclub. You probably don’t know, but there’s two big groups fighting here at this school, with some who resent the fact of us becoming friends. If these guys won then…I apparently would be in danger.” I explained the bare minimum.

In response, Konoe nodded.

“I also…knew of people who don’t think too well of you, Jirou. But, I didn’t think there would be something like this going on…So then, what should we do?” She asked.

“Well…”

“Should we watch over this event in silence, or should we think of what to do if that group were to win, and run away? But, would running away really clear things up?”

“……”

…Right. Even if I ran away, [S4] is a group here at this school. As long as I’m a student attending this school, I can’t run away forever. If so—I should probably work together with the [Watch over Committee] and ensure their victory.

“…Nakuru. Is there anything we can help you with?” I turned towards Nakuru, who somewhat managed to get up.

This upcoming event apparently is big enough to be called a war. I’m sure it must be hell to participate in. Now that I know of Usami’s promise having been a lie, if there’s anything I can do, I want to help. Nakuru listened to my words, and thought about it.

“…Nakuru understands. Basically, you want to help her with their battle. Personally, she probably would have recommended you to run, but she is thankful for your help. However…”

“However?”

“There is one request Nakuru has.” She said with an oddly serious tone. “Nakuru wants you to fondle Subaru-sama’s breasts, Senpai.”

“………”

……Now hold up. Am I just hearing things, or did she completely shatter all seriousness this situation had?

“The thing is…Nakuru has been in a bit of a slump recently. There is this one scene in her new work, where Senpai gets flustered because of a female transfer student. Subaru-sama gets jealous because of that, puts pads into his chest, and says ‘Look, Jirou, I’m a girl myself’, to which Senpai fondles his che…Unya!?”

Both Konoe and I rammed our fists onto her head.

“Auuu…How cruel, being hit by the both of you…”

“Shut up! It’s because you were talking nonsense!”

“B-But, is it really? If you were boy and girl, it would be counted as sexual harassment, but you are both guys, so it would be nothing but simply body touching, right.”

“Wha…”

S-She’s not wrong.

“Also, Subaru-sama, you’ve put in pads right now, haven’t you? Nakuru can see your chest bulking through the china dress. Not to mention that they look pretty real, like some Hollywood-level of make-up. You put so much effort into it, so a bit of touching wouldn’t hurt, right?”

“…Pads?” I subconsciously glanced over at Konoe.

There, I could see her chest sticking out…But, isn’t that weird? Normally, she’s wearing a corset to…

“…Ah!?”

Then, I realized what was going on. This china dress was designed to show your chest. So, if she wore her corset, people would be able to see it, which is why she couldn’t put it on today. Not to mention that she can’t even wear a bra, as that would just be weird for a male butler…

“……”

Crap, why is my heart racing like this.

“C-Come on, hurry up. It’s not hard. That will help with Nakuru’s inspiration!” Nakuru rushed us even further.

Damn, she’s kinda gross.

“Urk…”

At the same time, Konoe started blushing, not saying a word. I can’t blame her. If she were to protest now, Nakuru might become suspicious of her being a boy. Worst case, she might just catch on to her being a girl. I’m the same here. Any weird hesitation could be misinterpreted.

“……”

Guess…we can only do it, right. I don’t think my gynophobia should activate if I touch her above her clothes. It only has to be for a brief moment. This is all to protect Konoe’s secret, there’s nothing lewd behind this.

“……!”

Konoe and I slowly moved towards each other. With a quivering hand, I reached towards the blushing butler. Then, it touched the red china dress…Squeeze.

“…Mm!” A moan rang out.

It was a cute moan, who managed to escape Konoe’s lips despite her trying hard to hold back.

“…Faah.”

The second I heard this second moan, I reflexively pulled back my hand. I think the whole act lasted maybe three seconds. However, that soft sensation still remained on my hand, whether I wanted to admit it or not.

“Fufu, thank you very much. Now, you two can participate in the event. Really, what a wonderful day this…Hanya!?”

Blushing Konoe’s butler knuckle rammed right into the costume’s face. She sure has guts, alright…is what I was thinking in my naivete, but immediately after, another fist approached my face…Well, I guess that would happen. I should have expected to not get off this easily.

“Bugha!?”

Another butler knuckle slammed right into my face. Resulting from this, my nose started bleeding. In the end, I had to suffer from a nosebleed, even if it wasn’t because of my gynophobia. Sadly enough, I didn’t regret anything. After all…you know? As a boy, you should get what I’m playing at, right?

1 Rice cake stuffed with bean jam

2 Bacon, lettuce, tomato

3 https://jojo.fandom.com/wiki/The_Grateful_Dead

4 Fish-shaped pancake with bean jam

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