Chapter 36: Volume 3 - CH 5

“H-Hold on, Jirou-kun, where are you going?”

I ignored Suzutsuki’s question, and started running…What is going on? While jumping off the stage, I complained inside of my head. Usami quit the [S4] before the event? Not to mention that she apparently had no interest in the event in the first place? If so…then why did she go so far as to deceive me and make me her temporary lover? She said she was lying, that she was making up stuff. But…

“……!”

If this wasn’t any punishment for me, then…If the fact of her being so passionate towards the [S4]’s win…was just a lie, and she still continued to deceive me, then…she must have acted as my girlfriend for an entirely different reason…?

“…No good.”

I tried calling her with my phone, but I couldn’t get through to her. That stupid rabbit, she must have turned it off. I can’t properly explain it, but it felt like something bad was about to happen. It felt like if I didn’t rush to her place right now, something irreversible would happen.

I ran out of the gym hall. The sun had already started to set, the surroundings growing dark. If I don’t hurry, I might have trouble finding her all-together. But…where is she? Where could she be? She quit [S4] and didn’t participate in the event. If so, then she probably hasn’t been around since we split up at Kureha’s class. Damn it, I need to find her right now…

“…Jirou.”

An alto voice called out to me right as I left the gym hall. When I turned towards the voice, there was only one person…

“Konoe?”

That’s right, this is Konoe Subaru. She stood in front of the gym hall, her face cast down. Oh yeah, where was she even until now? I haven’t seen her since the event ended. I thought she’d be waiting outside for us.

“……”

No, this might be perfect. If Usami is still around here on the school grounds, it’s much more efficient if the both of us looked for her. I should probably explain the situation to Konoe and—

“!?”

Right as I thought that, an impact hit me directly on the cheek, followed by intense pain. To my shock, Konoe had used the palm of her hand to directly slap me on the face.

“I…I had no idea!” The girl’s voice was filled with rage and anger, as she continued. “So you…actually had feelings for the young lady…!”

“!”

I messed up. I forgot to explain that incident just now to Konoe. I just confessed to her master, so I can’t blame her for being shocked, and it must have gone to her head.

“Listen, Konoe! I had no other choice but to—”

“Shut up! I don’t want to hear any more of your stupid excuses!” Faint tears build up in the corner of her eyes, as she denies my words. “…Jirou. I don’t understand you. What is going on? First you suddenly get a girlfriend, and now you confess to the young lady…Were you…were you just deceiving me this entire time?”

“!”

Hearing these words, I couldn’t say anything else, and just swallowed my breath. However, my shock turned into regret immediately after. Seeing me stay silent, Konoe’s expression changed. Reflected in my eyes were her own, filled with complicated feelings.

“…I see…So that’s what that was.” She muttered with an awfully quivering voice. “You must have really hated the idea of walking around the festival with me, huh? That’s why you continued to deceive me. This entire time, even right now…!”

“…No! I did this for you, I couldn’t come up with any other way…!”

That’s right, this was for Konoe. It was all just to protect her secret…!

“……”

…No, that’s not all. If that was the only problem, I could have explained the circumstances to her in that classroom after Usami left. But, I didn’t do that. Why? That’s obvious. I didn’t want to be questioned by Konoe about my lie. Even if it was for her sake, the fact that I deceived her, and broke our precious promise, doesn’t change. We promised that we’d walk around the festival together, and she was looking forward to it so much, and yet I broke that promise.

If I had just explained the circumstances to her, she surely would have understood. But, I couldn’t. Instead, I was too scared, and ran away. It’s all because I’m weak. As a result of that…

“…I hate you.” A freezing cold alto voice rang out.

Konoe looked at me with her translucent eyes, and declared.

“We’re not friends anymore…!” She screamed with a shaking voice, turned her back towards me, and started running.

“Urk…Konoe!”

Chase after her. That thought filled my head. And yet.

“…Shit!”

My legs wouldn’t move how I told them to. If I chased after Konoe now, what would happen to Usami? I need to hurry and chase after her. But, maybe I’m just worrying for nothing? RIght now, I should focus on Konoe instead. Even though my thoughts were clear, my body hesitated. Why can’t I decide between either of them, and just stand here doing nothing!

“Jirou-kun!” A dignified voice called out to me behind my back.

Turning around, standing there was Suzutsuki. She must have chased after me. With a calm voice, she spoke up.

“Subaru was just with you, right? Did something happen?”

“Well…”

Suzutsuki looked straight at me, as I grew silent. She must have seen that something was off, after seeing Konoe run off like that.

“Tell me, Jirou-kun. I don’t know about everything, so explain to me what’s going on right now.”

“………”

Like I was guided by her relaxing voice, I explained everything. About Usami and our contract, about the lie she told me, and that I desperately had to go see her right now. Of course, about Konoe Subaru as well.

“…I understand.” Hearing everything, Suzutsuki answered with a calm voice. “Jirou-kun, you go search for Usami-san.”

“…! But…”

“Don’t worry about Subaru. I bet you won’t be able to reach her, but she might answer my phone calls, and even if she doesn’t, I should be able to figure out where she’s gone off to. However…”

Only you can save Usami-san right now—she said, awfully serious.

“It’s fine, I’ll tell Subaru about everything. If she understands that you had no other choice, she’ll forgive you. You’ll be able to make up…and go back to being friends.” She spoke with a reassuring voice, smiling ever so gently.

…Maybe she’s willing to help me out easily because of what happened back in April. She also wanted to go back to being friends with Konoe, but couldn’t do so. In her head, I must have looked like her, which is why…

“…Sorry, Suzutsuki.” I gave her these final words, and started running.

I’ll leave Konoe to her. I personally should do whatever I can to search for Usami.

“…No.”

I’m not searching for her, I’m going to meet her. I feel like that nasty rabbit will be standing there, colored by the setting sun. I ran along the asphalt, rushing towards the 2nd school building of Rouran Academy. It’s one of her favorite places here, and the location we shared our promise.

×

“…Color me surprised. To think you knew I was here.”

Up on the second school building’s rooftop, when I opened the door, I was greeted by the dark sky, and the silver March moon in the sky. Standing beneath this light was Usami Masamune—Standing beyond the safety fence.

“Good for you. Since you’re here, the [Watch over Committee] won, right? Well, I knew they’d take it from the very beginning.” Usami turned her body towards me, looking at me through the fence.

I knew it. She never was interested in the victory of the [S4]. On the contrary, she helped the [Watch over Committee] win by not participating.

“…Explain yourself.” I was gasping for air because I just ran up the stairs. “Why did you save me?”

That’s right, Usami made the [S4] lose on purpose so that I wouldn’t be in any danger. Despite always saying how much she hated me.

“…Well, it’s my way to pay the price for the trouble I caused you.”

“What?”

“See, because of me, you had to break your promise with Subaru-sama, right? This is my thanks for playing my boyfriend all that time. But…that’s over now.” She muttered, and took out her smartphone…which had Konoe as her background image.

Without any hesitation, she threw the phone on the ground. We’re up on the 4th floor here, so even if she went to pick it up later, it would be broken beyond use. And, this would be the case for something else besides her phone…

“Hey, stupid chicken. Can I ask one last thing?”

“What is it? I don’t mind answering a question as long as I can.” While responding, I carefully moved closer towards usami.

There’s about ten meters between us. I need to reach her quickly, before it’s too late.

“…Thanks. Then…are you an esper? Do you have some supernatural power or anything like that?”

“Hell no I don’t. Also, there’s a lot of different powers, you know.”

“Right…Then, can you read my mind? Can you use telepathy?”

“Don’t joke with me, I’m not some space man.” I threw in a retort, and slowly got closer to Usami, while being careful as to not aggravate her.

“Ahahaha, you’re right. There’s no way you could use that, and superpowers like that don’t even exist. Nobody would have something so convenient.”

“…What do you want to say?” When I returned this question, Usami let out a saddened laugh.

Only a few more meters between us. Right now, the phone in my pocket vibrated, but I don’t have any time for that.

“I just thought that everyone is pretty amazing.”

“Huh?”

“I mean, nobody can use telepathy or read what the other person is thinking, and yet they can get along with each other. They can put trust in each other. They’re doing it all so naturally, and yet…It’s impossible for me.” She confessed. “I was born as a defective product. When I gained consciousness, I was…how do I say it…unable to trust others? Yeah, something like that. I didn’t trust other people…No, I couldn’t.”

“…What’s up with that.”

I never even thought about that. I mean, you can just try to get along? Even without telepathy, you’ll eventually build a relationship that works on trust.

“I bet you don’t get it. From my point of view, your idea of simply getting along with others, it just doesn’t make any sense.”

“…You’re a mess, huh.” I muttered.

“And you don’t hold back. I mean, I tried, you know? I was part of a club in middle school, and I did here as well. Well, the club I joined is a bit different from what you’d expect.”

“……”

“But, it was the same no matter where I went. Getting along with people, trusting other people—I can’t. I’m always doubtful and careful in the case that they might be lying to me, and that’s how I can live my life. That’s why I’m always alone.”

“…What about your family? If strangers aren’t good enough, can’t you just spend time with your family?”

I mean, at least you should be able to have trust in your family. Even if they beat me up all the time, Mom and Kureha still would be there for me.

“Nah, my parents were on bad terms. Ever since I could think, they would always fight, and even talk badly about me.”

“……”

“Neither do I have any siblings I could put my trust into. In order to get away from that toxic family, I started living alone. I told you right, I had confidence in my cooking.”

“Well, I bet you’d get good at cooking if you always cook for yourself. But, what did your parents say about that?”

“Nothing really. Just do what you want, like.”

“Just do what you want…”

“Going with the principle of laissez-faire, right. Both my parents are important people at their work, so in order to preserve their position and relationships, they decided against getting divorced. When I left, they were both like ‘Just have to send you the bare minimum amount of money right?’, almost as if they didn’t even care about me.” Usami showed a cynical smile.

Unable to put trust into others. She said it happened at birth, but I bet it was a strong influence because of her parents. Normally, they are the number one existence that would always support you…but that didn’t happen. The fact of that left a wound deeper than what I could probably imagine.

“But…something happened at this school that caused a change.”

“A change?”

“Yep. Coming here, for the first time ever, I fell in love—with Subaru-sama.”

“…”

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“It was love at first sight. After all Subaru-sama was like a solo prince who never approached people on his own. That’s why I thought…maybe he’s the same as me.”

“……!”

Now that she mentioned it, Konoe was like that a year ago. She was scared of other people finding out that she’s a girl, and decided to not make any friends. Because of her fear of knives, she couldn’t even get along with her master. That year, Konoe was always alone.

“That’s why…I thought maybe Subaru-sama would understand how I feel. I hoped that maybe…he would become my friend.”

“……”

…I see. She was the same as Konoe back in April. That’s why she desperately wanted friends…

“After that, I wanted to know more about Subaru-sama, and joined a fanclub with many other strangers. Even if I couldn’t get along with Subaru-sama, and be next to him, I thought I would be able to do it eventually since I was only in my first year. But then…”

Once we became second-years, Subaru-sama suddenly got himself a friend—Usami explained her frustration. Ahh, I see. And that friend was none other than…

“That’s right. You, stupid chicken, became Subaru-sama’s friend. At first, I thought it was impossible. But, seeing you get along with him, talk with him, even eating lunch together, I could only accept the fact that Subaru-sama got himself a friend.

A friend…This April, Konoe and I became friends. I found out about her secret, and managed to become her friend. Because of that, Konoe wasn’t alone anymore.

“Ever since he met you, Subaru-sama changed. He started smiling more, and it felt like he got along better with his master Suzutsuki Kanade. All of that was because of you. Say…do I really have to spill it out?”

“…What exactly?”

“You really don’t get it. The reason I approached you and threatened you to become my fake lover is so easy. I even used the [S4] to make it more believable.”

“…Wait, don’t tell me…”

If Usami thinks that I could change Konoe…if she believed that I had some special power that changed Subaru-sama from a loner into someone who had friends…

“Correct. That’s the reason I approached you. If it’s you…the person who changed Subaru-sama…then maybe you might be able to change me as well. That’s what I thought. I got my hopes up, and put faith in you with no reason at all.”

“…!”

You stupid rabbit. Are you kidding me? Didn’t you yourself say that I’m an average person with no special part about me?

“In the end, nothing changed. You’re a normal guy, and couldn’t change me. But, because of that date today, seeing how you get along with Subaru-sama, I realized. I bet Subaru-sama changed all because of himself.”

But, I can’t ever do that—Usami said, and faintly smiled.

“……”

‘I don’t want to admit it, but you and Subaru-sama are friends. I’m just getting in the way’, that’s what she said in the cafe. And following that…

“I told you before, right? I’m exhausted. I went as far as to deceive you, and in the end I only realized that I’m a helpless existence. Feeling so tired of everything, I came all the way here.”

“……”

Finally, I made it to the fence. Only a meter was between the two of us.

“Alright, that’s all I wanted to say. Ah, one last thing. I really hate you after all. You’re not even special, and I hate you for that. Also, I hate Subaru-sama as well. I hate the Subaru-sama who managed to change himself all on his own. More than anything…I hate myself the most.”

“…!”

Panicking because of her words, I closed the small distance between us in an instant, and I reached for her with my hand. However, that had the opposite effect. As a result, the girl’s twintails fluttered beneath the shining moon. My action must have surprised the girl, as she subconsciously stepped backwards—

×

“Y…You…How about you go on a diet…!”

I had frantically pushed my arms through the openings between the fence, and grabbed Usami’s wrist as I threw a complaint at her. Way below us on the ground, the large campfire burned. I guess the after-festival must have started. Maybe they’re at the folks dance right now? Damn it, and I’m here working my ass off.

“…Urk!?”

So heavy…Right now, I’m barely holding onto the girl’s one hand. Not to mention that she didn’t even try to put any strength into her arm, like she was just a doll hanging down the building.

“…!”

I somehow managed to hold onto her, but there actually is another problem. I could feel goosebumps all over my body, and heat gathering in my nose. I really don’t want to admit it, but my gynophobia is going to activate. Unbelievable that it won’t even leave me alone in a situation like this…!

“…What are you doing? Just let go and take it easy. Should I try to shake you off instead?”

Our eyes met through the fence, and she gave me a cold warning like that. That damn nasty rabbit, she’s even a twisted mess at a situation like this.

“Ugh…!?”

Shit, I can’t stop my gynophobia from activating. I can’t save her on my own, so I need to convince her no matter what it takes…!

“Hey, you nasty rabbit.” I put strength into my fingers, and spoke up. “Since you just told me of your secret, let me fill you in on a secret of mine. The thing is…I have gynophobia.”

“…What?” As expected, Usami couldn’t believe her ears.

“No, seriously. Because of my family’s circumstances, I can’t handle touching or being touched by other girls. Put simply, if I touch a girl, my nose starts bleeding, and in the first case scenario, I blank out.”

“……”

Silence. After a few seconds, Usami spoke up.

“Pffft, ahahaha! What kind of embarrassing chicken disposition is that! Ahh, I see! That’s why you’re into guys!”

“………”

Damn, she really is not nervous at all, despite this entire situation.

“Shut up. It’s actually a lot of trouble for me, you know. Even now, just holding your hand is pure hell for me. That’s why…just grab my hand, and I’ll pull you up.” I tried my best to stay calm and steady my breathing.

Once again, silence followed.

“…Sorry, stupid chicken.” Usami only gave me these words. “…It’s okay now. I’m tired. I don’t want to live my life unable to make any friends, never needed by anybody…I’d rather die right here.”

“…!”

It’s no use. This exhaustion and resignation in her words, she definitely won’t listen to me.

“…You idiot!”

However, giving up is not an option either. I don’t care about some stupid reason. Maybe I was just influenced by our fake dating, the adorable face she had from time to time, or the sad and lonely expression she had in the animal cafe…I don’t know. All I know is…just as Suzutsuki said…I’m probably the only person who can save her right now…!

“Urk…!”

I desperately tried to pull her up, but with my body going numb from the gynophobia, it wouldn’t work out that easily.If anything, I was slowly starting to lose control. The red liquid came pouring out of my nose, my field of view grey hazy. Slowly, all strength escaped from my fingers.

“Y-You damn rabbit…!” I howled, desperately holding on to my consciousness.

But, this was my limit. I couldn’t even muster up enough energy to speak.

“——”

Damn it…I’m so pathetic. So weak, I can’t even save a single girl. Feeling regret and anger fill my body, I bit my lip to somehow keep my consciousness connected—And that’s when it happened. Suddenly, I heard an electronic Bzzzt sound from the nearby speaker. It was the signal of a school broadcast. Surprisingly enough, a familiar voice came from the speaker.

‘……Jirou, can you hear my voice?’

It was a familiar alto voice, which pulled my consciousness up from the abyss. After all, I knew this voice. It belonged to Konoe Subaru. To my surprise, I heard Konoe’s voice even all the way up here, as it passed through the entire school.

‘I’ll be talking under the assumption that you can hear me. I’ve been trying to call you for a while now, but you never answered. That’s why I went and borrowed the school broadcast system like this.’

“…!”

That damn butler. Borrow…she probably hijacked it. It’s true that I haven’t checked my phone in a hot minute, but…why would she go this far…

‘…I heard everything from the young lady.’

With these words, everything made sense. Suzutsuki apparently caught up to Konoe, and told her about Usami, and everything.

‘Jirou…I bet you must hate me now.’

…Hate her? What is she talking about? I’m the one who deserves to get all the hate.

‘…I’m sorry. Please, forgive me. After hearing about everything from the young lady, I realized that I was wrong…that I had the wrong idea. You were doing all of this for my sake right, Jirou. And yet, I…I went ahead and said something like that to you…’ Konoe explained with a quivering voice.

No doubt about it, Konoe—is crying again.

‘But, after I said that, I immediately regretted it…’ Even though her voice was about to disappear, she desperately kept on talking. ‘I…I thought I lost someone important to me again. When I think of us never being able to talk together, or eat lunch together, I get so sad I can’t take it. Even after hearing about everything from the young lady, I knew that what I had done was irreversible, so I wanted to apologize as quickly as possible…’

…Please, just stop. What is this? I’m the one at fault, it’s all because I didn’t tell you the truth from the start. So…why are you so desperately apologizing.

‘That’s why…if you can hear my voice…Please come meet me.’ She breathed heavily, and even so continued. ‘I…I know that this is a selfish request. But…I want to apologize…make up with you…and go back to being friends, so…So…!’

There, the teary voice cut off, and the broadcast ended. Suzutsuki probably judged that any more than this would only be dangerous, and forcefully made her stop. But…

“—!”

That was more than enough. I could feel the strength return to my fingers. After all, I needed to hurry and meet Konoe as quickly as possible. Can’t make her cry any more than this, you know? Not to mention…

“—Hear me out, Usami.” I desperately ignored my gynophobia flaming up, and called out to the girl.

Naturally, she gave me no response. Even so, I continued.

“You promised me, right? When I treated you to some food at the stalls, you said that you’d make some homemade cooking for me. You still haven’t fulfilled that promise, remember?”

“……”

“You’re supposed to be good at cooking, right? Then, treat me to some. No, after everything that’s happened, one time isn’t enough. You better keep that promise going forever and ever.”

I knew that I was asking for the impossible, but this is the best that I could come up with in the heat of the moment. I don’t want Usami to die. She resembled Konoe too much, back when I just met her, how she wanted to make friends, but couldn’t. That’s why I can’t leave her alone. I want to protect her, no matter what it takes.

“For that, I’ll do anything. If I can continue to eat your food, I’ll do whatever you want me to do. I’ll hear you out with whatever problem you may have. I’ll become your friend. I might not be special, and just your average guy but…even I can do that!”

“……”

“That’s why…don’t say you’re tired anymore! Fulfill your promise! What good is a promise if you don’t keep it!? I need you to fulfill that promise, I can’t do it on my own! Don’t just go thinking nobody needs you when I’m right here! Don’t just try to leave me behind when I still need you!”

“……!”

It felt like I heard a deep sigh, followed by a long silence. Eventually, a voice followed.

“…Hey, was what you said just now…the truth?” Usami asked with a quivering voice, desperately continuing. “W-Will you really…become my friend?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“But…I’m not fun to have around. Will you really become my friend? Will you really…make me needed?” The girl moved her lips, as tears came streaming down her cheeks.

I nodded, and responded brimming with confidence.

“Yeah, I’ll be your friend. That’s why, have some faith in me, okay.”

“……” Usami grew silent yet again, and pondered on her next words. “…Stupid chicken.” She called out my name. “I will…lie to you now. It’s a white lie, but if you were to put faith in me, just a tiny bit, then…believe in this lie.” She explained with anxiety in her voice.

“Yeah.” I nodded.

“—I…don’t want to die after all. I want to change like Subaru-sama, so…please…save me…” She declared with a voice about to disappear.

Those are her honest feelings. She’s not lying, she truly put some faith in me. She probably tried her hardest to convey her true feelings, despite having the disposition that she can’t become honest with herself. As proof of that, Usami’s open hand grabbed my arm. Of course, I could only answer that trust, and tightly grasped that palm, stronger than ever.

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