In the Suzutsuki Residence, without its master, maid Kureha let free that bombshell of a statement.
“……”
……What? That’s what she was talking about?
“Kureha, one thing.”
“Nya? What’s up, Nii-san?” My little sister tilted her head like a small animal.
I had to let out a sigh, and exclaimed, as I was wearing my dog costume.
“Like hell that’s the case.”
“Ehhh, you think so?”
“Yeah, not happening. There’s no way that rich lady would have feelings for me.”
We’re talking about Suzutsuki Kanade, or Devil Suzutsuki for short. Well, that’s how I secretly call her, but she truly is like the devil himself. Normally, she acts like an honor student at school, keeping up a mask to hide her real sadistic personality. The difference between the two is too great. She’s scarier than Asura. And yet you’re telling me that she is supposed to have feelings for me?
What a horrible joke. If you keep dreaming about this kind of stuff, you won’t be able to become an adult, okay. Who are you, Peter Pan? You need to differentiate dreams from reality. If not, you’ll long for Peter Pan and jump out of the window.
“But, I really do think it’s that~”
“Where’s your proof?”
“Um…a maiden’s intuition, maybe?”
“That’s too vague a proof if you ask me.”
“My sixth sense.”
“Trying to make it cool doesn’t improve it at all.”
“Nya, it’s often on-point, you know? For example, I got a good grade on the previous math exams, and I pulled a winner with the last GariGari-kun I ate.”
“What does that have to do with a maiden’s intuition!?”
“Maybe it’s my Kureha-chan Radar.”
“Kureha-chan Radar?”
“It’s a treasured skill of mine that allows me to find your lewd books just by walking inside your room.”
“That sixth sense is way too dangerous!”
What kind of radar is that? If you have that at your disposal, become a fishfinder or something along those lines. Go chase marlins for all I care. Still, intuition, huh. I don’t want to admit it, but her intuition is trustworthy. When we watched boxing matches on TV, she observed the fighters and figured out the winner in the end. Her chance of guessing it correctly is a solid 90%.
It’s like a divine possession of sorts. If life ever becomes troublesome, we should go to America and bet on underground fights. Gambler Kureha, huh…I feel like it’s closer to a counter than a radar. However, this time around, she’s off. After all, there’s no way that Suzutsuki has any feelings for me.
“But, she always looks like she’s having fun when she’s with you, right?”
“That’s because she enjoys teasing me.”
“Mmmm, I wonder…” Kureha still didn’t seem satisfied.
Even if she did like me, it would probably reach a max at simply treating me like a pet. I don’t like to admit it, but she’s basically just playing with me. She did kiss me before, but that was all to tease me. There’s no way any romantic feelings exist.
“Masamune, you say something as well.”
“Eh? M-Me?”
In order to convince my little sister, I sought help from the maid next to me, Usami Masamune. Since she’s on bad terms with Suzutsuki, she should easily be able to support my argument.
“E-Ehm…”
However, Masamune crossed her arms, and started thinking. Eh? What’s that reaction about? Do you also believe Kureha’s assumption? Come on, be a bit more doubtful. Otherwise, you’ll fall for some scam in the near future.
“What are you getting lost in thought for? There’s no way she likes me, right?”
“But, we can’t rule out the what-if, you know.”
“What-if…”
“For example, we could have her pay money.”
“Paid dating!?”
“Or, we could use this as a weakness.”
“You’re clearly threatening her now!”
Like hell I could threaten Suzutsuki, I’m terrified of her. Just imagining her revenge, it’ll be a one-hit cross-counter.
“…Y-Yeah, you’re right. Masamune nodded, sounding more convinced. “Sorry, stupid chicken. It’s just as you said. There’s no way that Suzutsuki Kanade has feelings for you.”
“Right? You agree with me.”
“Definitely. That’s just impossible. You chicken bastard and that rich lady, there’s just no way. You’re not a good match at all!”
“………”
Um, Masamune-san, I don’t think you need to desperately deny it like that. It’s true that Suzutsuki and I live in completely different worlds. Eh? So we’re like Romeo and Juliet? It’s not that wonderful of a relationship, okay. We’re more like chicken and wolf. The difference between us on the food chain is no joke.
“That’s why, you shouldn’t get your hopes up. You live in different worlds. Rather than that rich lady…well, you should look for someone who matches your current lifestyle more.”
“Yeah, with similar values, the relationship will be much more smooth.”
“R-Right? It has to be. So remember that, okay.” Masamune puffed out her chest in confidence for some reason.
Why’s she acting so arrogant now? Are her back shoulders stiff? Or is that some Ina Bauer technique practice? So old, why now?
“Eh…” A flustered alto voice responded to my question.
That’s right, this is Konoe Subaru, the cross-dressing butler of the Suzutsuki Family. As Suzutsuki is her master, she should know her, and understand that Suzutsuki would definitely not have feelings for me.
“…Yeah, right. That should be impossible. After all…”
“…After all?”
“…No, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.” She cut off her own words, with a somewhat blunt tone.
Hmm, is she still hung up on that kiss from yesterday? Of course, I have my own regrets regarding that. Just talking to her has me blushing furiously.
“…But, what if…”
“Hm? What’s wrong? Have you come up with a different reason why she collapsed?”
“N-No, not necessarily. Not to mention, I feel like Ichigo was right, saying that it was anemia. Thinking about it, she wasn’t as energetic as of late.”
“She mentioned a lack of sleep, yeah.”
Not to mention that Ichigo-san talked about Suzutsuki worrying about something. She said that the reason for this might be me, but…I have no ideas. At the same time, it wouldn’t be weird if I was constantly pondering about Suzutsuki. Not to mention…Why did she invite her natural enemy Masamune here? Masamune can see right through Suzutsuki’s made-up nonsense. That’s why, she would always try to keep her away, and yet she now brought her even closer. Maybe…she had a particular reason for that?
“—I’m back.”
Right as I was lost in my thoughts, a robotic voice devoid of any emotion resounded from the entrance. Turning towards that voice, there stood a single maid, wearing usual maid clothes with a maid headband, and an unfitting eyepatch on her left eye—Saotome Ichigo. She previously had brought Suzutsuki to the hospital, and now greeted us like it was the most natural thing in the world.
“Ichigo! What about the young lady!? Is she okay!?”
The moment Konoe saw Ichigo-san, she jumped up with bloodshot eyes. I can’t blame her, she’s the one who was worried about Suzutsuki the most. Still, they got home pretty early, huh. It’s barely been three hours since they left. Maybe the medical investigation showed no irregularities, so they came back? Maybe Suzutsuki really just had anemia.
“…Hm?”
There, a doubt popped up in my head. Hold on, why is it just Ichigo-san here? Where…is Suzutsuki?
“Calm down, Subaru. Before you go meet Kanade-ojousama, I need to talk with you about something.” Ichigo-san started explaining with an oddly insecure tone. “We had her get a medical check-up, but they didn’t find any physical irregularities. It was a simple anemia.”
“R-Really…Thank god…” Konoe sighed in relief.
But then, why isn’t she here? Maybe they had her stay in the hospital for the night…but, I doubt Ichigo-san would just leave her alone then.
“However…”
Right as we were relieved, Ichigo-san continued with the same tone as before.
“It’s not that nothing is wrong with her.”
“……Eh?”
“It’s true that the medical investigation found no physical abnormalities with Kanade-ojousama’s body. However, they confirmed a mental abnormality.”
“……” Konoe froze up, her mouth open in shock.
Kureha and Masamune were the same, we all looked like fish waiting to be fed. A mental abnormality? What’s that supposed to mean? Personally speaking, her sadistic nature is plenty of a mental abnormality if you ask me, but that’s not it, right? Maybe she suddenly turned into a proper human being after having collapsed? Like being hit as a child in order to improve?
“So—please don’t be shocked, even if you meet the current Kanade-ojousama.” Ichigo-san said so, and opened the door to the banquet hall.
Standing there was a girl with glittering black hair, tied up into twintails—It was Suzutsuki Kanade, simply looking at us.
“…?”
Huh? I don’t see much change compared to before. She’s the same old rich lady—
“—Aha~”
There, the second our eyes met, she showed a somewhat innocent smile, and…
“…!?”
She suddenly ran towards me, leaping at me to the point of pushing me down on the ground. It wasn’t any wrestling movie you’d see up in the ring, but rather a childish and playful push.
“Ehehe~”
And then, she flashed an innocent grin you wouldn’t expect from the usual Suzutsuki Kanade. She wrapped her arms around my waist, and rubbed her head against my chest, and…Ah, crap. Because the costume is so thin, I can directly feel her softness on my body! My gynophobia is activating!
“H-Hey! What are you doing, Suzutsuki Kanade!?” A sharp voice rang out.
Looking over, Masamune was screaming at Suzutsuki, who was still on top of me. Konoe gave Suzutsuki a bewildered gaze as well, going ‘Y-Young lady?’. Kureha on the other hand just went ‘Ohh, what a beautiful form!’ as she went on the ground for the count. Who cares about all of that, just save me already.
“You can’t do that, Kanade-ojousama.”
Hearing Ichigo-san’s words, Suzutsuki flashed a teasing smile.
“I’m sorry. You were just so cute, I couldn’t help myself.”
“Wha…!?”
Konoe and Masamune froze up because of Suzutsuki’s words. I mean, I felt the same way. I was so cute she couldn’t help herself? The heck is up with that. The normal Suzutsuki would never say something like that even if she was tortured. Not to mention that her tone of voice was different. Almost like she had a bit of a lisp, something that a child would suffer from…
“By the way” Suzutsuki stood up, while staring at me. “Who’s that puppy?”
“Wha?” Being pointed at by her long finger, I looked at her in disbelief.
“He is our Odd Jobs-san. A fellow friend of yours at school, and a temporary servant who will be staying at our residence for a while.”
Since I was too shocked to respond, Ichigo-san took over to explain…But, why? Suzutsuki is the one who had me work here, right?
“I see. Nice to meet you, Odd Jobs-san. I guess I should introduce myself.”
“I-Introduce yourself?”
“Yep. After all, this is our first meeting, isn’t it?” She muttered with a childish tone as always, grabbed the hem of her skirt, and showed a polite bow.
And then, with an almost angelic smile, she continued.
“Nice to meet you. My name is Suzuchuki Kanade, and I’ll be 8 years old this year.”