Chapter 81: Volume 10 - CH 7

December 5th, it was still fall season—or so I wished, but the seasons tend to go by all too quickly. Even though we had a clear fall sky during the day, the nights were awfully cold, suddenly covering the night—Indeed, the season called winter was quickly approaching us. Or rather, it was probably chasing after us, which gave my skin the chills.

And today, the 5th of December, is a very important day to me, Suzutsuki Kanade. Today, I confessed to Jirou-kun. Or rather, I went and did. I decided to hold back on that, decided to not rely on him anymore, and decided to keep those feelings to myself—but in the end, I couldn’t hold myself back.

—Farewell, Jirou-kun.

Last October, at the amusement park, I decided on that. It should have been the ending of everything. After all, I got to spend an enjoyable time thanks to Jirou-kun becoming my servant, although my young self caused a lot of trouble. With that, I should have been happy and satisfied. That’s why I said goodbye to him.

On the final day of summer break, August 31st, I decided on this. Konoe Subaru, my butler and best friend, the person most precious to me, was the reason I decided to seal away my own feelings. That’s why I kept myself at bay through the entire September, deciding to help her. I would come up with ways that allowed Subaru to get closer to Jirou-kun, made him my servant after his house burned down to close the distance between the two, and moved next to him to ensure that he wouldn’t get stolen by Usami-san…it might sound weird coming from me, but I believe I did a lot.

The finishing move was the Suzutsuki Revolution. Or, that’s what everybody at school calls it. Since Usami-san said that she and Jirou-kun started dating, I declared that Subaru and I were in that relationship ourselves. It was all to pull Jirou-kun’s attention to Subaru. I figured that he might show some kind of action.

Thinking about it, I probably was panicking quite a bit, suddenly declaring my relationship with Subaru to be that. I most likely felt pressured to the point I had to choose that. However, it was all for nothing. It was a miscalculation on my end. To think that Subaru would reject Jirou-kun at the amusement park. Maybe it all ended there. I want it all to be over.

“…”

Yeah, we should just end it. Alright everyone, thank you very much for reading this far. This is the ending of our story. It’s a bit sad that we have to bid farewell now, but it’s fine. We will continue to live on inside your hearts, so don’t forget about us. Then, until we meet again—Farewell.

“…Just kidding.”

Sadly, things won’t be that convenient. Our story still continues. It has to, as we still have more to tell.

“…Excuse me, my lady.”

The door to my room opened, and my butler walked inside. She, Konoe Subaru, possessed glossy hair, clear and translucent eyes, a slender physique, and beautiful facial features like a handcrafted doll. She gave me a somewhat worried gaze, as she looked at me.

“Subaru, what about Jirou-kun?”

“As you ordered, I had him go to the hospital. However, were you really sure about that?”

“Oh, about having Ichigo go with him? Well, it should be fine. Having someone tag along would be best, and this might be a good chance for them to get along more.”

After my confession, I forced Jirou-kun to see a doctor at the hospital. In fact, the injury on his hand seemed to be pretty deep, so he would probably need immediate treatment. That’s why I ordered Ichigo to forcefully take him there. Naturally, that means I haven’t heard the response to my confession.

“……”

No, rather than not having heard it—

“…Kana-chan.” An alto voice rang out, desperately trying not to shake.

That surprised me. Even though I didn’t give her any order, she called me Kana-chan.

“Kana-chan, I need to apologize to you.”

“……”

“After all, Kana-chan…you…You like Jirou, right?”

Her voice sounded close to breaking apart. However, she didn’t cry. She tried her hardest to keep the tears back, as she continued.

“I’m sorry…if only I had realized earlier…If I hadn’t relied on you on the final day of summer break…!”

“……”

“It must have been hard for you, right? Even though you have feelings for Jirou-kun, you always helped me…I just relied on you without knowing…Even though you were suffering, I just…I just…!”

“…Subaru. It’s enough.” I said, and embraced her.

Gently, but still strongly.

“…S-Stop that, Kana-chan. I don’t have any right to do this…I only relied on you…”

“Don’t worry. I want to hug you, so that’s why I’m doing this. More importantly, Subaru, when did you catch on to my true feelings? What was the trigger?”

“It’s because of what Kureha-chan said.”

“Kureha-chan?”

“…Yeah. When you collapsed, she told all of us. ‘Doesn’t Onee-sama like Nii-san?’, you know.”

“……”

I see, that makes a lot of sense. I always thought it was weird. How did Subaru catch on to my feelings? It’s because of what Kureha-chan said before. If she hadn’t said that, Subaru would not have been this torn, and Usami-san most likely wouldn’t have attempted to pull me and Subaru away from Jirou-kun. Everything went crazy because of those words.

However, I can’t blame Kureha-chan either. She didn’t have any bad intentions with that. Rather, I’m to blame for being unable to fully read her moves. Not to mention…

“……”

I should be thanking her. After all, if not for what she said, I might have had to swallow these feelings of mine until all eternity.

“…Subaru.” I said, still embracing my butler. “It must have been hard for you, right?”

“…N-No, not compared to you, Kana-chan.”

“…That’s not true. You rejected Jirou-kun’s confession after all.”

Subaru had it rough herself. Since she knew about my feelings, she must have gone through hell. After all, she likes me. As a butler, as a friend, she can be very clingy. So imagine it. Your master, your friend, likes the same person as you do. On top of that, that very friend was trying to hold back on her own feelings in order to support her. Knowing about all of that, it made sense that she would be conflicted. That’s why she most likely rejected Jirou-kun’s confession back at the amusement park.

“……”

However, things weren’t resolved back then. If anything, they only spiralled out of control. That being said, this happens to everyone. Something you do out of goodwill backfires, resulting in a worst-case scenario. Nobody knows when it happens, but it’s unavoidable. Thinking about it, ever since we went to the amusement park, Subaru and Jirou-kun were much more distanced from each other, and my relationship with Subaru also became awkward. While the situation grew worse, her moves were limited. That’s why there is no doubt in my mind that she must have suffered. She’s not the one to blame.

As much as I struggled, so did she. That’s why she wanted to rely on someone. But now, she came to meet me face-to-face, and stopped doing so. She held back her tears, facing me. If this was the old Subaru, it would not have been possible. By just relying on us, she would not have been able to take a step forward. I don’t know for what reason, but she changed. That’s why she mustered up the courage to reveal everything to me. Just because of that, I—

“…Kana-chan?” Subaru looked at me.

A warm sensation ran down my cheeks—Tears. I was crying.

“…Sorry, Subaru.” I apologized with a teary voice.

I had to apologize. After all, at the end of last summer, I promised. I said I would support her…and yet I ended up cornering her like this. Even though she’s my butler, my friend, she knew of my feelings and suffered this entire time1.

“…No, I should apologize. After all, I made you suffer. I just relied on your kindness. Sorry, Kana-chan.” Subaru said, and tightly embraced me.

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It feels warm. Her warm sensation was conveyed on my skin, and her heartbeat was practically audible to me.

“……”

Ahh, I’m so glad. A lot happened, but I think we’re finally back to normal. Master and butler—Suzutsuki Kanade and Konoe Subaru—This is what I wanted. We’ve made it back to being friends, a relationship where we can be honest with each other. That’s why I’m fine now. Just like Usami-san said, I am unable to trust others. I am bad at putting my faith into others. I didn’t tell Jirou-kun about it, but the reason for that…happened right after I enrolled.

At school, I was special. I was the only daughter of the board chairman, and the daughter of the Suzutsuki Family. I’m a rich, noble lady. I was wearing a special uniform from everyone, having Subaru with me, another girl treated in a different way. Before I even realized, I felt the pressure. Or rather, it was pushed onto me. Random strangers forced me to become Suzutsuki Kanade, wanting whatever it was from me. That’s why I didn’t put any faith in others, as that would be an easier way of living. Wearing the mask of an honor student, I simply acted like the perfect rich lady to satisfy everyone. And then, eventually—

I became scared of showing my true self to others. Even though it was different at first, I became terrified of taking the mask off. I became unable to trust others. And, at the same time, I bet I simply wanted to show my true face to others. Inside the fake daily life at school, I wished for people to listen to my honest feelings. Like I was hoping for an oasis in the middle of the desert. That’s why I became friends with Jirou-kun. I wanted a friend who I could be honest with at school.

Luckily, he seemed to have fun being with me. I didn’t just want a friend in order to show my true feelings. I wanted to get rid of my boredom. My biggest enemy is being bored. And, he managed to remove all of this boredom. Every trouble that occurred with him involved was fun. And, from time to time, he would show me his cool side. That’s right, I really like him.

“……”

So, I need to bring an end to this.

“Subaru.” I asked, moving away from the girl. “You like Jirou-kun as a girl, right?”

“………”

Silence followed. Subaru must have been bewildered at this straightforward question. But, normally I wouldn’t even have to ask that. It’s an obvious answer. I know that she likes Jirou-kun. And, the current Subaru should be able to declare that. She gave up on relying on me, and properly faced me. That’s why—

“I like Jirou-kun.” I declared.

We need to bring an end to this. When it comes to romcom novels or dating sims, there might be a happy harem end for everyone, but we don’t have such a peaceful option available. Could there be an ending where we all get to be happy? If only we could do that. This is like a stage play with several Cinderella actresses. Like you’re crossing the race at the sports festival together hand in hand. With no winner, there’s no loser. Sweet, and sweeter than sweets.

However, there’s no guarantee that this will happen. This isn’t a game, it’s reality. Someone here might not be able to become happy. However, we still need to reach a conclusion together. Konoe Subaru, Suzutsuki Kanade, and also—

“So, what do you think about all of this, Usami-san?”

As I asked this question, Subaru let out a baffled ‘Eh?’, and turned towards the door. And then, it slowly opened, revealing a somewhat sharp girl with twin tails—Usami Masamune. She seemed nervous, as she looked at me and Subaru.

“Wha…Why is Usami here?” Subaru was baffled.

However, I wasn’t. After all, I called her here. I kept it a secret from Subaru, but while sending Jirou-kun off to the hospital, I wrote Usami-san an email, saying that I kept the front door open, so she should come to my room. This was the first time she came here, of course. She probably relied on the sound of our voices to come here. Naturally, that meant she heard our conversation.

“Tell me, Usami-san.” I asked her.

After a brief silence…

“I’m—the same.” She declared. “I also…like the stupid chicken.”

“I see…Thank you for being honest, Usami-san. By the way, have you already realized?”

“…What exactly?”

“That Subaru is a girl, of course.”

“…!? M-My lady!?” Subaru screamed.

I don’t blame her. It’s basically a question of life or death if Subaru managed to keep the fact of her being a girl hidden. If somebody were to find out, she would have to quit as my butler. However, things should be fine.

“—I knew it.” Usami-san muttered, like she had solved the mystery. “I had a feeling that things were like that.”

“Wha…” Subaru was bewildered.

I however expected this, and asked instead of my butler.

“Since when?”

“When the stupid chicken and I started living together. The way he acted towards Subaru-sama…it felt like he was interacting with a girl. And, the way you made it sound just now, it all made sense.”

‘You like Jirou-kun as a girl, right?’

That’s the question I asked Subaru a moment ago. And, Usami-san must have heard that, as she stood beyond the door.

“I won’t ask why Subaru-sama was acting as a boy at school. It must be some super complicated reason, right? I can tell by looking at Subaru-sama’s expression.”

“You’re right. It’s related to Subaru crossdressing. We’ve been keeping that a secret. That’s why, do you mind keeping this a secret from everyone?”

“…Fine. Right now, I can keep my secrets even more than before.”

“That reminds me, you liked Subaru as a boy before, right?”

“…That’s long gone. Right now—I like the stupid chicken.” She declared, like she wanted us to know. “Not to mention, I don’t want things to end in such a lousy way. I want to properly bring my feelings to a conclusion.” She grasped the hem of her skirt, but tried her hardest to sound confident.

That’s very much like Usami-san. Normally, she always looked so twisted, but in fact, she’s an honest and clumsy girl. If not, then she wouldn’t be able to say this.

“I understand. Then, Subaru, let me ask you one more time. How do you feel?”

It was a cruel question. Thinking about our current relationship, it was a harsh thing to ask. I knew that while asking. I know that she likes Jirou-kun. But…

“…I—”

I’m sure that her putting it into words was equally important.

“I like Jirou.” She said, showing no hesitation.

She declared this while looking at her master’s eyes. It was something the previous Subaru would not have been able to do.

“……”

With this, the stage has been prepared. Winter has arrived, fall has left, and our story is changing like the seasons. We have to bring it to a conclusion. Endlessly dancing atop the stage isn’t fun to watch. I’ll say it again, there might be a possibility that some of us won’t become happy. Even so, we have to bring this love to an end one way or another, just as we come clean with our own feelings, so that we can move forward.

I don’t know what kind of ending is waiting ahead of us. After all, this isn’t a game, but reality. Maybe a dream-like ending is waiting for us, or maybe it could be a hellish outcome. Either way, it’s our reality.

“……”

Despite that, we won’t stop moving forward. We confessed our feelings here, we made up our minds. Just as Usami-san said, we’re not going to have things end vaguely. After all, we won’t hesitate anymore.

1 I guess the idea of “Talking” doesn’t exist in this universe. Lord help me

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