Chapter 646: Episode 1 Veritas Caritas Justitia

The truth was the original, and fact was a phenomenon. The victorious US’s basis for Japan’s Occupation policy was to utilize existing political institutions. Why did the United States do such a thing when required to punish war criminals and form a new government with democratic personnel?

It was because the US was surprised by the Soviet Bolshevik Revolution, ruthless expansionism, and communism in China. The United States, which had a communist trauma, set Japan as an ideological and military defense line. As a result, the far-right war fanatics of the vested right survived, regardless of the public and private military, and the handling of war criminals was undisturbed.

The more chaotic society and the worse the economy, the easier it was for those to expand power and voice. The seeds of Japanese rearmament were planted from the moment of defeat.

The US military regime implemented in Korea was also an extension of Japan’s GHQ (Allied Forces Supreme Command General Headquarters) policy. The execution of the pro-Japanese factions and collaborators of the country was only a wish. The purpose of the US military government was not to create a just society but to stop the Soviet Union and annihilate communism.

The US military government sold the vast amount of Japanese property (corporations, land, houses, raw materials, mines, etc.) confiscated in Korea to the general public. Those who could afford to purchase such property were pro-Japanese patriots who had cooperated with Japanese colonial rule and other vicious businessmen who had filled their stomachs with the blood of their own people. Those with easy access to wealth emerged as powerful social establishments, and moral corruption was rampant. Independence activists and the Japanese resistance forces? They ended up with nothing in their hands.

Japan, where far-right war criminals were preserved, could not reflect on itself, and conflicts could not disappear in Korea, where pro-Japanese traitors remained intact. Could America be held accountable? No. Because America was America, not Korea. That was the reason Korea had to be strong if it felt unfair.

Justice without power was only strife, and power without justice was just violence. We made the mistake of making the strong stronger instead of making the right thing strong.

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Amy Studio #701, District 3, Paseo Nuevo Street, Santa Barbara, California – Bang, the front door swung open. A beautiful Asian woman entered as if being chased and threw off her flat shoes. The woman who was about to dash into the room hesitated. [Veritas Caritas Justitia]

The woman pressed the fast-beating heart with her palm and stared blankly at the picture frame on the opposite wall. The calligraphic alphabet was a little awkward, but the strokes of the landscape painting were full of power. The woman looked at the frame for a long time as if it were still living.

Veritas Caritas Justitia

The woman mumbled. The woman’s face was reflected in the mirror hanging at the bottom of the frame. She was a beauty with a small face supported by a long neck like a crane, and her dense facial features were positioned in precise proportions under her straight forehead. There were many beautiful women in the world, but only one In Hye-young, the Mussang’s lover with dark blue eyes covered with long eyelashes.

“Sister, I got no money. Let’s call it this.”

A face filled with nervous laughter filled her eyes. The frame by Mussang as a Christmas gift was hand-crafted, written, and designed by him. Tears welled up in the eyes, flashing with anger. Hye-young, who ran out of steam in her body, stumbled.

“I’m sorry, I got neither truth nor love nor justice. I’m really sorry!”

Hye-young headed to the bed scruffy. She opened the closet and grabbed some clothes. She stuffed her clothes into a large 28-inch carrier on the bed. She was confused that she didn’t even know what she was doing—thud, the cosmetic case that was thrown nervously collided with the carrier wall.

“Ah!”

She stopped the motion abruptly. The contents spilled out of the case where the lock was released. The lid of the skin, eye stick, essence cream, lipstick, and powder case was opened. A jumble of white powder spilled onto the stuffed clothes. The suitcase became a mess.

“What’s this!”

Hye-young, who felt weak at the knees, covered her face and floundered on the bed. Water dripped between her fingers. The past passed by like a flashlight. That worthless day without truth and love.

The price of choosing Veritas between Veritas and Caritas was harsh.

Life in America was a variation of pain and despair. With her extreme Korean mindset, she could not easily fit into American society. There was no day to feel at ease because of the differences in culture, food, language, and the huddles during the study.

The American Graduate School, which she challenged with a complete determination that a bird would fly if pushed from a cliff, was still tough. The triumphant start had hit a rock since the first day of the research process. An unexpected language issue blocked the way like an iron wall. The fast, harsh Southern accent drove her groggy. Not a single professor lectured with clear pronunciation like the English instructor in Korea. As she could not understand fully, there was no question to ask.

Moreover, the research process at the University of Santa Barbara was very different from the subjects at Korean universities. Korea and herself were big fish in a small pond. She was mesmerized by topics like Geographic Information System (GIS) and Spatial Cognition. She could not stand it, so she pledged the fall semester.

After taking a leave of absence from graduate school, she enrolled in a university-affiliated ESL course for six months. It was a shame that a graduate student, not even a college student, was taking ESL courses. She trained her mouth and ears at her best. She taught her tongue and ears to speak and listen to English better.

It was not easy to meet Asians on American campuses in the 1980s. Asian women were even rare. A pretty Asian woman was like a natural monument. Although she overcame the language problem, she encountered another hurdle of racism and curiosity from peers. She got attention wherever she went, and she had to suffer from a man who was constantly flirting.

The Earth Sciences graduate program at the University of California-Santa Barbara (UCSB) was ranked in the top 20 in the United States. Class hours per week amounted to 27 hours. To maintain the scholarship, she had to not miss lectures and seminars and thoroughly prepare for oral exams. She took a catnap and scrounged with hamburgers to save time. She could not afford a single moment to recall her love, who was left behind in Korea.

The teaching assistant and group study were essential in the graduate program. Most assignments were given as a group, and the assistant played a kingpin in the group study. Envy and jealousy always co-existed in the group study. When she stood out, envy and jealousy followed, and when she fell behind, she was despised with racial prejudice.

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The intelligent and pretty In Hye-young no longer existed. Only a stupid and weary woman remained. She cursed herself for leaving the lover behind. Longing, regret, and the loneliness of being alone in this world led her to depression. She wanted to grab some straw to hang on to it, but nothing caught on it.

In her second year, she impulsively slit her wrist in the laboratory. The teaching assistant, Robert, discovered her on the verge of dying from excessive bleeding.

Robert was a devoted gentleman. It was Robert who arranged for a stable scholarship. She heard that a national institution funded the scholarship, but she was careless about where the fund was from. The money was the most important, not the source of funds. She was so desperate to receive the devil’s money.

Robert was the straw she could cling to. Why did she become close to Robert? Mussang was four years younger than her. She suppressed herself with the compulsion to take care of a younger lover and the perception to act like a mature adult in the relationship. It was unknowingly stressful. Robert, ten years older than her, was a giving person. Robert became a father. He became an older brother and became a friend to her.

There was another reason she was dependent on Robert. The role of the teaching assistant had absolute power in the research process. The degree graduate year and scholarship were determined by the teaching assistant and the degree of likability. Thanks to Robert, she positioned well in the study group and met the expectation of a picky Professor Samuel.

The relationship with Robert became intimate during the trekking in the Efalecian Mountains. It was a trip to celebrate her master’s degree. She knew nothing about men but only Mussang. Mussang was solid and sincere. She did not realize how deadly a sugar-coated man could be. She did not know a saying – women are always attracted to bad boys. This could be a lame excuse. The psychological collapse caused her foolishness.

She discovered he was a married man a year after living with Robert. Anger burned the soul. She was angrier at him deceiving her rather than the fact that he was a married man. Robert actively defended himself and apologized. He asked if he was honest with his marital status in the first place and if she could feel for him. He said he was in the process of filing a divorce.

The event glossed over. Years went by in a vague neither living together nor parting. No matter how much she thought about it, she couldn’t figure out the exact reason to allow an intimate relationship with a trashy man like him. She had to admit she gave in to reality.

She stopped by the lab to again collect the research materials. She witnessed the shocking scene. Robert had his pants down and shook his waist vigorously. The woman who lay on the work table and screamed was Susan from the graduate program. That disgusted her. She had goosebumps all over her body as if lice were crawling, and she was drinking car antifreeze.

Susan put her clothes back on and walked out with a smirk on her. Robert claimed it was loveless sex. He said he only loved Lynn. He was the most shameless guy in the world. She threw things like crazy—anything to grab like scalpels, scissors, protractors, scales, etc. Robert took off like an irresponsible bastard. And this was how she ended up.

A full blue moon was floating outside the window. Santa Barbara was a clean area located on the Pacific coast. Abundant ozone colored the moon blue, and high pressure mixed the smell of the fishy sea with the scent of wine.

Tears welled up. She was dumbfounded to search for why the moon looked blue until that moment. She had gained knowledge and lost wisdom. She gained reason and lost her romance. She had lost its essence but gained her reputation.

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“My darling, do you still hate the cuckoo’s cry?”

She terribly missed Mussang, who liked the moon and hated the cuckoo’s cray. It was devastating to recall when Mussang disappeared into the darkness, singing ChangHenge.

“We met on the eighth day of April at NoInSong. You’ve given me deep affection in the deserted basement! May the heavens be a sinner, now and forever. Even if there is an eternal heaven and earth, the sorrow will not continue endlessly. Sobbing, sobbing, sobbing!”

A sob came out in the last verse. What a gentle and endless song of love! She could not remember the previous verse. Only the verse “Be a non-wing, now and forever” rang out.

Her eyes were filled with the last moment that her lover, stronger and smarter than anyone else, looked endlessly sad.

“Squawk!”

Hye-young cried as if she was about to spit out her intestines. she was sad and crying because she could not remember the verse of her lover’s favorite song JangHanga and his gloomy face.

She lived in a dream for four years. The old Jeoksan house was a tomb where an elderly man who became an early adult and a dreamer puppy girl who looked up at the sky and dug the ground dreamed of it. When Mussang made the sound in the kitchen, her mouth became watering. Someone else’s meat was tasty, someone else grilled it for her was tastier, and even the best ever when Mussang cooked it for her. He was the best chef to make simple soybean paste stew to taste 100 times better.

How about a seafood soup he cooked? The pot was stacked with octopus, midge, lily, squid, blue crab, clam, water parsley, and bean sprouts!.

Even with the same seasoning, he was capable of turning the tingling spiciness into happiness. When she crunched the vegetables, the sound came from her temples, not her mouth. She wanted to hug him. She wanted to feel that taste again.

She shed tears. What a degree! If he wanted, she could wear a provocative blouse that reveals her chest bones, put red flowers on his head, and sing the folksong Yookjabaegi in the rhythm of Jungjungmori Jajinmori like a prostitute.

What’s the use of masters and doctorate degrees in happiness? After she sent the farewell notice to him, she never stepped foot in Korea. She dared to meet him with her unfaithful body. But… She wanted to know every trace of him. She wanted to run to the airport.

“Oh, my love!”

Her body, that burst out at his soft touch, became senseless. She never felt orgasm during her relationship with Robert. She missed his touch. She longed for his hard chest like steel and his strong center of the body.

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Hye-young got up and went into the bathroom. She turned the water on ripe hot and cleaned with a towel as the skin was peeling off. Soon, the skin turned red, but she did not stop. Guilt pierced her heart. She wanted to peel off her contaminated body shell. She wanted to put herself into the washing machine and run it.

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