Chapter 50: He Was Losing His Mind

Castian was fairly certain he was losing his mind. It all started with allowing himself to get more involved than he should have with his witch.

He had been curious about her. So when he realized she didn't like owing anyone he knew he had to take advantage of that so he could see her more often. That was the only way he could think of where he might figure her out.

That was his first mistake. The more time he spent with her, the more he wanted. They reached a point where they saw each other at least every other day and it still didn't feel like enough.

Castian truly was busy during the week so the only time he could see her was during his lunch breaks at work. He ended up using their arrangement as an excuse to see her more on weekends too, using the logic that they were more likely to conceive if they slept together twice a week instead of once a week.

That should have been enough but it wasn't. That was his second mistake. Not realizing how deep he was in until he was drowning.

No one at work understood why he kept getting more involved with his witch than he had to. It genuinely annoyed him. So what if it wasn't normal to hang out with witches more than necessary? This much was necessary to him!

"Honestly, you're worse than Filverel and his desperate attempts to pursue Gaelira," Theodred said disdainfully as the three of them met up to finalize their project.

"Hey!" Filverel protested.

"I'm not pursuing Harmony," Castian said with a frown.

"Are you absolutely sure about that? Because with the way things are she seems like she's actually your girlfriend instead of your witch," Theodred pointed out shrewdly.

His heart thumped unevenly. Did it truly seem like that? He had never been in any sort of real relationship before so he didn't know what all that entailed. Harmony had said they hung out because they were friends.

"She's my friend."

Filverel raised an eyebrow at him. "Friends? Seriously? How could you possibly be friends with a witch?"

Castian scowled. "Shut up, Filverel. She's much better company than you."

Theodred eyed him curiously. "You're awfully defensive. I have never seen you like this. You must have some sort of feelings for her. Do tell me…how did that end up happening? I can't imagine such a thing with my witch."

Panic seized his heart. Feelings for Harmony? Impossible! But he couldn't deny that he had been doing a lot of uncharacteristic things because of her lately. There had to be something wrong with him but feelings? It couldn't possibly be that!

"I do NOT have feelings for her!"

"Then why does she eat lunch with you every day? Don't think we haven't noticed. You always seem much more relaxed afterward too. Happier. And on Monday mornings you're downright cheerful so I know you're spending most of your weekends with her as well when you aren't doing homework," Theodred speculated.

Castian's face heated. He hadn't realized his moods were so obvious.

He had been spending as much time with Harmony as he could get away with. He spent Friday and Saturday nights with her and any time he didn't absolutely have to do homework. He usually went to the witch coven whenever Brennan and Talori were there but that was yet another excuse to see her.

He couldn't deny that he was exhausted from his homework load being largely shunted to the side but he was still happier than he could ever remember because he was enjoying himself outside of school and work. Being around Harmony made him happy. When had that happened?

"What are you getting at, Theodred?" Castian muttered.

"You don't have to admit to your feelings if you don't want to, even if they are completely obvious. I simply want to know how this ended up happening out of curiosity."

Enjoying spending time with her…thinking she was beautiful…her making him happy…was that what having feelings for someone meant? He supposed it did, didn't it? Oh, how HAD this ended up happening? This wasn't what he had wanted at all!

Castian let out a heavy sigh and rubbed his forehead. "It started as curiosity because of the time she dragged me along to help with the mermaid issue. It was all downhill from there because of how intriguing she is. There's never a dull moment with her and I find myself looking forward to the unpredictability."

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Filverel shook his head. "Oh, Castian. You're doomed."

"You think I don't know that?"

Frustration tinted his tone. He never better than anyone that getting involved with a witch on an emotional level was a terrible idea. He had been regretting it for months yet kept digging a deeper hole for himself.

"What do you intend to do?" Theodred asked, a slight look of concern on his face.

"What can I do other than carry on the way things have been going? I know this is only temporary. With any luck, it will take another century or more," Castian said much more miserably than he intended.

They both looked at him with a mixture of pity and concern. They probably thought he had lost his mind and they weren't wrong.

How had he let this happen? He was supposed to be more in control of his life than this! But things had been spiraling out of his control ever since Talori arrived and he got involved. He said he regretted it but he couldn't entirely. Things had gotten a lot more interesting and fun on top of being confusing and stressful.

"I admit I don't understand the appeal…" Theodred began. "But I am sorry. Having unrequited feelings can be quite a burden. At least Filverel isn't alone in it anymore."

"Theodred, I swear…" Filverel said threateningly.

"What? Everyone knows Gaelira likes Karruil."

"Don't remind me," Filverel muttered.

It was true. She was the one who ended up helping Castian get Talori a job over there because she knew the hospital director, Karruil Thorndale, fairly well.

The thought that Castian wasn't alone in this didn't make him feel any better though. Gaelira might not like Filverel back but at least she was an elf. That was normal. Whatever he had going on with Harmony was not.

What did it matter if he did admit he had some sort of feelings for her? It wouldn't do him any good!

Their lives were completely different. They would part ways either when one of them moved or when their mission was accomplished. That was how things always worked.

Even if it was possible to stay friends he was sure it would be the worst sort of torture since he wouldn't be able to kiss her or get neck massages or have her play with his hair anymore. Filverel was right. He WAS doomed.

There wasn't anything Castian could do about this but carry on the way things had been. Harmony said he could contact her whenever he wanted to hang out. He would simply have to take advantage of that as much as possible when he wasn't drowning in schoolwork.

Which was exactly what he did. When his school was on break he saw her every day and then regretted it as soon as it started up again because he missed her.

At this point it really would be better for the sake of his sanity if they just lived together so he could see her more often in snatches but she would never go for that. He couldn't use their arrangement as an excuse for everything…or could he? It had already gotten him two weekend days instead of one.

Castian would have to think harder on that one. He couldn't straight up tell Harmony how he felt because witches were even more disdainful of attachments than elves were. She would never accept it.

The last thing he wanted was for her to be uncomfortable with him because then she might end their arrangement early. He wanted this to last as long as possible.

She may have caught onto what he was doing before to trick her into seeing him more often but he still wanted to do things for her. Not as a way to keep her coming back but because he wanted to. He liked doing things for her because of how brightly she would smile at him afterwards.

Castian loved her smile. Her enthusiasm had grown on him. After centuries of monotony he finally had someone around who was capable of keeping him on his toes. He didn't want to lose that but, more specifically, he didn't want to lose HER.

Harmony was special. He felt foolish for not realizing it sooner. There were nearly twenty-one years he could have been properly enjoying her company lost because he hadn't seen what was right in front of him.

He had to do better.. If he wanted to properly take advantage of however much time he had left with her, he needed to figure something out. But what?

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