Chapter 8: Chapter 6 [His Solace/Her Thoughts] (Niel & Luna)

His body was moving on its own. No matter how much he willed it, he couldn't seem to affect its direction as it went about its way. Yet despite the odd situation, he was not surprised. He was already all too clear of what is happening.

He was dreaming.

It was a common case for anyone who had fallen asleep, and for many it's typically a happy occurrence. But for him, dreaming was nothing short of an inconvenience.

He had buried countless memories below the depths of his consciousness, many of which he found very unpleasant. Normally he tries to keep himself from falling too deeply in slumber to prevent those unpleasant things from surfacing, but unfortunately this session was not something he was in control of.

At this time in the middle of the night, a much younger version of him was attempting to silently sneak out the balcony of a house. He had previously waited until everyone was asleep, before starting his actions. Taking a paper and writing a few notes upon them, before leaving them on a desk in hopes that the others would see his letter tomorrow.

Departing quietly was a decision he had personally come to, realizing the dangers he might put the family in if 'they' manage to track him here. But things don't always go as planned, as the moment he opened the balcony door, he had drawn the attention of someone lying on a bed nearby.

"Where are you going?"

It was a boy around six years old, about the same age as him. Rather than being woken up, it appears that the boy was already awake the entire time, something he unexpectedly hadn't noticed prior.

The clear blue eyes stared at him in concern, perhaps aware of his intention to depart. It was this same child that had taken him in for the last five days, granting him a place to stay. The short period of time he spent here was perhaps the greatest gift he had ever received since his birth.

Here he learned a multitude of information that he would never have been allowed to find otherwise, went through strange experiences that he hadn't thought existed. And more that anything else, it was here that he first felt 'warmth', a feeling that was once so foreign and unimaginable for him.

Unfortunately, he cannot stay. Even though every inch of his heart screamed at him, yearning to linger at this place for even just a little longer, he still chose to go. He could never bring himself to jeopardize their safety for his own selfishness.

"...Don't know."

"Why? Is it because of what I—"

"No."

He cut off the boy mid sentence, although he found the boy's earlier actions a little troubling, he couldn't resent the child as it was all done out of concern for him.

"...My problem."

The boy fell speechless, unwilling to respond. An awkward silence emerged between them before he turned around treading to the edge of the balcony.

"Wait, Niel!"

He was once again called out by the boy, but this time he couldn't help but slightly flinch, turning himself at the boy a second time. 'Niel' was something the child had arbitrarily named him on a whim when he was found to have no proper name, as such he was still somewhat unused to it.

On the other hand, the boy had quickly taken something in his drawer before proceeding to stand in front of Niel.

"I-If you don't want to stay, then fine. But can you at least promise me that you won't... d-die?"

Even with some obvious hesitance, the boy firmly looked at Niel's eyes. It was a silly and unreasonable request, despite their young age, they were both intelligent enough to be clear of that fact.

But even so.

"...I'll try"

Niel wanted to indulge his friend's demand.

The boy stretched his hands towards Niel, revealed within it was a small toy race car. He knew it was the boy's favorite amongst his collection of toys, yet now it was being handed to him.

"You can take it."

"Why"

"Why not? You can just give it back the next time."

The boy smiled brightly towards him, dazzling enough to overwhelm the gloom cast by the night.

"Since we will definitely meet again."

Later on, he climbed down the balcony through a nearby tree. Even as he went farther and farther, he turned around to view the house on several occasions, and every time he did, the boy remained there watching over him on his porch.

He looked at the small toy held in his hand, as a heavy feeling burned within his chest. It was then that he made a silent promise towards both the boy and to himself.

For as long as he has life, no matter how painful or agonizing it can be, he will do everything in his power to remain alive. Even if he has to cling to the smallest and most pathetic string of survival.

A vow that he had clung to even till the bitter end.

That's right, how could I forget.

It was precisely because of this that he buried all the memories involving 'him'. It was the only choice he could make at the time. Although it was painful to remove any memories involving 'him', it was much more excruciating to continue remembering 'him'.

He was well aware, had he continued to keep 'his' recollections, he would have personally broken that promise on his own.

 

---

 

He awoke inside his room, a place that was given to him when he first started staying with Kartis and Granvar. He laid atop his shambled bed and the floor along with the nearby furniture around him was littered in fractures.

He couldn't help but frown. It was obvious that while he was sleeping, the Devil's aura had run rampant, which caused the degradation in his surroundings.

After the battle with Granvar, he was already familiar with how the [Devil's Power] functions. The list of its capabilities could stretch endlessly so long as he can visualize it. Yet at the same time, it is highly unstable and can be heavily influenced by his mental and emotional state.

Once again, he pulled all the [Devil's Power] into his heart before weaving most of his Mana around it, constructing an even tighter seal. It was still a somewhat uncomfortable process, but perhaps having already done it before, it was significantly easier than last time.

Looking at the ruined furniture, his felt somber for a time. They were mostly assembled by him personally, having even laid a few enchantments over them to help them last much longer.

Consequently, his clothing, which seemed to have been changed anew, was also in tatters. And so, he went to the drawer containing his clothes, placed just far enough from his influence that it still managed to remain intact. Taking a different clothing and changing into it, he left the room.

Outside, within a more open living room, he found Kartis sitting in a rocking chair while reading a book. He seemed to have also noticed Niel, turning his attention towards him.

"I see that you're awake, did you have a good rest?"

It was a rather calm and gentle tone, which Niel hadn't anticipated. He had expected some level of anger or scolding, but was met with a different approach. After some hesitation, Niel decided to walk a little closer to Kartis.

"How long was I unconscious for?"

"About 12-13 hours, you recovered much quicker than expected."

The answer left him quite surprised. Considering just how heavily strained his mind was and how much he pushed himself, even if he could heal quickly, it should've take at the very least several more days for him to recover. It seems he greatly underestimated his own regenerative ability.

"...I see."

An awkward silence began to permeate around them. Kartis remained silent while Niel did not know what to say. The stillness seemed to linger for a time, before Kartis had broken it.

"Do you still intend to leave?"

Kartis looked at him in the eyes. Niel was still unable to speak, but this silence showed his decision. Kartis released a sorrowful sigh towards the child's attitude.

"You know, you've always shown a sense of distance with us, ever since our first meeting. I thought you were being cautious against us, but with a closer look, that didn't seem to be the right answer. The way you acted was more akin to treading on thin ice, as if the slightest mistake would shatter everything."

Keeping eye contact, Kartis stood up and walked slowly to Niel, all the while recounting the past.

"It was only after some years had passed that you finally started to let yourself relax. Personally, I hoped that you would act a little more your age."

After walking in front of Niel, Kartis crouched himself.

"But now, I can't even say we're back to square one since you've become even more distant than you were when we first met. I'd like to know, have we really just become strangers to you? Can I at least know what brought about this change?"

Although on the outside Niel managed to remain calm, in his heart, he was considerably shaken. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he truly did cherish the time that he had spent here. It was here that he recovered the peaceful life that he had once been disconnected from.

"I... Became this generation's Devil. I've seen your records of them so I know you're clear about what me being a Devil entails. Each and every one of them were beings whom had reached the lowest reaches of depravity. Even if I want to deny such a possibility, I'm well aware that I am not free from this corruption either.

Once Niel began to speak, he could feel himself open more and more, as if wishing to vent his own frustrations.

"From the time I became a Devil, and even now from the moment I awoke, I can feel all forms of malice invading me. They constantly sear away at my soul, trying to corrode every bit of my sanity. I don't know how long I can continue to maintain my current state, I may very well lose myself the next morning."

As he started speaking longer and longer, Niel began to tightly grip his fist. Seeing this, Kartis reached towards Niel's hands and tried to relax them.

"I can't stay, If I continue to do so, I'll become a danger to all of you sooner or later."

Niel held a firm gaze at Kartis, who calmly and silently heard all of his complaints.

"Is that what you really believe?"

Niel kept silent. This time, it was Kartis who began to speak, using the same gentle and soft tone, he opened his mouth.

"I'm sure as you've seen with Granvar, we aren't so weak that you'd need to be fearful for us. Instead of worrying about us, you should worry more for yourself."

Kartis reach his hand out and started to lightly caress Niel in the head.

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"I don't care if you're this generation's Devil, while I did take interest in collecting information about the past Devils, at the end of the day, you are yourself and they are themselves. The Niel that I know is not a savage, cruel, or depraved child, and that alone is enough for me."

As Niel continued to listen, he could feel some of the weight on his shoulders slowly dissipate.

"We personally cannot experience what you are going through as a Devil, nor will we ever truly be able to understand it. But the least we can do is be there for you, so you won't have to be alone."

Kartis gently pulled Niel into a hug with nary a resistance from him. 

"That's why, won't you stay with us for now?"

Firmly griping Kartis's robes and burying his face towards it, Niel began to silently shed tears. All the while, Kartis began to softly pat him in the back.

For over nine years he had lived alone, fought alone, and in the end died alone. It was an anguish that he continued to carry even in the next life.

He never wished for it to be so, but to him experiencing the pain of forming ties only to lose them again and again was much too heavy to bear. Over time, he began to grow colder, refusing to grow attached to anyone or anything. But in truth, sealed deep within his heart was deep and painful yearning for affection, one that he believed he would never again receive.

Reincarnation was perhaps the closest thing he had to a second chance, and after some time, he truly came to believe it was. Naturally, the fear of his solitary life returning never completely disappeared, but it had become weak enough that he could largely ignore it.

Awakening as a Devil had rekindled that fear, turning it into a wildfire that began to consume him alongside the malice. The tragedy of his first life was once again repeating before him.

Yet now, that fear, despair, and grief was slowly dissipating into ashes. The weight which felt like a mountain had vanished as though it was just an illusion.

All that remains was to wash his heart with a stream of tears.

 

◊◊◊

 

Once upon a time, there was a particular 'Monster' amidst a flock of other 'Monsters'.

They were herded by the 'Shepherds' in white, and strictly guarded against by their 'Dogs'

They never questioned why they were 'Monsters' nor why the others were the 'Shepherds' and 'Dogs', for to them this was the way things had always been.

Until one day, an accident had occurred, opening the 'Cage' the held the 'Monsters' at bay.

Some were too fearful of the 'Shepherds's' wrath and chose to remain, some had attempted too late and was caught by the 'Dogs', but there were a number of them that luckily managed to truly escape.

The particular 'Monster' was one of them.

The 'Monster' traveled long and far, sometimes secretly hitching a ride without anyone's notice, and sometimes swimming across rivers, proceeding as much distance as he could in fear of being found by the 'Shepherds'.

He avoided taking the perception of the adults for they had reminded him of the 'Shepherds' and his 'Dogs', while the children whom he thought were 'Monsters' like him were fearful and wary of him.

When hungry, he ate whatever he could find, even catching smaller animals to feed.

Then one fateful day, the young 'Monster' met a boy, who took him in.

Through the boy, the 'Monster' learned many things, and found that the world was far different from the way he had always thought it was. But most important of all, the boy had taught the 'Monster' how to be 'Human'.

Ultimately, the boy and the 'Monster' had separated. And in due time, the 'Dogs' had eventually found him, bringing him back towards the 'Shepherds'.

Everything had returned to their natural place, and the 'Monsters' were back where they belong.

And yet amidst the flock, unbeknownst to the 'Shepherds', 'Dogs', and 'Monsters', there was one particular 'Monster', who silently yearned to be 'Human'.

 

◊◊◊ 

 

---

 

I woke up, hearing the sound of the birds chirping just outside my window. 

"A dream, huh?"

Still felt very much uncomfortable, then again I didn't exactly have a decent sleep last night.

Once again, I had another dream about Niel. It's been a few days since my awakening, and somehow for some reason, I've been having constant dreams about him ever since.

Quite frankly, I don't know how to feel about it. To say that I hated it wouldn't be completely wrong, but at the same time I somehow enjoyed it all the same. It's a rather conflicting feeling, in all honesty.

It's fun because I relished reliving those days, when we did all sorts of silly and crazy things together. Yet, I wound up feeling empty and desolate inside after waking up, a really unbearable feeling to say the least.

In truth, as much as I hoped for those days to return, in the end dreams are just dreams.

...I will never be able to meet him again.

"Haaaah—"

I sighed, there's no use obsessing over this.

Cheering myself up, I left my bed and stretched for a bit. Going to the mirror, once again seeing the same old me. But then...

*Whoosh*

My grey hair immediately became pure white, as wings of light extended out from my back. I can feel a sort of power, which is usually kept inside my heart, flowing outwards and revitalizing my entire body. It really makes me feel as though I can do anything, like I'm invincible.

"This will never be not cool."

It's like those transformations from those anime and manga I've read. I still haven't had complete control over it, since it slips out every now and then when I'm not paying attention. Still, I'm getting there slowly.

'Hmm?'

I already noticed it since last night, but my power had grown considerably since yesterday. If I had a status window, all my stats would've probably multiplied by at least a dozen fold. It continuously happened overnight, and was the reason I couldn't have a proper sleep.

'Am I having a growth spurt or something'

Regardless, there was still a few things I wanted to do.

*Zhiing*

I started floating and becoming transparent, before flying out of the window. Thankfully, it's still relatively early so not a lot of people should be awake right now. Even for the few that are, I doubt they would be able to see me clearly.

That's right everyone, I CAN FLY. I mean you'd think I would be able to, considering the wings, but the way I fly is a wee bit different that how birds fly.

Rapidly, I rose to the skies, flying faster and faster. It was considerably quicker that the last time that I did this, but that's probably because of the power up I received last night.

Finally, I reached the top of the clouds. Seriously though, I can never get tired of doing this, It's so much fun, practically my new favorite activity of the day.

Over the last few days, I had been using the [Hero's Power] as much as I can, and by now I pretty much already have a gist of how it works.

For one, rather than being an energy of some sort, it's closer to an attribute that colors my being. It pretty much permeates through my Mana and body, empowering it. It never disappears or gets used up, and even if I want to 'turn it off', I just need to think about it and it automatically returns to my heart.

Moreover, it's constantly growing, little by little (Minus of course whatever happened last night). My Mana capacity and physical abilities seems to grow in conjunction with it.

Last and most importantly is that, it seems to be able to cast things via my will and imaginations.

I've recently been learning magic, and holy sh*t its complicated. Just making a basic fireball, which only has one circle, needs you to be extremely precise about how Runes are shaped and combined. I can't imagine how hard it would to cast higher level spells.

On the other hand, just using the [Hero's Power] I was able to make a fireball by imagining it. That's how I'm able to fly and become transparent even though they're supposed to be of more complex magic.

Overall, it's ridiculously OP.

"WOOOOOO YEAAAAAAH."

The sense of freedom here is so overwhelming that I couldn't help but scream at the top of my lungs, above the sky where no one (Probably) could hear me. The wind feels great enough that I almost want to let myself go.

I flew around a little more, before thinking about going back down. Just then, an idea flashed in my mind.

Hadn't it been for last night I probably wouldn't have dared to do this, but considering I still had some time left and that I've grown much stronger, the thought just couldn't escape my head.

And so, like a reckless child. I flew away from the castle, heading outwards farther and farther.

 

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