Chapter 267 - Cat Business VI
Claire breathed a tired sigh as she watched the real estate agent turn the corner. The man’s job was done. The old grug had shown them every available property that wasn’t just a private residence, minus those that could not be accessed by the landlocked cat. All that was left was for them to make a decision.
“What do you think?” asked Lia. Her eyes were on the building situated to their rear—the final option that the frog had presented.
“I dunno… I mean, the location’s pretty decent, but it’s kinda run down,” said Sylvia. “We’d need to fix it up a bunch for all the fishtanks and stuff to work, but I can probably just do that with a quick spell or something.”
The old playhouse was one of the few locations unfortunate enough to have suffered damage from the battle—a large rock had crashed through its roof and destroyed half of its interior. Only some of the artwork could be salvaged. Most of the paintings, statues, and props had been turned to dust, and its owner was ready to give up on the property outright. He had been intending to find a new venue, and his existing property’s destruction was as good an excuse as any.
“It’s not bad,” said Claire. “But I liked the others better.”
“Really?” asked the cat, with a surprised blink. “What’s wrong with it?”
“Location.” The lyrkress looked down the street as she spoke, focusing for a moment on each of the nearby units. There was a metal pig, a giant cake, and even an elven anti-temple, all familiar scenes with which she had few decent associations.
“I think the location’s fine,” said Lia, as she started down the street. “It’s only a five-minute walk to the job board, and there’s even a weapon shop across the street. I’m sure we’ll get plenty of business.”
“That’s not what she meant,” said Sylvia, with a giggle. “She doesn’t like how it’s on Fourth Street ‘cause she got her butt kicked by that one elephant guy that one time.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Claire pinched the fox’s cheeks as she followed the cat. “I completely destroyed him the next time we met.”
“Oh…” Lia turned her eyes on the confectionary shop, all the damage to which had already been repaired. The owners had even added another layer to the roof and repainted the whole structure in several layers of pink and white. “That sounds a little bit like you’d be getting your just desserts.” The Paunsean’s giggle was met with a chop to the head.
“Bad cat. No bad puns allowed.”
“Oh, come on. That one was good,” said the berserker.
“No. Bad.”
She was lightly smacked again, which to Claire’s dismay, only elicited another fit of laughter. “You’re just being a spoilsport. Right, Sylvia?”
“Mnnn, you’re kinda right? I mean, Claire does need to loosen up, but that pun also kinda sucked.”
“I thought it was hissterical” Natalya pursed her lips into a frown. “I’d like to see you come up with something bette—”
“Stop.” The feline’s nose was pinched shut by a pair of ice-cold hands.
“On, come on, Claire! You really need to start being more pawsitive,” said Sylvia.
“I hate you.”
“That one was pretty good,” said Lia, with a giggle. “But I guess with all this material around us, it was bound to be a cakewalk.”
“I hate both of you.”
“It’s okay, Claire!” Sylvia leapt onto the lyrkress’ shoulder and gave her ear a hug. “We all know that deep down, you really like this and want us to keep you company furever.”
The Cadrian princess buried a hand into her face and groaned. “Can we please do anything else?”
“We could go get lunch,” said Natalya, “but it’s getting a beet late so we might be butter off just skipping it and waiting for dinner.”
“Mmmnnnn, it’s not that late!” said Sylvia. “And I am getting kinda hungry. Maybe we can go to that new fish place that opened up this week? I heard they’re really reeling it in.”
“That’s it. I’ve had enough.”
She clamped one hand over the fox’s jaw and covered the catgirl’s face with the other. Icy muzzles were crafted upon both their faces, sealing their mouths shut. Sylvia immediately created a projection to speak in her place, but Claire struck the phantom with her tail and stole its mana before it could raise its voice.
“Bad dog.”
“Aymnn nnhttvadggg!”
“I might’ve believed you if you stopped hounding me with all these awful puns.”
The fox flailed for a solid three seconds before she suddenly stopped, her eyes narrowed suspiciously on the qiligon’s smug grin. “What the heck! You can’t just mess with us like that ‘cause you’re bored!” She spoke as soon as her face covering was loosened enough for her to open her mouth.
“I can, and I did.” Claire stuck out her forked tongue and removed the masks with a snap. They turned into glowing flakes of magic, glimmering momentarily before vanishing in the warm, spring breeze.
“Somehow, I’m not surprised.” The cat put her hands behind her back and lightly bumped her shoulder into the lyrkress’, pushing her half a step to the left. “So are we actually doing fish for lunch? I’ve been hearing a lot of good things about the new place, especially their daily specials.”
“Yeah, let’s go!” Sylvia somersaulted off her pet’s head and assumed her fairy form in midair. Her clothes were on by her second flip, with her fluffy tail serving as a censor in the meantime. “Come on! Hurry up!” She lifted the other girls’ hands with a pair of vectors and started dragging them by their index fingers. “We’re already super late for lunch! All the good stuff’s gonna be gone if we keep standing around!”
“Uhm, just so you know, Sylvia.” The cat pulled back on the fox’s arm, but she was completely overpowered. “We do have a budget this time. Keep that in mind when you order, okay?”
“I-I know!” stuttered the half-elf. “Sheesh, Lia! What the heck! You’re making me sound like some sort of glutton.”
“Well…” The cat averted her eyes.
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean!?”
“It means you are,” said Claire. “You ordered the whole menu the last time we got fish.”
“That was one time! And plus, Ciel said I could eat as much as I wanted!”
It was during the post-coup party that the squid had made the offer. It had not been any kind of formal event—the official coronation party was planned to follow the event in question—but a private gathering whose guest list included just her closest associates, one unnamed member of which had completely obliterated everything the store had in stock.
“Just how much can you eat?” asked Natalya.
“Uhmmm… as much as I want, I guess?” Sylvia tilted her head. “I only really stop when I get bored. If I really wanted to, I could probably eat the whole city.”
“That’s just ridiculous.” Natalya bent down and pinched the other girl’s sides, eliciting a confused squeak. “How is any of that supposed to fit in here?”
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Claire seconded the query with a vigorous nod. No matter how one stretched the fox, her stomach was an impossible anomaly. She could eat fish ten times her size in just a few bites without any distortion in her frame. It was like everything she put in her mouth would simply vanish.
“Dunno. I think it’s supposed to be some sort of racial thing?”
Even the weakest Llystletein foxes were born with expandable stomachs. The precise amount varied with the individual and food in question, but each could eat something along the lines of five times their vulpine weight regardless of their active form. The more gluttonous among them developed the ability further, bolstering the amount of weight and storage contained. And as the most fish-motivated fox in the dungeon, Sylvia had gone even further beyond. Her stomach had evolved with her ascensions, ultimately culminating in the form of an infinite abyss.
“Your mother doesn’t eat that much,” said Claire. “You’re just a glutton.”
They arrived at the restaurant right as the accusation was made. It was a large building with a chef-hatted crab serving as its signboard. Perhaps because it was new and popular, or perhaps because it was located right next to the job board, it was still half full, even right between the hours for lunch and dinner. The guests were happily munching away on hearty meals. Thick soups and fried fish seemed to make up the majority of the orders, though there was a basket of bread on each table as well.
“I’m not a glutton!” cried the dog. “And yes she does! She just holds back in front of people because she gets embarrassed easily!”
“She definitely does not get embarrassed easily,” muttered Claire. “Else, she’d be less of an obvious psychopath.”
“Huh!? What the heck! I know mom’s a little weird, but she’s not a psycho! Well, maybe a bit, but I swear it’s not that bad!” The tiny fairy released her victims and flew up to Claire’s face, arms raised in protest.
“Your father was literally chained to the wall.”
“I know, but that’s ‘cause he’s okay wi—”
“Hold on.” Claire put a finger in front of the half-fox’s face as they approached the front desk. The host, a kelpfin man in a fine dress, was somewhat flustered, perplexed by the group’s choice of conversation. Still, the professional quickly recovered with a cough and greeted the customers with a smile.
“Table for three?”
“Yes, please,” said Natalya.
“Right this way then.” Still shooting curious glances at the group as they moved through the restaurant, he led them towards a relatively empty part of the shop and placed a wooden block in front of each member. “You can leave that tile marked side up if you’d like the chowder, flip it if you’d rather have the fried fish, or stand it up if you’d like both. Your server will be out to check on you shortly.”
“Wait, is that all?” The fairy tilted her head. “I thought this place was supposed to have like a good variety or something.”
“We do for our dinners, but unfortunately, we do not have as many chefs available for lunch.”
“Awwww…” The fairy fluttered down onto the table and lay sideways atop the table’s rotating tray.
“I do apologize for any inconvenience caused, but I assure you that both existing choices are absolutely delicious. I do hope that, having tried them, you will consider returning for dinner.” He bowed before excusing himself and heading back up front, where another group of customers was already awaiting his service.
Claire picked her pet up by the tail and straightened her posture as soon as the man left. “Okay. You can continue now.”
“Uhmmm…” Sylvia put her hands behind her back and averted her gaze. “I already forgot what I was going to say.”
“Probably something about your dad,” said Natalya, with a sigh. “I really should’ve gone through that portal. Your parents sound really fun, and I wish I got to meet them.”
“Oh uhmmm… I don’t actually think that’s possible ‘cause catgirls are banned from Llystletein, and I’m not really sure what would happen if you tried,” said Sylvia. “Anyway! Enough about my parents! Let’s figure out where we’re gonna set up shop.”
“Right.” Lia opened up her notebook and set it on the table. There were four candidates listed on the page, each in the form of a small but fairly representative sketch. Notes were scribbled all over the page, with some placed next to the features they described, and others floating off in the aether. The third entry had a thick line drawn across it, but the rest were still in the running. “Does anyone have any strong feelings about any of them?”
“Oh, oh! Me me me!” The tiny fairy flagged the cat down before pointing at the image at the top of the page. “I like the one next to the sea ‘cause it makes it easy to go fishing and stuff.”
“That’s a good point,” agreed Lia. “And with you fishing, we wouldn’t have to pay as much for food. What do you think, Claire?”
The lyrkress paused for a moment before raising a hand to the berserker’s face and flicking her between the glasses.
“Ouch! What was that for?” asked Lia.
“For being difficult.” Claire chased the fairy around with her hands as she spoke, but Sylvia nimbly evaded them all. “We all like different ones.”
“I haven’t said anything yet,” blinked the cat.
“I know. But you clearly like the theatre most. I like the one on Main Street.”
“Well we can just talk it out.” Natalya flashed a toothy grin. “Who knows, maybe we’ll convince each other?”
“There’s no point,” said Claire. Her middle finger flew into the catgirl’s forehead again. The second flick had more power behind it and left a bit of a mark. “It’s your shop. So we’ll go with your choice.” There was a third attack, laced with just enough bee venom to make the other girl shriek and almost jump out of her seat.
“Ow!” Lia lifted her bangs with one hand and rubbed the sore spot with the other. “I mean, I really appreciate you being so considerate, but why are you flicking me!?”
“Because I don’t like the dogs,” said Claire. “The father is too whiny.”
“Right…” Lia adjusted her glasses. “We don’t really need to pick that one if you don’t like it. I wouldn’t mind either of the others.” The statement was immediately met with a fourth flick, though it was a lot softer and gentler, like the first.
“I told you. It’s your shop. So we’ll go with your choice.”
“I know, but we’ll still be running it together, and it’s not like I don’t like the others. I just like this one a little bit better.”
“Yeah, but if you don’t pick the one that you really like, then you might end up regretting it when Claire eventually gets bored and runs off,” said Sylvia, with a giggle.
“Oh. Right.” The claim only caused the cat’s ears to droop further, but she slowly raised them again as she took a deep breath and put on a strained smile. “I almost forgot that was going to happen.”
“Oh uhmmm… oops. Was I not supposed to bring that up?” The half-elf looked between her companions as she moved her hands behind her hips and started backing away. When confident that she had mostly lost their attention, she darted towards the nearest salt shaker and hid herself behind it.
“It’s okay,” said Lia, “I’ll just need to show you two how great it is to settle down and have a home.”
“I had a home,” said Claire. “And it was better than anything you could possibly find in Vel’khan.”
“Okay, but what about a home without a tyrannical, controlling, lunatic of a father?”
“Shush.” Flicking the cat one last time, Claire rested her shoulders on the table and her face in her hands. “I guess it’s decided then. We’ll buy the theater, fix it, and throw the doors open.”
“Yeah.” A soft smile blossomed on the cat’s face as she drew a giant check mark next to the chosen property. “I can hardly wait.”
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