Chapter 4: Chapter 4: Delectatio morosa*

If the chapter title doesn't give it away, this is mildly NSFW lol

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Chapter 4:

Delectatio morosa

“There are some extra sheets in the dresser here, Luca.” Felix’s room was simple in comparison to the rest of the orphanage. It was a medium-sized room, large enough to accommodate four adult men comfortably on bunk beds. The white walls and wooden floors were warm and inviting under the warm yellow light of the ceiling lamp. The room was simple, as it should have been, but it had hints of Felix’s modern tastes. Luca felt as if the man had not changed in the least in the past ten years.

There was a wooden twin bunk bed to the left side of the room, and to the right there was a large wooden bookshelf full of different theology and philosophy books. In the right corner of the room, there was a study desk with books and other study materials neatly stacked to the side, and a laptop rested shut in the middle of the table. Just above the desk was a brass crucifix. The crucifix itself was simple, but the design was lovely, Luca thought as he looked at it. The window between the bunk and the desk was closed and covered with a long, grey curtain, hiding the view outside with the thick fabric. 

“Hey, Luca, there are some extra sheets in the bottom of the dresser there.” Luca turned around to face Felix, who had just entered the room, now holding a pillow in his hand. “It should be in the bottom-most drawer.”

Luca looked by the door, and there was a simple dresser resting just by the door, near Felix. Thanking him, he walked past him and opened the dresser, quickly receiving the bedding to dress his bed for the night. “Do you have any extra blankets?” He was not sure if the storage room still had the extra blankets, but it was worth a shot to check.

Felix shook his head and said, throwing the pillow into Luca’s filled arms. “I can grab those. You wait here and climb on the bed. I can pass them to you once the bed is made.” 

Luca agreed, pushing the pillow out of his face. While Felix walked out of the room again, Luca grabbed onto the wooden side of the bunkbed and skillfully climbed it. If it had not been for his bunk beds in his university dorm, he would not have been as comfortable climbing the bed like he had as a child, considering his height. Thankfully, the ceiling in the room was tall, and he was able to stand on his knees and put the sheet on with a little bit of awkward fiddling. 

By the time the sheet was on the bed and Luca had put the pillowcase on the pillow, Felix was carrying a large, folded green comforter in his arms. The blanket looked fresh. Luca could only reach down as Felix brought it over and thanked him, lifting himself down from the bed after he threw the comforter on the bed with a lazy toss. Felix frowned, but Luca was not concerned. He would be sleeping in it soon anyway.

 Felix shook his head again, this time looking as if he were chastising Luca for his poor habits. As a child, he would often throw his blanket on the bed, leaving him to be chastised by the nuns and sent back to the room to straighten up his bed. With Luca’s stubborn personality, he would often leave his bed the same way everyday, leaving the nuns at their wits end. After getting in trouble for his troublesome bedmate, Felix would nag him every morning until he finally would help Luca make his bed, up until he left the orphanage all together.

“You haven’t changed a bit, Luca.” Felix said with the same gentle smile he always had.

Luca shrugged lightly and said with a laugh, “I’d like to think I have.” 

After adjusting the bed, Luca and Felix prepared for their showers. They took their toiletries and pyjamas with them in their arms as they walked down the hall to the now empty showers on the boys side of the dormitories. Though it had been a long time, Luca was still familiar with the boys’ bathroom and he was able to walk to the showers without Felix’s assistance. When they reached the bathroom, the doors were open to allow the steam out of the room that had not escaped through the vents, making the room a little hazy.

The air inside was clouded, but it was easy to see the newly decorated bathroom. The walls were still a clean white, and the tile flooring was still damp from the recent showers. To the right side of the room was the changing area, filled with lockers, shelves, and hooks to hang the clothing on. To the left side was the clothing hamper for dirty towels, not far from the general laundry hamper for the boy’s to place their clothes to be washed. 

“It feels like everything’s changed.” Luca said as he looked around the room, his eyes wide at all the changes. He could not help but smile and think back to all the times he and Felix had played around in the showers, throwing soap and towels at each other and doing other annoying things to entertain themselves. Thinking back, he was a little terror, and he often would drag the poor, innocent Felix into his troublesome escapades. 

Felix walked to the side and placed his toiletries on the wooden bench, “With all these changes, it’s easy to feel like that.” He pushed aside the stray hairs in his face with the back of his hand, looking particularly natural as he did so. “I’d like to think it’s been for the better, though.” Hearing Felix, Luca could only smile and agree, looking warmly at his friend. 

 Luca placed down his clothes on the bench and began to undress, taking off his shirt first and dragging it over his head. With the shirt off, it was easy to see his well developed muscles. Having trained all year round, Luca was in top shape, and his core muscles were firm and prominent. Even his arms had visible muscle tone from months of training, and his skin was a healthy tan tone from exercising outside. With his pants taken off, it was easy to see the muscle lines in his calves.  

Felix was quick to follow suit, taking off his turtleneck slowly and pulling his arms out with slow movements that some would consider almost seductive. Though his abdominal muscles were not as defined as Luca’s, his muscles were firm from regular exercise. It seemed he continued to exercise regularly as he promised Luca in his letters.

Luca patted Felix’s back with his hand as he smiled and said proudly, “Have you been running around the street by the church? You look like you’ve been taking care of yourself.” Luca was always worried about Felix when they were children. Felix was underweight and shorter than average when he was young due to malnutrition, and while Luca lived at the orphanage, he made it his job to make sure Felix ate enough and took better care of his body. Fortunately, it seemed that Felix took his words to heart when he was young and kept himself in shape too. 

It was not uncommon for Luca to act like such a dad, so Felix did not mind it. He only laughed and joked back, “It’s because I didn’t want to fall behind.” 

After stripping down, Luca wrapped a clean towel around his waist just as Felix began to take off his pants. Rather than waiting for Felix, Luca grabbed his toiletries and began to walk to the showers, shooting off a quick, “Take your time. I’ll be washing up.” The towel was long, draping just above Luca’s knees as he walked towards the showers, his back bare and light under the fluorescent lighting in the showers. 

Felix watched as Luca walked, his eyes moving on the clear muscle lines on Luca’s back until they trailed down towards the parts of Luca’s body where the towel covered. His eyes darkened a bit as he moved his gaze down to the man’s calves, and then to his feet, his gaze taking in Luca’s departing figure with an uncomfortable pause. Felix could only restrain his gaze, closing his eyes as Luca’s back disappeared behind the stone wall, moving towards the showers. 

Once the curtain had been pulled aside on Luca’s shower, Felix finished removing his pants and put his hand on the waistband of his underwear, his gaze slowly moving towards the pile of Luca’s dirty laundry, which had been lazily piled together on the wooden bench with little care. On the top of the pile was the pair of boxers Luca had just discarded. The pattern was a simple plaid tone, much like Luca’s taste. Felix could only shoot another passing glance at the pair before he laughed lowly to himself and removed his own undergarments, the smile on his face growing as he grabbed a clean towel from the bench and wrapped it around his waist. 

Just as Felix had begun to walk towards the showers, the sound of a shower head turning on rang out, and the heat of steam bellowed out from behind the curtain in the shower hall. Eight showers were lined up together, but only one on the right side was in use in the middle of the room. Following the sound of the shower, Felix walked to the right of Luca and entered the shower cubicle before he pulled the curtain aside and removed his towel from his waist. With his body bare, he hung up the towel on the hook just outside of the range of the shower head and walked under the metal shower. 

Finally, he pulled the chain, pouring down the water over his head, wetting his short hair with the cool water as it slowly warmed. As the shower water heated, Felix and Luca made idle conversation, talking about passing things and other thoughts that had passed their minds until they both began to lather up with their soaps. 

Just as Luca had lathered up his body with the soap and began to wash his arms, he sniffed the air, his sensitive nose catching the smell of something he had sniffed numerous times before that brought a strange wave of nostalgia that swelled in his chest. “You still use the same soap.” Luca joked, the tip of his head barely reaching over the stone partition between the two showers. “It’s hard to forget that smell.” His laugh echoed through the small shower stall, muffling the sound over the rush of water through the two shower heads.  

Felix laughed, “Shower clean. It’s the only soap the orphanage will buy.”

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“I don’t mind. I just think it’s funny.” Luca was happy to hear Felix laughing so much. It was a far cry from when he had last seen him when he had been adopted, back when Felix’s spirit was still recovering from the damage done by his biological parents. Seeing him smiling and laughing so naturally, it made Luca want to laugh too. 

After rinsing down in the showers, Felix and Luca hurried out of the showers and dried off before changing into their clean pair of pyjamas before they wiped down the water on the floor and threw the dirty towels into the hamper. Because the clothing hamper was full of the children’s clothes, Felix offered to take the dirty clothes to the laundry room, and Luca was unable to refuse Felix’s insistence. Luca passed his messy, dirty clothes to Felix with a sheepish “thanks” before he slowly walked back to Felix’s room.

Things have changed so much, but some things are the same as before. Luca wandered the halls, lost in thought as he quietly walked back to the room with his slippers, given to him by Felix beforehand. Though he had not seen the children yet, it seemed like the Director and Felix had not changed at all in the past few years. It was like everything but the people inside the orphanage had become unfamiliar in a strange sort of way, such as a change of a scene in a movie, but with the same actors. 

Staring at the colourful hand prints adorning the walls, having faded from years of wear, Luca slowly lifted his hand into the air and touched one of the smaller hand prints reminiscently. It had been many years, but he could remember when he and Felix had placed their hands on this wall years ago when the orphanage was making the children’s mural. He could remember the smell of the tempera paint and the dark blue colour on his hands that would not wash off. But, he could not remember where he placed that hand of paint.

Just as Luca was about to remove his hand and return to the room, he was caught by Felix, who stopped just by him and asked in his usual warm tone, “Do you remember this?” His eyes trailed over the hand prints on the wall. 

Luca smiled, lowering his hand as he responded, “I remember making it, but I don’t remember where my hand print is.” His eyes scanned over the wall lazily, as if attempting to find it without any effort. 

While Luca stared at the wall, Felix walked to his right, standing with his shoulder close to Luca’s as his eyes trailed over the wall with some thought. After a moment, he lifted his hand, his long fingers trailing across the surface of the wall, until they landed on two hand prints that were placed wrist to wrist, like wings. One of the hand prints was red, while the other was dark blue, just as Luca remembered. 

“It was here.” Felix spoke with certainty, his eyes stuck on the painted hands.

Luca raised his eyes and gazed up at the spot. The more he looked at it, the more the prints stood out, making it easy for Luca to remember where it was. “It’s nice to see it again.” Luca laughed to himself, turning his gaze to Felix. “Hopefully we can bring up more good memories while I’m here.”

There was an awkward silence that fell between the two, and neither of the men spoke, returning their gazes at the wall. After a moment, Felix lowered his eyes and looked towards Luca, “It’s getting late. We should get ready to rest up.” They had a long day planned tomorrow, and the kids would be excited to see Luca after all these years. Most of them were young when Luca had been adopted, but he often would write them in the letters he would send to Felix. The ones that had grown up in the orphanage would be beyond themselves. Felix was right, it would be best to get his sleep now.

 “Yeah, you’re right.” Luca smiled, rubbing his arm as he looked down the hall.

The pair walked quietly down the hall, and they returned to the bedroom just after ten. The rooms down the hall had their lights turned off, and only Felix’s bedroom was lit, along with the dim fluorescent hallway lights. Following behind Felix, Luca trailed behind and walked up to the side of the bed before he scaled the side and layed down on the comforter, not bothering to cover himself. 

Felix sat at his desk, his back resting against the spine of the chair as he opened up his laptop, clicking in the password quickly before he opened up a page and began to skim over the contents, occasionally clicking before he would lift his fingers and type on the keyboard. 

Raising his head from the bed, Luca laughed and asked, “What are you doing so late at night?” He smiled.

Felix did not turn to face Luca, but instead kept his face towards the computer for another moment, “There was an email I had to respond to. It was a little urgent.” He smiled nonchalantly, looking goofy as his fingers quickly finished typing the message before he clicked send and shut the tab. “There. I don’t want to keep you up with my work.”

“You seminarians work too much.” Luca said as he rolled onto his back into the middle of the bed, pulling the comforter out from under his body as he laid like a starfish, looking relaxed as he smiled, smelling the faint scent of the nostalgic detergent he had missed all those years ago.

After adjusting his own bedding, Felix walked up and closed the wooden door to the bedroom with a quiet click as he stood next to the light and asked in a clear voice to Luca, “I’m going to turn off the lights.” He stated, shooting a look at Luca to check for his response. 

Feeling the previous exhaustion take over him, Luca nodded as he yawned, looking tired. 

Seeing his response, Felix smiled and chucked to himself as he turned off the lights, leaving the sound of the flickering bulb to silence as the room was poured into darkness. The only sound that Luca could hear was his own breaths and the sound of the clock ticking in the room. After a short moment, he could hear Felix walking to the bunk bed, the sound of his bare feet slapping against the hard floor as the sound gradually increased until he could feel Felix standing beside the bed, his face level with his own. 

“Good night, Felix.” Luca missed these sleepovers. Sharing a room in the college dormitories was not as fun as sharing a room with someone you liked, Luca found.

“Good night, Luca.” Felix’s tone was warm as he pressed his hand onto the side of the bunk bed before he lowered himself down and laid down on the bed. His body weight sunk the mattress, moving the bunk bed slightly as the sound of springs pressing down snuck into the air. Once Felix adjusted and fully laid down, there was no other sound in the quiet room. 

Holding the edge of his blanket, Luca turned onto his side and faced the wall, closing his eyes as he allowed his exhaustion to take over him. After a short amount of time, his breaths evened out, and soon all that could be heard was him resting peacefully. 

Laying on his back, Felix faced up to the slight dip in the mattress above, his eyes fixated on the shadowy figure sleeping just above him. The smile on his face deepened as he thought to himself, Maybe you won’t have to leave after all, Luca. You could stay here and help with the orphanage. You’ll never have to say goodbye again.

Maybe he could convince him to stay longer, maybe even staying at the orphanage permanently? No, I can’t get too ahead of myself. He’s already here now. Let’s enjoy having him back, and then we can work on keeping him here. Felix thought as he closed his eyes, enjoying the sound of the figure above. It had been too long since he had heard the breathing of the other, making it difficult for him to fall asleep as he did when he was a child. 

Now, after closing his eyes, it was as if sleep had come naturally to him. A peaceful smile rested on Felix’s face as he drifted into sleep.

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Edit: God I hate Felix. He makes me hella uncomfy.... D: Glad he's true to character at least!

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