Chapter 21: Ch. 20 – Never Bring Your Necrodancer Grocery Shopping

A/N: This is Chapter 2 of 3 in what I am now dubbing the "Cooking Momo: A Cooking Mama Mini-Arc." Enjoy!

----

When Momo and Devola arrived in Kalendale, they were greeted by the smiling face of a taxidermied deer, its eyes stuffed with tea candles. The winter holidays were soon to arrive in Alois, and Kalendale was celebrating in the only way they knew how.

Deer (and bad puns) were practically an invasive species in the village. Every single market stall was named something like Deerly Beloved.

“Momo,” Devola snapped her fingers in front of Momo’s eyes, “what did the deer say when she met her favorite celebrity?”

Momo sighed. This was Devola’s hundredth ‘joke’ today.

“What?”

“I’m a big fawn of your work,” she grinned, taking Momo by the hand to drag her over to one of the stalls. Pointing to the sign, Momo read its name: Big Fawn.

Unlike most of the other signs, this one didn’t seem to be false advertising. Huge, nearly menacing chunks of meat were hanging from the stall’s ceiling. At the storefront, a giant, nearly sword-sized knife sat on a chopping board. A bear of a man was scavenging for something in the back.

“Hello there!” Devola chirped, waving at the back of him.

He turned his head with a snap, and Momo immediately wanted to melt into the ground. Of all of the stalls, Devola had dragged her here.

“Could it be so?” the man’s eyes enlarged as he strided to the front, “if it ain’t the girl with tha wild odor.”

Devola frowned, “that’s a very rude way to address a lady.”

“Ah not you, miss, you smell just lovely,” he defended, and then pointed to Momo, “I mean the small one.”

Momo sighed. She didn’t bother defending herself - she already knew this was a fight she wouldn’t win. Her dignity would once again continue to be a daily sacrifice.

“Ye smell much better now, thank Ursa,” he waved his hand in front of his nose, “so, what can I get you two? I’m hoping I can part with the rest of my deer.”

“Yes, that’s precisely right,” Devola nodded, before Momo could even speak, “how does hm, thirty gold pieces sound? That sounds reasonable, doesn’t it Momo?”

Momo balked. It sounded like she was about to get her ass handed to her. She could already see John’s face turning tomato red.

You are reading story Momo The Ripper (A Shy Necromancer LitRPG) at novel35.com

“You better be joking with me, miss. The rest of my venison will cost ye at least three hundred gold coins, and that’s at a steep end-of-day discount.”

“Three hundred? Do you think I’m some princess with a castle and a dowry?”

Momo stifled a laugh. Devola actually was, quite literally, that - she had provided the Dawn with a castle and a vault brimming with coin. Except instead of getting married, she had shoved her way into the Dawn, making Valerica her unwilling prince.

“An uppity princess? You sure got the look for it,” John said coldly.

The pair of them had their faces pressed close, steam blowing out of their ears. It reminded Momo of the nature documentaries she’d watch as a kid, where stags would butt heads in an antler-on-antler stalemate.

This was going to go sideways quickly.

“We’ll take it for three hundred,” Momo said quickly, wanting to avoid any further confrontation.

“We surely will not, Momo, not after this disrespectful attitude–”

“You’re right,” Momo mumbled, “John, we’ll take it for four hundred. Sorry about her.”

Devola balked at her, speechless. Before she could summon her next words, Momo quickly slipped a pile of gold out of her pocket and shoved it over the market stall counter.

John harrumphed, but seemed happy with the conclusion.

“Fine then. Ye got a cart for all this deer?”

Momo had brought more than a cart - she had brought all three of the stablehouse cows, outfitted in their usual [Disguise] and matching tote bags. Spotting her cow lackeys, John nodded and began to load up the venison.

A receipt materialized before Momo.

---

---