Chapter 28: Ch. 27 – Momo’s First Quest

“Oh, my poor, poor Momo,” Valerica said with a sympathetic frown, holding a hand to Momo’s forehead, “is it indigestion? I told you a non-bug-based diet was dangerous.”

Valerica squatted by Momo’s curled up body. Minutes after choosing her class, the overwhelming migraine had set in, and she’d been rocking in the fetal position on the stablehouse floor ever since.

“I came down here to tell you about the new Quest Board that the earl’s men installed, but…” she frowned, “I don’t think you’re in any position to be questing. Here, have a vomit bucket.”

Slipping in and out of consciousness, Momo held onto the honeyed sound of Valerica’s voice. She turned, opening one eye to see the High Necromage warmly holding a bucket out to her. Momo’s hands shook too aggressively to grab it.

Valerica tutted, “oh, this is no good at all. Let me grab you a potion.”

After what could have been minutes, hours, or days, Valerica returned with a full potion bottle. She brought the tip of it to Momo’s face, and instructed her to swallow it. Momo opened her mouth, nearly choking as it awkwardly went down her throat.

But, God, it worked. After only five minutes, the overwhelming ache had settled into a dull throb. Her thoughts were still scrambled eggs, but at least she could have thoughts. That was an improvement.

“Thank you so much,” she whispered hoarsely, grabbing Valerica’s arm out of sheer gratitude, “what did you just give me?”

“A potent potion of pain resistance,” Valerica grinned, “in your world, I think it’s known as more-fiend? An odd name, given the intended effect.”

Momo’s face went even paler than before, “do you mean morphine?”

“Ah, yes!” she laughed, “that’s the one.”

While Momo wasn’t particularly interested in going down a path of repeated drug use, she was thankful nonetheless. She made a mental note to not take too many of those potent potions in succession.

“So, what was that about a quest board?” she mumbled.

---

Momo’s grin nearly broke her face. She had done it. Morgana’s Dawn - under a slightly amended name - had been recognized by the King’s Guild Office, and they now had a Quest Board to prove it. Standing in all of its wooden glory at the center of the Main Hall, the Board proudly displayed their guild name:

The Dumpling Maker’s Guild for Esteemed Makers of Dumplings.

It was perfect.

“How wonderful,” Valerica clapped, sharing in Momo’s excitement, “why don’t you start with picking out your first quest?”

Momo nodded in agreement, surveying the board. There were three quests in total, which wasn’t much, but also not bad for a burgeoning guild. One of them came from a salesman in Bruda, entitled Dumpling Making. It was a request for an esteemed member of the Dumpling Maker’s Guild to lead a class on the making of this exotic food at their culinary school.

Another was simply called Dumping, which was given by a merchant in Kalendale. He had apparently misread the Guild's name, mistaking them for a Guild involved with the trash pickup business. He wanted Momo to come collect a hundred pounds of rotted deer.

Momo grimaced. Well at least that was… sort of necromancy related.

Momo was proud that she was spreading dumpling knowledge amongst the populace, but she was also concerned the Dumpling Guild might be shoehorned into… dumpling-related quests, as well as quests pertaining to the various misspellings of dumpling.

The last one seemed promising, at the very least. Momo read the title aloud.

“Wanted: Vampire,” she read. That sounded… dangerous. As hot and cool as vampires were to read about, Momo wasn’t overly keen on becoming a real-life Edward Cullen hunter.

“That one is from our dear friend Viktor Mole,” Valerica said, plucking the posting from Momo’s grip, “by his account, there is a vampire who has taken a home in a nearby cave. I can confirm this. She lives just west of the Dawn, a new villainous neighbor.”

Momo’s eyebrows shot up in fear. Someone had faced Valerica and… lived?

“You’ve met her?” Momo mumbled.

“Why of course! We did a bit of knitting together, raided a few castles on the weekends. She’s pleasant enough,” Valerica smiled, “but kidnapping one of our repeat customers is of course a big no-no. So she will have to be dealt with.”

A shiver crawled up Momo’s back. “Dealt with?”

“Shivved, shanked, however you’d like to phrase it,” Valerica said with a shrug.

“Isn’t there a more reasonable way to resolve whatever problem Mr. Mole has with her? Aren’t you two… friends?”

Valerica laughed, “friends? Hardly. One can never completely trust a vampire. They are loyal only to the God of Bloodlust, Neculai, who is a sworn enemy of Morgana. While I am a pacifist by nature, I will not keep the peace with any enemy of Morgana if they choose to step over the line.”

Valerica considered herself… a pacifist? Momo learned something new everyday, especially about someone whose main hobby was fantasizing about overturning a kingdom and creating a necromantic empire.

“I understand,” Momo said, doing anything but, “so you’re going to go after her, then?”

“Me?” Valerica laughed, “why, Momo, I couldn’t take all of that experience for myself. You’re the one who needs it. Regardless, between my empire planning and scheduled naptime, I hardly have a minute to myself.”

Momo frowned, immense jealousy filling her chest. There was nothing she wanted more in life than scheduled naptime.

“But isn’t she too powerful?” Momo pleaded, “like, won’t I probably die?”

“Oh, she’s nothing you can’t handle,” Valerica dismissed her, “just be all sneaky, as you do, get a good staking in, and she’s good as dust.”

Momo frowned. Right, because a vampire would never see that coming.

“I really, really don’t think this is a good idea–”

“If you succeed with this quest, I think I can throw in a nice week of vacation,” Valerica grinned, cutting her off, “how does that sound?”

That shut Momo up in an instant.

“Seriously?”

“I’d never lie,” Valerica grinned.

“Okay,” Momo said, believing nothing less, “deal.”

Momo would happily get killed by a vampire, as long as it meant she got a week off to nap. Or an eternity.

---

Following Valerica's directions, Momo trailed westward through the forest. While the pounding in her head had quieted, her thoughts - and directional skills - were still worse for wear. Looking at her map for the hundredth time, she realized that she was at least three miles off from the vampire’s supposed hideout.

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“Great,” she mumbled.

A bloodcurdling scream interrupted her thoughts, snapping her attention towards a tree hanging a few yards in front of her. Stuck in a cage, dangling off an oak branch, was none other than the esteemed Viktor Mole, Wizard of Kalendale.

“Mr. Mole!” Momo exclaimed, “how did you get up there?

“How do you think I got stuffed in a birdcage?” he grumbled, “dimwit - I was captured!”

“I’d prefer you not call me that,” Momo said, crossing her arms.

“Ugh, I am sorry, my dear friend,” he said, “my temper gets away from me. I am just so hungry. Could you perhaps throw me some bread from my pouch?”

She forgave him, knowing how she got when unfed. She spotted a knapsack caught in a lump of fallen branches at the base of the tree. Rummaging through it, she found an apple and loaf of cedar bread. Her own stomach grumbled intensively at the sight.

An evil thought bubbled into her consciousness. She could eat his apple and his bread, and leave the capable wizard to find his own way out of the cage, but that would probably be an ethical mess - not to mention she’d probably fail the quest.

Momo frowned, shoving down her own hunger. She wished Valerica would poison her brain a bit more with her flimsy moral system. She was tired of still having her own principles. It was exhausting.

Still, she wasn’t quite sure how to uncage the feral wizard, so she threw him up the bread to placate him in the meantime. He nibbled on it like a little bird, sitting comfortably in his den. Momo felt oddly jealous. A cage in a tree was no hay bed, but it was a quaint little abode nonetheless. Free of responsibility, just a happy little place to nap.

“So who captured you?” Momo ventured, putting on her Sherlock Holmes cap.

“That dastardly vampire, of course,” he said, bites of bread falling from his mouth, “I came to give her a piece of my mind for all those nightmares she was giving me, but before I could get my hands on her, she teleported me up into this tree!”

Momo’s eyes widened. Teleportation? That seemed like a very handy skill. She could teleport food into her lap, a warm blanket over her shoulders, or a TV remote into her hand. Er, right. Wrong dimension. But still cool.

“Wait, can’t you just use your powers to get out?” Momo wondered aloud. Her brain was still as foggy as a car windshield. She wasn’t even sure if she could cast a spell.

“Clearly not!” Viktor huffed, “she put a mana curse on me, and now I’m stuck regenerating a single mana point every hour. I barely have enough to cast a new set of whiskers on a balding cat.”

That was surely a specific choice of metaphor.

“What can I do?” Momo said, hoping the answer was nothing.

Viktor threw his hands up, “I don’t know, something! Use your noggin, child!”

Momo sighed, and tried her best to analyze the situation. The cage seemed to be made of steel, and it was dangling quite high in the air - about the height of two and a half Momos. It was attached to the sturdy branch by a thick rope, but not an uncuttable one. If she had a pair of scissors, and a good thrower’s arm, she could probably slice it with one hefty throw.

Momo smiled, impressed by her own plan. Morphine who? She still got it. Except that… she didn’t have scissors, and she still wouldn’t be able to pry open the bars of the cage. Actually - it was a terrible plan. Viktor would probably break a bone on the descent.

Ugh. With [Brain Fog] active, her analytical skills had shrunken to that of an infant struggling with object permanence.

“If I managed to cut the rope attached to your cage and let you free fall, would that hurt?” she asked. In return, the wizard’s eyes bulged out of their sockets, and he waved his hands defensively in front of him.

“Of course it would! I am not immune to gravity!”

“That’s inconvenient,” Momo mumbled.

Maybe she could try that new skill of hers - [Summon Lesser Familiar]? It was worth a shot. She could possibly summon something strong; something with talons, so it could cut the rope and carry the cage to the ground. Maybe even bend the bars, too.

Momo inhaled a breath, closing her eyes. She focused intensively, thinking bird-related thoughts. A big, huge, powerful bird. Ugh, no - not Big Bird from Sesame Street. Although that would be funny - imagine Big Bird fighting a vampire? Momo laughed, the morphine only enhancing the fantastic image.

“[Summon Lesser Familiar].”

The ball of Nether that had formed in her hands began to expand, twisting form and shape. It grew two long, pointed legs, a hefty middle, and then a snake-like neck. Oh no. Too amused by the image of a fight to the death between a Sesame Street character and an all-powerful vampire, Momo had successfully summoned…

An ostrich.

A terrifying, yellow ostrich.

It stretched its legs, adjusting to the new plane it had landed in. Craning its neck towards its new master, it stared at Momo with beady eyes, its demon-like mouth chirping obediently.

“What in the Nether is that thing supposed to help us with?” Viktor complained loudly, looking down at Momo and her ostrich from his cage.

“I meant to summon something else!” Momo groaned.

“Obviously! And yet this useless Nether-demon stares back at me!”

The ostrich was indeed staring daggers at the wizard. It had identified its enemy, squawking at him and flapping its useless wings. It raised its head as far as it could manage, snapping at the bottom of the cage and causing it to swing back and forth.

Momo’s eyes widened. With its neck completely stretched, it could nearly reach the middle of the cage. It had to be a bit bigger than an Earthly ostrich, with a much more powerful jaw. Viktor wailed as he soared back and forth, holding onto the cage’s bars for dear life.

“It’s going to eat me! Oh gods, what a terrible fate for poor Viktor Mole!”

“It won’t eat you,” Momo comforted, “it’s just playing.”

The ‘playing’ grew more aggressive, and the ostrich began to stick its head through the bars, pecking at the terrified wizard. Okay, so maybe it was going to eat him.

Before Momo could redirect her new minion, a nearby voice echoed through the woods. The voice was high, and female, and accompanied by slow, annoyed footsteps.

“Gods, for a so-called powerful mage, you cry on end like a baby without a pacifier!”

Momo froze. She could see a figure in the woods heading straight towards them, long, red and black robes flowing through the brush. Seeing what she had already done to a much higher-level mage, Momo was not about to mindlessly pick a fight. She had to hide.

Despite the broad forest around them, most of the trees were skinny and leafless. Fall was a terrible season for hiding behind a tree. Her eyes widened, an idea coming to her despite the mind fog clogging her brain’s idea passages.

She didn’t have to hide behind a tree. She could be a tree.

“[Polymorph - Tree Stump]” she whispered hastily.

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