Chapter 46: Ch. 45 – Hum Hum Hummingbird

Upon entering The Hummingbird, Momo fully understood what the Third Street Inn bartender had meant about a lack of tradition.

The whole place was painted a bright pink, like a medieval Barbie mobile. The employees wore pink tracksuits to match, looking like bird-headed race car drivers. Apparently the hum in Hummingbird was taken to mean a mechanical sort of hum—with metal gears moving in unison around the place, powered by unseen magic.

It was an ungodly mishmash of aesthetics. Momo was completely infatuated by it.

“Welcome to the Hum Hum Hummingbird!”

The woman at the reception desk had the head of a pigeon, and red lipstick drawn all over her beak like a toddler with a crayon. She stood straight and poised, and spoke with a weirdly southern drawl. Momo felt like she was in Bird Texas.

“We’ll need ten beds,” Teddy said, slapping down several unfamiliar bills on the countertop. They were small and colored red, somewhat resembling a Euro.

She narrowed her eyes. Maybe those were the banknotes that Alexi spoke of? They seemed way less cumbersome to carry than thousands of – very tiny and magically weightless, but still – gold coins.

“Ten beds?” the woman’s eyes enlarged. “Separate, or all in one?”

Momo’s jaw dropped. Was she implying there was one mega-bed that could fit ten people? And if so, why? She looked over to Radu for an explanation.

“Mating season,” he winked.

Momo felt a shiver go down her spine. She suddenly itched for the subtlety of the Third Street Inn.

“What’s cheaper?” Teddy gruffed.

Please say the separate beds.

“Separate beds are cheaper, sir,” she nodded, and Momo loudly exhaled. “The ten bird suite is quite popular this time of year, so most parties will reserve it in advance.”

“Separate, then,” he said. “This should be more than enough to cover it. Oh, and make sure you apply the Thieves’ Discount.”

“Of course, sir. How many thieves are in your party today?”

Teddy turned around, counting everyone. He stopped at Momo and narrowed his eyes, looking unsure.

“Eh, nine.”

Momo felt weirdly hurt. She was a Con Artist. Unfortunately.

“Quite the gathering,” the woman smiled. “A reminder that we have pre-ordered six years of Thieves’ Insurance, so if you are itching to rob the place blind, please go next door. I hear that the Third Street Inn’s insurance is running dry soon…”

Momo could only imagine the bartender’s face hearing that. She was starting to sympathize with him more and more.

“So thieves get a discount and make you buy their ‘I won't steal from you’ insurance?” Momo whispered to Radu.

“Of course,” Radu said. “Double security.”

“Shouldn’t you guys be, like, insanely rich?”

“We used to be,” Radu frowned. “Vivienne has confiscated most of our wealth. Now it’s wasting away in the Treasury. But we hope to liberate it very soon.”

“Any chance I get to liberate a cut of it?” Momo smiled, batting her eyelashes.

“Of course. You’re a tenth of our team, so you get a tenth of the winnings. After Thieves’ tax, of course.”

Momo frowned.

“You lot are all set,” the front desk woman said, splaying ten tiny keys in front of her on the desk. Each key had a room number embossed in the metal. “Each room has two beds, so we recommend that you keep it to two people. But there’s no hard rules about that.”

“Thank you dearly,” Teddy said, collecting his change. Despite the place’s odd ambiance, Momo was overjoyed with her decision to go along with the plan. She had free room and board, and the promise of more gold should they succeed. She’d be back to riches by no time.

Assuming they didn’t immediately die by Vivienne’s [Holy] Fire.

The Artists in front of Momo quickly snatched up the keys. They were keen about their roommate choice, leaving Momo with no choice at all. She picked up the one remaining key, and read the inscribed number aloud.

“Room 126,” she mumbled, surveying the members for reactions.

From behind a dark cowl, face and hair wrapped in bandages, Nia Nightsbane smirked.

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“I guess that makes us roommates.”

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The rooms were luxuriously big, at least compared to the cheap hotels Momo was used to staying at. There was a few feet of space between the beds, a window, an attached bathroom, even a small automatic kettle.

Wait, what? Dropping her nonexistent bags, Momo rushed to inspect the device. From what she had seen so far, this world had no concept of electricity. They barely had a concept of plumbing.

“I take it you’ve never seen a firebrand kettle before?”

“My employer doesn’t exactly believe in drinking non-poisonous liquids,” Momo muttered.

Nia laughed as Momo lifted the glass kettle, revealing a small stone tablet beneath it. She yelped, backing away from it hastily. It radiated heat, hot as a bonfire. She could already feel the tips of her fingertips melting off.

“Don’t worry, it’s not that hot.”

“Everything is hot when you’re cursed by Salazar,” Momo sighed.

“Cursed by Salazar?” Nia laughed again, wildly amused. “Gods, you are an interesting one. I see why Valerica keeps you around.”

Momo blushed, setting down the kettle a few inches from the stone tablet. She wasn’t risking anything.

She turned to the beds. Luckily, Nia had already claimed one as her own, unloading about 30 daggers onto it.

“Are you intending to sleep on top of those?” Momo murmured, genuinely curious.

“Not tonight,” she shrugged. “My shoulders have been bad recently. Too much stabbing. See, it’s a repetitive motion.” She mimed stabbing something, and Momo tried not to crumple into a ball. “Shoulder and arm cramps are a hazard of the profession.”

“Makes sense,” Momo nodded weakly.

“So, roomie,” Nia flopped down onto her bed, somehow maneuvering in a way where she didn’t slice and dice herself. “How are you liking Nam’Dal?”

Momo blinked. She didn’t expect the other woman to be so… talkative. From the posters, she looked like she’d cut you in half just for looking at her. But, as Momo knew well, looks could be deceiving.

“Everybody wants to scam you out of your money,” Momo shrugged. “Pretty typical city where I’m from.”

“You must be from a very charming place,” Nia sighed wistfully. “I was blown away when I first arrived. I was mugged three separate times – well, they attempted to mug me. I turned it into a reverse mugging on the poor amateurs. By the time I got to the city center, I had more money than I started with. Where else can you say that?”

Momo hummed, laying herself onto her bed. She nearly went into shock. She hadn’t laid on a comfortable surface – no less a bed – since she died. It took everything within her not to scream in euphoria.

Her eyes immediately closed, exhaustion falling over like a tidal wave.

“Oh, I am so…” she could barely speak, sleep clawing at her. “I am so tired.”

“I can imagine. You rest, I have some preparations to do. Knives to shine. Stabbing form to practice…” Nia’s voice trailed off, and the great black depths of The Nap took Momo.

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Momo felt like she had been rebirthed.

Low sunlight crept through the open window, drawing streaks of yellow on the floorboards. When Momo laid down on the bed, it had been a quarter after 8:00pm. Judging from the light now…

She had slept over 14 hours.

Aghast, her fight or flight kicked in and she frantically looked around her. Did she miss an exam? She’d have to drop out. Her GPA was already bordering on 0.0 –

Looking at the assassin sleeping peacefully next to her, Momo’s thoughts stalled. Right.

A piece of parchment lay on her lap.

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