Chapter 69: Ch. 68 – Horsing Around

Momo followed Corv as he hobbled towards the barn. With his wings immobilized, his gate went from steady and confident to slow and lurching. Momo frowned at him. He reminded her of a bird that had flown into an oil spill.

“Might be some water in here to wash this off,” he explained as they crossed the threshold into the decrepit barnhouse. The entrance was just a set of rusty hinges. It looked like it once held a door in place, but that door had been gnawed off by a giant and spit into the grassfields, resulting in the heaps of rotting lumber splayed around the yard.

Momo pinched her nose as they entered, a putrid scent filling her nose. It smelled like an abandoned frat house, only the sticky material under her shoes was green and blue instead of translucent alcohol. Faced with what was probably a fully-decomposed person, she urgently missed the invisible grossness of those house parties she'd been unwillingly dragged to by her dormmates. If there had been corpses lying around in Alpha Pi, at least they were buried under the scent of raspberry vodka.

“I don’t know about water, but maybe some radioactive goo, if that helps,” Momo muttered nasally, cringing as she fought to lift her feet from the floor. Whatever substance coated the old barn was fighting tooth and nail to keep her there.

They came upon several former horse stalls, and several former horses. Tears pricked Momo’s eyes when she saw the skeletons.

“Poor horsies,” she said, swallowing down a sob.

She couldn’t just let them lay there. She kneeled by one of the steeds, and laid a hand on it.

“[Raise Undead].”

Corv whipped around. “What are you doing?”

“Finding us a faster ride,” Momo said as the skeleton floated upwards, bones clicking together like jigsaw pieces.

“Seriously? We’ll attract the guard’s attention in minutes if they see us riding around on some boney ponies.”

Momo tapped her necklace. “Not with this bad boy.”

A ghostly neigh rang from the horse’s rebuilt muzzle. Momo grimaced. She still wasn’t used to the appearance of her revived companions.

“[Disguise],” she said, very happy she hadn’t used it up earlier. A brown coat sidled up the horse, covering it to completion. Corv’s eyes looked like they might burst from his skull.

“That’s… disgusting.”

“Isn’t it?”

Momo searched around for a saddle. There was a large cabinet near the end of the barn which luckily seemed untouched by any toxic ailments. Inside, she found three saddles, leather straps, loose grains, and a potion bottle filled with bright red liquid.

She took one saddle and the longest strap, promptly shutting the cabinet. She wasn’t messing with any liquid that wasn’t clear, watery blue for the foreseeable future. She didn’t trust anything that could possibly be alive, or sentient, or at the very least, poisonous. With Momo’s luck, she’d probably pick it up and it would start talking to her.

She placed the saddle and strung up the straps to use as reins.

“That looks about right,” Momo said with a shrug, inspecting the setup. She had never ridden a horse, so the positioning was based mainly on vibes. Still, the saddle seemed to stick. It would have to do.

She gave the horse – who she decided would be named Nightmare – a solid pat on the side.

Finally, she turned on her heel to face Corv, who was still miserably hugging himself and shivering.

“I don’t see any water anywhere,” he said, eyeing the skeleton steed up and down. “Looks like you’ve found a way to get us home quicker, though. Good one.”

“Do you know how to ride a horse?” she grinned. “Because I have no clue.”

“Oh, great,” Corv blew out an exhausted breath. “Of course not. Why would I know how to ride horses when I have wings?”

“Touché,” she frowned. The last animal she’d ridden had been a huge, undead bear, bless Phil’s soul. Momo missed him dearly. He had been fairly low to the ground and walked with slow, balanced steps. He definitely didn’t gallop, or do anything approximating running. Momo had been grateful for that. She didn’t have the best sense of balance.

A faint numbness in her feet caught her attention. Her [Riding Boots] were glowing the slightest hint yellow. Right! If she recalled correctly, they were supposed to give her an [Affinity to Horses]. Maybe that would make them less likely to… gallop. Or eject her like a rocket if she hung on a little too tight.

“Alright, Nightmare,” she said, putting her hands to her hips. “I’m going to… get on top of you. Please don’t buck me off.”

The horse neighed neutrally, and Momo grabbed hold of the saddle. Using what little strength remained in her arms, she sidled her way up and on. Nightmare, to Momo’s relief, stayed perfectly still. Momo risked a hand outwards to pet her mane in appreciation, using the other to grasp the reins.

“Okay, you next,” Momo said, beckoning Corv with her free hand.

“Me? We’re supposed to share one?”

“I can only cast [Disguise] once every two hours, so either you can run through town on a bony pony, like you mentioned, or you can get in the backseat.”

Corv grumbled, but he ultimately joined her. With his soaked wings tripling his weight, the horse’s knees buckled slightly, but Nightmare righted herself. Momo’s scream died in her throat.

“Okay,” she said, reassuring herself. “We’re just going to do a little, slow, experimental trot. How does that sound, girl?”

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The horse neighed and began to walk steadily out of the barn. Momo bobbed side to side, the saddle clearly not fastened properly.

“Great,” she muttered, fear turning her stomach as the saddle swayed. Corv obviously felt the same, his hands wrapping tighter around her stomach.

“Should we get off and try fixing it?” Corv said.

“Probably. When she starts galloping, this isn’t going to be –”

Taking the mention of the word as a command, the horse immediately broke out into a sprint.

To be fair, Momo’s not sure what she expected. That didn’t stop her from screaming.

“Slow down, slow down!” she yelled as Nightmare tore out of the barn, galloping with the freedom of an animal who just had been revived after years spent toiling on a barnhouse floor. The horse didn’t seem to hear her – or care to hear her – as it continued to rocket across the grass fields, whinnying as it dodged grazing piglets.

“I’m going to fall!” Corv squawked. Momo risked a look behind, seeing that the bird was nearly at a right angle off the side of the horse.

“Hang on!” Momo heaved her body in the opposite direction as a counterweight, hauling the bird back into the saddle. He yelped, regaining his balance and hugging Momo’s middle with a violent grip. She coughed at the impact of it, nearly choking, but kept her tight hold on the reins.

“Nightmare, please, for the love of God, slow down,” she commanded weakly, holding the reins so tightly that the horse nearly keeled over. Luckily, it got the message. It curved to the right, and then began to slow its pace, transiting from high speed rocket to respectable, rickety wagon.

“Oh gods,” Corv exhaled heavily into her back. “I haven’t been this nauseous since I first flew the nest.”

“I’m honestly used to it by now,” Momo said, her head spinning beyond comprehension. If the horse was about to canter right into a wall, she wouldn’t know it. “I’m surprised I haven’t thrown up yet.”

“Oh, gods, don’t even mention it,” Corv said, shutting his eyes tight.

After a few minutes of gentle trotting, the adrenaline faded. The horse had been doing circular laps around the field, running the pigs around like a herding dog.

“So, boss, where to?” Momo whispered to Corv, fearful that she’d accidentally send the horse in another sprint. “I have no idea where west is.”

A talon jutted into her peripheral vision. It pointed right of the barn, towards a gravel path. Momo steered the steed to it. She found that after Nightmare had calmed down, it was quite easy to direct her. Commanding the reins felt second nature, as if she’d done it hundreds of times before.

She supposed it was a consequence of her [Corrupted Druid] class. She couldn’t communicate quite telepathically with animals, but there was some element of translation going on. They understood her commands precisely, as if she was eloquently speaking horse language.

“Where are the farmers? I thought this was supposed to be the Agricultural District?” Momo wondered aloud. “Unless the cows here are milking themselves.”

Momo cringed, remembering the Eldergoats. She supposed it wasn’t an impossibility.

Still, the gravel path was the only man-made object within a mile, save the abandoned barn they had originated from. Sera’s black tower jutted out in the east, marking the Nam’Dal skyline. Aside from that, it was all rolling fields and odd-colored farm animals. Corv had flown quite a distance in the limited time they were in the air.

“The pigs here aren’t livestock,” he laughed. “They’re [Lesser Demon Boars]. A necromancer blighted this section of Nam’Dal during the Dark Calamity, and the government never bothered to clean it up. There’s some actual farmers closer to the border where we live, but they steer clear of these particular fields.”

Looking into the distance, Momo saw what first looked like a red and blue horizon – the sun dawning over the fields – but she quickly realized it was far from a trick of the light. A huge, undulating mass was stampeding directly over the path. Luckily, it didn’t run at them, but adjacent.

“What in the hell is that?” Momo said, pointing at it as they inched closer.

Momo’s eyes widened as they approached it. It was pigs. Hundreds of pigs. They were migrating southward at a fearful speed, hoofed feet smacking into the grass and generating dense clouds of dirt in the air around them. Red and blue flesh peaked out through the clouds, incessant honks coloring the soundscape.

From behind her, Corv groaned. “Shit. It must be almost nightfall. The boars start moving around six, and don’t stop running until nine. I’d fly us across, but for obvious reasons, that’s not an option.”

Momo looked to the right and left, but the stampede seemed endless. Over the heads of the pigs, she could see the tall, familiar walls of cobblestone. Watchtowers, wells, and gated farmhouses stood only a mile away. But the pork blockade was unpassable.

We’re so close. She sighed. If only there weren't a thousand pigs standing between her and her goal.

“I’d summon my Argentavis, but I’m worried that’ll create too much of a scene,” Momo frowned. “I don’t want Sera to spot us before we’ve gotten anywhere.”

“Yeah, I’d advise against that,” Corv muttered. “But there’s no way I’m sleeping in the wet grass and freezing to death.”

Momo huffed. While going back to lay in the hay was appealing, she was tired of this city. She yearned for her own hay, her own barn. She missed the Dawn with an ache she could have never imagined.

She steeled herself. She’d just have to do this the Momo way.

“I have a really stupid idea.”

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