Chapter 11: Chapter 11: Guilt and Atonement

Uncle Rhannu is dead, and it was I who killed him. I may not have hurt him directly, but he's dead now, and it’s all my fault.

If I had just chased off the Barbearian, I wouldn't have put the MacQuoids lives at risk, nor gained the Barbearian's form. If I had spent time in a secluded area to learn how to control the rage-sac, or sealed off the form until I was ready to handle it, Rhannu never would have been in danger. If I had kept my distance before identifying him, he wouldn't have inhaled the mist. If I simply let him finish me off, I only would have lost the form. If I had joined the fight earlier, we might have brought it down before he was poisoned. Had I noticed the wound immediately, then ran to the village to get a healer, I might have been able to save him.

I had so, so many chances to save uncle Rhannu. If I had taken even one of them — if I hadn't been so fucking self-involved — he would still be alive. Instead, Elos has lost a good man, and there's no one to blame but myself.

I should take his corpse back to Tycoed, but I can’t move him. I simply don’t have the strength to overcome the webbing. I don’t want to leave him here for long either, lest the vultures and scavengers get to his corpse.

But maybe it’s not too late for him. I’ve brought plants, beasts, and monsters back from the dead before. Why not People? All I have to do is…

I left to go hunt and replenish some of my mana, returning a while later. I rested my head on Rhannu’s chest. He was still warm. Not more than an hour ago, he was minding his own business, picking elderberries for wine. Now he’s gone… but soon he’ll be back. It may be a hollow life, devoid of any real company, but I have to at least try to resurrect him. If the marble is too cramped for him, then I’ll find a way to expand it. If he doesn’t like the wildlife, I’ll give him his own terrarium to live in. I’ll give the world to him, if that’s what it takes to make his new life comfortable. Whatever it takes, I have to make this right.

I tried to store his corpse immediately into my subspace, but had trouble taking it all in. It faded in and out of existence as I tried to pull it in, taking all the mana I had left to finish.

There was still one thing I had to do. My subspace has two terrariums in it right now, and I wasn't sure where the new inhabitants were heading. If monsters joined the Barbearian's terrarium when consumed, and everything else joined the original, then things would work out now and in the future. In all other cases, Rhannu would be sharing his space with a monster. I couldn't let that happen to him. I don't want to be responsible for his death again.

But interacting with the subspace is a problem. I can create a portal to return, but I'd have to spend time transforming into something small enough to fit, then spend time opening up the portal. I don't know exactly how long each of those will take, nor do I know how long Rhannu will be safe. Other than using a portal, I only know of one other way to get back.

I've only been to the subspace twice. Once when I first discovered it after falling into some meditative trance — which hasn't worked again since — and once when I died. The very idea of dying intentionally appalled me, but not nearly so much as the idea of putting Rhannu at risk again. I'll have to lose my barbearian form, though.

Had I put a little more thought into this plan before, I'd have transformed into a wolf or something more expendable before taking Rhannu in. I don't know how long I have before Rhannu is in danger again anyways, so I'll do it in this form.

I took a minute to eat the food I hunted for Rhannu first, though. I didn’t want to test what happened when I died without any mana left.0

There were no cliffs anywhere in the Almer Forest, and there was only one tree tall enough to fall from that would absolutely guarantee death, but I couldn’t approach it right now without putting others at risk. That only left more drawn-out alternatives. I backtracked towards the grizzly bear den I had seen earlier, stopping at the entrance to the cave.

I could go in, but I don’t want the cub to inhale the rage-mist. I roared my challenge into the den, and the mother bear roared back, coming into view to answer my challenge. It caught a waft of my mist, and charged after me. I don’t want it to kill its cub in case the rage doesn’t wear off when I die, so I ran a short distance away before stopping.

I didn’t turn back. I tightly shut my eyes, not wanting to see what comes next. The bear bit into my flank, and I howled in pain. When I was an insect, I didn’t have much feeling when the dragonfly tore off my leg. When I was a wolf, the sensation of the Barbearian ripping into me was lessened by the adrenaline and rage. But here, there was nothing to dull the pain. The bear ripped and tore into me, not even going for a finishing blow. My innards spilled, and my limbs were torn. I passed out long before death took me.

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My perception shifted once more to the main terrarium, and I took the form of that subspace entity again. The pain was still there, still excruciating, and growing. It reached a boiling point, and the entire subspace shook. Cracks webbed across the terrarium I made for the Barbearian, and shattered explosively. The Barbearian turned to paste in the explosion, and faded into the void.

The pain subsided soon after. I suppose that confirms that theory: if every one of my subspace’s inhabitants die, so do I. I doubt I would survive if every terrarium shattered.

My attention turned back towards the original terrarium. It had grown absolutely massive compared to the last time I’d seen it. In a little over a day, it had grown from about 800 square feet to about 4,000. The animals and plants I had eaten, my Encyclopedia, and as well as the small mound of dirt I’d absorbed were all in this terrarium. The Spiderilla and Rhannu were keeping their distance from each other. They both appeared deathly afraid of one another, having killed each other in their last lives. Rhannu was alternating his gaze between the inside of the terrarium, the void outside, and the Spiderilla. I tried to say something to him, but my voice failed to ring out.

I could transform into him, but I don’t want to start this conversation off looking like some doppelganger monster. Instead, I used the vacuum trick again to bring the dirt towards him, wanting to shape the dirt into letters on the ground. No words came to me. What do you even say to the man you killed?

Rhannu stared down at the mound of dirt I’d brought over, and broke the silence. “Is someone there?” he spoke aloud.

I molded the dirt into the shapes of words to make my reply. “Hey, Rhannu.”

“Who are you? Why did you bring me here? How am I alive? Did you save me?” He rapid-fired his questions one after the other, not giving me time to respond between them.

“I’m Sylas Terrarium, Olewydden’s son… I’m sorry, this never should have happened. It’s all my fault.” I broke down in sobs, though I could shed no tears, nor cry out in trembling wails. I had no body to allow for such things. “I’m sorry, Uncle. This is all my fault.”

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I told him everything. How I suddenly got my powers. How I’d learned to use them on my own. How I couldn’t find my mother, and had to venture out into the forest. How I had to survive on my own, in various bodies I could barely control. How I foolishly tried and failed to protect the MacQuoids. How I died. And how I had killed him.

Rhannu took some time to digest the information. When he looked up, he smiled compassionately, like a parent consoling their child after a hard day. “It’s alright, Sylas. I’m alive now, so it all worked out in the end. Now let’s go home, okay? Your parents should still be in Tycoed. I’ll bring you to them, just let me out of here.”

Yet again, I choked up, but still had to force out the explanation. “I’m so sorry… It doesn’t work like that. I can’t bring you out. I don’t know how.”

He looked down for a few seconds, frowning at the revelation. He looked up and smiled again, though a tremble in the corner of his lip revealed it to be a forced smile for my sake. “So I’m stuck here, eh? I’ll make do, but I don’t think my roommate is a fan.” He made a gesturing motion to the Spiderilla, still cowering on the other side of the space, but trembling less than when I first arrived.

"I'll see what I can do."

I molded the barrier in a similar way to what I'd done with the barbearian's terrarium, but on a larger scale. Two separate spaces split down the middle, with the Spiderilla on one side, and Rhannu on the other. Both terrarium were about 2000 square feet, which would be a little cramped for them, but not entirely unlivable.

I made sure to keep all of the dangerous carnivores on the Spiderilla's side. I don't want Rhannu to have to deal with them in an enclosed space; At least not until I can get him some shelter. All of my stuff, and most of the herbivores, insects, and dirt was sent to Rhannu's side.

"That should make things a bit better" I spelled out with the dirt. "I'll try to figure out how to expand the space, and send whatever materials I can your way. Is there anything you want me to bring in for you? Any messages you want me to pass on?"

"I could use some wood for a house. Some ambiance would go a long way, too." He replied.

I looked around the space again. It was definitely way too bare-bones. I'd have to fix that while I expand.

Rhannu continued "as for messages, I guess someone will need to spread the news that I'm gone. Can you do that for me?"

I would have to use his own mouth to do so. Impersonating him and saying goodbye to his loved ones on his behalf is going to be mentally draining, but I can handle a bit of awkwardness. It's the least I should do. "I will. Who should I inform?"

“Mother Coeden, at least. Your mother too. She should still be in Tycoed.”

“Any idea why she was gone so long? Did she find something out about the uptick in monsters?”

Rhannu averted his eyes, and remained silent when I asked for details. The only thing I could get out of him was a cryptic and foreboding message. "Be nice to your mother." That line only made me more worried. It had to be bad if someone like Rhannu clammed up about it. I couldn't get any more answers out of him, so that conversation came to a halt.

I figure now is as good a time as any to get ready to go back out. I steeled myself for the awkward encounter, and shifted my form into a copy of Rhannu's.

He took a step back, and made a complex expression at the sight of someone else wearing his own face. I waited for anger, tears, or some other burst of emotion to express how frustrated he was with me, but it never came. Instead, he stepped up and wrapped me in a hug.

I made a portal to return to the outer world shortly after. Rhannu tried to touch it with his hand, and some invisible force repelled him. He stared longingly at it, but otherwise remained silent.

I didn't know what to say, and stepped through while hanging my head. After over a week of struggling to survive in unfamiliar bodies, I was finally back to humanoid form. But I couldn't be happy, for I wore the face of the man I had killed.

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