Chapter 4: The Heart’s Shadow

I opened my eyes, but it was unclear whether they were truly open or if I was still trapped in darkness. The darkness enveloped me like a cloak, suffocating and inescapable. I laid still, trying to gauge how much time had passed since my imprisonment. It didn't seem like a long time had passed, as I didn't feel the gnawing hunger that had plagued me before.

For the past few days, I had survived by eating the mushrooms that grew on the walls of my prison. The taste was like a hellish inferno in my mouth, but to my surprise and horror, I had grown used to it. The mushrooms left my tongue numb, like a corpse, yet it no longer disgusted me as it once had.

With my hunger temporarily satiated, my mind was flooded with thoughts and memories. The silence was deafening, with no sound from the outside world to indicate the passage of time. I knew that anyone would go insane if trapped in this darkness for too long, but I had to hold on to my sanity at all costs. I repeated my name over and over, trying not to lose my identity.

I couldn't shake the feeling that I was getting thinner and leaner. When I finally escaped from this place, maybe I should open up a shop where I guarantee customers could get thin. I could trap them in a dark room like this until they lost weight. 

Yes, yes, I will make millions!

While lost in my insane ideas to get rich, my foot grazed against the moss and mushrooms on the wall and I couldn't help but think about how finite it was, unlike my teenage delusions of grandeur. I knew that the day when all the moss and mushrooms disappears would probably be my last. Still, I thought I'd stick with it until then.

As I trudged on, I couldn't help but wonder why I was holding on so tightly to this life. If I would just give up, my body could have been more comfortable with the sweet release of death. Then again, I didn't know if death would bring an end to my suffering. Such temptations came often. Maybe I should just give up. Each time, I bit my lip and endured. My mouth was torn and bursting from the effort.

Suddenly, the walls felt peculiar. When I looked up, I saw someone looking down at me. I couldn't believe my eyes. "What, Who's there?!", I questioned. The iron gate was firmly shut and there was no sign of anyone coming in from the outside. Above all, it made no sense to see someone else's figure in this pitch-black darkness. I still couldn't see my hand in this deuced place.

I tried to tell myself that it was not real, that it was just a dream, as I raised my head and looked at the person looking down at me. The man with a skinny face and body and empty eyes strangely resembled me. "It's me.", he said. It was then that I realized that the man I was facing was another version of myself. As if I was seeing myself in a mirror that turns people ugly.

Even in this weird situation, I couldn't help but joke around, "Why does he look like that?

Did the only accident during his birth was the doctor dropping him?"

But it was just a front to stop myself from freaking out. In an extremely cornered situation, one would start to see things that you would never see in the normal way.

The clone was dressed in ragged clothes, his once white shirt now gray and torn. His pants were stained with dirt and his shoes were worn and tattered. He looked as if he had been living in this underground prison for years. His empty eyes were the only thing that stood out in his gaunt face, and they seemed to pierce through me as he stared at me.

I looked closer and noticed that he was holding a rusty iron rod in his hand, the weapon was jagged and sharp at one end. It looked like it had been used for many years, the blood stains on it were still visible.

"What are you looking at, ugly?" I asked him, trying to hide the fear in my voice.

The clone replied in a cold, monotone voice, { For what reason are you enduring so recklessly? Just let it go. If you let it go, it will be easier. }

I narrowed my eyes as I didn't expect him to answer.

{ Why are you holding on so hard? For what reason when you don't have anything? What is a bastard who has nothing to protect endures so recklessly?} he asked.

I didn't have a good answer for him. "I don't see a tall woman with a fat ass here so I don't think I have something that I must protect," I said.

The sound of my own voice echoing off the walls was the only thing that broke the silence as I stood there, staring at my own reflection. 

{ It's funny, why do you struggle so much because you can't afford to waste your life? Give up. Giving up makes it easier }

"Will you feel comfortable?" For the first time since talking to this entity, I seriously asked.

{ What? }

"Will it be comfortable when I give up and let go? I don't think so."

{ You're going to die }

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"I beg to differ, I'm going to live. It's a life that I can't afford to lose. I'm going to survive and see the end."

{ You're just talking nonsense }

"It would be ashamed to die like this. If I want to go out I'll have to put a knife through the guy's skull who imprisoned me here. If I don't then I won't be able to close my eyes even if I die."

{ .... }

"So, I'm going to live. I'm going to live like a vicious person and get revenge on everyone who made me this way and then I am going to find a tall girl with a fat ass to marry."

My inner self squatted down and stared into my eyes.

" I'm not that pretentious to be into myself."

{ .... }

{ Are you going to get revenge? }

"Yes."

{ You won't give up? }

"Do you see my dream girl in my hands, huh!"

{ .... }

{ You won't give up? }

" (~Sigh~ )" I closed my eyes but the inner self was still there.

{ You won't give up? }

" I won't !"

My inner self smiled, as if he liked my answer, I also smiled back with a chuckle.

What was I doing? Arguing with myself if I wanted to give up.

At that moment, I opened my eyes. My inner self was gone. I realized that I had woken up from a dream. At the same time, I realized that the other self I had seen was not just a dream, rather it was my heart's desire if I would give up. The darkness drives people crazy. I had passed a new hurdle unknowingly. If I truly had the will to carry out my revenge or not.

"Hu!" I sighed. Suddenly, behind my back, a weird symbol glowed with a faint blue light. The symbol had a complex design that resembled four interconnected axe blades around a small round shield. For a second, my entire prison was lit up as I caught a glimpse of symbols and pictures decorating the walls under the moss. I could see purple and red mushrooms littering the walls. Even with the feeble light, my eyes hurt as if they were about to explode. Eyes that have adapted to darkness react violently to weak light.

Chunkyung! 

Suddenly, the window at the bottom of the iron gate opened with a dull sound. The space was only small enough to fit one small plate. A faint light peered through the space. Suk! A small plate popped inside. And the window was closed again. My sense of smell was the first to respond.

 'Food?'

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