Chapter 10: 10

Shards of broken glass were scattered on the floor.

 

I looked at the things I could no longer call a cup, then at Dante.

 

After a while, I heard a dumbfounded voice.

 

“How…”

 

“What?”

 

“How did you know?”

 

Is he seriously asking? I looked at Dante with puzzled eyes for a moment, then tilted my head.

 

“You should have made it clear.”

“…”

 

“I’m not a fool, Dante. And you acted so that even a fool would know.”

 

Seeing his pale appearance, I realized that he hadn’t even dreamed of it, so I secretly clicked my tongue.

 

I tried to ask if I looked like an idiot while I was determined to say something radical, but I held back because I knew the answer no would come out right away. I thought that Dante would understand even if I didn’t say that.

 

“And since you’ve come to like me, if I had to give you one piece of advice, you’d better clear your mind quickly.”

 

If anyone else had heard this, they would have said my words were cruel. They will also say that I’m speaking too harshly to someone who likes you.

 

But these cruel and heartless words were sincere. The sincerity that comes from thinking of Dante and nothing else.

 

It was just advice for you.”

 

“…What?”

 

Dante, who asked me back, looked dazed. I kept my eyes on him, then looked away quietly.

 

A voice pretending to be tired came out easily.

 

“No matter how long you take, you’re bound to leave anyway. So, let go of all your emotions.”

 

“…”

 

“Your body seems to be alright, but if you’re going to leave, I want you to leave quickly. To be honest… It was uncomfortable living together.”

 

You know what I mean, right? I added lightly and laughed. I couldn’t see Dante’s face because he had his head down, but I had a rough idea of what expression he was making.

 

It’s obvious that looking at his face will only stimulate guilt, it’s better not to see it at all. With that thought in mind, I put my arms around my knees and my chin on top of them.

 

I expected that Dante, who had heard me, would rebuke me. If that’s not the case, get angry. I knew he’d express his disappointment in any form.

 

It was only natural that I said something that didn’t respect Dante’s heart to the slightest degree. In the midst of being ignored, how can someone feel good?

 

But unexpectedly, all that was contained in Dante’s voice was a little sadness.

 

“Why do you talk like that?”

 

Maybe it was because I didn’t expect it, so I raised my head involuntarily.

 

As soon as our eyes met, Dante slowly twisted his face. I thought he was going to get angry for a moment, but after hearing the words that followed, it wasn’t.

 

“You’re saying it on purpose so that I get hurt.”

 

“…”

 

“I know whether you mean it or not just by looking at you.”

 

His eyesight is unnecessarily good, he knows it right away.

 

It was only a momentary pause, but Dante hardened his face, as if he had gained confidence in my actions.

 

Even so, his anxious gaze didn’t change, and his standing still made him look even more pitiful. Ah, that’s not good

 

It’s not good for me to be weak in the position of trying to disenchant him completely. Really.

 

I forcibly lowered my hand to rest my head and opened my mouth.

 

“Don’t you know why I am doing this?”

 

There was no answer. But the silence continued, as if he was asking me to say more, so I quietly continued.

 

“I’m helping you close your heart, Dante.”

 

“So that’s it.”

 

Dante, who opened his mouth impatiently, took a short breath before finishing his sentence.

 

“That… I don’t know why you help me, I don’t know why you help me this way. It’s like you’re dealing with someone you’ll never see again.”

 

“Of course, I thought I would never see you again after you left.”

 

“…”

 

“This isn’t meant to hurt you, I mean it.”

 

Upon hearing this, Dante didn’t respond as if he was shocked.

 

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After a long silence, even though enough time had passed for his mind to calm down, the question he finally vomited out as if he was choking was this.

 

“…Do you hate me?”

 

A word that asks if I hate him and if it was the reason I’m saying this.

 

The answer came very quickly. I didn’t even have to think about what to say in the first place, I just had to answer honestly.

 

“No, I don’t hate you.”

 

Even if I deliberately try to be nice to people I don’t like, it doesn’t work out. I muttered and tapped my finger on the armrest of the sofa.

 

“But it doesn’t matter what I think of you. Whatever your feelings are, you have to sort things out.”

 

“Why should I?”

 

Thank you for asking. That question is one of the easiest to answer among the questions I’ve heard today.

 

Ever since I noticed Dante liked me, I said what I’ve been thinking, unfiltered.

 

“I’m not worth it.”

 

“…”

 

“Don’t look at me like that, I’m not making excuses for nothing. Even if I’ve never seen a magician before, I can tell that not all magicians are on the same level as you.”

 

How common is a magician who can restore a broken house to its original state in an instant and turn an entire room into one just because he wants it?

 

Aside from the act of fixing a house and making a room, the time taken is also too short. And he didn’t seem to be putting much effort into it.

 

He must be one of the better magicians, right? The returning silence replaced the answer.

 

“Magicians are precious. And strong magicians are more valuable. But if such a magician has a good-looking face, is tall, has a good personality, and does everything, well, it’s no different from the end. There must have been a lot of people who liked you.”

 

“It doesn’t matter.”

 

“No, it matters.”

 

I tilted my head and looked at Dante.

 

“Those who liked you, no, expressed their feelings to you, at least had the courage and confidence to confess to you. And that confidence usually comes from wealth, prestige, and status.”

 

“…”

 

“And compare me to them. How, do you understand now?”

 

I mean, you’re too generous to me. I said in a calm voice and lowered my eyes.

 

***

 

Ever since I knew Dante’s heart, I had been thinking about how to reject him. The reasons for refusal were so numerous that I couldn’t count them all by myself.

 

Since I crossed the dimension, I had no status, no property, and no ability to catch people’s eyes. A person who is a little peculiar and may seem shabby to others, just wasting every day in a forest where no one is around.

 

In fact, it’s a strange thing that Dante had even a crush on such a person. But liking is liking, and whether that will continue is another story.

 

What do I have among the factors that can keep others from leaving? I really have nothing.

 

And I’m too pessimistic to think full of flowers, ‘I’ll continue to like this country’.

 

Yeah, so to speak, I wasn’t sure about Dante’s mind.

 

I understand that it may seem insincere to argue with someone else’s mind. But I’m a human too, so I can’t help but be suspicious.

 

Even if he likes me now, how long will that last?

 

And comparing my condition with Dante’s, the answer came easily. Until when, until Dante realizes that he’s wasted on me.

 

It wasn’t a matter of accepting or not accepting in the first place. It didn’t matter how I felt for Dante either.

 

I haven’t thought to look closely at my feelings ever since I decided to say no, but it wouldn’t have changed anything if I had faced what I was feeling.

 

Why? Because I have a conscience. I couldn’t let someone who was supposed to live a shorter life than me waste my time.

 

More than anything, if it’s a short-lived affection, I don’t want it.

 

I hope that in the distant future, Dante will remember it as ‘there was someone like that’. It doesn’t matter if it remains as a fainter memory than that, but I don’t want to establish myself as an important memory of him.

 

However, if the relationship progressed beyond this, I would definitely occupy a certain amount in Dante’s head, and of course I could remain as a bad memory. No, I will definitely stay on the bad side. And I didn’t like that fact.

 

If it was certain that it would disappear in the near future, leaving behind only ambiguity and discomfort, it would have been better to cut it off before it was even fully formed. If only Dante would get out of here, I would feel that what he felt was no big deal.

 

Perhaps, over time, he may meet someone who gives him a much more proper sense than I do, and if his eyes are on the other person, they won’t be able to reject Dante.

 

Unlike anyone who deliberately tries to hurt and presents himself as a bad person.

 

Seeing how calmly I think about this, it seems that I have become numb to my emotions. It seems that the years have worn me out more than I thought. I became very numb, so I wasn’t saddened by the fact that I wasn’t better than other people.

 

Rather, it was only a relief that I was able to see myself objectively, as if I had shaken off the last remaining residue.

 

I glanced briefly at Dante, who seemed to be approaching me.

 

“If you’re coming this way, watch your step. You can get hurt.”

 

In the midst of this, I was laughing at myself for saying this.

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