Chapter 21: Was it all a lie?

Lucas PoV

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Three more years have passed. I turned nine years old a few months ago. Time flew by once again.

Several important things have happened. One of them was that Alice broke through to the level of a Beginner Magus a few months after me. He, training was no longer boring after that.

The Element she awakened to was Metal, not surprisingly. Breaking through her defenses became somewhat difficult, even when attacking hard.

We did a test once. Alice would create the strongest metal she could and mommy would attack using the full strength she had when breaking through as a Beginner Magus and so on, until the metal broke through.

And surprisingly, the metal she created could easily withstand mommy's attack with the strength of an Intermediate Magus. Her expression when she saw this was very cute. 

Mommy was also shocked. The metal only broke when she used the strength of an Advanced Magus. And this is extremely incredible by the standards of strength in the world.

Just from the struggle I had with Alice when I broke through to Beginner Magus it should already be possible to have an imagination of the difference between the levels.

With each level you break through, whether you are a Chosen or someone ordinary, the increase in strength is not as simple as 1+1=2. You, your being, becomes stronger, not just your combat power. 

The Path of a Magus is not just about acquiring power. With each level broken, your being rises to a higher level. His existence evolves. 

The end of a Path of a Magus, surprisingly, is not perfection as you may have thought. What we seek is the peak, to take our existence to the highest level possible.

Perfection is non-existent. A paradox. Everyone has his own definition, his own image of it.  

Since the Path of a Magus is a comprehensive path for everyone, seeking perfection from it is not feasible.

Who would dictate the perfection of the Path of a Magus? What would be the definition of the Path of a Magus? Power? Fame? Wealth? Authority?

Everyone has his or her own opinion about this. That is why a Magus seeks to raise his existence to the peak and not to become perfect. Seeking perfection only traps us in the long run.

Build your own path. Decide your own choices. Refine your own existence. Understand yourself. Raise yourself to the peak. Who knows, maybe in the end you will have reached your perfection and even gone beyond.

Leaving this subject aside, if not it can go on endlessly. 

The sky outside is still dark. It must be dawn now.

I woke up because I missed something... More specifically, mommy. She was not beside me when I woke up.

I panicked for a few moments until I felt Alice clinging to me. I was beginning to think that everything that had happened was just a dream and I was back in that excruciating darkness of the beginning.

Uff. Fortunately, everything is still real. The distress and panic I felt followed by relief... has left my heart racing until now. 

My breathing is also racing. I feel like an asthmatic after a marathon. 

Breathe in and out deeply. Calm down. This is not a dream. Don't panic.

I repeat those words like a mantra, trying to calm the still panicked self.

It worked a little. I have calmed down, but the panic is still there, making me hug Alice tightly, afraid that she will disappear if I let go.

I do this for a while, while mentally emphasizing to myself that everything is real.

After a while, and now much calmer, I let her go and get out of bed to look for mommy.

Since I'm only wearing shorts and a tank top, I shiver as I feel the cold rubbing against my skin after I get out from under the blanket and hug myself with my two tails.

I want mommy. I want to feel her warmth, her voice, her smell, her touch. Only there will I be able to truly calm down.

Stepping barefoot on the cold floor, I walk across the room toward the door.

Turning the cold metal knob, I open the door quietly, wandering the dark corridors in search of mommy.

On second thought, the most likely places for her to be would be the bathroom or the kitchen, which are on the first floor of the house.

Our bedroom is on the second floor, so I will have to go downstairs. Fortunately, I know the layout of the house well and have my Darkness Element at my disposal, so the chance of bumping into something and hurting myself is slim.

As I reach the stairs, I begin to hear strange noises coming from the direction of the kitchen.

With each step, the noises get louder, but I ignore them. I just wanted my mother, and that was the only thing on my mind.

Halfway through, as I pass the living room, I see that the candles are lit, illuminating the seated figure of the person I want so badly to see.

Not caring about anything else, I rush towards her, wanting nothing more than to throw myself into her arms and feel her whole being, confirming that everything I have lived was not a lie.

Reaching behind her still silently, I could only see her neck and hair tossed to the side and the sounds getting louder and louder.

Behind the sofa, I jump up and hug her neck from behind. Of course, I did this because I knew I wouldn't hurt her.

I bury my face in her neck, wanting to feel as much of her warmth as I can.

"Mommy..." I say in a muffled, depressed voice.

I feel her body shudder, perhaps because I have suddenly hugged her.

"Lu-Luke?" Her voice comes out a little horrified. Did I scare her that much?

I pull my face from her neck and watch her turn her head toward me, her whole being screaming desperation.

Her eyes stare at me timidly, like a child caught doing something wrong.

"Un... Hug." But I ignore all those signs. I want her to hug me.

Her body turns robotically, her arms being extended seem to take all her energy and a dead expression begins to take over her face.

When her hands come in front of me, I see a transparent liquid in them and reflecting the candlelight. 

Now it is quite obvious what she was doing.

But, honestly, I don't care about that right now.

Holding me, she lifts me up and puts me in her lap.

With a tight hug, I rub myself against her body, wanting to confirm that everything is real.

It is so great to feel her warmth, her touch, her smell, her care, her embrace.

Staying like this for a while, my emotions explode, and a strange feeling starts to form in my nose, making me sniffle repeatedly.

"Luke, what happened?" his voice is soft and soothes me. His hand caressing my head and ears is so comfortable.

"I-I had a ni-nightmare..." It's hard to speak coherently when you're almost crying.

Lifting my face, she makes me look at her and says with a smile and soothing tone "Don't worry. I'm here. Nothing will happen to you, okay?" 

"Un..."

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We continued like this for a while, with her making jokes to distract me and calm me down.

When she thought I was calm enough, she finally asked softly, "What did you have a nightmare about?"

Seeing that I was about to almost cry again after hearing this, her efforts to calm me increased, until after a while she asked again and this time I was able to answer without almost crying.

"I dreamed that you never existed *fuungh* That I lived in a void all dark and you *fungh* were just a figment of my mind."

His embrace and caresses on me intensified, making me feel protected and safe enough to speak.

"Don't worry, okay? Mommy's here and she'll never leave you. I promise. And you, you promise you'll never leave mommy?" giving me a kiss on the head, she starts to caress me again.

"I promise." 

Laying me on her chest, Mom started doing all sorts of things to distract me. Making silly faces and jokes, telling stories, hugging and cuddling me, talking about random things and more, making me laugh and distracting me.

We went on like this for quite a while, until I fell asleep in his arms when the exhaustion of the situation overcame me.

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Ana PoV

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Luke has just fallen asleep. This nightmare has affected him very much. He almost cried for the first time in a long time. Also, I have never seen him act this way.

This only proved that my fear of him creating a huge emotional dependence on both of us was right.

This is giving me a big headache thinking about how to resolve it, since forcibly separating us would only make his situation worse.

He has to realize and want to change on his own. If I tell him this, his reaction will be to deny it and say that this is normal, that nothing is wrong.

But the problem is... how do I make him realize this? It's not easy to realize on your own, even more so on his level, which has been this way since birth. 

"Have I erred as a mother?" I murmur softly as I stare at the ceiling with a defeated look.

The first steps would be to encourage his autonomy starting with simple things, like him washing himself in the shower. 

But...do I really want him to wash himself? "No. I'm going to keep doing that." With steady eyes, I make my decision. Think of another task, Ana!

Feed him! He can start feeding himself. He's big enough for that now. Feeding himself shouldn't be a problem. That's right, he will start feeding himself.

But once again my resolve weakens. 

Can I really stand to see him eat alone? He is so adorable when he sits on my lap and opens his little mouth when I ask him to. And his eyes sparkle when he sees the food coming! He is so cute that my only reaction is to squeeze him into a tight hug!

Making him eat by himself is out of the question! That would be blasphemy!

I must think of a less important task then.

Perhaps... to change his clothes by himself?

It would be a great way to stimulate his autonomy. He could choose his own clothes, discover his own tastes.

Yes! That's it! And I'm not going to back down on my decision this time!

My decision remained unshakable, until I looked down.

There is no chance I will let him change clothes by himself. Never! Never! Think of all the clothes I can put on him to increase his charm even more!

Think of him older! How exciting would it be for him to be in a maid's outfit, serving himself to me! Or even just wearing a collar with his name and my name on it, as if it were my possession!!!

His shy and embarrassed expression wearing such humiliating things! Just imagining that... Nnh!!!

My arms quickly move downward, wanting to continue from where Luke interrupted me... Calm! Luke!!!

Horrified and panicked, my gaze drifts down to the weight on my chest and a feeling of incomparable relief comes over me as I realize he is still asleep.

With all the noise I've made now, I wouldn't be surprised if he woke up. And if he saw me doing this then... I don't know what I would do.

As I thought about this, the fact that he caught me doing this started to sink in.

Shame and guilt begin to take hold of me. What kind of mother am I? Being caught by my son doing this.

Worse, almost losing control and doing it while he is sleeping on my lap.

And if he woke up and saw me, what would I say!?

What kind of respect would I still have as a mother!

I must have restraint! At least until he is no longer a child!!! After that, it's just fun!

Then hold on Ana, you've already held on for nine years, just a few more are nothing!

Stopping before my thoughts become more "racy" and I do something I will regret, I get up from the couch carrying Luke and start to go to our room.

Once there, I tuck him and Alice in together and then go downstairs again to clean up the mess I left downstairs.

Having tidied up, I head for the bathroom. 

Once there, I wash my face with cold water to calm myself down and start the day well.

I don't feel any fatigue. At my level, sleep becomes something optional. I can stay awake forever and I won't feel tired.

Ufufu, this great resistance of mine will soon be of great use.

Can't you stay calm, you horny narcissist!? The thing between my legs never gets tired!

*Aah* What a disappointment I have become.

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One more chapter!

I could have been doing one of my 10 school assignments, but I was writing.

And I don't regret it, I enjoyed writing this chapter.

I hope you like it too :)

Take care, bye!

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