It was the day before the engagement ceremony, but Theodore was engaged in government affairs as usual.
Having said goodbye to Ernst alone, I went to see Theodore’s face one last time.
“Why are you here?”
He asked with a frown on his forehead as if in doubt.
“Didn’t you leave the Imperial Palace to escort Miss Katarina in the morning?”
“I did, but I forgot something, so I came back.”
In case he chased me away, I added hurriedly.
“I’ll make sure there’s no problem with Miss Katarina’s escort. But I’ll stay here until Your Majesty goes to bed.”
A bitter smile spread across my face as I added that.
“You don’t smell like that bastard today.”
Theodore muttered to himself the unknown words.
Do I smell?
Even if he didn’t remember me and despised me, I wanted to keep his last memory in good shape. But if I smelled bad, it was a big deal.
I tried to sniff my collar, but I couldn’t tell what the smell was he talking about.
“Yeah. Stay here until I’m done.”
What a change of heart, he said with very generous generosity.
But he never finished his work. Even though the sun was slowly setting and the night was getting deeper.
If it was too late, I would miss the time to escape the Imperial Palace.
“You have an important event tomorrow, wouldn’t it be better to go to bed early today?”
When I asked carefully, he stared at me for no reason. Then Tak—! Loudly, he put down the papers he was holding.
“I can’t even concentrate on the sound of a dog barking next to me.”
“It’s not because of me, it’s because you’re excited about the engagement tomorrow.”
Theodore glared at me, then got up and headed for the bedroom.
I escorted him to the bedroom and turned around.
“Wait.”
He suddenly called me.
“I’m not sleeping yet.”
He insisted on having a drink.
He was mean to dare me to do what I should have done throughout.
Every time he ran out of alcohol, I had to bring out a new one, but the amount was too much.
“Is it okay for a man to drink like this the day before his engagement?”
“Well, he must be in a good mood.”
I could hear the knights in the hallway chatting.
“His Majesty always likes to drink.”
“His Majesty likes to drink?”
When I asked back what I just heard for the first time, they kindly answered me.
“Oh, Sir Yves didn’t know. Well, he stopped drinking since Sir Yves came to the palace.”
“It was to the point that if he didn’t drink every day, he couldn’t even sleep.”
I had never seen Theodore, whom I met again, drink alcohol. I’ve only seen him drink once, but that was after he lost his memory.
It was absurd.
A bitter smile appeared on my lips when I remembered Theodore before he lost the memory of loving me so much that he hid his drinking habit as well as his trashy personality.
I came back with a new bottle of wine, and saw Theodore was asleep with his head on the table.
As he was sleeping, he no longer stared at me or got angry. He also didn’t look at me with loving eyes, nor did he whisper with his sweet voice.
Suddenly, my heart ached as I started to cry.
‘The Theodore I loved doesn’t exist anymore.’
That fact was very sad.
‘Yes, Theo. If, even if, you have your memory back … .Don’t feel sorry for me and I hope you live a happy life.’
I sincerely thought so.
Because, Theodore, who will one day regain his memory, will be the same Theodore I loved so much.
I met my childhood friend again, and the time I loved him was only half a year, but he said that he couldn’t forget me for 10 long years and was looking for me. He said that he liked me with an unchanging heart for that long time.
It was so cruel that my death was repeated, so I felt sick.
But on the other hand, I had no choice but to leave him, knowing how confused my existence would be to him once he regained his memories. He already has a new lover, Katarina. No, she wasn’t just his lover but his life partner.
She had his child growing in her stomach. A child who will become his legitimate heir.
My existence will eventually become a confusion to him, nothing else.
“Goodbye, Theo…“
The reason I cried at this moment was not because of Theodore, who despised and hated me, but because of the good, sweet childhood secret friend I once loved.
My Theo, was buried in my memory, never to meet again. I will erase all the traces he left on me one by one. So he should forget me too. I’d rather he would forget me forever.
“Why are you crying?”
A voice suddenly rang in my ears.
Wiping my blurry vision, I saw he was up. I think I’ve been drinking a bit.
“It’s nothing.”
I answered and continued to cry. The tears didn’t stop.
Theodore, who was always angry with me, stopped at the sight of me crying silently.
“Are you not feeling well yet?”
“No, I’m fine now.”
I was happy with his worries, I smiled softly and whimpered at the same time. Then, his expression seemed to be strangely distorted, and venomous words came out.
“If you want to cry, go out and cry. Because I don’t want to hear it.”
“Even if you don’t say that, I will soon disappear from your sight forever.”
So don’t be too harsh,Theo. Because today is the last day.
I swallowed the words I couldn’t convey to him.
Perhaps because of letting go of everything, even in this situation, only laughter came out.
“Disappear?”
But Theodore didn’t laugh. He asked in a harsh voice.