Chapter 1: chapter 1

*BEEP,BEEP,BEEP*

 

“Mm mm” I groaned, rolling over and stopping my alarm.

 

I rub my eyes and stretch before sitting up.

 

It's my first day of university, I stand up and walk to the bathroom of my apartment. 

 

I decided to live on my own instead of with my parents because I want to have freedom and to be able to be myself.

 

I close the door and turn on the water and undress before stepping under the hot water. 

 

Last night one of my high school friends invited me out with some other classmates for a few drinks and we ended up drinking a bit too much. 

 

FLASHBACK

 

“Hey everyone, Minjun's here” Jisung shouted as I walked over to the group. 

 

“Hey guys how have you been?” I responded smiling lightly. 

 

To be honest I have a secret that people were starting to catch onto towards the end of highschool so i'm not too thrilled to be here.

 

LATER THAT NIGHT

 

I've been lucky so far all they have been talking about is girls and porn i don't have to put in much effort thankfully just react the way everyone else does.

 

“I just thought of something,” our other friend Jaeyong says out of the blue.

 

 “What's that?” Jisung asked, looking over at him as everyone else went quiet. 

 

“I don't ever remember Minjun having a girlfriend” Jaeyong said. 

 

Everyone started agreeing and I started to feel that panic I had in high school build up again, the truth is I'm gay but I've never told anyone that before. 

 

“Come to think of it, Minjun, have you ever dated before? I'm your best friend and I don't ever remember you even having a crush.” Jisung added. 

 

“I've never dated but I had a crush before." I said quietly.

 

“Really who was she and when was it you never told me about it” Jisung said sitting up straight. 

 

“Oh um it was in middle school you don't know her she moved away before you came to the school, she was my first love i was never able to move on so I never had interest in anyone else.” I explain chuckling at the end. 

 

“Oh okay” Jaeyong said and everyone nodded and changed topics.

 

END FLASHBACK

 

It was only partly a lie. I did have my first love in middle school and they did move away just before Jisung came to the school. The only lie was that it was a girl when really it was a boy.

 

I step out of the shower wrapping the towel around my waist before walking to stand in front of the mirror. I look at myself, I've worked hard to look the way I do.

 

I blow dry my hair and get dressed, apply light unnoticeable makeup and grab my bag walking out the door.

 

“Hey Minjun” I hear someone call for me as I walk towards the front doors of the university.

 

I turn and see Jisung and Jaeyong, I wave at them as they jog up to me. 

 

“What's up guys?” I ask as they catch up and we keep walking. 

 

“Ugh I have a massive hangover. We drank too much man" Jaeyong says, chuckling. 

 

I laugh and we keep making small talk on our way to class. 

 

We sat in the back of the class and I started unpacking my stuff for the class. Things were going really well at first. They just talked about normal things and I'd say things here and there not adding much just listening. 

After a while I start to zone out thinking about last night again. I had a dream about him last night.

 

DREAM

 

I was sitting alone in my class room from middle school when I heard the class door shut and lock at the back of the class. 

 

Arms wrapped around me from behind. 

 

“Minjun” a voice, his voice whispered softly in my ear sending chills throughout my body. 

 

“Mmm” I hum unable to talk.

 

He kissed behind my ear. 

 

“Have you missed me?” he whispered. 

 

“Mmhmm” I hum again leaning into his small kisses.

 

His hand slowly slides down my chest and stomach brushing so lightly and teasingly while the other hand lightly brushes against my nipples making me fight back a moan as i feel myself getting hard. 

 

His hand reaches my not tented groin area and he brushes it lightly while giving a light chuckle. 

 

“Your sensitive hmmm” he whispers then licks my earlobe before sucking it into his mouth.

 

I couldn't fight back the light breathy moan. 

 

He put more pressure on my dick as he started to rub it through my pants and pinched my nipple between his fingers while still kissing my neck. I was in pure bliss. 

 

“Hyung” I moan out gasping only to feel him move away from me making me whine in displeasure.

 

“Just a second baby boy” I hear him from the back of the room making me turn to look at him just in time to see him shut off the light. 

 

He started to walk back to me while unbuttoning his shirt, i couldn't help but to lick my lips as I stared at his fit body wanting to touch, lick and kiss it all over. 

 

He takes me by the hand and  stands me up leaning me against the desk before starting to unbutton my shirt as well kissing a trail down my chest as he unbuttons each button.

 

I want to touch him so badly but I don't want to scare him off. Finely he reaches my pants button and looks up at me asking permission with his eyes to which i nod. 

 

He unbuttons my pants and slowly pulls down my pants and underwear at the same time making my dick pop out and hit my stomach making me gasp.

 

He takes my dick in his hand and looks up at me slowly stroking it, My head falls back as I moan. 

 

“You have to be quiet baby boy or we might get caught” he says, smirking up at me. 

 

“do you want more?” he says kissing just below my belly button.

 

“Please” I whimper softly. 

 

He licks the tip then takes it in his mouth in a blink of the eye i gasp. 

 

After a little while I feel myself getting close. 

“Hyung I'm-” I cut my self off with a moan as I tangle my hand into his hair. 

 

He pulls off with a small pop sound. 

 

“Not yet baby okay” he says standing eye level with me. 

 

He pulled down his own pants revealing his big dick before sitting on my chair and looking up at me, I started to get down to my knees but he stopped me.

 

“No need baby come here” he said pulling me to straddle his lap facing him. 

 

He kissed my collarbone. 

 

“You want it baby” he asked rubbing his tip over my hole a few times. 

 

“please Hyung” I whined. 

 

With that he pushed in making me wince a bit, after a little while I started pushing my self down on it more making him groan.

 

“Hyung” I whimpered in pleasure as he bottomed out.

“That's a good boy taking it all” he whispered lightly griping my hips.

 

Slowly I started lifting my self back up. 

 

“That's it baby fuck yourself on my cock” he groaned deeply. 

 

After awhile of me doing that although it felt amazing it wasn't enough any more. 

 

“Hyung - need - more” I said gasping between each word. 

 

“Okay baby hang on to me” he said. 

 

I wrap my arms around his neck as he picks me up his dick slipping out as he stood up laying me on my desk. 

 

He pushed himself back in and started picking up speed with every thrust I was trying to be quiet like he had told me to but the faster and harder his thrust got the less I could hold back. 

 

I was a moaning mess at this point, I was getting close again and it felt like he was too. 

 

“Hyung imma-” I moaned out. 

 

“Me to baby cum with me okay?” he said leaning down and kissing, licking and sucking on my collar bone. 

 

Just like that I came harder then ever in my life as I felt him pumping me full. 

 

END DREAM

 

After that I woke up to find I came in my shorts and had to get up and clean up. 

 

I snapped back to the classroom as I heard the door open only to see the teacher walk in. 

 

He started taking roll soon after saying his own name. 

 

After a while he called Jisung and Jaeyong names. 

 

The door swung open and everyone froze and the teacher looked over to the door making me look too, I regretted looking as soon as I saw who was standing there. 

 

“Sorry I'm late I am not used to the transit in the city any more” the familiar voice said. 

 

‘Fuck’ I thought to myself. 

 

“Your not to late thankfully what's your name I was just taking roll” the teacher smiled. 

 

“Kim Taemin” he smiled. 

 

“Okay Taemin go take a seat” he replied. 

 

Its really him why him of all people, I'm seriously screwed now. 

 

He walked over and sat in front of us. 

 

“Minjun are you okay you look pale” Jaeyong whispers to me. 

 

“Huh oh yeah I'm fine” I mumble.

 

“Lee Minjun” the teacher calls. 

 

“Oh here” I say raising my hand.

 

I have no clue what happened the rest of class I just stared at the back of his head. ‘ 

 

“Minjun hello earth to Minjun” Jisung said waving his hand in front of my face. 

 

“Huh what” I say snapping back to reality.

 

“For real you okay” he said with a worried tone.

 

“Oh um yeah I'm fine” I say giving a fake smile.

 

We started packing up our things, I heard briefly that they were talking about middle school. 

 

“Right Minjun?” Jisung asked as he put his last book away. 

 

“What sorry I was thinking about food” I chuckle looking at him. 

 

“I said our middle school was packed with hotties I mean your one and only love was from that school so I cant be wrong” Jisung said smirking and patting my shoulder. 

 

“What was the name of your school again guys” Jaeyong said zipping up his bag. 

 

I did the same quickly before standing. 

 

“Seoul arts middle school” Jisung said. 

 

“Huh” I heard Taemin Hyung behind us and I quickly put my arms around their shoulders pushing them out the door. 

 

The rest of the day went about the same I was in my head the whole day then went home did homework and went to bed. 

The next morning we met just like the first day but this time I was ten times more tired and a hundred times more nervous, I was tossing and turning all night. 

 

We walked in the class and to the back again I sat in the middle of Jisung and Jaeyong this time hoping that would help me. 

 

I sat with my head down staring at my notebook.

 

“Excuse me yesterday did you say you went to Seoul arts middle school” I heard a familiar voice ask from in front of us. 

 

‘Damn it’ I thought to myself keeping my head down. 

 

“Oh hi yes why” Jisung asked. 

 

“I went there for a while before I moved to Busan half way through my third year” Taemin Hyung said. 

 

“Oh wow small world I only started half way into my second year.” Jisung said smiling. 

 

‘Please don't bring me up’ I silently begged doodling in my book. 

 

“But maybe Minjun knows you he went there all of middle school” Jisung said making me mentally face palm.

 

“Well he might not depending on how old you are cause I did my service then stayed out of school to care for my sick father” Taemin Hyung said sitting backwards on the chair to face us. 

 

“We are 20 ” Jaeyong pipped up.

 

“Oh only a year younger maybe then-” he paused. 

 

“Lee Minjun…” paused again. 

 

“Oh shit could it be” he jumped up.

 

“Picky princess?” he said loudly making me shoot up out of my seat in shock. 

 

I'm completely fucked now why is that how he remembers me. 

 

“So it is you” he says chuckling. 

 

I grab my books and bag pushing Jaeyong out of the way and start to walk out when a hand grabs my wrist making me stop.

 

“Okay okay I'm sorry sit down” Taemin Hyung says gently. 

“Picky princess where'd he get that name” Jisung asked as I sat back down. 

 

“Oh us sunbaes used to call him that cause everything had to be a certain way” he replied. 

 

With that the teacher walks in and class started.

 

After class we were packing up and Taemin turned to us again.

 

“are you busy after class” he asked leaning on the table in front of me with his face close to mine. 

 

I leaned back having flashes from my dream pop into my minds eye, I started to panic and rushed to pack my things before standing and rushing out of the room.

 

I could feel my face heating up, I only had the one class today so I just wanted to rush home and lock myself away for the day.

 

As I waited for the train I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket, I pull it out to see Jaeyong name on the screen. 

 

“What's up” I answer. 

 

“Where did you go I thought we were doing lunch” Jaeyong said. 

 

“Minjun what's wrong dude you have been out of it since the bar the other night” Jisung said witch means I'm on speaker phone. 

 

“Oh its nothing just haven't been feeling good man I'm just gonna go home today you guys go ahead” I mumble in to the phone. 

 

“Do you want us to swing by and bring you food then dude” Jaeyong said.

 

“Sure I guess” I said with out thinking. 

 

Then hung up. 

 

When I got home I realized that it was a bad idea given all the pictures of Taemin Hyung around the room and stuff like that. 

 

“Should I tell them never mind” I said to myself.

 

Just then there was a knock on the door. 

“Hey Minjun its us” I heard Jisung voice then two people laugh. 

 

‘Oh god they brought him here’ I thought to myself. 

 

“Just a second” I call back rushing around grabbing all the things involving Taemin Hyung. 

 

I shoved it all on my bed and covered it with my blanket, I rush to the door and swing it open to see the three men standing there waiting.

 

“What were hiding porn or something dude?” Jaeyong said smirking. 

 

“Him porn yeah right I doubt he's ever watched a porno in his life” Jisung clapped back. 

 

“Really?” Taemin Hyung questioned coming in behind them and taking his shoes off. 

 

They sat on the couch leaving me and Taemin Hyung to sit on the floor. 

 

“Are you sure you know him sunbae he's the purest and sweetest candy in the shop all because of one chick that he hasn't seen since sec-” Jisung says but I cut him off. 

 

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“Does anyone want a drink” I half shout. 

 

They all agree they wanted water so I walked to the fridge and grabbed 4 bottles of water the grab the dishes for the lunch. 

 

“Actually you may have the answers we are looking for sunbae” Jaeyong says as I get the dishes. 

 

“Call me Hyung and well I can try and help what's up” Taemin Hyung replied. 

 

“Well he's never dated or liked anyone as long as I've known him and the other night we asked him about it and he said there was one girl but she left just before I came to the school in middle school so it would be around the time you left can you think of any girls it could have been?” Jisung perked up as he spoke. 

 

“A girl he liked that left around the same time as me hmmm well I recently met up some of my old friends from then and we were talking about back then and far as I know I'm the only person that left around that time” Hyung said simply then took a sip of his water. 

“She may have been younger though” he added.

 

I placed the dishes on the table and sat next to Hyung, I stayed quiet hoping they would leave it at that. 

 

“Minjun was she older or younger?” Jisung asked. 

 

“Oh um” I froze. 

 

‘What do I say this is really bad’ 

 

“Uh does it matter really” I mumble. 

 

“Well yeah we want to know what kind of girl you like” Jaeyong smirked. 

 

“Well she was kind, she cared a lot for the people around her and always wanted to help everyone but also had a more dominate side she liked to have control and always was slightly bossy it was really hot honestly I can just picture what it would be like to fuck him.” I said not really thinking about what I was saying. 

 

I realized after I said it what I said and felt myself blushing a deep red. 

 

“Wait him?” Jisung said.

 

‘Shit I slipped up’

 

“I meant her I misspoke” I quickly tried to cover it. 

 

“Are we gonna ignore the fact that one he talked about fucking someone and two he's submissive?” Jaeyong chimed in.

 

“Wait yeah what the fuck bro” Jisung jumped in forgetting everything he was thinking about thankfully. 

 

After we ate they sat there talking but Hyung looked deep in thought. 

 

After a few hours of talking and joking I felt a little better that I safely escaped the grip of the demons of my sexuality. 

 

“Hey lets go get some snacks” Jisung blurted out randomly.

 

“Yesssss” Jaeyong chimed in. 

 

“Ill pass you guys go” I say laying back on the floor.

 

“Yeah imma chill here too” Hyung chuckled.

 

‘Crap’ I thought to myself.

 

After the two of them left I got up and walked to the kitchen looking for something to do to avoid Hyung. 

 

“Minjun?” Hyung asked

 

“Yes Hyung” I mumble. 

 

“There were no girls like that in our school I racked my brain this whole time I only know one person like that” he said standing up and walking towards me. 

 

I froze ‘fuck he caught me’ was all I could think. 

 

“Minjun?” he asked again. 

 

“Uh yes Hyung” I said refusing to turn and look at him. 

 

He's probably angry and disgusted. 

 

“Look at me” he said now behind me. 

 

‘I cant I wont do it I cant see that look on his face’

 

I felt his hand on my shoulder as he turned me to face him, I just looked at the floor I refuse too look at his face. 

 

“You can leave if you want Hyung I understand” I mumble close to tears. 

 

“Minjun look at me” he says again. 

 

“I cant” I all but whispered. 

 

I felt his hand on my chin lifting my face up, I blink trying to make the tears go away but it just made them fall. 

 

“Minjun listen to me okay?” Hyung said softly. 

 

I lightly nodded and wiped at the tears. 

 

“I'm not upset with you” he said softly patting my hair. 

 

He wrapped me on a warm hug and I started to panic, I pushed him away. 

 

“Minjun what's wrong” he asked softly looking slightly hurt. 

 

“Hyung you figured it out why would you hug me I'm disgusting” I say breaking out into sobs. 

 

I fall to my knees drowning in my self hate, after a few seconds I feel arms wrap around me as he pulls me into his lap. 

 

He strokes me hair holding me in his arms.

 

“I'm not disgusted Minjun and I don't hate you I would never hate you for something like this” he says once I calm down a bit. 

 

 He moves me so that I'm straddling his lap facing him, his face is so close it makes me dizzy. 

 

“Do you want to know a secret” he says brushing my hair out of my eyes. 

 

I nod slightly and wipe at my face, he leans close to my ear.

 

“I'm gay too” he whispers in my ear. 

 

I flinch and the feeling of his breath on my ear.

 

“Really?” I say not really believing him. 

He nods brushing my cheek with his thumb.

 

“When did you first start feeling this way about me Minjun?” he asks.

 

I feel my ears heating up from the blush. 

 

“Um half way into first year” I mumble looking down. 

 

“Cute” I hear him whisper to himself. 

 

“Did you know I liked you too back then?” he asked.

 

“You did?” I asked perking up a little. 

 

“Mhm that's why I was always coming to your classroom and bugging you” he said with a soft smile. 

 

“Why did you like me though? There were a lot better looking guys in your class” I mumble feeling insecure. 

 

“You were a cute soft boy and soft spoken you needed someone to protect you” he said wrapping his arms around my waist.

 

Just then there was a banging on the door. 

 

“Open up loser” Jisung shouted. 

 

We stood up and I started to panic, Hyung pushed me in the bath room and shut the door. 

 

“You wash up first ill let them in” he said through the door. 

 

I walked over to the sink and looked in the mirror my shirt had makeup on the sleeves my eyes were red and swollen and my makeup was running and a mess. 

 

I cant believe he saw me like this, I take off my shirt and wash my face quickly redoing my make. 

 

As I looked around I realized I don't have a clean shirt in here and if I wear that one they would see the make up. 

 

‘I have no choice but to walk out there shirtless’ I sigh. 

 

I stand in front of the door and take a deep breath before opening the door, I walk out only to hear a collective gasp. 

 

“You have a fucking tattoo? Since when why did I never know this” Jisung shouts rushing over holding me still so he could look at it. 

 

“Fuck that dude how are you so pale” Jaeyong added. 

 

Hyung didn't say anything so I looked over at him, he was just staring at me eyes wandering across my body it made me kind of proud. 

 

After they sat back down I reached for a tank top and pulled it on before going and sitting on the floor next to Hyung. 

 

The guys started talking about a girl they saw but I don't think me or Hyung were paying them any mind, I was thinking about everything Hyung had said and I could still feel his eyes on me. 

 

‘Might as well try flirting now that he knows’

 

I glanced over to Hyung and gave him a little smirk only to see him panic and try and cover his very noticeable hard on. 

 

My confidence sky rocketed. 

 

“If I never told you about that tattoo I'm guessing you don't know about the other two right?” I chuckle seeing their eyes light up and Hyung's eyes widen. 

 

“What the fuck man? You have more?” Jisung shouts. 

 

“mhm wanna see?” I smirk. 

 

“Where's our Minjun gone what did you do with him” Jaeyong gasped. 

 

“Wanna see them or not” I remarked. 

 

“Fuck yeah” Jisung jumped up.

 

“Okay but don't panic” I chuckled.

 

Standing up I turned to face Hyung and smirked starting to unbutton my jeans watching his face every second, he starts getting pale and I see him really trying to keep his cool. 

 

I pull down my pants taking them off standing in my boxers keeping my eyes on him a second longer before turning my head to the guys. 

 

“I have this one” I say pointing to the tattoo of a mic on my thigh. 

 

Then I turn so my ass is in front of Hyung and bend over with my ass in his face. 

 

“And this one” I point to the rose tattoo on my calf. 

 

“Its a memorial to my mom” I say standing back up and reaching for my jeans. 

 

“Well that's understandable and so is the mic but what about the one on your side?” Jaeyong asked. 

 

“Its the chords to a song I liked in middle school its a happy memory for me” I say my voice getting quieter as I explained. 

 

“Oh by that reaction it has to do with the mystery girl” Jaeyong said smirking. 

 

“Lift your shirt for a minute” Jisung said grabbing his notebook. 

 

“What are you doing man” Jaeyong asked as he copied my tattoo.

 

I wasn't too worried they wouldn't know the song cause Hyung wrote it himself. 

 

“Think about it if we play it and figure out what song it is we can play it and know more about her” Jisung said simply. 

 

“Good point” Jaeyong said grabbing my guitar. 

 

Jisung hands him the notebook and I sat back down next to Hyung.

 

Hyung moves closer and leans over.

 

“You've changed” he whispered. 

 

“How so” I whispered back smirking. 

 

“Well talk about this later” he mumbled leaning back again not bothering to hide his ‘problem’ anymore. 

 

“Hyung?” I ask sweetly. 

 

“Hmmm” he hums looking at me. 

 

I look at my hand then his ‘problem’ then his face silently asking if I can touch ‘it’. 

 

“I would but they are here” he whispered again. 

 

I nod kind of disappointed. 

 

“Imma use the bathroom” he said standing hiding his hard on as best as possible and walking in the bathroom shutting the door behind him making me smirk. 

 

“Minjun make us noodles” Jisung said looking at me with puppy eyes.

 

“Fine” I said standing up. 

 

I walk into the kitchen and start boiling water as I wait I inch closer to the bathroom, as I get closer I hear Hyung groaning lightly. 

 

“Fuck baby” he groans breathlessly. 

 

My stomach tied itself into a knot this was a bad idea but I cant move away, it sounds like he's getting close. 

 

“Ugh Minjun” he groans loud enough I worried the other too heard him.

 

After a bit the water runs, I hear one of the others walking closer to me and with how hard I am I panic and rush into the bathroom and shut the door leaning against it. 

 

Hyung turns to me with a shocked look on his face. 

 

I hold my finger to my lips silently shushing him, he looks me up and down before smirking. 

 

“Were you just listening to me jerk off” he says walking closer to me till we are almost chest to chest. 

 

“Not on purpose I swear I was making noodles and just heard it” I rush out slightly breathless.

 

“Really?” he said smirking. 

 

I nod and cover my hard on, he pushes my hand away and pins me to the door making me even my breathless.

 

He pushes his leg between mine causing friction on my dick making me gasp lightly.

 

“Looks like we are even now don't you think” he whispered in my ear. 

I nod slightly. 

 

He puts his hands on my hips as he  leans down more and lightly kisses my neck making me whimper.

 

“Fix yourself up ill go tell them I needed your help with something and that's why we were in here together” he said lightly pecking my cheek and moving me to the side before walking out. 

 

After I dealt with myself I walk out and see them all eating I walk over and sit next to Hyung again and he pushes my noodles in front of me, I started eating and felt a hand on my knee I glance over and see Hyung give me a gentle smile. 

 

Later that night they were getting ready to go home and I kind of felt sad that Hyung and I didn't get to talk more about what we were talking bout while they went to the store. 

 

“Hyung where do you need to go we live together” Jisung said putting on his shoes. 

 

“Oh I actually live close to here” Hyung chuckled. 

 

“Ill see you tomorrow though in class” he added with a kind smile.

 

“Oh okay Hyung see you then” Jaeyong said and they both waved as they left. 

 

“Do you really live around here Hyung” I asked after the door closed. 

 

“Yep just moved in two days before school” he said nodding. 

 

I smiled to myself, I don't know why that made me so happy. 

 

“Minjun?” he said suddenly turning to me. 

 

 “Yes Hyung” I said looking up at him as I started to clean up. 

 

“Come here” he said. 

 

I walked over to him and stood in front of him, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer.

 

“Do you still have feelings for me?” he asked looking me in the eyes. 

I gulped. 

 

“Yes Hyung” I whispered. 

 

He smiled and put his had on the back of my neck, he leaned closer to me. 

 

“Good so do I” he whispered and before I knew it he was kissing me. 

 

At first I froze but then I started to kiss him back, it was a legit dream come true and it felt like heaven. 

 

We stood there kissing nothing steamy just a gentle loving kiss, in that moment everything in life felt perfect. 

 

We finely broke for air and my knees got weak and I almost fell. 

 

“Minjun will you be my boyfriend we don't have to tell any one till you are ready but I just want to know I have you to myself” he said pulling me into a hug, I nodded at a lost for words and almost in tears of joy. 

 

“Ill pick you up in the morning okay” he said, I nodded and he gave me another small peck.

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